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She's gone away for 6 months


Mills12345

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Mills12345

I've never posted here before and I'll potentially get berated for by behaviour somewhat but I'd like to know the opinions of you guys, even though I can probably guess what the opinions will be! Apologies in advance for the long story!

 

I was looking for a hook up for my first night visiting a city (I used to live there and usually have the Friday off when I go back for the weekend) and started speaking with a nice girl on Tinder which progressed to texting. We had a lot in common due to my knowledge of the area and she's 5 years younger than me (she's 23). Essentially I wasn't particularly interested in anything for the long term but quickly she seemed to become very interested - with me playing it pretty cool. She then said that because we'd spoken quite a lot she should let me know her plans, and that she would be moving to Greece about for 6 montbs 2 weeks after we were due to meet up to work for a upmarket hotel, which I wasn't overly bothered about as I only had the intention to hook up.

 

She said that it's not something she has ever done before but we met up for the night and slept together - it was really good and she said that she wanted to see me again before she went (we live about a 4 hour drive from each other) and I said that would be nice and kissed her goodbye.The rest of the weekend passed, I didn't really speak to her and went home.

 

We were speaking a few days later with her saying she wished she was with me etc - and then told me I was only the 3rd person she'd ever slept with and the previous two were long term relationships. I felt really bad as I obviously didn't have the intention to take it any further despite thinking that she was a great girl and we had, had a lot of fun.

 

Over the next 2 weeks she kept saying that she wished she was with me, it was a shame she was going away, if she hadn't arranged to she would maybe have come to stay with me in my city instead.. I was having troubles with my job which she helped me through and was very interested in - and even got upset when I occasionally forget to text her goodnight messages before sleeping. The day then came where she moved away, I had messages from her saying how upset she was that we hadn't spoken much before she went away, she then sent me a map screenshot saying how this is the closest we'd be for months and that she was really sad about it.

 

Basically her going away made me realise that I missed her. She has now become distant and I have proclaimed how much I miss her (the first time I've acted in this way since we begin speaking) she has said see what else is on the market and we will see what happens when I am home. A couple of days later she saw on social media that I was on a date and messaged me saying "how was date night? I said I'd rather it was with her and we could go somewhere nice when she was back, she read the message and didn't reply, I've not heard from her since.. Oddly the day before that she said that the guys she's working with out there are young and reckless and me having a good job, a nice house and ambition has made her even more attracted to me in comparison, she's also said that she thinks I'm beautiful and she misses me. But now we've not spoken for a week, she's liked a few posts of mine on social media but we haven't spoken since she ignored my last message about going out when she's back.

 

I totally understand that she's having a good time, I want her to - and that I'm almost in another world now to her and wouldn't expect her to live in any other way other than single whilst she is there, but what do I do? Do I leave her alone completely? When she's back do I message her or do you guys think I just completely forget about her forever? Why like my Insta but not message me?

 

She's such a great girl and I regret not realising it sooner - but I don't think that would really have made any difference with her going away.

 

I can imagine the responses to this will be - enjoy yourself and see what happens when she's back - but I can't exactly message her the minute she's back can I? What do I do if she messages before she's back?

 

Again, apologies for the essay - if may make some average late night reading for a few people on here! :)

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CardinalsGirl

She may not have known how to respond to you message and after a week delay its best to just forgot that message you sent. Why does she still like your Instagram posts but no text back. It could be a sign that she is thinking about you and checks it often. Not sure what to read of that.

 

She expressed prior to the message she misses you and basically told her what she likes about you since she most misses that.

 

6 months is tough, its long enough to feel like its best to forget and what happens, happens if you are both single when she gets back. But soon its only going to be a few months and then a few weeks, etc. So its short enough if you both really felt a connection, it could last the entire period. The worst part is if you expect things to resume when she gets back and they don't, you'll be crushed. I had this happen when I was 20, and it hurt. Got attached to a guy, he transferred colleges but expected to continue dating when the summer hit. We kept in touch, but a month before he got back, he dropped the I met someone else and this won't work anyways because of distance while at college. I was heartbroken!

 

So, if it were me (esp after living through the heartbreak once), I'd keep texting her on and off, I would gauge her interest, I'd keep it a possibility things could work when she gets back, but I wouldn't pull yourself completely out of dating.

 

You can text her again to break the silence, ask how something you know she is doing is going and don't reference that last text. Feel free to throw in you miss her because of X every now and then but absolutely don't get overly into it, unless she does.

 

Just my take! Its a tough situation. I can't stress though don't sit around for 6 months and not meet new women or date. In fact if you aren't in a current relationship, never stop dating. I made that mistake a few times and it just cost me time.

 

And regardless after she gets back, its kosher to ask her for plans, just tell her whenever you have settled in from being back. No rush, but if she's single, that sets the tone that you are still interested.

Edited by CardinalsGirl
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You two made a connection but don't have a commitment. Just keep the lines of communication open. If you can swing it, go where she is. See what happens.

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Mills12345

Thanks guys for the replies. I have quite a lot of girls that want to go out with me fortunately so I guess I'll just have to do that. I don't tend to date, I think because I was hurt badly in the past its easier to switch your feelings off - but I guess in this case you don't know what you've got until it's gone! One thing I do know is that other from texts/calls/social media I've only spent around 3 or 4 hours with her in person in which we absolutely hit it off, so if I could spend the day or weekend with her I have no doubts we'd have the best time.

 

I don't feel as though I want to text her until she texts me as I feel it may look needy and from my experience, chasing girls just doesn't work. I think that for her she's having such a good time, probably hitting it off with another guy and I'll just have to let that play out.

 

I know that she's attracted to me, I know that she is attracted by my ambition and just have to hope I get the chance to see her when she's back, but I won't hold out for it! :(

 

Thanks again! :)

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I don't feel as though I want to text her until she texts me as I feel it may look needy and from my experience, chasing girls just doesn't work. I think that for her she's having such a good time, probably hitting it off with another guy and I'll just have to let that play out.

 

I know that she's attracted to me, I know that she is attracted by my ambition and just have to hope I get the chance to see her when she's back, but I won't hold out for it! :(

 

Oh for Pete's sake. A few texts or phone calls is NOT Needy. It's showing some interest. Daily contact is needy.

 

If you insist on playing power games because you are afraid of being hurt you will lose her for sure.

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I just feel like surely if she wanted to hear from me, or speak to me...she would speak to me?

 

 

Wrong. She's the woman. In most cultures she is deemed negatively if she chases you. Plus she expressed that she likes you & misses you. You have sat on your hands like an entitled _____ waiting for her & claiming that you don't "chase" women & worried about looking needy. At this point she has interpreted your silence and aloofness as lack of interest. If we asked her, she'd say you ghosted her.

 

Try being human, kind & gracious.

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CardinalsGirl
Thanks guys for the replies. I have quite a lot of girls that want to go out with me fortunately so I guess I'll just have to do that. I don't tend to date, I think because I was hurt badly in the past its easier to switch your feelings off - but I guess in this case you don't know what you've got until it's gone! One thing I do know is that other from texts/calls/social media I've only spent around 3 or 4 hours with her in person in which we absolutely hit it off, so if I could spend the day or weekend with her I have no doubts we'd have the best time.

 

I don't feel as though I want to text her until she texts me as I feel it may look needy and from my experience, chasing girls just doesn't work. I think that for her she's having such a good time, probably hitting it off with another guy and I'll just have to let that play out.

 

I know that she's attracted to me, I know that she is attracted by my ambition and just have to hope I get the chance to see her when she's back, but I won't hold out for it! :(

 

Thanks again! :)

 

Trust me on this, you aren't chasing her by initiating conversation again via text. Especially if she didn't respond because she didn't know how to. Basically a text a week or two later asking how she is just resetting things. In my opinion if I don't hear from a guy, I just assume he isn't interested.

 

If you want this to potentially work when she gets back, communication is the key.

 

Also that is great you've got women to date, its important if you are interested in one you hang out with/date her.

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Mills12345

I took your advice today and messaged her saying "Hey, not spoken for a while - are you still having a wicked time?"

 

She replied straight away and asked how I was and how my holiday was (she would have seen I went away on social media). We were voice messaging backwards and forwards for about an hour talking rubbish and it felt really good. She was stuck inside due to a thunderstorm and said her parents were flying out next week. I got to the gym so said "I'm at the gym now, have an amazing time next week with your parents and if you're ever caught again in a thunderstorm or you feel lonely give me a text or a call" she replied "will do xx"

 

She snap chatted me about 10 minutes later saying always repping black and white with black and white clothes on (my soccer team are from her home town and wear these colours). I sent one back a little while later saying "that's ma girl" and we haven't spoken since.

 

I guess I just leave it a few weeks each time and dip in to say hi? Unless she messages me?

 

It felt good because last time we spoke I was saying I missed her and she didn't seem to like it but today was kinda like it was before - I wanted to keep it going but thought I should cut it off rather than wait for her to.

 

Sorry if you guys think I'm a bit of an idiot - I don't mean to be I just fall hard when I rarely do, and I miss her a lot so trying to stay cool ?

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Glad you reached out! You can keep being cool. You two are laying a foundation. Nothing more.

 

The time will fly. Watch.

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CardinalsGirl

When it comes to your situation, you aren't an idiot! I am sure you've never been in one like this otherwise you wouldn't have posted it on loveshack!

 

I am really happy you reached out to her, and it sounds like not only did you enjoy it but she did too. Honestly, if you would have let that go on for a few weeks, I think she would have interpreted as you moved on and aren't thinking about her on some level. When it comes to women, whether its just a close friendship or more, we like attention in that we like to know that the person we made a connection with does care and is interested on some level. Of course I am not speaking for everyone, but myself at least.

 

I think if you find something funny or interesting, snap-chatting every few days is great. Initiating conversation once a week is great too, I would think too she'll initiate it more in the future. The quick response was a pretty good sign too.

 

Again, don't take any of this as when she gets back its definitely a relationship BUT you are keeping your options open with someone you connected with while playing the dating game!

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Mills12345

Thanks for the messages!

 

Thought I'd just post an update as such (but there's not really an update so to speak). Since I told her 4 days ago to get in touch if she's lonely and she snap chatted me 30 mins later - I've not heard anymore from her. I've noticed that she seems to post a snapchat on her story whenever she has seen mine on my story which may be coincedance but may also be her wanting me to see her looking pretty or what she's up to etc. I've noticed a guy seems to be in a lot of them, which isn't surprising as they all work at the same resort and he's a tennis coach there.

 

I think for me now, I've left the ball in her court. I start my new job on Tuesday which is something that she took a lot of interest in, as I'm a few years older and have my own house and good career I think she finds it attractive. So I'm going to focus on that, myself, getting back into shape etc and just see if she messages me in the next few weeks.

 

For me, I think I've let her know in no uncertain terms how I feel, I've also reached out after a week of not speaking and told her to message me whenever she wants to so I guess that's that now until November unless she contacts me!

 

I'll let you know what happens either way - I know if she is interested in somebody out there I can't compete at the moment, but I also know it wouldn't continue when she's back so I'll just see what happens (which is what she told me to do a few weeks ago).

 

Here's to hoping she messages me, and if not, let's hope I get to spoil her when she's back!

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Mills12345

I started my new job today and she saw on snapchat. She was always really interested in my work and career and didn't even message me to say good luck. Think I'll have to park this one now. On to the next one I guess!

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doyathinkso
Think I'll have to park this one now. On to the next one I guess!

 

 

I have a feeling that she said this first.

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I have to agree with the above OP, this girl was heavily displaying her interest in you in the beginning and affirming her feelings etc while, admittedly so, you were viewing her solely as a hook-up and weren't investing.

 

 

Now you expect her to send you a good luck message for your new job? Are you for real?? How was she supposed to magically guess that your feelings had changed for her when you pretty much posted that you were going on dates with others??

 

 

She's rightfully pulled back to protect herself because she got a huge wake up call that she had over-invested early on.

 

 

Next time, don't be so evasive with your feelings.

Edited by Mkn1010
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Mills12345

I told her in no uncertain terms how I felt around 3 weeks ago. She also told me to date other girls and "try what else is out there" pretty much as a response to me telling her my feelings. She's now said that she feels kinda sad that I'm dating other girls. I am determined to make it up to her when she's back and completely understand that I may well have acted like a total dickhead.

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Mills12345

I just got a message from her which has come as a relief!

 

"I feel really weird saying this and I know we're not together but I've met somewhere out here who I'm getting to know etc. Nothing serious but maybe we should talk when I'm back because it's weird speaking to 2 people."

 

It's good to know. I thought it'd be the case. She said lets just see what happens when I'm back but I'm just going to move on now.

 

Cheers for all of the advice etc! ?

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doyathinkso

Yup. Leave her in your rear-view mirror and let her shrink out of sight.

 

Never answer her. Never acknowledge her. Just the sweet sweet sound of silence. Be a man.

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