Things were going so well, then poof, she dropped the bomb

[CoolJoe]

Connected with a girl on Tinder nearly 2 weeks ago. We had a lot of common interests and we were hitting it off super well. Broke a few dating "rules" such as not overtexting. But she initiated texting 95% of the time and we would text back and forth for hours at a time. For example, one Saturday we texted from 10 PM to 1 AM. It was insane but the flow was going.

 

Met her last last Sunday and met her best friend and sister as well. Weird, I know, but it was a smash success. I made them laugh and afterward my Tinder date texted me seeking assurance. "Hey am I what you thought I would be?" etc.

 

This past week she was telling me her sexual fetishes. She also told me to clear my calendar on a certain date next month so we could go to this convention together. She also suggested we go skydiving and to an amusement park this summer. In other words, she was investing in our relationship's future.

 

I thought it was clear that she saw me as a potential boyfriend. We set up a date for last night. My goal was to kiss her at the end just to show her I was into her. We went to a cafe and then saw a movie. After the movie I drove her back and walked her to her door. We hugged and then I peeled back while keeping my arms around her small back. I confidently leaned in and we had an awkward first kiss. Right away I knew it was weird because as I went in she closed her eyes and made a weird face like "Oh my gosh what's he doing?!"

 

I didn't get a good night or "I had fun!" text from her that night, so I knew something was off. Nor did I get a good morning text. So earlier this afternoon I texted her and asked if my kissing her caught her off guard.

 

Her response was "Kinda. I wasn't OK with that kiss. I'm afraid I can't talk with you anymore, not even as friends. I'm sorry."

 

I was absolutely stunned. I knew the kiss was awkward but I was positive she was into me by all the future plans we made, all the texting and ALL THE ARM TOUCHING SHE DID TO ME LAST NIGHT IN PERSON ON THE DATE. Made her laugh a few times and she'd playfully hit my arm. At one point on the date I even groaned playfully at something silly she did and she said "Don't worry, you'll get used to it and learn to put up with it... *evil grin*"

 

So I replied, "It's OK, I respect that. But before we part ways, can you at least tell me from your point of view what killed it for you so much as to end it completely? I wish you the best."

 

No response yet. WOW.

 

This girl seemed to be into me. Initiating texts. Making future plans. Hitting me on the date. Telling me her sexual fetishes, even. All of a sudden, an awkward first kiss and she runs away? Was I that bad, or does she have issues of her own here? I like to believe it's the latter, although for sure I'm taking some lessons from this experience.

 

So weird how she completely did a 180 on me. I don't really get it.

 

Thoughts?

[CoolJoe]

Sometimes, you just have to let things go. This is one of those times. No one here knows why she reacted the way she did. Heck, she might not even 100% understand it herself. You will likely never know. What matters is, she isn't trying to continue things with you. I know it sucks, but you just have to move on.

 

True. It is, as your username states, an enigma.

 

I also want to clarify that there was NO tongue. It was just a dry awkward peck.

 

Moving on. Just when I think I am on the right track, life throws me a loop.

 

On the bright side I am using all this new free time to better myself. Put on weight while I knew her will return to the gym hardcore.

[phineas]

c'mon man, it was two weeks not two months.

if I posted about every online woman who bailed on me after two or tree weeks without warning.....

 

Way too invested too soon.

 

If a woman don't want to kiss me i don't even bother contacting her after.

If she contacts me after i don't even have to act like i'm loosing interest.

Because i am and if they don't make an effort to get it back.......

[selinaluv]

I know many people on this site reference the men "love bombing" and moving fast upfront with the texting and intimate talking (lord knows I have experienced it), but I imagine women do it all the time also. I am thinking that what happened here.

 

I admit I was guilty of it recently, where I thought I was into someone before meeting. We texted, flirted, and talked on the phone.

 

When we met his photos were not accurate to who he was. I was put off, but tried to give it a go. When he tried to kiss me at the end of the date, it just did not happen for me and I told him when he tried for a second date.

 

I felt guilty for the flirting upfront and realized I won't do it again. Mistake noted. The same could have happened here. She thought she was into it and then changed her mind.

[Ami1uwant]

been thee....had these weird events where they just poof on you or send you mixed signals like they act is if they are into you then do that.

 

Move on. her loss.

 

I once had a really good first date. We had a decent kiss (or couple) at the end. Then in a few days she poofed. likely it was because she went back with a guy she was with.

[mightycpa]

It was only awkward because she didn't want the kiss. Had she wanted it, one quick adjustment and everything would have been ok.

 

Two possibilities:

 

1) you judged the signals correctly

 

or

 

2) you didn't

 

Either way it doesn't matter, because you cannot, should not judge future women by her behavior. This situation, like most, was unique. Generally, you're gut is going to be right, but you're not infallible. You were wrong. Big deal.

 

Forget about it, move on to the next one.

[Imajerk17]

You did nothing wrong, going by what you wrote that is. I mean, you were SUPPOSED TO go for the kiss given all the signs you were given. As far as her strong negative reaction to your kissing her after she came on so fast and furious, that's not normal. I even think you dodged a bullet. Maybe something major had happened on her end--e.g., past abuse--that made her act this way.

 

(Just to be clear, I'm not talking about not feeling it on the date and deciding the chemistry is not there. I'm not talking about someone changing her mind either. It happens all the time. But *blaming* a guy for going for the kiss after giving him all these signs DURING the date...Not cool.)

 

What the others said though--move on. And with the next girl, no sexting and meeting her friends/sister until AFTER you've been together w her.

Edited May 23, 2017 by Imajerk17

[CoolJoe]

You did nothing wrong, going by what you wrote that is. I mean, you were SUPPOSED TO go for the kiss given all the signs you were given. As far as her strong negative reaction to your kissing her after she came on so fast and furious, that's not normal. I even think you dodged a bullet. Maybe something major had happened on her end--e.g., past abuse--that made her act this way.

 

(Just to be clear, I'm not talking about not feeling it on the date and deciding the chemistry is not there. It happens all the time. But *blaming* a guy for going for the kiss after giving him all these signs DURING the date...Not cool.)

 

What the others said though--move on. And with the next girl, no sexting and meeting her friends/sister until AFTER you've been together w her.

 

Thanks, yeah I don't think I did anything wrong, given the context and history of our short time "together." It seemed like she was asking for a kiss to "seal the deal." It's crazy how when I think a girl wants it soon she actually wants it a little later, but when I think a girl wants it later she actually wants it sooner and thus loses interest. I'll never figure out the opposite sex....

 

As for meeting her bestie/sister until AFTER we've been together, I can agree. Only reason I said yes was because it was something new and I thought "What the hell it's time to switch things up." It actually oddly worked because her sister and bestie were approving of me. I know this because her bestie at the end said "wow, you and my boyfriend would be like best friends." That plus my date texting me after asking me all these things showing her insecurity showed me her interest level was high.

 

But yeah, I think I did dodge a bullet. She warned me on day 2 of our texting "I hope I don't scare you away...." it was odd as heck that she would say something like that. She has a sordid history. Been cheated on. Accused of being overly needy. etc. She's got some baggage but hey, don't we all? I gave her the benefit of the doubt and proceeded regardless. Last night shocked me to death. Never saw that reaction coming. I still can't believe it.

 

Feeling oddly relieved yet hurt at the same time. But I'll be fine.

 

Oh, and to the poster who suggested texting can skew things and once we meet up it may fall to meet people's expectations... we already met in person before our official first date. Sure things could have soured on the first date but it really went fine until the end where I kissed her.

 

Anyway, there's no use further dissecting this unless she replies to my text. It's weird but I got the feeling Sunday on the date that there was something "off" about her. Like maybe she suffers from bipolar or BPD. I know people who have that and the way she responded to certain topics triggered my bipolar/BPD alarm.

 

If she texts me back tomorrow doing a complete 180 again, I may have my answer, ha! If she does, I will tell her something along the lines of"Sorry, too late. I don't want to be with someone who switches on a dime like a fart in the wind. I gave you a chance. You decided to ruin it. Good luck with the next guy."

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, you barely know her. She could be seeing other guys, she could have an ex hanging around. The point is, don't waste your time worrying about it.

 

Two weeks is far too soon to be telling you to clear you calendar for a date next month. Likewise for making summer plans. You don't know each other well enough to be planning that far ahead and that shouldn't be seen as "investing." It's not. It's getting caught up in a moment.

[healing light]

Of course, no one will know for sure, but the first thing that popped into my head upon reading this was maybe she has some kind of sexual trauma in her past. Unless your breath smelled like rotten eggs, I can't think of another reason that she would be so off put as you were leaning in (your post made it sound like you saw the hesitation in her expression before your lips met) given everything you detailed. This probably has very little to do with you.

 

I think it's highly unlikely that you will run into a similar situation again.

[CoolJoe]

Of course, no one will know for sure, but the first thing that popped into my head upon reading this was maybe she has some kind of sexual trauma in her past. Unless your breath smelled like rotten eggs, I can't think of another reason that she would be so off put as you were leaning in (your post made it sound like you saw the hesitation in her expression before your lips met) given everything you detailed. This probably has very little to do with you.

 

I think it's highly unlikely that you will run into a similar situation again.

 

Here's where it gets even more bizarre. The day before she initiated a conversation about her sexual fetishes. That is NOT something you discuss to that depth with simply a platonic friend of the opposite sex. She also told me her weakness = amazing kisses. She said an amazing kisser will lead her to want to explore more.

 

Not sure about what sexual trauma she's been through, but I know she's been cheated on and I know she enjoys sex and kissing. I ate a breath mint before and offered her one on the ride home. I thought it was a subtle sign to let her know I was going to be going for a smooch.

[waltereed]

Yeah she sounds like a nut. You probably dodged a bullet. Move on, forget about her. There are many more kooks to wade through before you find one who is right for you. Some day you will look back and laugh.

[J21]

I've had one or two "awkward first kiss" before. Usually if they are into you, they try to do a redo. Awkward kiss or not, if she were into you she'd try to get a second go at it.

 

She wasn't that interested man. Either that, or she has a bf and they were on break. Now feels like she cheated on him because you kissed her.

 

Sounds like a stretch but stranger things have happened.

[SwordofFlame]

Don't ever ask for feedback after a woman rejects you. Odds are it won't even be honest feedback and even if it was, you couldn't apply that to all women anyway.

[CoolJoe]

I've had one or two "awkward first kiss" before. Usually if they are into you, they try to do a redo. Awkward kiss or not, if she were into you she'd try to get a second go at it.

 

She wasn't that interested man. Either that, or she has a bf and they were on break. Now feels like she cheated on him because you kissed her.

 

Sounds like a stretch but stranger things have happened.

 

Good point. It's possible she was still seeing someone but was taking it slowly with me. I doubt it, but possible. At any rate, not like any of it matters at this point.

 

I do believe I dodged a bullet, though. So in hindsight, I'm glad I went for the kiss on that first date.

[hercules22]

at least it was only 2 weeks you will easily forget her and she wont occupy your mind