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Terrible time management skills. Dealbreaker?


Kkristine

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I've been seeing someone for a couple of months. He is a very busy man, very involved. Good thing.

 

However, he has terrible time management and isn't reliable.

 

If he says he'll pick me up at 3, expect 5. We'll be together, and he has to do this. Or this. Or this... before we can do what we planned to do.

 

I haven't seen him in 2 weeks because he was traveling. He told me yesterday he'd come over at 1:00 to take me to to the movies. I got ready, and he calls me to tell me that he forgot about a meeting he had, and if we could just hang out at my place. He doesn't like going to his place because it's "dirty". He then proceeds to tell me to pick something up at the grocery store for us to eat when he comes over.

 

I realize no one is perfect and maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. However, after having not seen him in 2 weeks, all I feel is annoyed and not excited to see him.

Is this type of thing a deal breaker for you? I had an ex who had trouble focusing on one thing and had poor time management skills, but when it came to making plans with me he was on it. If you're busy, you're busy. I get it. But, do it on your own time.

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kiss_andmakeup
I haven't seen him in 2 weeks because he was traveling. He told me yesterday he'd come over at 1:00 to take me to to the movies. I got ready, and he calls me to tell me that he forgot about a meeting he had, and if we could just hang out at my place. He doesn't like going to his place because it's "dirty". He then proceeds to tell me to pick something up at the grocery store for us to eat when he comes over.

 

I'm sorry, but this doesn't just sound like poor time management. If I'm being honest, tardiness alone drives me insane. I'm not sure I'd be able to be with someone who was chronically late. In this guy's case, it seems like a symptom of a larger problem. General disorganization in his life. Have you ever been to his place? I'm picturing something out of "Hoarders."

 

Then there's the inviting himself over and telling you to pick up something to eat, rather than taking you out like he was initially supposed to. That just smacks of straight up rudeness to me. He's the one who couldn't keep his own schedule straight - the least he could have done was bring over some take-out.

 

Sorry, but if it's only a few months in I would probably be giving this guy the boot. That's an awful lot of worrying behavior. The first few months are supposed to be the honeymoon phase, not the "hey sorry I can't go out I'm going to come over instead and by the way grab me some food" phase.

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I don't think it's poor time management. I think you're not a priority.

 

I also wonder if there's more to this guy than meets the eye. Likely married or living with someone possibly. Hence he's usually very late and his apartment is "dirty".

 

What sort of long term compatibility and reliability do you hope for when he's already treating you this way?

 

And busy is a poor excuse. People make time for those that they care about and prioritize.

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He's not seeing anyone, and I've met his family.

 

His house is, if I'm being honest, a disaster. He's in the middle of remodeling it, but he hasn't done anything to it since we've been together. The same boxes of ingredients that we made for dinner one night are still sitting on his counter a month later.

 

He recently lost his teaching license because he waited until year 3 to do this assignment. You get 3 chances/years to do it, and he figured he could do it in one year. I guess I should've known.

 

He really is a good guy, just all over the place.

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He really is a good guy, just all over the place.

 

I'd hold off on professing who he is when you've only known him for a couple of months. You don't truly know this man. And in that short span of time he has already portrayed behaviors that seem unreliable and inconsistent.

 

This should be the honeymoon period, but he's treating you less than.

 

Regardless of where his head is or if he's a good guy, there's no compatibility here unless you desire investing in a man that can't seem to get his life in order. Maybe he is depressed. But that's not something you want to involve yourself in so soon into this. What do you think will transpire 6 months/a year into this? It's not changing. He can't even throw out trash from a month ago.

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I'd hold off on professing who he is when you've only known him for a couple of months. You don't truly know this man. And in that short span of time he has already portrayed behaviors that seem unreliable and inconsistent.

 

This should be the honeymoon period, but he's treating you less than.

 

Regardless of where his head is or if he's a good guy, there's no compatibility here unless you desire investing in a man that can't seem to get his life in order. Maybe he is depressed. But that's not something you want to involve yourself in so soon into this. What do you think will transpire 6 months/a year into this? It's not changing. He can't even throw out trash from a month ago.

 

He has been reliable when I've been in a bind. My car wouldn't start one morning on the way to work, so he came and got me and took me to work. That's what makes it so hard. He fixes things at my apartment without me even asking. It just scares me that his life is so messy.

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GunslingerRoland

If he was sometimes 15 minutes late, and he was letting you know. i'd say that it's probably not a big deal and maybe let it slide if everything else is good. I mean if you live in the city, it doesn't take much to delay you for a few minutes.

 

But to regularly leave you waiting for 2 hours. That just doesn't sound acceptable to me. And he expects to always go over to your place and have you serve him food. It just doesn't sound like he thinks your time has any value. Does he not realize you need to clean up your place for him to come over too?

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He has been reliable when I've been in a bind. My car wouldn't start one morning on the way to work, so he came and got me and took me to work. That's what makes it so hard. He fixes things at my apartment without me even asking. It just scares me that his life is so messy.

 

Behavior has to be consistent. One day he gets you from a bind then the next he leaves you hanging for 2 hours. When it's inconsistent, it's unreliable. Sometimes people are willing to do things for others because there's something in it for them. Sometimes they feel obligated hence do what they need to do to keep things going.

 

The man leaves you waiting for 2 hours. Forgets your dates. Expects you to feed him. Can't make proper plans. What do you think he's going to do when he's been taught enough times that you require little effort to upkeep? How do you think he's going to treat you 6 months in?

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starrynight4321
I've been seeing someone for a couple of months. He is a very busy man, very involved. Good thing.

 

However, he has terrible time management and isn't reliable.

 

If he says he'll pick me up at 3, expect 5. We'll be together, and he has to do this. Or this. Or this... before we can do what we planned to do.

 

I haven't seen him in 2 weeks because he was traveling. He told me yesterday he'd come over at 1:00 to take me to to the movies. I got ready, and he calls me to tell me that he forgot about a meeting he had, and if we could just hang out at my place. He doesn't like going to his place because it's "dirty". He then proceeds to tell me to pick something up at the grocery store for us to eat when he comes over.

 

I realize no one is perfect and maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. However, after having not seen him in 2 weeks, all I feel is annoyed and not excited to see him.

Is this type of thing a deal breaker for you? I had an ex who had trouble focusing on one thing and had poor time management skills, but when it came to making plans with me he was on it. If you're busy, you're busy. I get it. But, do it on your own time.

 

You are NOT being the least bit dramatic. This is excessive on his part. First of all, that doesn't sound like bad time management. It just sounds like someone who is disrespectful and inconsiderate of your time. 15 minutes late is one thing, 2 hours is unacceptable.

 

Also, you're not to be left hanging, rescheduled, and pushed around into all the other things he has going on. If he can't prioritize you, then you need someone who can. If he hasn't seen you in two weeks, he doesn't want to see you bad enough, period.

 

Also, the whole asking you to go to the grocery store situation after he changed plans last second because he forgot about his "meeting?" That's rude. It's entitled. It's annoying. If he changed plans last second HE should be the one offering to pick up groceries. Drop this guy, he's a dud.

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Well, I broke up with him. Ever since he cancelled on me, I had the thought in my mind. So, when he came over, I did it.

 

I cried... I jokingly told him that I think I'm taking it harder than he is.

 

He then proceeded to tell me that while he was traveling, and watching all of these honeymoon couples, that he he was having second thoughts.

 

I asked him why he felt that way since I gave him my reasoning, and he wouldn't look me in the eye or give me an answer and left.

 

I've never broken up with someone. Why does it feel just about as bad as being broken up with?

 

It was for the best I guess.

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Good for you. The description of his house would have been a dealbreaker for me. Imagine LIVING with that. Ugh.

 

Feeling bad now comes from you grieving your hopes and dreams for what could have been. You've had to let go of a dream. It's perfectly normal to feel bad, but given your description of him, I hope you feeling bad doesn't last too long.

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