kate324 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I am still thinking about this guy almost two months after i decided i didn't want to date him. i really wasn't sure if his intentions were too 'honorable.' it was intense 'chemically' but was probably going nowhere accept to his bed (which i was not tryna do). but that is it! i am stuck thinking about the what ifs! he has mentioned (a week ago) when i ran into him on a run that he is unhappy how things ended (i hadn't seen or spoken to him since). it feels like he kind of left the ball in my court so to speak. I'm having trouble letting go. if these feelings are still lingering does that mean i should give it another chance? when is it best to act on emotions and ignore the risks and when does logic need to supersede emotions? disclaimer on my version of reality: I'm relatively young and tend to have a lot feelings that change rapidly and randomly all of my posts are in dating...the struggle is real. i appreciate the abundance of wisdom that has been provided! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 What are the "risks?" Why did you decide you didn't want to date him? How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kate324 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 I am newly-turned 21 and he is substantially older (29), has more life experience. (this isn't the professor i posted about several weeks ago....yikes) But similarly to the professor, he wanted to go back to his apartment on the second meeting, he was heavy on the flattery ("you're the most beautiful woman I've seen" etc) I'm always skeptical of flattery.. it feels disingenuous maybe? like someone wants something? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I am newly-turned 21 and he is substantially older (29), has more life experience. (this isn't the professor i posted about several weeks ago....yikes) But similarly to the professor, he wanted to go back to his apartment on the second meeting, he was heavy on the flattery ("you're the most beautiful woman I've seen" etc) I'm always skeptical of flattery.. it feels disingenuous maybe? like someone wants something? There's no rule against saying "no" to the apartment visit on a second date and instead requesting a 3rd and fourth coffee date instead . I'd say try that and see if the guy sticks around. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 He sounds like a player without much game. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 What are the risks? I usually try to sleep with women early just to see if they are easy. If they are not, I might consider a relationship with them. If they are, I might still consider a relationship with them. You ladies need to lose your hang-ups about how soon sex takes place or doesn't take place. It means absolutely nothing to most guys since we are happy to get laid any time. You might of flushed a golden opportunity down the toilet. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I'm not sure if his intentions were honorable or not. You might have to ask him, but this early in the process of dating he may not know himself. All of my relationships started with both a sexual attraction and a feeling of connecting beyond that. It was never just one or the other. Your approach of taking things slow may rule out a decent number of guys, regardless of their ultimate goals and/or relationship potential. If you are truly taking things slow although you are attracted to them I would try my best to let him know early on, so he doesn't misinterpret your behavior as rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 This is about the 30 something year old dude isn't it......http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/626350-second-date-older-guy-invited-me-back-his-apartment-should-i-insulted This guy is only interested in sex with young college students.....why can't you get that through your head? The advice still stands from the last thread you posted about this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kate324 Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 no...this is (unfortunately) a different guy i tried to date (that i explained earlier in the comments thread. same deal in that he wanted to move really fast. and there in lies my frustration in the dating world right now and my continuous questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kate324 Posted June 22, 2017 Author Share Posted June 22, 2017 This is about the 30 something year old dude isn't it......http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/626350-second-date-older-guy-invited-me-back-his-apartment-should-i-insulted This guy is only interested in sex with young college students.....why can't you get that through your head? The advice still stands from the last thread you posted about this guy. I am newly-turned 21 and he is substantially older (29), has more life experience. (this isn't the professor i posted about several weeks ago....yikes) But similarly to the professor, he wanted to go back to his apartment on the second meeting, he was heavy on the flattery ("you're the most beautiful woman I've seen" etc) I'm always skeptical of flattery.. it feels disingenuous maybe? like someone wants something? chill...you don't have give me input if you don't want to Link to post Share on other sites
vintageluna Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 What are the risks? I usually try to sleep with women early just to see if they are easy. If they are not, I might consider a relationship with them. If they are, I might still consider a relationship with them. You ladies need to lose your hang-ups about how soon sex takes place or doesn't take place. It means absolutely nothing to most guys since we are happy to get laid any time. You might of flushed a golden opportunity down the toilet. I agree with this. As a woman myself I totally get why women often worry about having sex too soon (men might see us as easy or not serious dating potential) but funnily enough most of my guy friends (they're all pretty good guys mind you) say how soon a woman has sex doesn't affect how they see her if they really like her nor should it. One of my close friends had sex with her boyfriend after knowing him for two weeks and they were together for 3 years. Having lots of sexual attraction doesn't necessarily mean that's the only thing the guy wants you for. Link to post Share on other sites
The Urbanyst Posted June 23, 2017 Share Posted June 23, 2017 I agree with this. As a woman myself I totally get why women often worry about having sex too soon (men might see us as easy or not serious dating potential) but funnily enough most of my guy friends (they're all pretty good guys mind you) say how soon a woman has sex doesn't affect how they see her if they really like her nor should it. One of my close friends had sex with her boyfriend after knowing him for two weeks and they were together for 3 years. Having lots of sexual attraction doesn't necessarily mean that's the only thing the guy wants you for. Exactly. And if sex is all a woman offers.. waiting longer won't change that lol. I think we know pretty early if we like a person and find them attractive. All the games we play just make the process more difficult and miserable than it has to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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