OLD meetup is demoralizing...

[Springsummer]

So I finally set up a profile again...

 

I only response to a few msg. So I finally met this person, it seems he is not impressed with me.

 

I think it's soul crushing to meet people. It left you wondering what's wrong with me? What the heck do they want? Good luck with them!

[Springsummer]

After 40 minutes chat, he was the one who said should we get going? I should stop liking to talk that much and got a clue earlier and should be the one who wanted to leave first.

[preraph]

It's a lot of wheel spinning on OLD, that's for sure. Just be sure you don't make the mistake of using photos that don't look like you. Ask your friends to okay them. We have an idea in our head what we look like to ourselves, but it's usually not that close to how others see us, so have a down to earth friend or sister or someone approve your photo choices for how current they look and if the angle actually looks like you. And be sure you show your clothed body at an angle guys can yay or nay you because you know that's mainly what they're about so no point in getting a guy to meet because he's assuming you are hourglass when you're not.

 

Why don't you just start Skyping with them before meeting up? Don't let them make you undress or anything but let them see you at least from the waist up in clothes in motion and you see them same way and see if you have anything to say on Skype. If not meeting is a waste of time.

[OatsAndHall]

It's a lot of wheel spinning on OLD, that's for sure. Just be sure you don't make the mistake of using photos that don't look like you. Ask your friends to okay them. We have an idea in our head what we look like to ourselves, but it's usually not that close to how others see us, so have a down to earth friend or sister or someone approve your photo choices for how current they look and if the angle actually looks like you. And be sure you show your clothed body at an angle guys can yay or nay you because you know that's mainly what they're about so no point in getting a guy to meet because he's assuming you are hourglass when you're not.

 

Why don't you just start Skyping with them before meeting up? Don't let them make you undress or anything but let them see you at least from the waist up in clothes in motion and you see them same way and see if you have anything to say on Skype. If not meeting is a waste of time.

 

OLD is like playing in baseball.. You're doing pretty well for yourself if you're batting .250 (i.e. one out of every four dates is worth the time..).

[Springsummer]

and then he gave me a hug...is a hug obligatory in OLD? I am lukewarm to him anyway.

 

meetup is like a ego bruised.

[Springsummer]

It's a lot of wheel spinning on OLD, that's for sure. Just be sure you don't make the mistake of using photos that don't look like you. Ask your friends to okay them. We have an idea in our head what we look like to ourselves, but it's usually not that close to how others see us, so have a down to earth friend or sister or someone approve your photo choices for how current they look and if the angle actually looks like you. And be sure you show your clothed body at an angle guys can yay or nay you because you know that's mainly what they're about so no point in getting a guy to meet because he's assuming you are hourglass when you're not.

 

Why don't you just start Skyping with them before meeting up? Don't let them make you undress or anything but let them see you at least from the waist up in clothes in motion and you see them same way and see if you have anything to say on Skype. If not meeting is a waste of time.

 

I posted a fake photo. a couple of guys who contacted me I actually know in real life...so you know why. I don't want to put myself out there when I almost know for certain I can't find the one online.

 

When we met I asked him if he know the photo is fake, he said yes. because it's not hard to tell.

[Redhead14]

After 40 minutes chat, he was the one who said should we get going? I should stop liking to talk that much and got a clue earlier and should be the one who wanted to leave first.

 

This first time you meet someone from OLD in person, it should be a short meet up. It's not a date. It's a couple of drinks, light finger food, maybe. It's just to confirm that they are who they say they are, look like their pictures and to see if there is enough interest to want a real date.

 

You don't waste a lot of time or money on this. You connect on OLD chit chat a couple of times, you meet up and go from there. Spending a ton of time chatting/texting an potential OLD match, is a waste of time. Get it over with and keep moving if necessary.

 

It could have been you who wanted to leave . . . this is a two-way street. You won't be interested in everyone either.

[kendahke]

I posted a fake photo. a couple of guys who contacted me I actually know in real life...so you know why. I don't want to put myself out there when I almost know for certain I can't find the one online.

 

When we met I asked him if he know the photo is fake, he said yes. because it's not hard to tell.

 

This probably did more to douse his interest in you than anything else.

 

I mean, if you'll lie about this, what else will you lie about? Doesn't matter your reasons. To the guy you're meeting, you're being false and that can rub people the wrong way.

 

If you know for certain you can't find someone online, then why waste your and the guy's time? Just take down the profile.

[Gr8fuln2020]

OP,

 

I am not certain what you thought would happen by putting up a fake photo. You misrepresented yourself and I, too, would have ended the date sooner than later.

 

Your approach may get you the meet, but it won't get you anything else positive and may even piss guys off.

 

Be careful what you do.

[GemmaUK]

I can't understand why you appear surprised at all.

 

What do you expect the result of a meet/date to be if you use a fake picture?

 

You may feel demoralised but at least he didn't waste your time like you did his.

I think he was kind in spending as long as minutes with you.

 

Please use up to date real photos of yourself if you are going to use OLD.

[caitlinf33]

OLD is a bit of a surreal experience. It's very hit or miss and a total game changer in dating as a lot of it is based on first impressions - swipe right if you find a guy attractive.

 

Not to sound totally superficial, but I won't even msg a guy back if I look at his photos and don't find him physically attractive. So if I had invested the time in talking to him and then meeting up in person and found out he had used a fake photo and hadn't told me, I'd be pissed!

 

I don't use a picture of myself on my main profile on OKC. Just a picture of a woman admiring the ocean taken from behind so you see the back of the head. The hair is similar to mine. I answered a lot of the questions honestly to make sure my matches accurate and if by chance someone I work with came across it, I don't need them knowing that level of detail about me. If I start talking with someone seriously, I am more than happy to send a picture then. If they like what they see, great, the conversation goes on. If not, not.

[basil67]

Fake photo - of course he won't bother again. You talked so much that you didn't realise he wanted to leave? That's not good either.

 

Lastly, you were only lukewarm about him anyway. This sounds more like bruised ego than being disappointed that he doesn't want to see you again.

[hptalbot]

There are a lot of men online who won't message a woman unless she is stunning. You don't want those guys, those guys are shallow.

 

Using a fake photo tells a prospective guy several things, the most prominent being you don't respect yourself and don't think of yourself as attractive. This is bad. One because the good guys will leave, and two because the bad ones will say "Jackpot. She will let me walk all over her."

 

The only thing you will lose from posting a real photo of yourself is a lot of messages from shallow men. Yes your message flow may go down, but you'll get messages from guys who actually are interested in you. Don't believe that cosmo nonsense, men have a wide array of preferences. There are guys who like big women, small women, tall women, even women who dress up like animals. You are beautiful to someone.

Edited May 24, 2017 by hptalbot
typo

[newheart]

I posted a fake photo. a couple of guys who contacted me I actually know in real life...so you know why. I don't want to put myself out there when I almost know for certain I can't find the one online.

 

When we met I asked him if he know the photo is fake, he said yes. because it's not hard to tell.

 

What would your expectation be if you used a fake photo? That is awful! I would be furious if I met someone and discovered they used a fake photo. OLD has it's challenges, but if it is demoralizing in this instance, it is only your own fault.

[Kamille]

Posting a fake photo is completely counter-productive.

 

The one advantage of posting good, representative pics of yourself on OLD is that you know the people who write to you like your looks.

 

Change your profile pictures to representatives pictures of yourself. Then come back and report.

[Chilli]

Yep , that first meeting was the worst in this world, l hated it .

l use to call it the " oh noooo " .

Yaknow, as soon as you finally lay eyes on each other it's - oh noooo

And then there's all this guilt and pressure and how am l gonna get outa here, what am l doin here, just " oh nooo " .

 

This is why l could never understand people in a hurry to meet. What do they effg like that feeling. No thanks. l'd do anything to avoid it.

And chances are most of the time if l just talked to them a bit more on email or phone whatever first chances are crap would come out and 9 times outa 10 you already knew it'd be a waste of time so you can end it now without going through the "oh no".

[newheart]

Yep , that first meeting was the worst in this world, l hated it .

l use to call it the " oh noooo " .

Yaknow, as soon as you finally lay eyes on each other it's - oh noooo

And then there's all this guilt and pressure and how am l gonna get outa here, what am l doin here, just " oh nooo " .

 

This is why l could never understand people in a hurry to meet. What do they effg like that feeling. No thanks. l'd do anything to avoid it.

And chances are most of the time if l just talked to them a bit more on email or phone whatever first chances are crap would come out and 9 times outa 10 you already knew it'd be a waste of time so you can end it now without going through the "oh no".

 

Chilli,

 

I agree that the first meeting can be nerve wracking and uncomfortable, but delaying the first meeting can result in developing some type of 'virtual' connection that does not translate in real person. Sometimes you can text/talk with someone for an extended period and develop some fantasy picture of what it is like to be with this person. Of course, get to know some basic information and be comfortable enough to meet in a public place, but getting this over sooner rather than later is best to see if this is something you actually want to pursue or not. Just a different perspective ...

[Chilli]

Yeah for sure ,the other side to the coin. Damned if you do damned if you don't half the time.

l soooo dreaded the " oh no " though.

[kendahke]

Yep , that first meeting was the worst in this world, l hated it .

l use to call it the " oh noooo " .

Yaknow, as soon as you finally lay eyes on each other it's - oh noooo

And then there's all this guilt and pressure and how am l gonna get outa here, what am l doin here, just " oh nooo " .

 

This is why l could never understand people in a hurry to meet. What do they effg like that feeling. No thanks. l'd do anything to avoid it.

And chances are most of the time if l just talked to them a bit more on email or phone whatever first chances are crap would come out and 9 times outa 10 you already knew it'd be a waste of time so you can end it now without going through the "oh no".

 

This is the quickest way to build an artificial construct based on who you want that person to be as opposed to who they actually are. It lends more to actual disappointment because they can never be who you built them up to be in your imagination.

 

Meeting them quickly stops one from indulging in their own fantasies and then trying to force a fit onto the person who has every right to be who they already are, not who you want them to be.

[SoThatHappened]

Meeting someone who flat out LIED about what they looked like (using a fake photo) would actually get even less than 40 minutes of my time.

 

There are enough problems with OLD, and then someone tries tricking people using a fake photo? Classy.

 

I don't have the time to sit there for even 10 minutes with someone who would do that.

 

I would've called you out right off the bat and told you to lose my number/email/profile.

[Miss Peach]

I'm sure he'll post somewhere complaining about how he went on OLD and met a woman using a fake picture.

[preraph]

I posted a fake photo. a couple of guys who contacted me I actually know in real life...so you know why. I don't want to put myself out there when I almost know for certain I can't find the one online.

 

When we met I asked him if he know the photo is fake, he said yes. because it's not hard to tell.

 

You cannot hope to get off to a good start with someone while you are using a fake photo. Can you just block the ones you don't want to contact you?

[Dis]

There are a lot of men online who won't message a woman unless she is stunning. You don't want those guys, those guys are shallow.

 

So only shallow men go after stunning women???

 

Even if that stunning woman isnt shallow herself???

 

Doesnt make too much sense to me and IME, isnt true at all

[Springsummer]

Omg...I didn't know what I was thinking...

 

the profile will be deleted.

[JuneL]

I posted a fake photo. a couple of guys who contacted me I actually know in real life...so you know why. I don't want to put myself out there when I almost know for certain I can't find the one online.

 

 

To be honest, he was nice enough to waste more than 15 mins of his time with someone who had blatantly used a fake photo. If your motive was not wanting the people you know in real life to see you online, then you should at least offer to send him a real picture of yourself before wasting his time further.

 

And I don't understand this idea of not wanting people you know in real life to see you online, either. I had a brief stint of a few weeks on OLD, and there was this guy without a picture who sent me message; his lame excuse was that he was in a very senior position at his job and didn't want those younger folks working for him to see him online. I could only assume he was married. If his feelings were so fragile, how did he manage to be at such a senior position?