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Is she playing hard to get?


danhats

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Ok folks, I'll try and keep this short and sweet...

 

I started dating this girl back in March. We would text throughout the day everyday and see each other once or twice a week. Just over a month ago, she started a new day job (she also works evenings at her parents pub) and since then she seems to have become distant and I haven't actually seen her since.

 

I asked whether it was because she was working a lot or whether she just wasn't interested (just so I knew if I was wasting my time or not) and she said that she felt like she had lost control of her life at the moment and was trying to get back on track and that we had a great time together. I totally get that but surely that doesn't explain why she doesn't reply to texts til the following day right?

 

I tried using a similar tactic and not text her and she would get in touch so I think she's still interested but I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I start playing aloof or step up my game (even though she already knows that I like her... a lot)?

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PegNosePete
she said that she felt like she had lost control of her life at the moment and was trying to get back on track and that we had a great time together

What she means is that she's dating so many guys, she can't keep track. When she narrows the field, she'll let you know (if you make it to round 2).

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I don't think she's playing hard to get. I think she's either not that into you or overwhelmed with life.

 

But no matter what the cause of her being distant, I'd suggest you cut her loose.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Before she got this new day job, did she have a day job at all or just the night job at the pub? If this is the first time she's had two jobs like this, I think it's very likely she's just overwhelmed and busy. Maybe too busy to have a relationship :(. (I know I would be!)

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The thought that a woman is "playing hard to get" is the mind's way of negating the likelihood that the woman just isn't interested . . . and, if she really is playing hard to get, she's a game player and why would you want that in your life?

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Before she got this new day job, did she have a day job at all or just the night job at the pub? If this is the first time she's had two jobs like this, I think it's very likely she's just overwhelmed and busy. Maybe too busy to have a relationship :(. (I know I would be!)

 

She's also self-employed baking cakes so she used to do that in the day before her shift at the pub so then if she had time, she'd arrange to meet up for lunch before her evening shift. Since this new job though, she pretty much works 9am til around midnight.

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Thanks for all the feedback!

 

I was thinking that it's probably best to cut her loose but just seemed like a shame as she is the only girl I've met (ever) that I've actually had virtually everything in common with and really clicked.

 

Just when I do start radio silence though she'll pop up either with a text or liking something on Facebook. I guess it could be either too busy for a relationship, not interested or another guy in the picture.

 

Bloody frustrating haha.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Thanks for all the feedback!

 

I was thinking that it's probably best to cut her loose but just seemed like a shame as she is the only girl I've met (ever) that I've actually had virtually everything in common with and really clicked.

 

Just when I do start radio silence though she'll pop up either with a text or liking something on Facebook. I guess it could be either too busy for a relationship, not interested or another guy in the picture.

 

Bloody frustrating haha.

 

I'm not getting another guy vibe here. She sounds incredibly busy.

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PegNosePete

Either way. It's perfectly possible for a busy person to have a relationship. It takes 2 minutes to write a text. If you were a priority in her life, she would make time. I would move on.

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I'm not getting another guy vibe here. She sounds incredibly busy.

 

There is ALWAYS another guy. No matter how busy she is do you think she would return the call of <insert name of hot rich movie star guy>?

 

When a woman is interested in you it doesn't matter how busy she is. It's not that she doesn't have time, she doesn't have time for you.

 

OP - move on. If she comes back make it on your terms at your place. You're busy too and don't have time for women who have a "meh" level of interest. She knows how much you like her, but as you can see it has zero affect on her attraction for you.

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All good points.

 

I'm not going to bother making the effort anymore. It's the game playing that bugs me. I'd rather she just say she isn't interested and then I'd know where I stood.

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Man, I have to comment on this bc I went through this exact thing last week. Girls, not all, but most of them will not tell you straight up that they are not interested. They love the attention that you give them and therefore, they will string you along just for the attention you give them.

My personal experience; I had this girl who I've met in class and we talked almost every day as she would call me frequently but then, like you, she would reply back the next day and stuff like that. I told her to be honest so I wont be wasting my time. She told me that she really likes and called me babe and everything.

My point being, the whole time, she had just led me on with no intentions of being with me even though she told me that she liked me and all that.

They love the attention bc it only boost their confidence and their egos.

My real advice to you, dont be so invested in her and try to back off a little bit. See how she reacts. If she does text you back (She may only text you back just to see if she still has you sprung), dont get all excited and text her back all aggressively. Make her chase you, dont get played. If she really likes you, she will do whatever it takes to not lose you. TRUST ME BRO.

my situation is a little effed up bc i am leaving for deployment on Monday and she kept telling me we're definitely going to hang out this week only to find out when this week came, I havent heard from her since. So i just stopped all contact and cut her loose. Deleted her contact and everything bc girls like that are not worth anything to me. She lost all my respect for sure.

 

PS: I may not know you but man I really want to help you bc this really hits home for me as it is still fresh on my mind. Go read my post that i poses a few days ago. Also, no matter how busy they are, if they really like you, they WILL find the time to text you back... not the next day. She's definitely playing you man. Good luck.

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Man, I have to comment on this bc I went through this exact thing last week. Girls, not all, but most of them will not tell you straight up that they are not interested. They love the attention that you give them and therefore, they will string you along just for the attention you give them.

My personal experience; I had this girl who I've met in class and we talked almost every day as she would call me frequently but then, like you, she would reply back the next day and stuff like that. I told her to be honest so I wont be wasting my time. She told me that she really likes and called me babe and everything.

My point being, the whole time, she had just led me on with no intentions of being with me even though she told me that she liked me and all that.

They love the attention bc it only boost their confidence and their egos.

My real advice to you, dont be so invested in her and try to back off a little bit. See how she reacts. If she does text you back (She may only text you back just to see if she still has you sprung), dont get all excited and text her back all aggressively. Make her chase you, dont get played. If she really likes you, she will do whatever it takes to not lose you. TRUST ME BRO.

my situation is a little effed up bc i am leaving for deployment on Monday and she kept telling me we're definitely going to hang out this week only to find out when this week came, I havent heard from her since. So i just stopped all contact and cut her loose. Deleted her contact and everything bc girls like that are not worth anything to me. She lost all my respect for sure.

 

PS: I may not know you but man I really want to help you bc this really hits home for me as it is still fresh on my mind. Go read my post that i poses a few days ago. Also, no matter how busy they are, if they really like you, they WILL find the time to text you back... not the next day. She's definitely playing you man. Good luck.

 

Thanks for sharing man! It certainly sounds similar. We'd arranged to go out a couple of weeks back but then she cancelled cos she had to work late but suggested rearranging for another time. I haven't bothered chasing it up. Like you say, if she was interested then she would make the time.

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There is ALWAYS another guy. No matter how busy she is do you think she would return the call of <insert name of hot rich movie star guy>?.

 

Totally disagree. There isn't always another guy, sometimes people don't have anyone on the scene! I certainly don't at the moment (coincidentally, this girl sounds a lot like me)

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Totally disagree. There isn't always another guy, sometimes people don't have anyone on the scene! I certainly don't at the moment (coincidentally, this girl sounds a lot like me)

 

Thanks for posting! Be good to get your opinion on the situation, whether she's trying to play it cool or just genuinely too busy to get into anything right now?

 

I'm not looking to spend every day with her or anything like that but I haven't seen her in over a month.

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salparadise
Thanks for sharing man! It certainly sounds similar. We'd arranged to go out a couple of weeks back but then she cancelled cos she had to work late but suggested rearranging for another time. I haven't bothered chasing it up. Like you say, if she was interested then she would make the time.

 

 

I dated a woman like that once, briefly. She'd ratchet up the expectation, then disappoint and make thin excuses... not feeling very well, have extra work to do, cat's acting strangely. I became anxious when the time to see her was close because I expected another let down. I felt like a fool for falling for it over and over.

 

There was an unhealthy, sadistic motive to this game. She took pleasure from being able to manipulate and disappoint in this way. It made her feel powerful. I finally cut her loose. I didn't inform her, just ghosted. She started calling and leaving messages like I was the most important person in the world and she just couldn't understand why I wasn't jumping through hoops... it was right after another cancellation.

 

Don't let anyone run that passive aggressive mind phukk on you. Once you determine that they're unreliable, have no consideration for your time or feelings just walk away. They will always be that way and it's a miserable existence.

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I dated a woman like that once, briefly. She'd ratchet up the expectation, then disappoint and make thin excuses... not feeling very well, have extra work to do, cat's acting strangely. I became anxious when the time to see her was close because I expected another let down. I felt like a fool for falling for it over and over.

 

There was an unhealthy, sadistic motive to this game. She took pleasure from being able to manipulate and disappoint in this way. It made her feel powerful. I finally cut her loose. I didn't inform her, just ghosted. She started calling and leaving messages like I was the most important person in the world and she just couldn't understand why I wasn't jumping through hoops... it was right after another cancellation.

 

Don't let anyone run that passive aggressive mind phukk on you. Once you determine that they're unreliable, have no consideration for your time or feelings just walk away. They will always be that way and it's a miserable existence.

 

Exactly. Same for me. I always felt anxious on the day of the "date" bc I KNEW that she would cancel and what do you know.. she did every time. SMH.

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mortensorchid

She is trying to ghost on you but you are insisting on texting her because you want an answer. Whatever the circumstances she's not interested in you and she's trying to move on. Sorry to tell you this, but close the books and move on.

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You haven't been seeing her all that long. You need to man up, or whatever term you want to use, and say "I'm looking for someone I can have a relationship with. If you're ready to date, you can reach out to me." Then that's it. If you're weak and let her step all over you, she'll detect that and lose respect for you. I don't agree with a lot of Corey Wayne's advice (youtube dating coach), but he says if a woman backs off, you don't chase and that part I do agree with barring special cases.

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Yeah, I've stopped chasing for the past couple of weeks cos I can't be bothered to play games. She knows how I feel so if she's interested, she knows my number.

 

Just wanted to see if anyone thought she might be playing hard to get as some sites out there see this sort of thing as one of those '**** tests' and suggest you up your game.

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She is trying to ghost on you but you are insisting on texting her because you want an answer.

 

He said that she reaches out to him each time that he tries to leave it. Which is a completely different thing.

 

It's the push/pull of trying to keep you around, just in case.

 

I do find that women who need that type of security from men, have to have a man. So, you just aren't her current man.

 

Your princess is in another castle.

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