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So recently I met a man on online dating. I know it can be risky he lives in a town one hour away. Hes 35 and I am 32. Any ways we had an awesome time if you ask me. He is very sexual. We stayed up all night talking and then the next time we hungout we slept together.

 

We connected so well I must say it was amazing. I thought for both of us. I really felt a connection. He said so too and we continued talking . Then... about 3 days ago when I was at work I got a text from him saying your a great woman but I wanted to send you this text to say goodbye. I met a girl that lives 5 min from my house that also has kid and her and I are more sexually compatible. That hes on cloud 9 around her and thinks shes the one.

 

Well I was shocked couldnt even do my work... floored hurt stunned. I actually was in shock.

Then on the weekend I cried and... dealt with it but I still feel like pond scum. I feel aweful and I never ever saw this coming from him. Can anyone without being judgemental offer words of help? Will he be back when he realizes this woman isnt "the one". And why would he be so cruel and use words like that knowing it would hurt. To me it seemed super hasty to be ending things so quickly..when he really has no guaruntee of things working out with this person anyways

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What you have to realize is to him "the one" is "the one to have sex with." He doesn't care about the rest all that much. For now, it's about good sex and convenience. Clearly, he is all about the easy...

 

I'm sorry that happened and you got your hopes squashed. Don't fall that fast next time. Wait just a bit if you're wanting a real relationship and it filters out the vast number of ones who just are looking mostly for sex. You don't want him back.

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sweetgirl75

I can so relate to you. I want to tell you this. Please do not take this guy back because he will as in my case will contact you again when this relationship that he is in with her does not work out. I was dumb enough and did not respect myself enough to not keep taking this dude back. Please don't waste over a year trying to please a man that will never be yours like I did. What you need to do is block him from your phone, delete any pictures, do not look at his social media. You are stronger than you know. What you need to do is do No Contact. Day by day take it one day at a time. If he contacts you do not answer it. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done. It is still a daily struggle for me. You can do this. Online dating is always a challenge because they hide their true intentions. I hate you are going trough this. We will keep our heads held high and not look back. Do something nice for yourself. Get a mani/pedi, get that dress that you have your eye on and put a pretty smile back on your face. Men know what words to say. Real men make commitments. Losers make promises that they don't keep. This guy got what he wanted from you. I have been there. It hurts like hell.

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You are right it so does hurt... so is the guy that did this to you....a player as well?

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What you have to realize is to him "the one" is "the one to have sex with." He doesn't care about the rest all that much. For now, it's about good sex and convenience. Clearly, he is all about the easy...

 

I'm sorry that happened and you got your hopes squashed. Don't fall that fast next time. Wait just a bit if you're wanting a real relationship and it filters out the vast number of ones who just are looking mostly for sex. You don't want him back.

 

Thank you and your so right the one is convenient sex. Hell never be happy

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sweetgirl75

Yes he was but he disguised it so well. He was back and forth with he likes me a lot to falling in love then back to just like you. What was weird is that he wanted me to date other guys but got mad when I would start talking to one. He played so many mind games it was ridiculous. I guess I was the stupid fallback girl when other girls figured out his ways. He was very selfish and he was always looking out for himself.

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Well..... yeah you are probably a nice soft sensitive person like me. All you and I can do is leave these losers in the dust..... wait for a real man to come along. Men like these i am told feed on womans attentiom as something is missing inside themselves... when they arent getting the high of the attention anymore they need to feel it again...

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This guy was kind of the same I was onto his somewhat imconsistent behavior then hed be like oh.... I like you.so.much beautiful..... and "hun" player talk.

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I'm sorry that it didn't work out the way you may have hoped...

 

But, I agree that this man was more than likely looking for someone to have sex with, while you were probably looking for a partner.

 

Best he reveal himself now before you waste too much time and get too involved. Now, you can spend your time looking for the right man...

 

Best wishes.

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sweetgirl75

I am a nice soft sensitive woman. Yes we need to weed out the losers and wait for our prince charming to show us what real men are made of. I know some Moms and Dads raised their boys right. I know some may have been raised right but the ways of the world took over. I am glad I found this forum. It has helped me so much. It has helped me get out those suppressed feelings and sadness I had.

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This has helped me unbelieveably as well. We cant let them make us feel like its us...

Its player stuff

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sweetgirl75

I hate to know good women are treated like this but the support on here has really helped me. I had some days where I was so down and sad. That is so not me. I am known to be smiling and laughing all the time and no jackass is going to take my smile and my laugh anymore. He will meet my friend Karma and she's a beast!!!

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MountainGirl111

I just broke up with someone who is a hypersexual attention junkie. It didn't hurt as much when we finally broke up. It hurt more when we were still together and he didn't treat me right. He didn't like me talking to other guys either. But he sure enjoyed talking to other women. He lived by a double standard. Anything he did was perfectly justified.

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MountainGirl111
no jackass is going to take my smile and my laugh anymore.

 

Love this!!

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sweetgirl75
I just broke up with someone who is a hypersexual attention junkie. It didn't hurt as much when we finally broke up. It hurt more when we were still together and he didn't treat me right. He didn't like me talking to other guys either. But he sure enjoyed talking to other women. He lived by a double standard. Anything he did was perfectly justified.

 

Yes sounds just like my last relationship. He was in love with himself. His picture could be under narcissistic. Double standards are a thing with guys now days. Oh yes my ex justified treating me like crap. I have medical issues and he would not text for days even weeks. I could have been dead and gone. One red flag I ignored was he did not like to call me much. I was too much of an inconvenience. You can find you a good man now that he is out of your way

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MountainGirl111

Well, thx. I don't really consider him "out of the way" as it still hurts.It'll be awhile before I'm interested in anyone again...a long while....But he broke up with me in a sense every single time he belittled my feelings....it broke off a piece...and piece by piece by piece....until it chips away at how you feel about yourself and that emptiness you feel as you face the day : "alone" really ... I feel as though I have been "alone" for some time now as it ended up being mainly about getting his sexual needs met. Granted, I got my needs met too for a time. I really thought we were more about sex, though after all I invested. Maybe I was fooled all along. Our relationship started out not really about sex. That's how he got me.

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Mountain girlll and sweet girl so glad to hear from you. What hurts the most is that I have a good intuition and I am actually sure that we connected. We had a real special moment or moments and I know it wasnt just me. The conversation was amazing and... it was so natural.

 

Its too bad that he wants instant gratification but I am thinking when the excitement (how the beginning always is) wears off with this person.... that hell be back. But no words could make up for how bad ive been made to feel. Anyone been in a position where theyve been contscted again? And im so sorry mountain girl re the medical condition. Thats not a caring partner.

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sweetgirl75
Well, thx. I don't really consider him "out of the way" as it still hurts.It'll be awhile before I'm interested in anyone again...a long while....But he broke up with me in a sense every single time he belittled my feelings....it broke off a piece...and piece by piece by piece....until it chips away at how you feel about yourself and that emptiness you feel as you face the day : "alone" really ... I feel as though I have been "alone" for some time now as it ended up being mainly about getting his sexual needs met. Granted, I got my needs met too for a time. I really thought we were more about sex, though after all I invested. Maybe I was fooled all along. Our relationship started out not really about sex. That's how he got me.

 

I didn't mean to downplay out of the way if I did I am sorry. Yes I understand the breaking off piece by piece and all of my self respect was gone. I hate you feel like you were fooled. Some guys are really good at mind games like mine was. They can be really slick

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sweetgirl75
Mountain girlll and sweet girl so glad to hear from you. What hurts the most is that I have a good intuition and I am actually sure that we connected. We had a real special moment or moments and I know it wasnt just me. The conversation was amazing and... it was so natural.

 

Its too bad that he wants instant gratification but I am thinking when the excitement (how the beginning always is) wears off with this person.... that hell be back. But no words could make up for how bad ive been made to feel. Anyone been in a position where theyve been contscted again? And im so sorry mountain girl re the medical condition. Thats not a caring partner.

 

Me and my ex had a great connection. Everything seemed perfect at first. Yes my ex was about instant gratification also. Just remember when that number lights up on your phone you will get the feeling oh he missed me and oh he wants me now. Don't fall for it like I did. I was a fallback girl for over a year. I was fooled to think he wanted me. No he just wanted to not be alone. I wish I would have blocked his number a long time ago the first time he pulled his crap on me. Yes he will contact you but it will be up to you to respond or just say to hell with you jackass I am a lady and I deserve to be treated like one. When he runs out of his narcissistic harem and hits a blank wall he will be back. Be prepared for his crap. I used to be flattered when he contacted me but it was for no other reason for his ego stroke and a shag

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MountainGirl111

No apology needed. Well, I'm just an old mountaingirl afterall. Maybe I was meant to be alone and that's how I'll be happiest. Right now I think all men are interested in IS a piece of you know what. He'd say things like "I don't play mind games." Oh, really? For someone who "doesn't play mind games", he was really quite good at playing mind games.

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Oh they alllll say they dont play games and they allll do and they actually like when you play them as well.

 

The narcissitic harem is more about him than you though know that.

 

I dont think guys like that can love anyone.... or connect to anyone. They get too addicted to the chase. The excitement of a new relationship.. then when that relationship fizzles.... the attention shifts elsewhere.

 

In my case I happen to be hurt though because I did notice he has Not gone on his dating profile since he met this girl... hes probably taken with her but.. who knows for how long.

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sweetgirl75

Yes I kind of like my company right now. No drama and no crap to put up with. Of course they are. Freaking jerks!!! Yep I heard that line too. They are the ones who play them. I voiced concern with him about problems with players and of course he said oh I'll never do that. He was so unsupportive when I was sick. I can take care of myself but I like a little TLC every now and then. He will meet my friend Karma and she is a beast!!!

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sweetgirl75
Oh they alllll say they dont play games and they allll do and they actually like when you play them as well.

 

The narcissitic harem is more about him than you though know that.

 

I dont think guys like that can love anyone.... or connect to anyone. They get too addicted to the chase. The excitement of a new relationship.. then when that relationship fizzles.... the attention shifts elsewhere.

 

In my case I happen to be hurt though because I did notice he has Not gone on his dating profile since he met this girl... hes probably taken with her but.. who knows for how long.

 

I can understand your hurting. He never took his profile down when he was seeing me but he just treated me like a FWB which I will never ever do again. If they can't commit I'm letting that pony run. I don't think Ill do anymore online dating. I saw one dude was a sex offender yikes!!!

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MountainGirl111
Oh they alllll say they dont play games and they allll do and they actually like when you play them as well.

 

The narcissitic harem is more about him than you though know that.

 

I dont think guys like that can love anyone.... or connect to anyone. They get too addicted to the chase. The excitement of a new relationship.. then when that relationship fizzles.... the attention shifts elsewhere.

 

In my case I happen to be hurt though because I did notice he has Not gone on his dating profile since he met this girl... hes probably taken with her but.. who knows for how long.

 

Oh, I think they can 'connect', but it is usually not a lasting, deep connection and it is usually rooted in flesh/ego/sex. That all tends to fade. For some that is satisfactory enough, but for many: not.

 

Yep. Narcissistic supply chain. All narcissists have to have one. Do you want to be part of a supply chain? No, I don't think so. Just another link in the chain. What a dreary thing, dearie. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love your heart and soul and respect what you do besides what you do to fulfill them sexually. It can be so much better, I know it can.

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GunslingerRoland

Don't date people that live an hour away. There is no more chance of it working out than there is with someone local.

 

And just be happy that you learned what kind of guy he is now, rather than later.

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