How long to give a guy to ask to meet me in person?

[mbee]

I've been using OKCupid and Tinder for dating. I also meet guys in real life who ask me out, but online dating has been my primary source for getting dates. In general, I've been going on 1-3 dates per week with a new guy which is fine.

 

However, my issue is that I've been "talking" to some guys for weeks on OKCupid or Tinder. I hate texting and messaging. I'll do it for a little bit to get to know someone but I get bored after a few days/week.

 

I have suggested meeting up but often times the guy is a bit flaky/wishy washy about meeting or doesn't suggest a day. If I'm putting myself out there to say "I would like to meet you sometime. When are you free?" and the guy doesn't confirm or says something like, "That sounds great, I'll let you know" or "I'm busy right now, but maybe next week" I feel really disinterested and don't want to communicate. The issue is that these guys continue messaging me or they may have my number and text me, but never suggest a date to meet up.

 

When and how do I drop this? How long to give a guy to work up to meeting and if he can't, what's a polite way to end our conversation permanently? I'm a big believer in practicing kindness while dating, so ignoring them just doesn't feel right to me (unless it's a response that doesn't require a response), It just feels like a waste of time and energy to message for weeks

[Knix]

Suggest a phone call first. It eases the tension if you guys can have a phone conversation and hear each other's voices. It also makes it all more real and the opportunity to meet becomes really exciting.

[Imajerk17]

I must be a rarity as a guy. There are a lots and lots of stories like yours all the time, both on here and from what I've heard from women in my social circle, of guys merely wanting texting buddies and never actually setting up a date. That sounds so bizarre to me too. See, when I get the woman's #, I set up a time to call her. And then after the phone call (about 24--48 hours after getting her #) I set the date up then and there (or sometimes we skip the phone call and just set up the date). I am a believer in getting to the point!

 

I think telling whomever you are communicating with that you rather meetup and that you are not looking for text buddies, and then cutting off communication if they don't step up in a reasonable amount of time is absolutely fine on your part.

Edited April 27, 2017 by Imajerk17

[hippychick3]

Since you've already suggested meeting up and they still continue to only text you, I'd say "I'm not interested in being text buddies and am moving on. Best of luck to you!"

 

Then you don't answer them again.

 

The purpose of online dating is to meet in person as soon as possible, not to "date online."

[mbee]

Thanks all. I just started mass replying to them these messages you suggested.

 

A couple replied stepping up to organize a date already but I'm already disinterested in this situation.

 

I'd normally be cool with a phone call but the guy needs to suggest it. It feels really weird to ask a guy to meet, and then him ignore my request, so I ask him to talk on the phone instead. I am a bit traditional in that I like the guys to make the move initially, so suggesting too much upfront naturally makes me feel disinterested. I'm also not a phone person, so it would be up to the guy to suggest it... I'd personally prefer to just meet and see if there's chemistry/compatibility as soon as we are both free.

[hercules22]

or you can just simply ignore then dont reply back to there messages then they will wonder why you vanished if they were really interested in meeting up in person they would give u date and time . this one girl i asked her twice to hangout both time she said she was busy and never gave me a date when she would be free and now im not talking to her.

[mbee]

or you can just simply ignore then dont reply back to there messages then they will wonder why you vanished if they were really interested in meeting up in person they would give u date and time . this one girl i asked her twice to hangout both time she said she was busy and never gave me a date when she would be free and now im not talking to her.

 

I have done that before, mostly cause I forget to reply cause I'm so bored with the messaging. 9 times out of 10, the guy always messages me back asking more questions a week or even a month later. 5-10% of those guys still don't ask to meet up.

 

Just amazes me. Why would people want texting buddies? Seems so boring and a waste of time. One guy responded to me now sounding very half-hearted about meeting and saying, "let me know if you want to meet or text.." after I just said I'm not interested in texting and would prefer to meet.

 

I just find it bizarre. Who has time to text all day with complete strangers about superficial stuff all day.

 

EDIT: He just suggested coffee tomorrow but again, bored by it. All this back and forth just to meet.. seems like way too much effort

Edited April 27, 2017 by mbee

[hercules22]

I have done that before, mostly cause I forget to reply cause I'm so bored with the messaging. 9 times out of 10, the guy always messages me back asking more questions a week or even a month later. 5-10% of those guys still don't ask to meet up.

 

Just amazes me. Why would people want texting buddies? Seems so boring and a waste of time. One guy responded to me now sounding very half-hearted about meeting and saying, "let me know if you want to meet or text.." after I just said I'm not interested in texting and would prefer to meet.

 

I just find it bizarre. Who has time to text all day with complete strangers about superficial stuff all day.

 

EDIT: He just suggested coffee tomorrow but again, bored by it. All this back and forth just to meet.. seems like way too much effort

 

haha yeah im not into the whole text buddy thing either it either you are interested or not cant be bothered having regular contact if it not gonna go anywhere.