lovefool96 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 (edited) Hi guys, I know this probably sounds really weird, but am in love with a man 43 years older than me! (I am almost 21, he is almost 64) I have known him for 3 years & 7 months and I have also loved him for that long! I talk to him everyday and he makes me so happy! And when I get to see him, I have a great time until... we have to leave. It kills me every time, but I always act as if I'm ok! I want to tell him so much that I love him, but I'm scared he will think I'm just a stupid young girl and I will lose not only the love of my life, but my best friend! I'm not exactly the best looking girl in the world so noone can say I'm in it for the money! and if you do, he doesnt have a lot of money and I never have either so I dont ever care about money! I love him with all of my heart and I cannot get over him no matter how hard I try! I need him. What would you do? please help! Edited April 23, 2017 by lovefool96 needed to add something Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hi guys, I know this probably sounds really weird, but am in love with a man 43 years older than me! (I am almost 21, he is almost 64) I have known him for 3 years & 7 months and I have also loved him for that long! I talk to him everyday and he makes me so happy! And when I get to see him, I have a great time until... we have to leave. It kills me every time, but I always act as if I'm ok! I want to tell him so much that I love him, but I'm scared he will think I'm just a stupid young girl and I will lose not only the love of my life, but my best friend! I'm not exactly the best looking girl in the world so noone can say I'm in it for the money! and if you do, he doesnt have a lot of money and I never have either so I dont ever care about money! I love him with all of my heart and I cannot get over him no matter how hard I try! I need him. What would you do? please help! My ex was much older than me and I was with him for nearly 4 years. I actually still love him, and he still has feelings. But ultimately, there is no future. You are 21 years old and yes many men in their 20s suck and just want sex, but it really isn't worth it in the long run. You can do better even if you don't think you are pretty, there is someone out there for you. Most people are just average anyway. You can get over it if you keep him at a distance and try to date men around your own age. I am not judging you because I was in your shoes but it isn't worth it in the long run. You can't help who you love but you'll end up wasting your best years, at least be with someone you can have a future with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You are latching onto him because he is the only man that gives you attention that makes you feel special...and that can be very addictive, clouding your vision and judgement. You are love drunk. You are so starving for affection.....anything will look good on the menu. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You are latching onto him because he is the only man that gives you attention that makes you feel special...and that can be very addictive, clouding your vision and judgement. You are love drunk. You are so starving for affection.....anything will look good on the menu. This is the only reason I can rationalize that would lead someone to get involved with someone 20+ years older. I just don't see the long term benefit provide both sides are being honest and genuine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I get the female mentality of older men means to them...you are submissive/insecure, want someone to take care of you, take the lead, has confidence, etc. You are impressed with his wisdom, and knowledge which looks like he has authority, and is a protector. yadda yadda yadda. One thing I learned about being obsessive....you get to a point where is wears off and you ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking?" and then you feel like an idiot. I blame it on the dopamine. Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Go for it! Both of you are over the age of 18. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 This is the only reason I can rationalize that would lead someone to get involved with someone 20+ years older. I just don't see the long term benefit provide both sides are being honest and genuine. Back during the Civil War, old soldiers would marry young women, who would be there for them, love them, take care of them. In return, when they passed on the widows would get the vets wartime benefits. If was a sweet deal for a woman who was just starting her life. Now, I am in no way suggesting you are a gold digger. But if you really love him, and he you, it only stands to reason he will want to take care of you after he dies. As long as both parties go into it with eyes wide open, no one gets hurt... I say go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Back during the Civil War, old soldiers would marry young women, who would be there for them, love them, take care of them. In return, when they passed on the widows would get the vets wartime benefits. If was a sweet deal for a woman who was just starting her life. Now, I am in no way suggesting you are a gold digger. But if you really love him, and he you, it only stands to reason he will want to take care of you after he dies. As long as both parties go into it with eyes wide open, no one gets hurt... I say go for it! Yeah. That was the only reason I could see, but didn't want to suggest that that was a motive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovefool96 Posted April 30, 2017 Author Share Posted April 30, 2017 I am not in love with him for money! I hate girls that do that, I think it is so wrong to use someone, say you love them just for their money! Its selfish! I love him because I cannot help but love him! And no matter how hard I try I cant stop loving him! But no matter how much this kills me I still cannot tell him ! Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Loves knows no bonderies of race, height, money and age (as long as you are consensual adult). You are probably impressed by his experience, it takes a lifetime to make a man, and the older geezer (haha) sometimes really impress the younger ladies. It's good if you don't care about his bank account, he himself must be head over heels and very flattered that a so young woman find him attractive. Enjoy the ride. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 30, 2017 Share Posted April 30, 2017 Why did you bring up your physical appearance and money? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I can't say I understand it, because it is a large age gap, but if you love this man why not? He may not believe you but I am sure he will be pleased at least. It is possible that one reason you have fallen for him is that, unlike a younger man, he has probably got a more balanced sex drive. Young men can be really off-putting because they are driven by testosterone and tend to forget the niceties of approaching women. An older man can sit back and enjoy getting to know you without feeling the pressure to push an agenda all the time. A young guy who is sexually attracted might be convinced he is 'showing interest' in a girl when in fact all his attitudes and actions are saying that he is physically, not emotionally attracted. Some girls pick up on that and others don't. If a girl is flattered by the physical attention, then it works for a while but if she is seeking emotional understanding and attachment, she might be more likely to find that with an older man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 That's a huge age gap, but at the same time, the heart wants what the heart wants! My advice? Don't deny your feelings. You seem like a smart gal. You're very aware that the age difference means nothing can truly be lasting between you two. If you're both single and available, I say go for it! Enjoy it while it's here. Subconscious or not, these attractions don't happen for no reason. Just be aware the entire time that nothing long term can come from this. Follow your heart, but don't ignore that little voice inside your head that makes sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 When you're 30, he will be 73. When you're 40, he will be 83. When you're 50... well... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 If it's just casual, and you're having fun and he makes you happy, that is all that matters. If you are thinking long term here is one thought. You say he doesn't have much money. Well he's not your age, you might not think about stuff like this now, but he is 64 years old. He should have his life's savings at this point and be preparing for retirement. If he doesn't, are you going to be supporting him during retirement? Also, it sounds like you've known him since you were a teenager, you said your attraction started then, but what about his? There could be serious concern here, that he is largely into you, because of your young age, and as you get older he may become less interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 The OP has not indicated that this is a two way relationship, only that SHE loves him in a romantic way. He is supposedly blissfully unaware, is that right? Link to post Share on other sites
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