jennj2481 Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 So I met a man off a dating site. We hit it off immediately. Decided we was looking for something but wanted to build a friendship first. So he didn't text me often but he was asking to see me every night. So we spent a lot of time together before we had sex. Even after we slept together we still spent a decent amount of time together. Now fast forward to last Friday. We went out to celebrate cinco de mayo. We had dinner n drinks and a lot of laughs. We went back to my house and he spent the night. The next morning I had to work so he left early. He texted me when he got home letting me know he reached home. Later on in the day I texted him asking him a question abt which mechanic he uses cause I'm trying to find a trustworthy one. He answered a few hours later and that ended our communication for that day. Like I said he isn't much of a texter and I had exams to study for so I didn't even notice. Sunday comes and no word from him. I didn't think much of it. Monday comes and still no word. He usually says something to me by now even if it's just good morning. So I text him and asked if everything is ok. No reply on Monday. Tuesday comes n goes and still no reply. So now I'm figuring he bailed. I see him online on WhatsApp. I see him online on the dating site so I know he's not dead. He just wasn't responding to me. So I'm like ok. I text him and say it wasn't that serious. If u wasn't interested anymore you could have simply said so. I thought something actually happened to you. Anyway, have a nice life. That was it. He responded (which surprised me) saying his best friend died and he needs some time. Now before I reply (if I do reply) does this sound credible to you guys? His best friend dies and he goes on a dating site... just sounds fishy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
ashy555 Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 Wow his best friend died... If he was lying he would be a real Ahole.. Just write a nice message saying you are sorry to hear etc and leave it at that. If he likes you he will come to you. In the meantime try and distract yourself with other things. Don't hassle someone who says they need space. It will only push them further. Keep you dignity, relax and leave him be. Like I said.. He will make contact if he is interested! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 (edited) Definitely send your condolences in case. That's a horrendous lie if it is one Edited May 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 All I would reply with is condolences and leave it at that. Him wanting to see you every night sounds a little bit pushy to me - easy way to 'get the appearance' of being closer than you are which could result in sex happening quicker than it would naturally have done. I think if he were feeling so into you he would have told you about the friend when he found out. Did he elaborate on how his friend died? if he is all consumed with it then he will have likely told you the reason he died rather than just that he died. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennj2481 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 Gemma UK. No he didn't elaborate. He just said he died. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 Gemma UK. No he didn't elaborate. He just said he died. That seems a bit weird, people usually elaborate - if it's a lie they often don't as they don't have details because it didn't happen. I'm no one for FB much but if you are friends on there maybe he has posted something? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 How old is his best friend? Was it an accident? If so, there would be something about it in your local news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaxMan Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 If he is ghosting, that is really the worst excuse ever. If he isn't, he'll come back to you when he's ready. Maybe he didn't want to be a burden with his grief and that's why he wasn't in touch. Also, I wouldn't read too much into seeing him on the dating app. It could be that he was on there just to distract himself and it didn't mean anything. Also, doesn't that also mean you're on there? Did that mean anything? Or maybe the app was just open in the background of his phone. I'd let that one go until you see him again and things progress. If you end up exclusive, then he needs to be off of there. But for now I wouldn't worry about it. I'd give him a week or two and see if he comes back around. If not, I might reach out one last time just to see if he's OK. Then I'd let it drop and leave it up to him to respond if and when he's ready. But I wouldn't wait forever. A few weeks and then I'd start to move on if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 Obviously you don't mean that much to him or he would have mentioned something. And he's lying for sure. People would say, oh you just don't lie about stuff like that, ....sure people do! This guy gave you a blow off like that because he is a damn coward to tell you it's over. Send you condolences and delete his number. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennj2481 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 If he is ghosting, that is really the worst excuse ever. If he isn't, he'll come back to you when he's ready. Maybe he didn't want to be a burden with his grief and that's why he wasn't in touch. Also, I wouldn't read too much into seeing him on the dating app. It could be that he was on there just to distract himself and it didn't mean anything. Also, doesn't that also mean you're on there? Did that mean anything? Or maybe the app was just open in the background of his phone. I'd let that one go until you see him again and things progress. If you end up exclusive, then he needs to be off of there. But for now I wouldn't worry about it. I'd give him a week or two and see if he comes back around. If not, I might reach out one last time just to see if he's OK. Then I'd let it drop and leave it up to him to respond if and when he's ready. But I wouldn't wait forever. A few weeks and then I'd start to move on if I were you.[/quote Thank you for the advice. I didn't think to see it this way Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 I think the only thing to do is text your condolences. If it's real, he'll hopefully come back around. I can understand not sharing something like this with someone new, as it's an awful lot for a new relationship, but at the same time, I think he should have said something. I had a guy drop off the planet, and I know he had some issues, but nothing required a full block, IMO. He was just gone. A couple months later he was back, and I think his behavior just kind of broke what we had, which was difficult in the first place. We got along well and I thought we were going somewhere, but our hours were opposite, so it was very hard to see each other, and there was an issue of distance, which wasn't the worst in the world, but it was a distance. In any case, once he got back in touch with me, he didn't make any huge efforts to see me, including falling asleep after we had loose plans to see each other that night. I texted him to ask him where he'd like to go. Texted him again asking what's going on. Still no attempts to get together following that, and I just officially ended it. If you think he's a keeper, or would like to put some more time in, just wait and see if he contacts you again. Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 Wow his best friend died... If he was lying he would be a real Ahole.. Just write a nice message saying you are sorry to hear etc and leave it at that. If he likes you he will come to you. In the meantime try and distract yourself with other things. Don't hassle someone who says they need space. It will only push them further. Keep you dignity, relax and leave him be. Like I said.. He will make contact if he is interested! This guy I went out with said his uncle died and had to go to a funeral. He even texted me saying "just to let you know everything's ok, just packing up stuff to have a yard sale of his things". Come to find out later, he never went out of town, nobody died, he was with his other girlfriend! I have little faith or trust in men I meet on OLD! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) I completely agree! No excuses surprise me much anymore. Still awful. Edited May 11, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
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