GeekLover Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 So I met this guy through OLD at the beginning of the year and we went out. We seemed to have had a good time. We chatted a bit more by text off and on for another month or so after that, then we went out again. The second date we had both had quite a bit to drink and my judgement was not up to par. I went home with him, slept with him, and spent the night. Ugh. Not something that is typical of my character. We talked for maybe a week or so after that, and then he kind of just disappeared (as did I to be honest). I had sent the last text though, which he didn't reply to. I wasn't about to keep pushing. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago...I receive a text from him. We chat a bit, but he seems to keep trying to focus the conversation on sex, which I started calling him out on. We have tried to make plans to see each other again, but he seems to keep seeking something spontaneous. He contacts me at 10pm expecting me to drop everything and see him. I've explained that I don't like feeling like a booty call, and I have been accommodating and scheduled a time that would work for both of us, but both of those times he has blown me off for one reason or another. Again, this evening, I just finished chatting with him about going over. It was 10pm when he finally asked me, then we argued for the next 2 hours about why I wouldn't go, including bringing up the fact that he cancelled plans with me twice. He pulled out all the lines that seemed to make me feel guilty for not driving over at 10pm. I suggested some other evenings that might work better, but he would not commit to any of them. He was just really struggling with why I was not going to pick up and go at the drop of a hat. He even included a mini temper tantrum where he just signed off with "good night", which was clearly out of frustration. He didn't end there but came back for a few more tries to get me over there, but it wasn't working, ESPECIALLY not anymore. He finally ended it with "nevermind. Sleep well". Luckily for me, I don't have any emotions invested in this dynamc since it hasn't been long enough. So I'm not worried about what will happen. But I'm curious-am I in the wrong here? What's this guy's deal? Why does he need to guilt trip me into coming over??? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 So I met this guy through OLD at the beginning of the year and we went out. We seemed to have had a good time. We chatted a bit more by text off and on for another month or so after that, then we went out again. The second date we had both had quite a bit to drink and my judgement was not up to par. I went home with him, slept with him, and spent the night. Ugh. Not something that is typical of my character. We talked for maybe a week or so after that, and then he kind of just disappeared (as did I to be honest). I had sent the last text though, which he didn't reply to. I wasn't about to keep pushing. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago...I receive a text from him. We chat a bit, but he seems to keep trying to focus the conversation on sex, which I started calling him out on. We have tried to make plans to see each other again, but he seems to keep seeking something spontaneous. He contacts me at 10pm expecting me to drop everything and see him. I've explained that I don't like feeling like a booty call, and I have been accommodating and scheduled a time that would work for both of us, but both of those times he has blown me off for one reason or another. Again, this evening, I just finished chatting with him about going over. It was 10pm when he finally asked me, then we argued for the next 2 hours about why I wouldn't go, including bringing up the fact that he cancelled plans with me twice. He pulled out all the lines that seemed to make me feel guilty for not driving over at 10pm. I suggested some other evenings that might work better, but he would not commit to any of them. He was just really struggling with why I was not going to pick up and go at the drop of a hat. He even included a mini temper tantrum where he just signed off with "good night", which was clearly out of frustration. He didn't end there but came back for a few more tries to get me over there, but it wasn't working, ESPECIALLY not anymore. He finally ended it with "nevermind. Sleep well". Luckily for me, I don't have any emotions invested in this dynamc since it hasn't been long enough. So I'm not worried about what will happen. But I'm curious-am I in the wrong here? What's this guy's deal? Why does he need to guilt trip me into coming over??? No you aren't doing anything wrong. You could take it a step further and stop replying, wasting your time arguing with him or block him. Listen, if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, walks like a duck--it's a duck. Sounds like he's pretty much after a f*ck that's all--where is DrRhymes when you need him???!!! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Yep, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck... At this point, if he contacts you again, don't respond. You know this. You have maintained communication with him because you had, initially, seemed to have something more and potential relationship, but as it turns out, he's not invested in growing a relationship and taking the time, but contacts you when he's in the mood for a booty call. I had one like this where sex never happened, but it was pulling teeth trying to nail down a time to get together, and then I'd get the 10 p.m. text...same story, asking about other times, etc., to no avail. This isn't going anywhere. No, you are not wrong. You want a good, stable man who has the time to see you and will make the time to do so. Had you been dating and in a relationship for months, the late night "come over," might have resulted in you coming over because you had the stability of something real, not just a fling and someone who texts you every couple of weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Of course you are not obligated to drop everything because some guy you slept with once makes a 10 p.m. booty call. If he doesn't respect you enough to make plans in advance, respect yourself enough to lose his phone #. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 He wants a booty call, plain and simple and you know it and as long as you keep answering, he's gonna keep trying. Guilt tripping you? -- He does it because it works with women sometimes. You've already caved and slept with him, even though that's "not your character" and so he thinks you'll do it again. Most people know that past behavior is often a good predictor of future behavior . . . I've explained that I don't like feeling like a booty call -- After a person creates a boundary and clearly communicates that boundary, they should not continue to entertain someone who tries to cross it more than once. You told him no booty call . . . and he hasn't changed tactics. The next time he called late at night, you should not have answered. Every time you answer, he's thinking you might cave in. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeekLover Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Thanks everyone. I didn't think I was missing something, but I wanted to put it out there to see the perspectives. Looks like your thinking is similar to mine. I'm 38...he's 42. I'm not looking to deal with pouting and juvenile behaviour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 So I met this guy through OLD at the beginning of the year and we went out. We seemed to have had a good time. We chatted a bit more by text off and on for another month or so after that, then we went out again. The second date we had both had quite a bit to drink and my judgement was not up to par. I went home with him, slept with him, and spent the night. Ugh. Not something that is typical of my character. We talked for maybe a week or so after that, and then he kind of just disappeared (as did I to be honest). I had sent the last text though, which he didn't reply to. I wasn't about to keep pushing. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago...I receive a text from him. We chat a bit, but he seems to keep trying to focus the conversation on sex, which I started calling him out on. We have tried to make plans to see each other again, but he seems to keep seeking something spontaneous. He contacts me at 10pm expecting me to drop everything and see him. I've explained that I don't like feeling like a booty call, and I have been accommodating and scheduled a time that would work for both of us, but both of those times he has blown me off for one reason or another. Again, this evening, I just finished chatting with him about going over. It was 10pm when he finally asked me, then we argued for the next 2 hours about why I wouldn't go, including bringing up the fact that he cancelled plans with me twice. He pulled out all the lines that seemed to make me feel guilty for not driving over at 10pm. I suggested some other evenings that might work better, but he would not commit to any of them. He was just really struggling with why I was not going to pick up and go at the drop of a hat. He even included a mini temper tantrum where he just signed off with "good night", which was clearly out of frustration. He didn't end there but came back for a few more tries to get me over there, but it wasn't working, ESPECIALLY not anymore. He finally ended it with "nevermind. Sleep well". Luckily for me, I don't have any emotions invested in this dynamc since it hasn't been long enough. So I'm not worried about what will happen. But I'm curious-am I in the wrong here? What's this guy's deal? Why does he need to guilt trip me into coming over??? Sounds like he's Horny and wants you over for Sex. That's about sums that up in one eggshell. But you not going to go because you don't want too. So he's trying to convince you to go to him. I am proud you have strong will of mind to avoid him. He's not the type of man you seek. He's just about quickies and your not.. Look for someone more a gentleman and respects your time and value. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) So I met this guy through OLD at the beginning of the year and we went out. We seemed to have had a good time. We chatted a bit more by text off and on for another month or so after that, then we went out again. The second date we had both had quite a bit to drink and my judgement was not up to par. I went home with him, slept with him, and spent the night. Ugh. Not something that is typical of my character. We talked for maybe a week or so after that, and then he kind of just disappeared (as did I to be honest). I had sent the last text though, which he didn't reply to. I wasn't about to keep pushing. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago...I receive a text from him. We chat a bit, but he seems to keep trying to focus the conversation on sex, which I started calling him out on. We have tried to make plans to see each other again, but he seems to keep seeking something spontaneous. He contacts me at 10pm expecting me to drop everything and see him. I've explained that I don't like feeling like a booty call, and I have been accommodating and scheduled a time that would work for both of us, but both of those times he has blown me off for one reason or another. Again, this evening, I just finished chatting with him about going over. It was 10pm when he finally asked me, then we argued for the next 2 hours about why I wouldn't go, including bringing up the fact that he cancelled plans with me twice. He pulled out all the lines that seemed to make me feel guilty for not driving over at 10pm. I suggested some other evenings that might work better, but he would not commit to any of them. He was just really struggling with why I was not going to pick up and go at the drop of a hat. He even included a mini temper tantrum where he just signed off with "good night", which was clearly out of frustration. He didn't end there but came back for a few more tries to get me over there, but it wasn't working, ESPECIALLY not anymore. He finally ended it with "nevermind. Sleep well". Luckily for me, I don't have any emotions invested in this dynamc since it hasn't been long enough. So I'm not worried about what will happen. But I'm curious-am I in the wrong here? What's this guy's deal? Why does he need to guilt trip me into coming over??? People treat you the way you let them treat you, OP. You say you don't want to be a booty call, but then you were the one who let this argument go one for **two hours**. Why. Anyway to answer your question, he was guilt-tripping you into coming over because, if nothing else, you were entertaining the conversation, by at least responding back. He felt there was a chance that you would come over after all because you kept staying in the conversation. (Actions speak louder than words--that you stayed in the conversation instead of cutting off speaks louder than whatever words you might have texted him back with.) Edited June 15, 2017 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeekLover Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 People treat you the way you let them treat you, OP. You say you don't want to be a booty call, but then you were the one who let this argument go one for **two hours**. Why. Anyway to answer your question, he was guilt-tripping you into coming over because, if nothing else, you were entertaining the conversation, by at least responding back. He felt there was a chance that you would come over after all because you kept staying in the conversation. (Actions speak louder than words--that you stayed in the conversation instead of cutting off speaks louder than whatever words you might have texted him back with.) You're absolutely right. Why? Because I give people the benefit of the doubt. I hope people have better intentions than what they really do, so I dish out chances like there's no tomorrow. I'm too nice sometimes. This is a work in progress. Thank you for reminding me...sincerely. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 He doesn't want to bother with a relationship. He just wants convenient sex. He's worthless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) Geeklover, It's obvious that the guy wants to pop in and out of your life for the odd night of sex. That's not such an issue. The real issue is his lack of compromise, and general disrespect for you. Initiating in the middle of the night and demanding it there and then. Having the brazenness to throw a big strop over it. A severe lack of human decency. It's a matter of your self-respect. You must have nothing to do with this guy again. Edited June 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator response to deleted post ~T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 Sex was one of the reasons my last term relationships ended.. It's not appropriate for someone to be pushy about sex, ever.. Her and I had been together off and on for almost a year and her pressuring me sleep with her was a definite turn-off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeekLover Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 No, that's being paranoid. This is more like plausible deniability. I've encountered it plenty, and I haven't encountered any sort of "rape" accusation. Therefore no need for such paranoia. Geeklover, It's obvious that the guy wants to pop in and out of your life for the odd night of sex. That's not such an issue. The real issue is his lack of compromise, and general disrespect for you. Initiating in the middle of the night and demanding it there and then. Having the brazenness to throw a big strop over it. A severe lack of human decency. It's a matter of your self-respect. You must have nothing to do with this guy again. I fully agree. Had this happened a few months ago, I probably would have a much more submissive reaction, but I have gained a lot of momentum lately with my growth as a person and my confidence, so this just doesn't fly with me now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I fully agree. Had this happened a few months ago, I probably would have a much more submissive reaction, but I have gained a lot of momentum lately with my growth as a person and my confidence, so this just doesn't fly with me now. Nor should it. The guy's game is really juvenile. Casual relationships can be rewarding, but not from a buffoon such as this. And generally, as a woman, you are in serious abundance where choice in that matter is concerned anyway. So, his usefulness to you is extremely limited. Just replace him with someone actually deserving of adult respect Keep up the growth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I really can't understand why you would ever entertain the idea of even talking to this asshat again. You already know he is just into it to get sex months ago....it's a no brainer...block/delete. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeekLover Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 I really can't understand why you would ever entertain the idea of even talking to this asshat again. You already know he is just into it to get sex months ago....it's a no brainer...block/delete. I'm not now. I was interested...now I'm not. I'm not affected enough by him where I feel I need to block/delete, but I certainly will not be initiating anymore conversations, and I am not hoping to have to "entertain" more kids' play. As I said earlier, I'm lucky I never got invested in him at all, and now I know I never will. Move along asshat... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 I'm not now. I was interested...now I'm not. I'm not affected enough by him where I feel I need to block/delete, but I certainly will not be initiating anymore conversations, and I am not hoping to have to "entertain" more kids' play. As I said earlier, I'm lucky I never got invested in him at all, and now I know I never will. Move along asshat... You seem very good natured, and also quite naive. It's endearing, but you need to learn how to better protect it. Be honest, it sounds like you're leaving the door ajar for him. If he initiates enough, maybe he'll push through. You're a submissive, and that's likely what you want. Having a higher self-esteem never fails to bring better people into your life. That starts with blocking this chap. You block/delete (as Smackie said), simply because it's efficient. And the guy has proven to be both a pest and a sh*tbag. It has nothing to do with worrying about what he thinks, or what it could represent, or anything else. Just block/delete, and keep moving forwards with better standards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2017 Share Posted June 19, 2017 Listen, I RARELY advise blocking someone. Like you said OP it's usually unnecessary. If someone is harassing you though it's a a different story. I see no reason to allow yourself to be contacted by this idiot. Unless you enjoy arguing about sexting him at midnight:sick: If you don't like him and don't want further contact AND he's proven himself a pest, there's only one way to get your beauty sleep. Block. I agree with bastille and think you might want contact with him. There are much better ways to get an ego boost and move on with your life. His contact isn't even amusing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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