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I don't want to meet all my girlfriend's family members. What should I tell her?


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We're dating for only 4 months and she wants me to drive 150 miles to a small town with her next weekend to meet the rest of her family (uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents).

 

I don't want to go right now because I think it's too early and I don't feel confortable sleeping in a house with people I don't know (her family)! I love my place, my space, my bed... But I don't want to be rude with her and her parents. What should I tell her?

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Go and meet her family if you have any interest in her. Chances are that she is proud to introduce you to her kin, so unless you are bleeding or missing a limb she will not take a cancellation lightly.

 

You will survive this.

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If you don't plan on keeping her and aren't serious about her, then don't go. But if you are, there is no woman who will agree to you not visiting her parents, so you better get over whatever that anxiety is.

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Stay in a hotel?

 

I would but its a super small town and I think her family would think I'm rude!

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If you don't plan on keeping her and aren't serious about her, then don't go. But if you are, there is no woman who will agree to you not visiting her parents, so you better get over whatever that anxiety is.

 

Its not a question about serious, is too early for that (only 4 months), we're not engaged anyway!

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Then just tell her. Say something like, "Look, I adore you, but it is still too early to meet family. I don't want to mislead them into thinking we're nearly engaged or something by being introduced and it's just far too soon. I'm sorry."

 

Because it is true that some families would give you the third degree and put you on the spot and you're not ready. Now, it's also true that some families are more casual than that and may meet every Tom, Dick and Harry she's ever latched onto.

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Gr8fuln2020
Its not a question about serious, is too early for that (only 4 months), we're not engaged anyway!

 

Agreed. YOU are not ready to meet the whole family and 4-months seems early to me. MANY people don't meet the family until they're engaged and to be frank, I really believe a relationship should be much more serious or mature before you introduce someone to the entire family like she is suggesting. I can see meeting this member here and there, very incidental, but this seems too formal.

 

Just let her know that you feel it's too soon to meet under such circumstances.

 

I don't understand why anyone, after only 4-months of dating, is willing to go through with such an act knowing that there are no indications that anything truly solid (relationship-wise) is in place. She wants you to drive 150 miles to meet her family...

 

As you said, OP, it's not about being serious. It's about YOU feeling comfortable with such an event only 4-months in. I would hope she would understand that AND not connect your reasonable hesitation with a lack of commitment.

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We're dating for only 4 months and she wants me to drive 150 miles to a small town with her next weekend to meet the rest of her family (uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents).

 

I don't want to go right now because I think it's too early and I don't feel confortable sleeping in a house with people I don't know (her family)! I love my place, my space, my bed... But I don't want to be rude with her and her parents. What should I tell her?

 

Tell her this: I don't want to go right now because I think it's too early and I don't feel confortable sleeping in a house with people I don't know (her family)!

 

There is nothing wrong with expressing your wishes and, you're right, it's too soon to do this kind of thing. Save this for when the relationship has "legs" under it and you are moving toward more of a commitment. Family influence over a relationship that isn't "strong" yet, can cause lots of issues. The relationship should be well-grounded and established and standing on it's own so as to survive possible negative outside influences.

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Its not a question about serious, is too early for that (only 4 months), we're not engaged anyway!

 

Nothing wrong with that if you're not ready or not comfortable. I think some people are overreacting by declaring the relationship over because of this. I would just be honest and say what you've written here. I agree with Redhead about having a solid relationship first. Outside influences can throw everything - that was my experience.

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We're dating for only 4 months and she wants me to drive 150 miles to a small town with her next weekend to meet the rest of her family (uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents).

 

I don't want to go right now because I think it's too early and I don't feel confortable sleeping in a house with people I don't know (her family)! I love my place, my space, my bed... But I don't want to be rude with her and her parents. What should I tell her?

 

I completely feel you on this one, you just have to tell her straight up and dont let her push you around of doing something that you dont want. You wear the pants in the relationship. This is how it all starts, dont be that Mr. nice guy or sooner or later, she will be walking all over you.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I would but its a super small town and I think her family would think I'm rude!

 

So what is the bigger issue.....you are not ready to meet her family or you feel weird staying in their house? Unless they're complete jerks, I think they'd understand, "hey, I'm a bit overwhelmed at meeting you AND staying in your home, so please don't be offended if I stay in a hotel. I think we'll all feel more at ease."

 

But, if it's more a case of not being ready, just be honest and tell her that.

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Gr8fuln2020

js_77. I'm not certain why you are making this into more than it has to be. You have been given all of the possible options available. Choose the one that best meets your needs.

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How old are you? 150km big deal !!

 

It's just meeting her family, it's not meeting the Pope. I never heard of meeting family only after being engaged! Anyone close to their family would want them to meet the man she's been dating for 4 months. Family also like to get to know the new BF and confirm he's a good guy.

 

At 4 months dating my BF drove 900-km to meet my parents. Yes my parents live in a small town, so small there aren't even traffic lights. It didn't kill him. He thought he would be bored but he actually enjoyed himself so much we went back 3 times in that same year!

 

If you like this girl then man up!

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todreaminblue
I would but its a super small town and I think her family would think I'm rude!

 

 

her family actually might appreciate you staying in a hotel close by the first time you meet them.....it is often just as comfortable for family to have strangers in their home on meeting them once.......staying in a hotel sounds like a plan...deb

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Just read your last thread. This woman made the decision to follow you abroad when you move...............and you fuss over meeting her family!

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I think it would be reasonable to tell her you think it's a bit too soon for the whole family thing, and it's not just a dinner or BBQ, it's a weekend, and I have to admit, I think it can be an awful lot with so new a relationship. Just let her know that it was just an evening, you'd be on board, but it's a whole weekend, and she's going to want to hang out and have fun, and she should be able to do that and not have to worry about you.

 

Also, if you go or if you're together for a future event, I wold recommend a hotel and cover transportation needs. My thought would be to leave her to do her family stuff, while you join in for "the big stuff," and agree that if she wants to stay, you can go back to the hotel and wait if you're ready to knock off early. My ex-husband and I did well taking two cars for a lot of events so that one wouldn't have to leave too early and the other wouldn't have to stay too late.

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At 4 months dating my BF drove 900-km to meet my parents. Yes my parents live in a small town, so small there aren't even traffic lights. It didn't kill him. He thought he would be bored but he actually enjoyed himself so much we went back 3 times in that same year!

 

If you like this girl then man up!

 

All relationships move at different paces. To some, it is a huge and serious step and a commitment. It can be daunting and nerve wracking.

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We're dating for only 4 months and she wants me to drive 150 miles to a small town with her next weekend to meet the rest of her family (uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents).

 

I don't want to go right now because I think it's too early and I don't feel confortable sleeping in a house with people I don't know (her family)! I love my place, my space, my bed... But I don't want to be rude with her and her parents. What should I tell her?

 

Any variant of "you're busy". It really is that simple.

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Go or it will cause her to have doubts about your relationship.

 

Just book a hotel, people do this all the time when they do not want stay with family.

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It's just meeting her family, it's not meeting the Pope. I never heard of meeting family only after being engaged! Anyone close to their family would want them to meet the man she's been dating for 4 months. Family also like to get to know the new BF and confirm he's a good guy.

 

Agreed. Not that family meetings are not weird. I once had her stepdad sit me down at the kitchen table and tell me how he hates white men. Makes you feel really welcome. ;)

 

That being said, I'm still in one piece and in most cases the family will make some slight fun of you, but love it if you play along.

 

It's reasonable to see the family of somebody you've dated for 4 months. She's not asking for a commitment, but would like to show you where she came from.

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Just book a hotel, people do this all the time when they do not want stay with family.

 

That could be a very sensitive move for her family.

 

First time my youngest brother brought his new girlfriend to meet my parents they took a hotel room not far and my mother was very offended. It made her feel that her house was not good enough.

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That could be a very sensitive move for her family.

 

First time my youngest brother brought his new girlfriend to meet my parents they took a hotel room not far and my mother was very offended. It made her feel that her house was not good enough.

 

Agreed, depending on the family or the cultural background there is that aspect. My Latina gf introduced me to her mother when I picked her up for the second date.

 

By all means, the least complicated way to get through this is to play along and smile no matter what the family has in store for you.

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