What am I feeling?

[Tiga]

I am in my healing process of my long relationship that ended 3 months before our wedding. We ended things in February but it has been approximately 3 months since I moved out completely and 2 months no contact.

 

I am doing so much better then I was, I still have my moments but they last maybe a few minutes if that.

 

ANYWAY,

 

I have been attending a gym nearby and I am there every day. I love working out plus it relieves a lot of stress for me. There is this guy that I see often, I initially did not notice him because I was in my zone 3 months ago, really in pain. Anyway about 5-6 weeks ago this guy came up to me and started working out next to me, which is normal, but he kept looking. The issues was when I catch him looking he quickly looks somewhere else. He looks old enough, he appears to be my age maybe a year or two older, late 20's. He has a good body and he ok looking. I am picky so I don't know why I even like him. <<<I noticed this later when he would stare on so many occasions. I started noticing him looking more and more and since I know that I will have to move on to another guy sooner or later I started looking at him, only at glimpses. I usually don't look at guys at the gym I am there to workout and I have a natural RBF so I appear to be anti social and mean, but I am really not.

 

Anyway he came up to me a few weeks ago and asked me if he could borrow some plates off of my rack and I said sure. That was it. After that I would see him at the gym and he would look for a second and look away. Me on the other hand does the same thing. Last week I was in the cycling room all by myself, he turned the corner and started to walk in the room (did not know I was in there) and as soon as he saw me he kind of flinched like his body kind of jumped and he took one step inside the room and looked around ( no one was in there) and then walked right out. I felt like he wanted to cycle but I scared him away.

 

This week I was stretching and comes and stand a few feet away from me and stretches. I tried to make eye contact but Idk why as soon as I do I look away. I never go up to guys and I don't want to seem desperate.

 

I know I am interested in him because for some reason I keep thinking about him. I was so heart broken so Idk if it's my body and mind just trying to grasp attention. All I know is I am thinking of him and would like to talk to him. I usually never feel attracted to someone like this, I feel some type of connection even though we never had a real conversation. Now my mind and eyes look for him at the gym and I felt like I threw away my chance 3 months ago when he talked to me, but I was in another state at the time and another man was not on my mind at all.

 

Could it be a sexual attraction since I haven't been with someone in a while or could it be something real? Like I said I am pretty old school, I don't go up to guys, I am very picky and I don't feel attraction so easily.indont know maybe it's my curiosity since I feel like he is interested.

 

Also I DIDINT expect to be attracted to another guy so soon, I have done a lot of healing, exercise, meditation, self development in the past few months after my break up. I broke through the worst of it and let it go. I am not sure if I let it all go though and even if I should try to smile at this guy at the gym.

 

I am kind of ready to start meeting new people though. What do you guys think I should do? Should I smile or what is the appropriate action at the gym to show the guy that I am interested at least. I definitely don't want to go up to him, that's just out of my character plus it's a gym.

 

Thanks so much!!

[TheTraveler]

Further proof that the stare works at the gym...I haven't been on here lately, but this is just another example. Thanks for posting this!

 

To answer your question? Go and talk to him!

 

Then you will know if he's interested or just at the gym passing time between sets while his woman is at home taking care of the kids.

[mikeylo]

Smile and see what happens but beware that while gyms are the latest hotspot for meeting a partner but you will find more shallow people than real genuine people.

 

Watch out if he is eyeing every moving female body or giving comments to women about their body or workout ; or women stretching in front of him( this is dead give away) . Or he is the guy who does his workout , exchanges a few decent hellos with more men than women. Basically his interactions at the gym will tell you more about him than any one on one date ever would.

 

I don't go to gym often but last week I went with my wife and was shocked to see how so many women , pick up on the weakest guy and stretch right in front of him ! It was a disgusting site. I'm good with no workout

[Tiga]

Smile and see what happens but beware that while gyms are the latest hotspot for meeting a partner but you will find more shallow people than real genuine people.

 

Watch out if he is eyeing every moving female body or giving comments to women about their body or workout ; or women stretching in front of him( this is dead give away) . Or he is the guy who does his workout , exchanges a few decent hellos with more men than women. Basically his interactions at the gym will tell you more about him than any one on one date ever would.

 

I don't go to gym often but last week I went with my wife and was shocked to see how so many women , pick up on the weakest guy and stretch right in front of him ! It was a disgusting site. I'm good with no workout

 

Thanks, you are right. I did not notice him talking to anyone, he gets in and out. I only saw him talking to an elderly lady (grandma) I think he knew her. I don't talk to anyone either. Because I never thought I would be posting something like this about a guy at the gym.

 

The gym is my therapy, for the last 8 years I never went in there to look for a guy or even be ineteresred in someone. I don't look at anyone, I get my workou down and I am out. I lift pretty heavy for a female so I usually feel like I intimidate guys.

 

I guess I will smile, gotta break the natural RBF

. ?

[Tiga]

Further proof that the stare works at the gym...I haven't been on here lately, but this is just another example. Thanks for posting this!

 

To answer your question? Go and talk to him!

 

Then you will know if he's interested or just at the gym passing time between sets while his woman is at home taking care of the kids.

 

He glanced, and looked away. But has been doing it a lot so I noticed. It works if there is a connection, I personally get so annoyed with guys I am not interested in. I get angry and leave the area eventually because I feel like he is a creeper.

 

Only if she is interested will she stay or maybe she doesnt even notice.

[Tiga]

I am so confused by this guys actions at the gym. He is always looking but turns away when I notice him. He comes to workout near me or nearby. Funny thing is he wore a shirt that made me realize he works at the place I work at. I have never seen him at work btw. We have over 2,000 employees and all at different locations. It's weird. But anyway, I can't approach him because its just nit my style. Idk why he hasn't approached me yet, I keep thinking maybe he has a gf or maybe he is intimidated. I do have RBF naturally but I actually a nice person.

 

Any suggestions or ideas?

 

I mean Ibkind of figure if he can't approach me then he is either taken and is just looking or he is not the guy for me because I don't need a scary child. Lol

[GemmaUK]

This is your first attraction since your break up.

The end - as in moving out etc of your last relationship wasn't all that long ago.

The gym for you has become therapy.

He may work at your company or may have been an employee in the past.

 

You also say you don't want to date a scary child! Lol!

 

Now, what I am thinking is, say you smiled, got talking, went out a few times and then found he was not for you.

You see him often at the gym - are you then going to still feel great going to the gym or if you see him will you feel awkward?

 

I actually think that finding someone else attractive is a good thing and part of the healing process after a long relationship has ended - but I don't know that I would consider losing that therapy the gym is giving you right now. I wouldn't want to compromise that.

If I were you I wouldn't do anything and just see this attraction as part of your healing process.

[joseb]

.

 

Could it be a sexual attraction since I haven't been with someone in a while or could it be something real? Like I said I am pretty old school, I don't go up to guys, I am very picky and I don't feel attraction so easily.indont know maybe it's my curiosity since I feel like he is interested.!!

 

What do you mean by "something real"?

 

Anyway, as another poster pointed out, I'm shocked that staring at girls in the gym yields such positive results. I'd expect that behaviour to be seen as weird and creepy.

 

But you seem to not be grossed out, so I guess if he's too chicken to talk to you you can initiate the conversation.

[Tiga]

This is your first attraction since your break up.

The end - as in moving out etc of your last relationship wasn't all that long ago.

The gym for you has become therapy.

He may work at your company or may have been an employee in the past.

 

You also say you don't want to date a scary child! Lol!

 

Now, what I am thinking is, say you smiled, got talking, went out a few times and then found he was not for you.

You see him often at the gym - are you then going to still feel great going to the gym or if you see him will you feel awkward?

 

I actually think that finding someone else attractive is a good thing and part of the healing process after a long relationship has ended - but I don't know that I would consider losing that therapy the gym is giving you right now. I wouldn't want to compromise that.

If I were you I wouldn't do anything and just see this attraction as part of your healing process.

 

Unless i got romantically involved with this guy then thats when things would be weird if it didn't work out but I mean if I went on a couple of dates and saw that he wasn't for me then I would not have any issues remaining friends and still attending that gym.

[Tiga]

What do you mean by "something real"?

 

Anyway, as another poster pointed out, I'm shocked that staring at girls in the gym yields such positive results. I'd expect that behaviour to be seen as weird and creepy.

 

But you seem to not be grossed out, so I guess if he's too chicken to talk to you you can initiate the conversation.

 

By "something real" I mean actual feelings.

 

Btw I have never been attracted to a guy at the gym for the past 10 years or felt this attraction. & yes most other guys creep me out and disgust me when they look at me. But not him. I usually never make eyes contact with other men and it geta on my nerva when they stare. But him... idk it's different. I feel butterflies like I am a teenager again. It's like I get very excited and nervous just seeing him there. Its so weird. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I feel like I am going crazy, I never even had a conversation with this guy. It's like this exchange of energy.

 

Maybe it's because I haven't been with a man in a while but then again I have plenty of guys whi would like to jump ship but I could care less I don't want them. I don't feel that attraction towards anyone else. I rarely feel attracted to people especially this intense way I am feeling now. I keep thinking about him even after the gym. ?

[kendahke]

I am in my healing process of my long relationship that ended 3 months before our wedding. We ended things in February but it has been approximately 3 months since I moved out completely and 2 months no contact.

 

Also I DIDINT expect to be attracted to another guy so soon, I have done a lot of healing, exercise, meditation, self development in the past few months after my break up. I broke through the worst of it and let it go. I am not sure if I let it all go though and even if I should try to smile at this guy at the gym.

 

How long was your "long" relationship that was headed towards the altar?

 

In May, you moved out. From February til the end of July, you were in contact with one another. It was only in July that you finally went NC.

 

Hardly 6 weeks have passed since you've gone NC and you think you're healed from a "long" relationship enough to enter into something that may develop to involving feelings and expectations with someone new?

 

Having myself gone through a break up of a 13 year relationship, if you've been in a long term relationship, the "break through"'s come in layers, like an onion. You still have a ways to go to really break through. If this was less than 3 years, I'd say yeah, you're probably ready to embark on something new, but don't be surprised if when it's time to put the rubber to the road as far as meeting expectations and emotional intimacy access, you find yourself being far more confused than you think you are now with this guy who is just being pleasant.

 

Smile back and see if he takes the cue. If he doesn't, you're going to have to make yourself plain because he can't read your mind, other than you being another nice lady at the gym who smiles at him when he smiles.

[Tiga]

How long was your "long" relationship that was headed towards the altar?

 

In May, you moved out. From February til the end of July, you were in contact with one another. It was only in July that you finally went NC.

 

Hardly 6 weeks have passed since you've gone NC and you think you're healed from a "long" relationship enough to enter into something that may develop to involving feelings and expectations with someone new?

 

Having myself gone through a break up of a 13 year relationship, if you've been in a long term relationship, the "break through"'s come in layers, like an onion. You still have a ways to go to really break through. If this was less than 3 years, I'd say yeah, you're probably ready to embark on something new, but don't be surprised if when it's time to put the rubber to the road as far as meeting expectations and emotional intimacy access, you find yourself being far more confused than you think you are now with this guy who is just being pleasant.

 

Smile back and see if he takes the cue. If he doesn't, you're going to have to make yourself plain because he can't read your mind, other than you being another nice lady at the gym who smiles at him when he smiles.

 

Thanks, its been 5 months and 5 days since I had contact with him. He texted me 3 months ago several time i kept NC. I never responded. So I am going on 6 montbs and finally starting to see light. I feel better. But I still wonder how could someone do that to a person. He was ready to marry me but because of his parents decided not to.

 

At this point, I don't even want him. I don't want a man that was capable of hurting a person like that and a man that is not capable to be a MAN. His parents will control his life, I don't need that.

 

Well I will see where this infatuation takes me with this guy I like, maybe I am just excited to feel attracted to someone because I did not think that this woukd happen. Maybe it is giving me hope. All I know is that I don't want to waste another day on my ex. Life is moving forward and he is past. I never want to see him again. I don't want to waste my life being sad over this jerk.

 

And I haven't lately, I change my thoughts as soon as I start thinking about him. I am also back in school taking online classes. I am moving forward. Thanks for the advice.

[trustyourself]

Two scenarios:

 

1) He thinks you are hot and is checking you out.

 

2) He recognizes you from work, still thinks you are hot and is checking you out.

 

 

As for your thoughts on sexual attraction vs "something real", I would say currently it is the former, as you know nothing about who he is as a person.

 

Why don't you ask him to spot you during one of your weight sessions and start a conversation. If there is no easy chemistry, then thank him and walk away, or ask him for coffee afterwards as a thank you if you think there might be something there.

 

Good luck!

[Tiga]

Two scenarios:

 

1) He thinks you are hot and is checking you out.

 

2) He recognizes you from work, still thinks you are hot and is checking you out.

 

 

As for your thoughts on sexual attraction vs "something real", I would say currently it is the former, as you know nothing about who he is as a person.

 

Why don't you ask him to spot you during one of your weight sessions and start a conversation. If there is no easy chemistry, then thank him and walk away, or ask him for coffee afterwards as a thank you if you think there might be something there.

 

Good luck!

 

Well a least he thinks I am hot lol. I wish I was the type of female that can go up to guys and chat. I can't do it. I have no problem chatting with someone that talks to me first, if I am attracted to gim. I am kimd of traditional, like my mindest is set out for a guy to approach me first. I wish I could be that bold and free to just ask him for a spot lol. The gym is packed and me picking him out to spot me would be soooo obvious. I kind of think it's a little cheesy or am I just making exuses. Saw him today again, he was at the opposite side of the gym. Ut I noticed him, and he noticed me because I saw him glance over a few times in between his deadlifts. I will see, if I get an opportunity to say something to him then I will.

 

I should just focus on my workouts as I have been doing and what's meant to be will be.

 

I know I am not 100% over my ex, but I need to start talking to people(guys) at least. I feel good, although what bappened to me was very painful and left me confused. I still wonder how my ex did what he did and I wonder how he feels now. I know there is no point in wondering, that it's over for good and ever. But it made me see the world differently. Makes me see it as a worse place than I initially thought it was.

 

I feel like I don't believe in true love anymore.

[trustyourself]

I know I am not 100% over my ex, but I need to start talking to people(guys) at least. I feel good, although what bappened to me was very painful and left me confused. I still wonder how my ex did what he did and I wonder how he feels now. I know there is no point in wondering, that it's over for good and ever. But it made me see the world differently. Makes me see it as a worse place than I initially thought it was.

 

I feel like I don't believe in true love anymore.

 

I totally get what you are saying

 

I often wonder how my ex did what she did, and wonder if and how she feels.

 

Sadly we will never know.

 

I have talked to a few girls, but honestly, while I enjoy the conversation, and they flirt, I am not ready to pursue anything right now. I am sure we will get there eventually.

 

You will be ready when you are ready!

[TheTraveler]

I am so confused by this guys actions at the gym. He is always looking but turns away when I notice him. He comes to workout near me or nearby. Funny thing is he wore a shirt that made me realize he works at the place I work at. I have never seen him at work btw. We have over 2,000 employees and all at different locations. It's weird. But anyway, I can't approach him because its just nit my style. Idk why he hasn't approached me yet, I keep thinking maybe he has a gf or maybe he is intimidated. I do have RBF naturally but I actually a nice person.

 

Any suggestions or ideas?

 

I mean Ibkind of figure if he can't approach me then he is either taken and is just looking or he is not the guy for me because I don't need a scary child. Lol

 

Haha i love this. Sounds like me at the gym, but I don't approach. I wait for them, even if it takes months.

 

 

Anyway, as another poster pointed out, I'm shocked that staring at girls in the gym yields such positive results. I'd expect that behaviour to be seen as weird and creepy.

 

But you seem to not be grossed out, so I guess if he's too chicken to talk to you you can initiate the conversation.

 

It works bruh. Just have muscles and don't be ugly, creepy, or have some weird vibes.