Do opposites attract & similars repel?

[avoforastig]

I am dating two women, both who are radically different.

 

Woman A, I've been dating for a little over a month. The physical attraction is overwhelming. She has a perfect body. We have pleasant conversations. She is kind of a smart-ass/snarky, atypically for a woman. She is kind of a basic betch on the high maintenance side. She is a pretty bad kisser despite her being hot to trot. She is kind of conservative and I'm kind of progressive. We are pretty opposite, but I still find her insatiably attractive.

 

Woman B, we have been on two dates. Our personalities, political views, apartment contents, cadence/voice, and views are unbelievably similar. She is not as physically attractive as woman A, but attractive enough. Woman B is also a much better kisser. We seem super compatible. However, I find myself wondering, are we too similar? The conversation seems a bit flat at times as we are both super laid back and progressive. We both are chill and have a somewhat monotone voice, lol. Is this good or bad?

 

I feel really conflicted here as I realize I can't continue dating woman A too much longer without exclusivity.

 

My question then poses: Is it better to be with an opposite person or a person who is very similar?

Edited May 1, 2017 by avoforastig

[preraph]

I think you're just blinded by the hot body. Not exactly anything to stake your future on since people age.

 

I haven't seen that it's one way or the other. I think people need to have some common interests or goals and ethics. But exploring other people can make you expand your views too. So just have fun.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Do opposites attract & similars repel?

 

My experience is that people who are different from one another have a MUCH more difficult time maintaining a relationship. I am speaking of expectations, hobbies, goals, etc. not temperament. I do believe such notions evolve from the idea that people of different 'temperaments' can have a moderating effect on one another.

 

You get two very stubborn, so-called A-type personalities in the same household and you get a lot of turbulence. But, if you get two level-headed personalities and you may find near 'relationship nirvana'.

[Tressugar]

Opposites do attract in a complimentary sort of way. Similarities can be at times mundane and predictable.

 

You can't have two queen bees ruling the same house/hive there has to be someone who's going to play an underling.

[Hopeful30]

It's better to be with the person who brings out the best in you. Doesn't matter if they are similar or not. What matters is who you feel better with, and feel like a better man around.

[avoforastig]

I think you're just blinded by the hot body. Not exactly anything to stake your future on since people age.

 

I haven't seen that it's one way or the other. I think people need to have some common interests or goals and ethics. But exploring other people can make you expand your views too. So just have fun.

 

This is really tough.

 

Woman A is pretty much my dream girl appearance wise. She also seems to think I'm funny, which is nice as she laughs frequently. There just seems to be a better chemistry to the conversations since we are different in some ways. I will admit that I'm not sure that my friends would like her as she is definitely very different than them or me for that matter.

 

Woman B is so similar to me things seem a little stale at times. I would have no hesitation asking her to hang out with my friends as she seems like she would fit right in. She seems super low maintenance and actually enjoys drinking beer and watching sports. Our personalities/affect/voices are so similar it's kind of weird actually. She definitely is not as hot as woman A. In fact, I'd say she is teetering on the minimum attractiveness level. She is more of a Tom-boy type while woman A is very feminine and has amazing style. Woman B has also mentioned her ex-boyfriend in passing a couple times which makes me wonder if she is still hung up on him and just testing the field again. She didn't indicate she was hung up, but mentioning the existence of an ex after 1-2 dates seems like a red flag.

 

I know looks can fade but physical attraction.

 

I haven't done the best in the past picking a compatible mate so I'm really feeling sick about this. Any advice?

[carhill]

1. What's the goal?

 

2. If the goal is a long-term partner to have a family with, choose C, none of the above. If you can date 2 women at the same time, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

 

3. If the goal is learning your attraction and relationship style and enjoying socializing, continue on the present path. Be aware that you may make choices you later wish you had made differently. That's OK. It's being human. Learn from them.

 

More generally, the opposites and similars thing is really individual. We're all wired by genetics differently and we're all socialized differently and integrated into peers differently.

 

IMO, it boils down to compatibility. Two people being on the same page about the opposites/similars thing with their attraction and relationship styles. I wouldn't offer a blanket opinion.

[GunslingerRoland]

Well you've clearly disproved the premise of the title with these two women. You don't sound very into #1 in-spite of her being gorgeous.

 

I think some personality traits can counterbalance in certain couples, but in general I don't think opposites, especially to key believes is a good foundation for a relationship.

 

But your lack of physical attraction to #2 sounds like it might be a stumbling block. You'll have to really put some thought into if it's something you can live with. Because if seeing her at her presumably best (out on a date) she's your bare minimum wait until you've been dating for a while and you see her, at her more raw moments.

[Silverstring]

For long term relationships, similarities play a much more important role. In fact, if couples "grow together" (i.e. grow more similar as time goes on), they have a much greater chance of staying together.

 

Attraction on the other hand is very different. In the early stages, opposites will often attract because the other person has such difference views and ideas and worldview that it's interesting and exciting just being with the. That fades though, and there's rarely much left over to keep the relationship sustainable..

 

I think you should dump them both personally. Try to find an "inbetweener". Someone that's close to the looks of #1 (although not as high maintenance) and closer to the personality of #2 (but maybe not so masculine / tom boyish).

[preraph]

This is really tough.

 

Woman A is pretty much my dream girl appearance wise. She also seems to think I'm funny, which is nice as she laughs frequently. There just seems to be a better chemistry to the conversations since we are different in some ways. I will admit that I'm not sure that my friends would like her as she is definitely very different than them or me for that matter.

 

Woman B is so similar to me things seem a little stale at times. I would have no hesitation asking her to hang out with my friends as she seems like she would fit right in. She seems super low maintenance and actually enjoys drinking beer and watching sports. Our personalities/affect/voices are so similar it's kind of weird actually. She definitely is not as hot as woman A. In fact, I'd say she is teetering on the minimum attractiveness level. She is more of a Tom-boy type while woman A is very feminine and has amazing style. Woman B has also mentioned her ex-boyfriend in passing a couple times which makes me wonder if she is still hung up on him and just testing the field again. She didn't indicate she was hung up, but mentioning the existence of an ex after 1-2 dates seems like a red flag.

 

I know looks can fade but physical attraction.

 

I haven't done the best in the past picking a compatible mate so I'm really feeling sick about this. Any advice?

 

Do you get tired of being around woman B? I mean, do you have enough of a rapport that you can see yourself sitting around the living room with your children? Or do you think you'd take her too much for granted because there isn't enough there to keep the conversation going?

 

On woman A, the hot one, envision yourself after she's had kids and gains 50 pounds. Can you see yourself sitting around the living room with her still having plenty to talk about and finding her interesting and attentive, or is the bubble going to burst once she ages and puts on baby fat, as women mostly always do?

 

Finally, do both women A and B want the same type future you do? Kids? How soon? No kids? Does one like going out more than sitting around, and which one of those is the best match for you, active or couch potato? Which one is more flexible about plans and things, easy to please?

 

And probably most important is how do her ethics line up with yours? In other words, compare how you are to how both of them are. Example would be honesty. If each of you found a wallet with money in it and an ID, would all of you return it or would one of you take the money and run? And of course, parenting style later down the road is about ethics and intelligence too. Are you on the same page with either of them about disciplining kids? Are you on the same page about spending money and accruing debt?

 

I think you have to get to know the hot one better before you even know if you're actually compatible.

Edited May 1, 2017 by preraph

[avoforastig]

Do you get tired of being around woman B? I mean, do you have enough of a rapport that you can see yourself sitting around the living room with your children? Or do you think you'd take her too much for granted because there isn't enough there to keep the conversation going?

 

On woman A, the hot one, envision yourself after she's had kids and gains 50 pounds. Can you see yourself sitting around the living room with her still having plenty to talk about and finding her interesting and attentive, or is the bubble going to burst once she ages and puts on baby fat, as women mostly always do?

 

Finally, do both women A and B want the same type future you do? Kids? How soon? No kids? Does one like going out more than sitting around, and which one of those is the best match for you, active or couch potato? Which one is more flexible about plans and things, easy to please?

 

And probably most important is how do her ethics line up with yours? In other words, compare how you are to how both of them are. Example would be honesty. If each of you found a wallet with money in it and an ID, would all of you return it or would one of you take the money and run? And of course, parenting style later down the road is about ethics and intelligence too. Are you on the same page with either of them about disciplining kids? Are you on the same page about spending money and accruing debt?

 

I think you have to get to know the hot one better before you even know if you're actually compatible.

 

Thanks for giving me a lot to think about. It's tough, the conversation with B is solid and we definitely seem to have more similar interests. Lady A is definitely more attractive and there is sort of a better chemistry there. Lady A reminds me of a couple of other women I dated in the last, which makes me hesitant. Lady A is def more of a home body and I'm a person who likes a heavy dose of social time on the weekend. Lady B just doesn't have much sex appeal visually. I wouldn't say Lady A is high maintenance, she seems easy to please, but she does def care more about her appearance. I'm no oremadonna but I do make an effort to look physically appealing as I appreciate the effort from women.

 

Obviously, I don't know too much about either one at this point but in summary, woman A is beautiful and we have a nice banter. Woman B is super compatible like one of my friends, but lacks some sex appeal.

 

Argh! So close yet so far... Appreciate any more thoughts

[rushed]

When you see a text pop up on your phone, who do you hope it will be?

[MoreThanThat]

Similar values is the key to long lasting success. Even if you're super attracted to someone, without that, it's hard to make it last. Attraction wanes for EVERYONE over time.

[preraph]

As long as one isn't pressing for exclusivity, just keep getting to know them, but you should let them know you are still seeing other people, but no details.

[lawgirl79]

Lady A may not be as "high maintenance" as you think. You cant base that on looks alone. I am one to dress nice when I go out on a date but for instance, I am with friends at a sporting event, I would wear a t-shirt and jeans or something like that. You may have not seen her in that element yet. try taking her somewhere that she would need to dress a little less high maintenace like hiking or a nature walk and see what she looks like.

 

 

I think you should get to know them both more to make a decision. It all comes down to who you can see yourself with in the long run. You shouldnt base your decisions on looks alone.

 

 

For me personally, someone I share all interests in would be a little monotonous but then again someone whom I dont share any interests in would most likely result in some conflict.