She acts weird, I act weird

[JustSomeGuy001]

I posted before (last summer I think) that I liked a co-worker.

 

Unfortunately for me it was pretty obvious after some weeks that she didn't like me. I realised that she avoided being alone with me, so I accepted she wasn't into me (we never actually got into intimate discussions or anything).

 

The fact is I still have feelings for her even now, I don't think I can change that. Lately she's obviously into someone else, another co-worker and I really really don't want to sound weird, but it makes me feel really bad.

 

We always drank coffee together along with other colleagues. About a month ago, she started going (apparently) alone. I asked her why and she said she's in a hurry lately, that she got a lot of work to do and she prefers to go alone so she saves time by coming immediately back to the office. Next day, I was just coming to the office and I see her with a guy buying coffee. She didn't see me. Maybe if I didn't like her I wouldn't have cared, but the truth is it made me feel a little bad.

 

Also by chance I saw her coming with him from home and eating lunch with him. But everytime when it comes into discussion, for example when she says she will not eat with us at lunch, or drink coffee with us, she always says she's going with her girl friends.

 

Today all our team went to a party. I needed to leave at 7 pm. Without me mentioning this, she said she needed to leave at 7 pm. So of course I told her we can leave together. The metro station was pretty far away so I told her that maybe we can share a taxi to a common place for both of us. I just wanted to be polite, but I was actually pretty sure she'll say no (because she probably has a clue that I like her and for me it's pretty obvious she's with that guy), but she actually said yes, she only said that if we go by taxi we'll ride faster than with the metro so let's wait a little more until we leave the party. I waited and waited and seeing she doesn't seem like going I asked her if she wants to go. She said no, she wants to stay even more. I felt bad that the only reason I didn't leave at 7 was to wait for her and she actually didn't want to come anymore, but anyway I didn't think very much about it. I left and when I wanted to call a taxi I realised the price is much higher than I expected. So I decided to walk the distance to the metro. At the metro entrance, who do you think was there? The same guy, waiting (impatiently it seemed) with a flower in his hand. You can imagine the first thing that went into my mind was that he was waiting for her and she never had the intention to go with me, she was probably praying in the mind that I leave faster from the party so she can go meet that guy.

 

First of all, am i crazy that I notice these things? I say again that even if I accepted that I can't be with her I still have feelings for her and I want to think that because of these feelings I give more notice to what concerns her, but hopefully it doesn't make me crazy.

 

Secondly, am I paranoid for making the connection that they are together but she, for some reason, doesn't want to say?

 

Thirdly, should I in any way mention this to her? All I want is that she says the true, for example I can't ride a taxi with you because I must meet with someone. What happened today made me feel soo bad and I really don't want this to happen again. I know I should simply distance myself from her, but it's impossible considering most of our friends at work are common. So it's unavoidable that these things will happen again in the future and I really can't understand why she hides this.

 

Maybe it even sounds weird to you saying I should mention this somehow - the fact is , for a totally different reason (I had a phobia) I went to a therapist some time ago and she told me I should never say the first thing that comes into my mind, but neither should I keep inside me something that really bothers me. I'm not sure if this qualifies.

[act00]

Yes, it is normal to notice things because you are crushing on her. You pay attention. It's not crazy (but can be), but she's not into you, and you need to stop this crushy obsession. You may even read more into situations that really don't exist because you're all wrapped up in her.

 

I don't know if what you're going through is normal stuff, or crazy-obsessive, stalker stuff...I'm guessing normal stuff, but back off...for real, it's not going to happen. Find a new focus...like a girl who's interested in you or counting widgets...anything.

 

You asked if she would like to share a cab since you were leaving at the same time. She wasn't leaving. You waited. You finally asked her if she wanted to go, because I'm assuming now, 7 has passed by now. She wanted to stay, so you left. You didn't abandon her. You asked her what she wanted to do.

 

Do you want to be that guy waiting? She didn't have the common courtesy to leave on time to meet this guy on time? He was waiting with a flower.

 

It was nice to offer to share the cost of a ride, but she is was unreliable and thoughtless in this instance. If she were your buddy or brother or sister, would you be floundering around, or would you be good and pissed you arranged a ride together to share cost and she bailed or didn't follow through on time?

 

There are no answers to her secrecy. Don't bother putting that puzzle together. She's with him, and she left him waiting at the Metro with a flower...not cool.

 

No, you should not say anything to her. I wouldn't even tell her I was disappointed she bailed on the agreed riding arrangements. I would just not do it again.

 

Yes, you should distance yourself from her. You should distance your thoughts and emotions since physically she is hard to avoid.

[JustSomeGuy001]

Thank you very much for you answer, act00.

 

I know you are right, I should simply distance my thoughts from her and by saying anything to her I would do the exact opposite, so I shouldn't (and I won't, I guess).

 

To my defense, I really don't think I'm stalking her, all I noticed was by chance. Actually, yesterday I visited her FB profile for the first time in months.

 

Regarding her making him wait, I realise it's not nice, but I'm sure she made him wait because she didn't want to leave with me, so she waited for me to leave first. If we shared a cab, we wouldn't have gone to the metro station where the guy was. That's why she probably never had the intention to go with me, but instead of saying at least part of the truth (like, for example, she doesn't go the same way as me), she prefered otherwise.

I don't know why but I agree I shouldn't bother putting the pieces together.

 

It's really nice to know someone read all my huge post, so thanks again.