ItsAllConfusing Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I'm on this dating site. Every guy that likes me I'm not attracted to. This got me thinking that maybe I'm ugly. None of the guys I liked liked me back. When one did like me back I had taken my pictures down. When I put them back up and messaged him again he apologized and said he wasn't looking for a relationship but that he'd like to get to know me as friends. I just took that as you're just too ugly for me so I told him that's ok. I never get approached. I'm trying to put myself out there but I get the same responses. I will be getting a makeover but I wanted to attract a man that liked me for me and not my made up self. At 30 and a mom of 1I'm already discouraged and I'm trying to come to terms with being below average I guess. Its hard to think that I'll be alone but maybe as a mom of I should be focused on financial stability and my kid's happiness. I did everything backwards. Most my age are finding love and settling down. Does it seem like I'm not attractive and should I take the profile down? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 The good news is that there is likely absolutely nothing wrong with you. The bad news is that this experience with OLD is not unusual. It will take time and persistence, and everybody would like to date somebody slightly more attractive than they are. It's very easy to give into that temptation in OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 The unfortunate truth is: everyone is entitled to their preferences. There have been plenty of men I've found very attractive who took a pass on me, and that's cool. I've done it myself, too. OLD is a crap shoot. It took me 3 years to find someone--granted, I didn't visit the site for long stretches of time. You should already be about the financial business for you and your child--it shouldn't be an afterthought even if you were married to your child's father. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I don't think you should take down the profile. But do you have any friends that could set you up with one of their friends? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I think you should lose the attitude about looks because how you meet people is how you look about 90 percent of the time. They can get used to your natural self after you're married if you don't take pride in looking your best. If you want to find the best one you can get, you better present your best self, get a makeover, update your clothing and shoes, save your sweats, hoodies, and thongs for when you're at home alone. Get your crap back together, in other words. This happens to most people who have kids young and then end up single. That said, put photos on social media that you took within the last 3 months and ones that are from every angle and show what you really look like or else you will be disappointed over and over again if you present a photo that flatters you because the date will be disgusted when he meets you. It narrows it down to who thinks you are attractive and won't waste as much of your time or theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I can't say if whether or not its the case with your misfortune and I know nothing of OLD, but just in real life, I am often amazed at the type of women that show interest...I won't say its necessarily a disparity in looks, more like an obvious "square peg-round hole" scenario.... It's flattering, but I gotta wonder what they are thinking.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Unrealistic expectations, or lookin to hook up....that's why. OLD is not the magic bullet you are looking for. If you have trouble getting dates irl, then OLD won't be much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I'm on this dating site. Every guy that likes me I'm not attracted to. This got me thinking that maybe I'm ugly. None of the guys I liked liked me back. When one did like me back I had taken my pictures down. When I put them back up and messaged him again he apologized and said he wasn't looking for a relationship but that he'd like to get to know me as friends. I just took that as you're just too ugly for me so I told him that's ok. I never get approached. I'm trying to put myself out there but I get the same responses. I will be getting a makeover but I wanted to attract a man that liked me for me and not my made up self. At 30 and a mom of 1I'm already discouraged and I'm trying to come to terms with being below average I guess. Its hard to think that I'll be alone but maybe as a mom of I should be focused on financial stability and my kid's happiness. I did everything backwards. Most my age are finding love and settling down. Does it seem like I'm not attractive and should I take the profile down? lets have a look...can you PM me links to your photos/profile? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) Okay, so I used to have this attitude as well. "Only the ones that I am not attracted to contact me...." I currently have 100+ ladies who would like to meet me. About 1 in 5 are those that I would consider attractive, but weeding down further, only 1 in 20 are actually ladies that I would seriously consider dating. I truly believe that we, by strength of societal, influence and brain-washing have this notion of what is and is not attractive and I'm willng to bet that the vast majority of us have a perception that falls within a nicely predictable range of what is considered attractive. So, we all want someone that looks attractive, but rarely do we ask ourselves, do I fit within that range? We all want to be with an attractive person. So, with all the people out there dating, the odds are that you are going to get a lot more people that do not fit in that 'range.' I suspect we all probably feel as you do. BUT... ...if you do get inquiries w/o your pic and once you do, they change their minds, I suspect that you don't fit in 'their' range of what attractive is. If I read your post correctly, you only did this once, so nowhere an indicator that that is what is going on. Was it a full body shot? Or just your face. That will reveal more. Were they (he) turned off by your face or your body or both. The reality is that people have different tolerances for what is attractive and what is not. You cannot blame people for that. You have a child. You had someone at one point who found you attractive enough to have sex, get physical with you, right? And you must have found him attractive, right? All in all, I don't wait for the most attractive women to contact me. I go to them and let my profile and my modest looks do what it can. I'm also a realist and don't try to over-compensate. Keep at it, improve yourself if you think that is what is needed and to the point where it is rational, healthy. OLD is a mess at times. Edited May 23, 2017 by simpleNfit Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Do you have on your profile that you have a child? It seems that most guys on OLD websites do not want to date someone with a child. It probably doesnt have a thing to do with your looks. Im sure you look just fine. Its probably not a bad idea to concentrate your life on your child and getting financially secure. Sometimes when you least expect it, you'll meet someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Its probably not a bad idea to concentrate your life on your child and getting financially secure. Sometimes when you least expect it, you'll meet someone. Oh, dear! I meant to address this! YES YES! Your first priority is to yourself and child! A woman who has her crap together is also very attractive! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I hope I don't offend here, but thought someone should say it. Please don't take this the wrong way, but, yeah, a lot of OLD is people scanning for people they find attractive. If you are not (no way of knowing, of course) then I think it's, I dunno, ironic that you say, "Every guy that likes me I'm not attracted to." So you seem to be admitting that you are judging guys on their appearance. Right? Of course you don't want to date somebody where there is absolutely no attraction. But don't be upset that you think guys won't date you because they don't find you attractive if you are using that criteria to judge them. What about these guys that like you that you are "not attracted to." Do you want to give them a shot? Maybe they have a great personality? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Does it seem like I'm not attractive and should I take the profile down? We cannot answer this question, of course. We have nothing to go on as to whether you are attractive or not. If you question is legit and you are not simply trolling, I would ask yourself, Do your friends, family compliment you? Have you ever been complimented on your attractiveness before? Or perhaps you are not being realistic about YOUR choice of men? So many possibilities and questions.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Are you aware of the hypocrisy in your post? You're complaining because you don't like the look of men who approach you.....yet you're worried that your own looks are stopping men being attracted to you. Do you believe in Karma? If so, perhaps be more open to guys who aren't necessarily what you hope for in looks and others may start doing the same for you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 ^ Plus she's not trying to look her best yet. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 old is a meat market.....what i have found is that a lot are looking for sex.....or seem to be with me....and i get overwhelmed and feel like crap when i get heaps of replies(tooo many is worse than a few) and they get agressive when you give them a no so ..yeah not a fan of old.....i guess i attract all types of men because i accept all types of men i dont really go by looks i go by interactions.....feelings i get... .i do not write guys off because they dont fit a mirror perception of someone elses definition of beauty......i have been out with men who are considered stunning men by others and had no idea why they liked me...but they did...they woudl tell me i was beautiful and i would laugh and tell them to get glasses or stop drinking.....and then i hugged them.... to tell the truth all guys i fall in love with are gorgeous.....they are gorgeous to me and i dont care what anyone else says..... if you open your mind.......and try to not care about visual perceptions and look a bit deeper than a surface view you will be surrpised how many men suddenly shine to you.....its rewarding and helps you to see....beyond the skin they are in.....i wish you well...deb Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Appearances are the first thing that catches someone's eye on OLD. There is a lot of competition out there so you should make sure you look your best. When I was on OKCupid, I was astonished at the number of messages I got from guys I did not find attractive. I liked Tinder better as only those I swiped right on that swiped right on me, too, could message me. Now, that being said, you should have a grasp of how attractive you are. Going off that you should be able to gauge the level of attractiveness that you can attract on OLD. If you look like a 4, I seriously wouldn't hold your breath waiting on that 8 to message you. I know this is all really shallow, but that's the basics of OLD. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 That's an old story: The ones you want don't want you, and the ones who do want you you don't want. Everyone else has this problem. Keep moving forward and hope against hope that it can happen for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Not everyone is attractive. But with the right chemistry, most can find people that fall head over heels for them. Men prefer the hourglass body shape. So if your apple or ruler or an inverted triangle shape- you will have a lot less male admirers. Even chubby hourglass women have the majority of interest from men when compared to slim and fit other body shapes. Do you have some nice features? I have a bad nose but nice eyes and lips- so i play up my attractive features! I am also a mild hourglass shape; so to feel empowered and attractive, I wear make up and clothing styles that make my eyes and lips stand out and that make my waist look smaller and hips look big...... I get loads of interest. I wouldn't get any, however, if i dressed in ill fitting clothes that hid my curves and made me boxy. Or went make up free. It is a cruel world and if you're not attractive to the majority then there are definitely ways to alter your relationship fate. If you sent pics I could advise you about what to wear and what make up may flatter you. I am average but have learnt to male myself above average to many men through correct fitting clothes and make up. All it takes is a few nice features.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Please do not take it to heart, i am 27 and been od for a while now. I been passed by many guys, down to looks and down to the fact i have a child but there are attractive guys who do like me as well. Same likely goes for you, keep at it.od not for weak hearted. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 You're fully cooperative with the same method that hurts you, while you hurting others in the same way. I won't attack OLD now, but just one example: How do you know you're not attracted to a man you haven't met? You judge people based on their photographing skills? In that case I'm an expert and can help almost anybody to improve their photos for rate of 400%. It's unbelievable how people cooperate with an unproductive methods, which do not do any good. Unbelievable! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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