MajesticUnicorn Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 The title kind of says it all. We have such a wide variety of people on here - of all ages. At age 22, I realize that there is SO much I don't know know about relationships. I know I always benefit from getting feedback for those of us who are more seasoned and have more experience. So, what would you tell your younger self, or anyone for that matter who is younger and struggling to find meaningful relationships? I'm still thinking on what I would tell myself...I know I have changed heaps from age 17 when I started dating to now, so I can only imagine how much I'll continue to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Telemachus Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Never get into a relationship with someone you don't like or love just to get sex. It isn't worth it. Don't marry anyone expecting that he/she will change in a certain way. It won't happen. Being alone is better than staying in an abusive relationship. Most of all: what matters most is to be able enjoy each other's conversation into old age, for all else is transitory. That's from Nietzsche. Trust is the foundation of any good human relationship, but good conversation (in addition to trust) is the foundation of any good romantic relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I am 51. If I could send a message to myself it would say: Please do not marry the first man to give you a bit of attention, learn about healthy relationships and seek one till you find it. Know how to recognize abuse and manipulation. Date, date, date and do not settle till you reach at least late 20s and are fully financially independent. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bt_way Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 When I was younger I would keep leaching onto my relationship. I realised that not only letting go, but keeping doors open was very important. Every relationship.. is a special learning experience. I have personally watch my little brother hold off on relationships because of fear possibly. Relationships help you grow. You learn so much about yourself and other people. You are challenged and have incentive to care for someone besides yourself. Keep going.. don't leach. Every relationship and person you met becomes apart of who are become https://www.instagram.com/bt_way/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Don't be afraid to speak your mind, even if there are possible consequences like the relationship ending. Don't fear breakups. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 - Don't try to assume who may be interested in you, you may never know. - Your type in women is smart & horny, a lot of other things are negotiable. - Don't assume you have to approach her, she may approach you. - Have fun and don't overthink. - if in doubt ask her out. Always talk to her. - You are far more charming than you thought you were. - The kinkiest women are Catholic. - Sex is getting better during the first few years of a relationship. - People have the most emotional relationship with their money. Take care of finances. - The house/apartment is a symbol of the relationship, take care of it. - Let a lot of things go, they don't matter. Pick a few principles and stick by them. - Jealousy is a useless emotion. I'm glad you got rid of it at that early age. - Stay with the woman who makes you happy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 - Don't try to assume who may be interested in you, you may never know. - Your type in women is smart & horny, a lot of other things are negotiable. - Don't assume you have to approach her, she may approach you. - Have fun and don't overthink. - if in doubt ask her out. Always talk to her. - You are far more charming than you thought you were. - The kinkiest women are Catholic. - Sex is getting better during the first few years of a relationship. - People have the most emotional relationship with their money. Take care of finances. - The house/apartment is a symbol of the relationship, take care of it. - Let a lot of things go, they don't matter. Pick a few principles and stick by them. - Jealousy is a useless emotion. I'm glad you got rid of it at that early age. - Stay with the woman who makes you happy. Especially agree with the bolded. I would add "Always show up as your best self. Be her rock and the voice of reason. Don't let her mood dictate yours. And read Corey Wayne's book...many times". Although women will leave you for reasons outside of your control, the hardest thing to get over is learning what you were responsible for that could have easily been changed. Be yourself, but be the best you that you can be. If it's not accepted, let them go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 If you think you want to have kids, do it earlier rather than later because you don't have as much time as you think. If he can't commit, walk away earlier. You can't make somebody love you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 It's a cliche, but you can't be happy in a relationship until you are happy alone first. Don't expect someone else to be the key to your happiness, as that is a recipe for dissatisfaction. Don't expect anyone else (even a romantic partner) to fulfill your dreams for you. You are responsible for your own happiness, whether you are in a relationship or not. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 To my younger self: When someone shows you who they are believe them. Don't date a man much older than you, it's a waste of time. Never settle. To younger women: 20s and below. I am in this category but I feel people date most in this age bracket: Don't date much older men no matter how nice he treats you or how much money he spends on you. Even if you love each other, 99% probability it's not going to work out in the end. And you're wasting your youth. Don't stay in a relationship that makes you miserable just because you love them, love is NOT enough. Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket, date a variety of men. Don't settle. Men come and go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lionlover1973 Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Don't spend your entire youth in a relationship. Rather, youth is the time for discovering yourself and solidifying identities. (i.e. learn how to be happy on your own first and foremost through achieving proper independence). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 The title kind of says it all. We have such a wide variety of people on here - of all ages. At age 22, I realize that there is SO much I don't know know about relationships. I know I always benefit from getting feedback for those of us who are more seasoned and have more experience. So, what would you tell your younger self, or anyone for that matter who is younger and struggling to find meaningful relationships? I'm still thinking on what I would tell myself...I know I have changed heaps from age 17 when I started dating to now, so I can only imagine how much I'll continue to change. This is also what I'm telling my 21 year old niece: Be happy and content with who you are because you'll be spending most of your time with yourself Don't live in the future If the guy is treating you like you're an option, lose him and move on Develop your own interests and your own mind Own your voice and speak up for yourself Learn self defense Don't let anyone insult your intelligence or sanity by gaslighting you. End things at the first sign of that. If something they say hurts your feelings and they chide you for not being able to take a joke or other negging tactics, leave them where they stand, call an Uber and go home and block them on the ride home. Never justify yourself to anyone who treats you like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spice Girl Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 Kindness is a two-way street so don't be taken advantage of. If someone seems too good to be true, they generally are. Get out more! If someone uses your vulnerabilities against you, run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 What I would say to my younger self (I am 42 now, btw): It's not going to be easy. There are not a lot of good people in the world and you don't know how many "not good" people there are. OLD for the most part is a waste of time. Realize that the first man you are ever "with" in that special way is not The One for you. There is a difference between love and sex but you don't know it yet and will find out the hard way. Don't let someone emotionally or verbally abuse you. Don't settle, don't assume because two things are alike that they are going to work. Don't rebound. Recognize a weak man or a loser sooner. Keep moving forward no matter what happens, personally and professionally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 Don't force things. Don't put her on a pedestal. Don't be a p***y. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 you are beautiful......you deserve to be loved as much as you love.......you are not a sex toy.......you will always be beautiful ....your type of beauty will not fade.....someone one day will aprreciate the person that you are without sex on the table or under it.......be with that person date that guy,have sex later......like after marriage.....and when you dont do this because you think that everyone should be given chances and you know best......appreciate the children and be there for them always.dont ever wait fiteen years before givign an ultimatum.......go to hospital when you are sick.....always trust your intution and follow your heart....words mean everything to you but to some guys..they are just things to be said to get what they want....always believe words ar beautiful...regardless.......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 This is a great thread! Dont be afraid of pain and disappointment. This is how you learn and grow. Prolong the honeymoon phase for as long as possible - don't rush into moving in together. Live a fulfilling life outside the relationship (ie catch up and do things with your friends, pursue career goals and your own hobbies.) Most importantly - choose a partner who respects you greatly and places you high on his priorities. Things like common interests and attractiveness - these don't matter much at the end of the day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 5, 2017 Share Posted May 5, 2017 If you get "stuck" on someone and it's not as mutual as you hope it will become, make yourself just continue to date other guys. Just waiting and being available only makes you less interesting. Show you are busy and have options and maybe his respect for you and possibly even desire will go up an iota -- and even if it doesn't, well, you're not wasting time on him at least. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Don't spend your entire youth in a relationship. Rather, youth is the time for discovering yourself and solidifying identities. This for me pretty much. You are 22. Go live life and have fun. Serious relationships can wait. Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Teenage Years: You're doing well. However, don't stay on the phone so long with boys. You tend to fantasize and make boys into something they are not. Be more firm in your no and don't feel bad about it. Don't lead boys on. 20s: If you want to break up with the older guy, DO IT! Listen and read the signs that something isn't right. Do not settle. Stop communication with RG, you have far too much going for you to waste time on him. He knows your better than he. 30s: Learn from your past choices and where they led you. Finally learn to love yourself more than wanting a relationship work.You are so much more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 I would tell my younger self to start writing a book on how to date. Seems so simple to me and so absurdly difficult for some. Not sure if it's that I'm so smart or that some folks are just so s...well, you get my point. Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Very simply put: Stop settling!! Link to post Share on other sites
avvril3000 Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Don't stay with him just because he is a nice guy. It doesn't make him the right guy. Don't believe he loves you even if he says it yet treats you terribly. Leave if you are not happy. Don't put so much energy into something that just won't ever work. Listen to your gut more. Link to post Share on other sites
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