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Friends are in higher priority than me


mushroomlol

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mushroomlol

Ive been seeing this guy since Jan, casually. I always have the hope that things will get serious but apparently not. Last time we saw each other was almost a month ago when we went on a trip. He said we would hang out but it didn't happen. He asked me if he can take me to dinner this weekend so I offered him tickets to go to a concert with me. He then said he had to ask a friend first. Then today I asked he said his friend wants to meet on Saturday and so he couldn't make it to the concert. He said his friend is only in town this weekend. He asked for other nights but I already have plans. I think he seems so flaky. Why would you ask me if you know if you are gonna hang out with your friend anyway?

 

I know I should stop seeing him but I keep thinking about him. It's like the moment I finally get over it he shows up again.

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He's had 6 months to decide if you will be a priority to him. It hasnt happened. Dont settle for crumbs.

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I know I should stop seeing him but I keep thinking about him. It's like the moment I finally get over it he shows up again.

 

You do like when you pull off a band-aid! You do it fast with no hesitation.

 

Tell him it's been good while it lasted but you are looking for something with a deeper meaning, good luck and good bye....block him.

 

It's not easy but it has to be done.

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Ive been seeing this guy since Jan, casually. I always have the hope that things will get serious but apparently not. Last time we saw each other was almost a month ago when we went on a trip. He said we would hang out but it didn't happen. He asked me if he can take me to dinner this weekend so I offered him tickets to go to a concert with me. He then said he had to ask a friend first. Then today I asked he said his friend wants to meet on Saturday and so he couldn't make it to the concert. He said his friend is only in town this weekend. He asked for other nights but I already have plans. I think he seems so flaky. Why would you ask me if you know if you are gonna hang out with your friend anyway?

 

I know I should stop seeing him but I keep thinking about him. It's like the moment I finally get over it he shows up again.

 

To be fair, Sunday is also the weekend.

 

He may not have known his friend's plans until just before he told you. Not everything is a conspiracy.

 

If you don't want him showing up again, block him on all communication media. Stop leaving the door open for him.

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You are someone he is just casually dating and it's not likely to change or it already would have, I imagine. He's probably dating around.

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mushroomlol
You are someone he is just casually dating and it's not likely to change or it already would have, I imagine. He's probably dating around.

 

I know he is not dating around simply because he spent most of the weekends with me and the weekdays he is usually too tired to do anything. But you are right, last time when we had a serious talk I asked him if this is casual he said he doesn't know, which I would assume it means yes. I just told him if he wants to meet we can meet during the day just to avoid anything related to sex. Honestly I am really tired of this whole thing now and I think all he wants is just sex.

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mushroomlol
To be fair, Sunday is also the weekend.

 

He may not have known his friend's plans until just before he told you. Not everything is a conspiracy.

 

If you don't want him showing up again, block him on all communication media. Stop leaving the door open for him.

 

My friend said I might think too much. The first time I told him about this concert he did mention that he has a friend that he promises to hang out with during the weekend so he needs to confirm with him first. When he asks for the other night I just have this feeling that he just wants to have sex. So I told him I am pretty tired and cannot meet at night. He now said maybe Sunday so I just proposed meeting during the day. I might think too much again...

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starrynight4321

It's been 5 months. If he wanted to be more than casual with you, then it would have happened by now. Do you really think it takes almost half a year to make a decision to date someone seriously? It absolutely does not. This guy is making it extremely clear to you that everything comes before you, and that he primarily wants sex.

 

There is a reason he wants to hang out at night/in scenarios where sex will be an option. There is a reason all his other plans come first. You are being used for sex, and you are allowing him to treat you this way when you could be with someone who actually wants a meaningful relationship with you.

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He has you where he wants you to be. When you are someone's priority, you just know it. He isn't making you one.

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mushroomlol
He has you where he wants you to be. When you are someone's priority, you just know it. He isn't making you one.

 

I am not sure how a casual relationship would work. I am looking for something meaningful but at the same time I am moving out of the city at the end of year. So is he. I just thought even if we are casually dating we would still respect each other's time and we agreed to spend more time together. This is tough.

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He's showing you what you're going to get even if it's casual. If you don't like it, it doesn't mean you can't try to find this arrangement with someone else.

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I know he is not dating around simply because he spent most of the weekends with me

 

How many times we heard that on here eh......

 

and the weekdays he is usually too tired to do anything. But you are right, last time when we had a serious talk I asked him if this is casual he said he doesn't know, which I would assume it means yes. I just told him if he wants to meet we can meet during the day just to avoid anything related to sex. Honestly I am really tired of this whole thing now and I think all he wants is just sex.

 

Can you elaborate on being too tired on weekends please? How old is this man? and does he use being too tired to stay in and not go out on dates?

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mushroomlol
How many times we heard that on here eh......

 

 

 

Can you elaborate on being too tired on weekends please? How old is this man? and does he use being too tired to stay in and not go out on dates?

 

He just told me we couldn't meet during the week because we live kinda far away with traffic and he is too tired. So we usually meet during weekends. Last night after several back and forth I told him i can meet on Sunday brunch and he has yet responded. I didn't realize that he is this obvious in just wanting sex...

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You also have not seen him in a month so strong chances he is seeing someone else as well.

 

You gave this too much time. A man knows within 6-8 weeks if he wants to date you exclusively. I made that mistake myself and gave a man a full year. From there never again l did that. I gave a man 4-5 dates to make up his mind then moved to next.

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I do think he's just getting sex. I mean you're both moving so it's not going to last anyway. It's too much trouble for him except on weekends, which is common enough. I think if you keep dating him you're just going to have to move off and leave him or get your heart broken at some point. Only you can know if it's worth it, if you are getting enough out of it or if it's just causing you to worry and fret and so it's not worth it. It should be fun, not fretful, you know.

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He just told me we couldn't meet during the week because we live kinda far away with traffic and he is too tired. So we usually meet during weekends. Last night after several back and forth I told him i can meet on Sunday brunch and he has yet responded. I didn't realize that he is this obvious in just wanting sex...

 

Your missing the point here? You know if he was really into you? Would you be going through all of this right now? Nope! There you have it he's not right for you move on and look for someone who wants to be with you only. This guy clearly not acting up to par with you. Don't settle for any guy who treats you like this. You desire better then him!

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I am not sure how a casual relationship would work. I am looking for something meaningful but at the same time I am moving out of the city at the end of year. So is he. I just thought even if we are casually dating we would still respect each other's time and we agreed to spend more time together. This is tough.

 

That is clear. You're unsure on what the relationship is. But it seems irrelevant because casual or not, you're seeing his behaviour and unhappy with it. He doesn't seen to be meeting your needs or meeting you halfway. You can't change someone or make them want to spend time with you. He says he wants to spend more time with you, but his actions say otherwise. I learnt a hard lesson in my past relationship (not casual) that if he always puts his friend first then it won't change.

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mortensorchid

When someone says they would rather hang out with a friend on the weekend (male or female), or that their cat is sick is when you know it's over and done with. Just move on, you are not priority to this guy.

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When someone says they would rather hang out with a friend on the weekend (male or female), or that their cat is sick is when you know it's over and done with. Just move on, you are not priority to this guy.

 

But isnt he acting like its casual?

Should he be rather hanging out with her?

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IME - Guys who are really into you won't want to leave it ambiguous for too long. They'll want to know they got you and there aren't other men in the picture. If it goes past 2 months and he's not sure then that's not a good sign IMO. Sometimes guys will wait a little but because they don't want to appear eager but the men I know usually make their minds up pretty fast. Usually within the first month.

 

But isnt he acting like its casual?

Should he be rather hanging out with her?

 

It doesn't mean he would give her that priority. He's probably only going to want to do something when it's easy for him and suits him.

 

Since the OP has some desires to upgrade things, part of me wonders if he's making these excuses essentially to slow fade on her since to him it probably was just casual sex.

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mushroomlol

So I ended up asking him to come over one night and he said he can't because he needs to get up early the next day for work and he actually wants to spend time hanging out instead of staying over. He said he would try to leave friend early too. That's my struggle. He seems so sincere but I just don't know if I should honestly bring up that I don't like the fact that he prioritize his friends or just simply stop this.

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