ohso Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 This is what happened to my friend and I don't know what to tell her. She's been casually dating a guy for two months. He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship and they were seeing other people. She was ok with it. But they both really looked like they're in love and had deep feelings developed. She waited for two months until she slept with him because she didn't want it to be one night stand. But after they had sex, guy pulled away from her. They used to see each other twice a week, and after sex nothing. Sex was good by the way, she thinks so. He still texted her regularly saying he's busy. Months went on like that. She was having a hard time like that and decided to end it. She thought he was stringing her along. He got mad and told her she's crazy and he doesn't want it to end it, although they haven't seen each other for months. After that argument, she went no contact, until she asked him to see her. He did. He blamed her for expecting them to be a couple. She just wanted him to tell her it's over so she can move on with a closure. But no, he still told her they'll see each other. After that they texted sometimes until she went no contact on him again. After months of NC, guy went nuts announcing on facebook he's heart broken and posting break up love song. His friends ask him who's the girl he love and he won't tell. We're guessing it's her. Guys please, I can't figure him out. Does he have feelings for her but he's scared? Is he jealous she's dating other guys since they're not exclusive? Is he just a player? Why he acts this way? What does this look like to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Ittakestwo Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Sounds like a personality disorder of some type. I'd stay far far away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 No, he doesn't have feelings for her or any of the other women he's spending time with. He's dating whoever he's most into at the time and trying to keep them all on call. She's an idiot to go along with this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 (edited) No, he doesn't have feelings for her, and it's very likely not your friend he's referring to online. It's probably whatever girl he was seeing while avoiding your friend. He was stringing her along and probably thinking she'd keep allowing that so that if the girl he really liked wasn't feeling it, he could find your friend waiting. If the sex was good for him and she wasn't holding him to a commitment, he'd likely have come back for more. Harsh, but true. I don't think that's what killed it, as he was very clear he would be seeing others and thus wasn't that into her to begin with. But a guy like this will generally try to get more sex if he knows he doesn't need to commit and the sex was good. My guess is that he sensed she would hope for a greater commitment after sex so he bailed. The better question is, why did your friend overlook the obvious signs that he wasn't into her? She needs better boundaries and to believe a guy when he says he doesn't want a relationship with her. Edited May 26, 2017 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 It looks like he wants nothing or at least very little to do with her but she & you can't take no thanks for an answer. Stop wasting time & emotional energy trying to figure out why rude people do anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 This guy is manipulative as they come. He takes absolute pleasure in messing your friend up by diverting blame, acting he was a victim of her wrong doing...all to get back at her because he lost control...yes his behavior is all about control. When she cut him of, that was a loss of control to him, and that set him off to make her feel bad...in his mind it's like "How dare she undermine me!!" This is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The more she responds or is in contact with this person the more he will try to take back control. This is what he wants so he can continue to manipulate and abuse her. She needs to stay away so she can stop fueling it, because that is all she is doing by meeting up with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 The thrill of the chase ended in bed. Maybe he wants to keep her on the back burner. He probably doesn't fully realize how much time has passed given he has other conquests and other things to do. Meanwhile, your friend is wondering what the hell is going on, weekend after weekend. If he wants her truly, he will make time for her. I doubt he is "heart broken" over your friend. It was whoever captured his interest while he was blowing off your friend...for months. Please tell me how, if months go by with no contact, your friend could possibly be this woman who broke his heart. Sorry, no. Your friend needs to stay strong and stay NC. It would do her a world of good to unfriend from social media or at least block seeing his posts if she's not ready to take that leap of unfriending and unsubscribing. There will be no "closure." No one knows this guy's motive. He probably doesn't know himself. Perhaps he likes having a potential backup plan. Perhaps he doesn't want to hurt your friend by saying he's just not into her, so he says the right things when she contacts him, and hopes she disappears. She needs to "take the hint." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 (edited) He's got some kind of problem in that he is assuming he is in a relationship with her without even maintaining it. She should just cut him off. He is not going to make the decision to leave her, he will just try to keep her dangling on a string which will only hurt her. She should not leave that power in his hands, especially as he sounds irrational. Your friend needs to go no contact and stick to her guns. This guy is not offering her anything except heartache. These push/pull characters can drive anyone crazy, seriously! Your friend needs to understand that by giving up on him and shutting him off, she is taking back her strength and pride. If she reject the useless guys (like him), then she will be left with the good guys. She is not losing him, she is gaining self respect and a better future. Edited May 26, 2017 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 27, 2017 Share Posted May 27, 2017 This is smart advice from d0nnivain, Stop wasting time & emotional energy trying to figure out why rude people do anything. I wish I'd applied this philosophy a bit more when I was OLD..... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts