lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Met him two weeks ago from OLD. He said he only wants FWB and I agreed. He seemed very busy and I know he is seeing other girl/girls. During our two meetings things went ok, at least there was lots of laughter. After the second time we met, I texted him at noon and told him I enjoyed meeting with him... He texted me back like half day later, so I guess wasn't very interested. In our texts conversation, I told him I would get attached easily to be with some nice guy like him. Then he told me he likes me. He started to ask me how many guys I have slept with, saying that he was just curious, and also said something sweet like "you are all mine now". When I asked him back about how many girls he has been with, he told me that he only has had a few girlfriends but has been with many women. I then told him I only had one boyfriend before and I'm always single. That was my last text to him but he never replied, and it has been 3 days. We agreed to meet this weekend, but neither of us has contacted each other for the 3rd meeting. From my experience guys acting like that aren't interested. But why he talked like that in his texts? Was he trying to be nice? Just confused... He seems like a nice guy and I don't wanna lose him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 What do you mean you don't want to lose him? You don't have him. He is dating & sleeping with other women. He probably enjoys his time with you, hence the sweetness, but this guy has zero interest in monogamy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 What do you mean you don't want to lose him? You don't have him. He is dating & sleeping with other women. He probably enjoys his time with you, hence the sweetness, but this guy has zero interest in monogamy. I don't want to lose him as a FWB. I guess I would just move on because he doesn't really care about meeting me even it is no strings attached He told me when he is single he has slept with many women. But he said he never cheated on any of his ex-girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 I never called him a cheater. He's being up front about not wanting to be with only you. If you talked about FWB but still haven't met to enjoy those benefits, what are you doing? If it's just talking so far, you may need to give up because he doesn't seem interested in anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I never called him a cheater. He's being up front about not wanting to be with only you. If you talked about FWB but still haven't met to enjoy those benefits, what are you doing? If it's just talking so far, you may need to give up because he doesn't seem interested in anything. What you meant by benefits? If it was about sex yes we already had sex. The first time after sex he told me he only wants to be fwb. The second time after we met, when I told him I could get attached, he told me he likes me too but he wants to take things slow on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yea he doesn't sound like a player because he's been upfront, but he doesn't sound interested in more than a very casual sex/hangout type thing. It's probably best he's keeping a distance because you will "lose him" once he decides he wants to commit and it's not you. That will prob suck. It will be a new girl he doesn't tell he wants to be FwB with off the bat. Saying that, he basically told you "I'm here for sex whenever I want it but don't expect me to stick around". Edit: damn I didn't mean to click the thumb up sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 When you agree with a FWB, that means FWB, nothing more. It sounds like you arent mature enough to be able to handle a FWB situation. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 The title of your post says it all. If he's looking for friends with benefits, of course he is a player! That's ALL FWB is, playing! You clearly want a relationship, so why would you agree to FWB, which just means free unobligated sex and multi-dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 When you agree with a FWB, that means FWB, nothing more. It sounds like you arent mature enough to be able to handle a FWB situation. Yup. OP, you don't really want a FWB relationship, do you? You want him to continue being interested in you in the hopes that he picks you among the throng of other women he is sleeping with. I think he is bold to ask you how many guys you've slept with when he's slept with plenty himself (according to him). You are aware that he only wants you for sex, right? Just another conquest for him until he moves on or he has so many that you are not a priority at all. You want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) Yea he doesn't sound like a player because he's been upfront, but he doesn't sound interested in more than a very casual sex/hangout type thing. It's probably best he's keeping a distance because you will "lose him" once he decides he wants to commit and it's not you. That will prob suck. It will be a new girl he doesn't tell he wants to be FwB with off the bat. Saying that, he basically told you "I'm here for sex whenever I want it but don't expect me to stick around". Edit: damn I didn't mean to click the thumb up sorry That's ok(for the thumb up) He is the kind of guy I like. I'm ok with just FWB, but not sure why he would use the sweet talk. He isn't the type of guy who has to use sweet talk to get sex. He could just not reply me, not to give me any false hope. After the first time we met he was late so I rejected to meet him again. Then I initiated so we met for a second time. After that he never initiated to meet. During our second time meeting, he did mention our plans for this weekend. Then when I left his place, he said" we are going to meet this weekend"? But I said if we could meet Friday. He said he would talk about it with me the next day which never happened. What my guess is that this guy isn't really interested and is busy dating other girls. I think i'd just forget him. Edited May 14, 2017 by lily999 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 He is the kind of guy I like. I'm ok with just FWB, but not sure why he would use the sweet talk. He isn't the type of guy who has to use sweet talk to get sex.The sweet talk may not necessarily be an overt action on his part. For some people, especially those well practiced, it's simply second nature. He probably sweet talks the cashier at his grocery store. Bottom line, don't view sweet talk as a sign of interest or effort. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yup. OP, you don't really want a FWB relationship, do you? You want him to continue being interested in you in the hopes that he picks you among the throng of other women he is sleeping with. I think he is bold to ask you how many guys you've slept with when he's slept with plenty himself (according to him). You are aware that he only wants you for sex, right? Just another conquest for him until he moves on or he has so many that you are not a priority at all. You want that? I actually met him for fun the first time, no emotion, no effort. When he said he just wanted FWB only, I didn't really know why he would think I wanted a relationship with him. Maybe he was acting sweet to every of his conquest so they want something more? I'm ok with fwb. The point of my post is if he wants fwb only, he didn't need to talk like that to mislead me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) That's ok(for the thumb up) He is the kind of guy I like. I'm ok with just FWB, but not sure why he would use the sweet talk. He isn't the type of guy who has to use sweet talk to get sex. He could just not reply me, not to give me any false hope. [...]. I read the boards a lot and it's not unusual for guys who want casual sex to sweet talk/act boyfriendish with the little bit of time they allot you. They think they can do this because they already put down the rules they don't want anything serious. Just because you're FwB doesn't mean you have to be cold. How did he sweet talk you btw? Because just what you wrote doesn't sound sweet talk, really. Again, from hearing so many stories on here, it's also not unusual for a guy who only wants a woman for sex to not want her to sleep around. Not because they care, but because theyre selfish and they don't wanna share. Edited May 14, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I read the boards a lot and it's not unusual for guys who want casual sex to sweet talk/act boyfriendish with the little bit of time they allot you. They think they can do this because they already put down the rules they don't want anything serious. Just because you're FwB doesn't mean you have to be cold. How did he sweet talk you btw? Because just what you wrote doesn't sound sweet talk, really. Again, from hearing so many stories on here, it's also not unusual for a guy who only wants a woman for sex to not want her to sleep around. Not because they care, but because theyre selfish and they don't wanna share. He may not need to sweet talk every girl for sex, but guys learn fairly quickly if you want a certain "caliber" (for lack of better word) of girl, you gotta treat them with some respect Thanks for your comments. So next time when a guy sweet talk to me I won't over analyze. He would always say how cute I am, he would call me beautiful in texts...He also asked me how many guys I have slept with, and said that my number doesn't really matter to him since"you are all mine now" which I think is very sweet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Thanks for your comments. So next time when a guy sweet talk to me I won't over analyze. He would always say how cute I am, he would call me beautiful in texts...He also asked me how many guys I have slept with, and said that my number doesn't really matter to him since"you are all mine now" which I think is very sweet. Yea definitely! Don't make any assumptions based on what they say they say..not until they explicitly state they don't want FwB anymore and they want a relationship. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Yea definitely! Don't make any assumptions based on what they say they say..not until they explicitly state they don't want FwB anymore and they want a relationship. x Guys are confusing.... To me if I am not interested, I won't say anything like that Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 What you meant by benefits? If it was about sex yes we already had sex. The first time after sex he told me he only wants to be fwb. The second time after we met, when I told him I could get attached, he told me he likes me too but he wants to take things slow on that. He's not a player. Players are liars. You slept with this guy. You then started talking about getting attached. He advised you against that. You don't "take things slow" if you have already had sex. Taking things slow means getting to know the other person before sex. Here it's a polite way of telling you that any feelings you may develop will not be reciprocated. You want a BF. He wants a warm body when it's convenient. But I maintain that he's not a player because he never made you believe that he'd be the monogamous BF you want. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 That's ok(for the thumb up) He is the kind of guy I like. I'm ok with just FWB, but not sure why he would use the sweet talk. He isn't the type of guy who has to use sweet talk to get sex. He could just not reply me, not to give me any false hope. After the first time we met he was late so I rejected to meet him again. Then I initiated so we met for a second time. After that he never initiated to meet. During our second time meeting, he did mention our plans for this weekend. Then when I left his place, he said" we are going to meet this weekend"? But I said if we could meet Friday. He said he would talk about it with me the next day which never happened. What my guess is that this guy isn't really interested and is busy dating other girls. I think i'd just forget him. They ALL talk sweet in bed because they love SEX. And once you've agreed to be just sex to him, he is free to say whatever without fear of you thinking it means he wants a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 They ALL talk sweet in bed because they love SEX. And once you've agreed to be just sex to him, he is free to say whatever without fear of you thinking it means he wants a relationship. Actually he didn't talk this in bed with me. We talked about it by texts. Anyways I will just forget this guy. If he is slightly interested, he would contact to meet me this weekend as we talked before Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 he will probably contact you when he needs someone to have sex with. He is probably interested in that. But its tthe weekend and he's having fun and looking for new tail. Do you really want be his backup for when he's done looking for new chicks to bang and his options run dry? I think you're better than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Met him two weeks ago from OLD. He said he only wants FWB and I agreed. He seemed very busy and I know he is seeing other girl/girls. During our two meetings things went ok, at least there was lots of laughter. After the second time we met, I texted him at noon and told him I enjoyed meeting with him... He texted me back like half day later, so I guess wasn't very interested. In our texts conversation, I told him I would get attached easily to be with some nice guy like him. Then he told me he likes me. He started to ask me how many guys I have slept with, saying that he was just curious, and also said something sweet like "you are all mine now". . I don't understand you said you just wanted to be a FWB, then you turn around and tell him you would get attached then disheartened because he took half a day to get back to your text. You don't seem like you are looking for a FWB but a bf. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lily999 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 I don't understand you said you just wanted to be a FWB, then you turn around and tell him you would get attached then disheartened because he took half a day to get back to your text. You don't seem like you are looking for a FWB but a bf. It's not rare for someone to catch feelings for his or her fwb. At the beginning I was OK to be just fwb, then I started to like him. Doesn't necessarily mean I want him to be my boyfriend. It's not one sided thing, two have to agree to be in a relationship. If I can't handle it I will just move on. Not hard to understand Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 It's not rare for someone to catch feelings for his or her fwb. At the beginning I was OK to be just fwb, then I started to like him. Doesn't necessarily mean I want him to be my boyfriend. It's not one sided thing, two have to agree to be in a relationship. If I can't handle it I will just move on. Not hard to understand I realize that but it's only been 2 weeks and you've had a complete change of heart since you said you weren't looking for a relationship. He's probably as confused as I am. Obviously you like him or you wouldn't want to one of his FWBs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Isn't a FWB and player the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 It does sound to me OP that you are the one who is overanalysing and confusing things, even if it is in your own mind. 1. He didn't say anything to me that concludes he wants to be more than FWB. 2. If he wants to be more than FWB he will say so. We guys are direct like that. 3. I think the real issue is whether you can handle just being FWB w this guy. All this confusion and overthinking on your part makes me think you cannot. Link to post Share on other sites
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