Sbla22 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 So I met this girl online - we have been on 3 dates in 3 weeks. Date 1: met for drinks, got on well and kissed at the end (not for long) Date 2: went for a walk, got on well and kissed again (not too long a kiss) Date 3: went for dinner and drinks, went very well and had a longer kiss. My issue though is between dates she is a terrible texter. And I do mean terrible. She will always reply in good time but hardly ever with wordy texts and virtually never asks me about my life or any questions at all. I tested it out and didn't initiate texting first and a few times I did this she got in touch first but after she did I tried to get a conversation going and got virtually nothing back. The texting conversation just dies away as she's giving me nothing to go on... So I was sort of thinking she wasn't that interested but then yesterday I suggested going for this mini golf activity for our next date and she said 'this week is going to be tiring so can we put that off but on Thursday do you fancy coming over to watch some telly and have a lazy evening?' So I'm getting massive mixed signals! Do we think she's genuinely interested but a terrible texter? She doesn't seem the type to be dating multiple guys and in person she's very chatty, loads of good eye contact and messing with hair etc (the signs of interest so people will tell you) but Im struggling with the whole texting thing! Feels like the last thing on earth she wants to do is text me... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) So I guess you're learning what it was like to date 30 years ago! She sounds interested and just hates texting. Maybe she has bad spelling or a temperamental phone . Next time you're together just bring it up and ask her if she prefers talking on the phone or texting and see what she says. Edited June 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of starting post 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 You need to stop judging her by whether she is a fan of texting and pay attention only to if she accepts your invitations and enjoys herself. Texting is for kids with a lot of spare time on their hands. A lot of people do not want to let someone start pressuring them to check in all the time to reassure them because it's not healthy and only shows you're needy and insecure. Go by her actions and leave her alone about the texting. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Some women find texting annoying, especially if there isn't a lot of fun banter. She's probably one of those. You can always call her between dates if you want to stay in communication. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 So I met this girl online - we have been on 3 dates in 3 weeks. Date 1: met for drinks, got on well and kissed at the end (not for long) Date 2: went for a walk, got on well and kissed again (not too long a kiss) Date 3: went for dinner and drinks, went very well and had a longer kiss. My issue though is between dates she is a terrible texter. And I do mean terrible. She will always reply in good time but hardly ever with wordy texts and virtually never asks me about my life or any questions at all. I tested it out and didn't initiate texting first and a few times I did this she got in touch first but after she did I tried to get a conversation going and got virtually nothing back. The texting conversation just dies away as she's giving me nothing to go on... So I was sort of thinking she wasn't that interested but then yesterday I suggested going for this mini golf activity for our next date and she said 'this week is going to be tiring so can we put that off but on Thursday do you fancy coming over to watch some telly and have a lazy evening?' So I'm getting massive mixed signals! Do we think she's genuinely interested but a terrible texter? She doesn't seem the type to be dating multiple guys and in person she's very chatty, loads of good eye contact and messing with hair etc (the signs of interest so people will tell you) but Im struggling with the whole texting thing! Feels like the last thing on earth she wants to do is text me... start dating other women and this will fix this problem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 start dating other women and this will fix this problem Agree. This is also why I always date multiple women unless one woman demonstrates very high levels of commitment to me. Women can be very confusing and frustrating in the early dating stages. The main reason is they are so diverse in their behavior. Some women will have sex with you right away. Others will wait months. Some women will blow up your phone with texts. Others will ignore your texts for hours and give a very short reply. And all these women can have the same level of interest in you! Just date multiple women and stay busy. Time will fly and you won't have time to worry about texting. It will also make you more confident and fun on dates because you won't care as much about the outcome with each woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 An interested girl is a girl that will continue to flirt through whatever social media/texting/phone conversation......she ain't that into you. You want someone more responsive, then go find her. Stop wasting your time with lukewarm affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 OP, How about picking up the phone and actually talking to her? Texting is for kids Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 (edited) I reread the third paragraph from the bottom in your Opening Post for this thread. Dude she invited you over for "telly and a lazy evening". I believe that is what you Brits sometimes call "Netflix and chill" Seriously she invited you over to her place for a date. That is a great sign that she likes you (and may even want to do more than kiss). Edited June 19, 2017 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I reread the third paragraph from the bottom in your Opening Post for this thread. Dude she invited you over for "telly and a lazy evening". I believe that is what you Brits sometimes call "Netflix and chill" Seriously she invited you over to her place for a date. That is a great sign that she likes you (and may even want to do more than kiss).THIS. go, enjoy and have fun. And no interrogations about her texting habits....not even a peep take what she offers and leave the rest...at your own comfort level Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 So I met this girl online - we have been on 3 dates in 3 weeks. Date 1: met for drinks, got on well and kissed at the end (not for long) Date 2: went for a walk, got on well and kissed again (not too long a kiss) Date 3: went for dinner and drinks, went very well and had a longer kiss. My issue though is between dates she is a terrible texter. And I do mean terrible. She will always reply in good time but hardly ever with wordy texts and virtually never asks me about my life or any questions at all. I tested it out and didn't initiate texting first and a few times I did this she got in touch first but after she did I tried to get a conversation going and got virtually nothing back. The texting conversation just dies away as she's giving me nothing to go on... So I was sort of thinking she wasn't that interested but then yesterday I suggested going for this mini golf activity for our next date and she said 'this week is going to be tiring so can we put that off but on Thursday do you fancy coming over to watch some telly and have a lazy evening?' So I'm getting massive mixed signals! Do we think she's genuinely interested but a terrible texter? She doesn't seem the type to be dating multiple guys and in person she's very chatty, loads of good eye contact and messing with hair etc (the signs of interest so people will tell you) but Im struggling with the whole texting thing! Feels like the last thing on earth she wants to do is text me... Your not really suppose to text your whole life story. You need some mystery when you date you can actually you use your mouth instead. She likes to communicate verbally, your depending on text buddy. Anyway pull in your gut and go meet her Thursday, she really interested in you.. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Just keep getting her out, and getting off with her. Don't see the big deal. Some women genuinely aren't big on messaging (though I would say it's very rare). Don't worry about that when she's actually following your lead. Don't get obsessed with looking for signs of interest, when you are missing the most important point, she's following you isn't she? Next date try and lead it back to your place. Link to post Share on other sites
ms millie Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I don't know if this is valid, but there are SO many advice sites on YouTube that advise women to give men mixed signals. Check some of them out and you will be infuriated! It could be she thinks this is the way to hold your interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 Ok update: I went to hers last night and we had a really nice evening, she cooked us a quick meal, we had a bit of wine, we watched telly on the couch and at one point she indicated for me to put my arm round her so most of the night she lay with her head on my chest which was nice and felt like we got slightly closer. At one stage I kissed her but she didn't seem overly responsive. Then we talked for a bit longer and it was getting late (we both get up early for work) So I said I should go soon. Standing by her door she said she'd text me to get something sorted with me for next week (she's working long shifts all weekend) and we had another kiss and this time she was way more responsive. I didn't expect sex but brought condoms just in case, however I didn't feel she wanted it too much because of her unresponsive first kiss? It's fine, I'm not that bothered to rush into sex. Just still a tiny bit confused, I feel like she likes me and I like her. I'm still not entirely comfortable with her but this was only the 4th time we've met up so I'm thinking that will come. I'm just confused about the kissing - not sure why she was a bit wooden and I'm confused as to whether she wants sex yet or not... I also don't know whether to text her first today or let her text me - I've initiated the last 3 days. Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted June 23, 2017 Author Share Posted June 23, 2017 Anyone? Still no communication from her today - thought she might have got in touch first :/ Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 Sounds like you need to call her and talk to her about your expectations. You expect her to text you more often--you might want to find out from her why she is so reticent about the texting matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 I've been dating a girl for just over a month now (4 dates including one night at her flat but no sex) We communicate through Whatsapp but only a few messages per day. She's a Doctor so one weekend a month she works long shifts from 9 a.m until 10 p.m so obviously I know she will be very busy there. However because Whatsapp allows you to see when someone has been online I checked a few times during the day and she's had time to look at Whatsapp. I usually initiate conversation between dates but although admittedly I feel quite needy and long for that close contact I have been very disciplined this time and have held back on always iniating texting and have only sent maybe 3-5 messages a day which is vastly different to what I'm used to. The last 2 girls who I dated and both lasted a few months usually messaged me a lot throughout the day. Even when at work they would both send me a 'what you up to/how's your day going' type thing, we'd send a few back and forths and then a couple of hours might go by where we are both working etc. However this new girl doesn't seem to message me at all during work unless I message first. So I came to the conclusion that she either doesn't feel there's enough time to send me a message knowing she won't be able to have even a small conversation or she isn't even thinking about me which sucks a little. I know she's into me though as she has hinted it big time. I completely understand in the early stages I'm not going to be her utmost priority but it seems unusual to me how she isn't massive on communication over a month in and after we had a lovely time at her place a few nights ago. So question for girls mainly - do you ever text someone you are dating when you're at work even if you're busy? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I'm paid to be working when I'm at work and that's what pays my mortgage and my bills so I don't text whilst at work unless there is some kind of emergency - but in that case I'll clear it with the boss to take or make a call somewhere private. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I am not able to text during work hours, and would only do so if the message was important or urgent. In my opinion, the "what are you up to?" and "How are you?"-type messages get boring and repetitive fast, and I'd rather communicate with my partner when we both have time to hold a meaningful conversation. She could be the same. As for who she is chatting to if she's not chatting to you, it could be anyone from her mom to her coworker with a message she can't put off until later. Don't read into it too much unless you notice her becoming distant in person as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 if i'm not busy i'll text. but i'm usually busy and in meetings so texting just isn't an option. same with outside of work. If i'm doing something the phone is not picked up until i'm done because you cant get things done if you are stopping to text every 15 mins. women who don't get this are VERY annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I think it's fine to text "hope you're having a good day" once during the day, or a funny meme you saw or something. Just to let her know you're thinking of her. I wouldn't ask her any questions that warrant a reply, though. Even doctors have to sit down on a toilet once in a while so I'm sure she has time to read a quick text . Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I'm too busy so I don't answer any of my texts until the end of the day. And if I get a phone call it better be damn important. Communication IMO can frickin wait til they are off work. But that's just me. The only way to figure this out is to TALK to her about it. Maybe she would be OK with a good morning text. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Not a girl but...It really depends on any given day. I can text at work, I have my own desk/office, so does my GF. That said, sometimes we do it a lot, other days not at all. It depends upon what either of us have going on. If I drop her a text and she doesn't answer, I don't get bent out of shape about it. I realize she's at work and is probably busy. I mean, it is called work for a reason. Same with her texting me. A doctor? Honestly, if they are a doctor at a hospital, I wouldn't even expect them to be walking around with a phone, let alone texting or taking calls. Being a doctor, police officer, emt, any job like that, I would think texting during the day would be damn hard, and possibly even intrusive to dangerous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 (edited) do you ever text someone you are dating when you're at work even if you're busy? Granted, I've been a mum for a long time now..... But when I was very busy at work, there's no way I would have taken time out to send unimportant messages. Also, being online does not indicate that she's got the time or emotional space to talk . It's most likely that she's found 4 mins to pee and is just quickly scanning messages to see if there is anything *important* which *needs* to be responded to. In short, she's probably triaging her messages. And honestly, if a person is busy at work, it's completely normal to be focused on their work and not thinking of their partner. When I had a deadline, my partner was the last thing on my mind. If you want to date someone who's got a demanding job, respecting that they won't actually be thinking of you while they are flat out doing their work is the first thing to learn. Edited June 25, 2017 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 You would think that going for a pee might be the few brief moments in the day when you get some time to yourself wouldn't you!? Texting has been one of the biggest dating issues I've had when the guy just doesn't seem to get it that I'm busy. It simply drives me insane. Even when you say you are busy they'll send another text back asking various things including 'why are you busy, what are you up to?' Makes me feel like banging my head against a wall! Link to post Share on other sites
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