Dating an 18 year old virgin...NOT HAPPY!

[Forget About Her]

I met this girl about a month ago. We hit it off immediately and started hanging out several times a week. We've been seeing each other for the past month, exclusively, however I'm not happy with the way things are progressing.

 

She came out and told me on the first date that she is a virgin, which is fine. She says that she is not waiting for marrage, just the right guy. She has had 2 long-term relationships, both lasting a year and a half, so she does have experience with guys. We've talked about making it official, but we both want to move slow.

 

It's been a month already, and I haven't even touched her breasts. All we do is kiss, alot, but she doesn't seem to be very comfortable with anything else. We went back to her parents house to watch a movie, and she pretty much lied on the opposite end of the bed from me. Her parents are overly protective and call 500 times a night when we are out, and she always has to be home early. Normally, I'd be having great sex with a woman a month into the relationship. I want to have a talk with her about how things have kind of stahled, but I don't want to come off as being shallow or non understanding.

 

Can anyone give me some advice on how to bring this topic up and what I should say so that I don't push her away?

[Jilly10340]

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. If she's not doing anything with you, it's because she doesn't want to or she's not ready. She's a virgin. The first time I had sex with a guy, I waited six months. The first time my friend had sex with a guy, she waited a year. It takes time, if she's not ready she's not ready.

 

A month into a relationship, yeah you might be having great sex with a girl, but was that girl ever a virgin? If you're not a virgin you don't wait as long to have sex, at least that's been my experience. Besides, a month is really not that long of a time. I dated a virgin a couple months ago and we dated for two months and we didn't do anything besides kiss, because he wasn't comfortable with it.

 

So unless sex is an ultimate for you, I would wait a little longer to ask her why she doesn't want to be intimate. But only a month into the relationship? I wouldn't worry about it.

[TUDOR]

I agree with Jilly. Take your time and let her move forward on her terms. When I first started dating my now wife, we dated 3 months before we had sex and I was 26 at the time and her 25....neither of us were virgins either. If you really like this girl then just respect her position. Trust me you will get further faster if you don't push! And the last thing you want is for her to regret having sex with you because she wasn't ready and just gave in to your pressure. Slow down, the rest will happen in due time.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by Forget About Her

I'm not happy with the way things are progressing.

 

She came out and told me on the first date that she is a virgin, which is fine. She says that she is not waiting for marrage, just the right guy. She has had 2 long-term relationships, both lasting a year and a half

 

well, you knew what you were getting into when you started dating her, and that you would have to wait, more than likely at least a year and half, seeing as it lasted that long with two other guys that she still didn't sleep with.

 

if you're not willing to let her go at her own pace, it won't work out for either of you. decide which is more important to you, respecting her feelings because you like her, or a quicker and more convenient lay..still because you like her.

 

keep in mind that she obviously cares about her virginity. as much as she may like you, you have been together a very short time. she has been in longer relationships than that with guys who DID respect her decision, and those relationships, which were more than 10 times longer than yours, still didn't work out. she is probably being even more careful now, thinking "if it doesn't work out sometimes after over a year, why should i give it up after a month! no way!"

 

good luck. i hope it works out for both of you in a way which neither of you regret.

[ConfusedInOC]

Bro, you knew this going in that she's patient and will wait a long time. You seem more concerned with how to get your hands on her goodies than you are with respecting her feelings. To me, that tells me you're thinking with the wrong head.

 

Be yourself.

Don't push her.

 

If it happens, it happens. But DO NOT pressure her, don't change who you are you, just hang out and have fun. You have your entire life ahead of you to get someone knocked up

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

You have your entire life ahead of you to get someone knocked up

 

 

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh...

 

what a bold statement!!!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by SexKitten

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh...

 

what a bold statement!!!

 

 

[clynn]

Well, if it is something that is important to you RIGHT NOW, move on.

 

If you're willing to wait, then wait. It'll be her call when why and how. It took me a year and a half to have sex the first time. I tell you, I put my boyfriend through hell on the way there, also. Very many close calls and then I would back out because I was afraid / nervous / scared.

 

Also, not every having HAD sex, I was not as needing of it either for that matter. So I didn't know what I was missing, so to speak. We also fooled around a lot in other ways first as well.

 

I was 19 by the time we had sex the first time.

[KissMyTiara]

To the original poster, I think your user name is incredibly telling. I don't think you really care about this girl's feelings, just about getting laid. If you're usually getting the nooky within a month of dating a girl, you obviously don't value sex to be something as special as she believes it to be. There's something very Stiffler about you, me thinks. Move on.

[clynn]

Hey, I wouldn't be so hard on him.

 

If he is ready for a sexual relationship, and she is not, it doesn't make him a jerk. Just in a different place with different needs.

[scarlyjones]

If I was starving, I wouldnt move to Ethiopia.

[st8toftheheart]

Personally, it take me at least 3-4 month before evening considering waiting to sleep with someone. If they are ready and I am not oh well. It my right not to sleep with them.

 

I made that mistake by jumping into bed too soon and I paid dearly for it.

 

So if you're the right guy she'll be with you, if you're not you'llfind out soon enough.

 

So what have you done to prove you're the right guy, that you're any different than the last two relationships she been in.

 

Kudos to you you've been able to sleep with women a month into it. Are you still with him. You think she wants to feel like another conquest?

 

try to see it from her side, if she's the one she's worth waiting for, then it will happen.

[clynn]

It doesn't make her a "conquest" necessarily because he is keen to share himself physically. Just different people at different stages, different needs.

 

I think some are more comfortable introducing sex earlier than others, and obviously someone who is a virgin will not be.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by KissMyTiara

To the original poster, I think your user name is incredibly telling. I don't think you really care about this girl's feelings, just about getting laid. If you're usually getting the nooky within a month of dating a girl, you obviously don't value sex to be something as special as she believes it to be. There's something very Stiffler about you, me thinks. Move on.

 

 

i'm pretty sure since the name "forget about her" was registered in february, it has nothing to do with the girl he is with now. he has only been with her for a month.

 

 

Originally posted by scarlyjones

If I was starving, I wouldnt move to Ethiopia.

 

hahahahahahahahahaha good one, scarly.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by clynn

Hey, I wouldn't be so hard on him.

 

If he is ready for a sexual relationship, and she is not, it doesn't make him a jerk. Just in a different place with different needs.

 

I didn't mean to imply he's a jerk...don't know if he is or not. What I meant to say is that he has a different view of sex than she does, and because maintaining her virginity is important to her, but not to you, that you should move on.

 

Originally posted by SexKitten

I'm pretty sure since the name "forget about her" was registered in february, it has nothing to do with the girl he is with now. he has only been with her for a month.

 

"Forget About Her" is more about the personality behind the poster, don't ya think, "Sex Kitten"?

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by KissMyTiara

 

 

 

"Forget About Her" is more about the personality behind the poster, don't ya think, "Sex Kitten"?

 

no, not really. his personality may be objectionable through his words, but his name doesn't have anything to do with it. my name is sexkitten and none of my posts have been about anything overtly sex-related; relationships, yes, but not straight-up sex, and i've certainly never claimed to be more promiscuous than the average person.

 

so i wouldn't assume anything too much about his name, just like nothing could be assumed from anyone else's name. i don't think "tiki" is a tiki-torch, i don't think "grinning maniac" is a happily mentally insane person, i don't think "pocky" has acne scars, and i don't think you "kissmytiara" are a princess. any one of you could be all these things, or none of them, but i choose not to speculate because how the hell would i know anything by a name? you know what i mean?

 

actually, i think a username is just a username. people pick them for different reasons, and no one ever really knows why. i had originally thought that "forget about her" had probably used that name as a guest in repsonse to someone else's post, and then just kept it after he registered to be more easily identified.

 

i don't know, i could be wrong about him, it was just a thought. if his name was "PatientRomanticOne" but his words said otherwise, we would make personality assumptions based on his words, rather than saying "your name indicates that you are patient and romantic so you must not mean what you said." it wouldn't make any sense that way. that's just the way i see it.

 

i did agree with the rest of your reply to him, however.

[tokyo]

Nomen est omen.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by kooky

Nomen est omen.

 

nah. not to me.

 

so are you actually kooky then? i would have to take your word for it.

[KissMyTiara]

Yowza, you agreed with me on something!? Now that's a treat!

 

But, as for the name thing...while I agree that "EC" is very vague and ambiguous and could mean anything, "ConfusedinOC" has CLEAR meaning, does it not?? As do many other names you mention...

 

Originally posted by SexKitten

i don't think "tiki" is a tiki-torch

 

Ahhh, but Tiki is hot-stuff!!

 

i don't think "grinning maniac" is a happily mentally insane person

 

In the best way possible, I think he is....

 

i don't think "pocky" has acne scars

 

True, but I do think Pocky loves the chocolate covered sticks by the same name...

 

and i don't think you "kissmytiara" are a princess

 

Ah, see, you're right there...but still, people think I am a princess by outward appearance, and to those that do, instead of "a$$", I prefer to think that they can KMT - that's my attitude, hence the name.

 

 

As Kooky (what I shall call "obscure yet insightful") says, Nomen est omen.

[SexKitten]

and yet you have no idea why i have chosen sexkitten, but surely like to imply that it is because i am a "sexkitten"...rather than asking me why.

 

to me, nomen NON es nomen. especially on an internet forum, where anyone can be anyone. but that's just me. and i tell my people to kiss my a$$ too, because if i said "kiss my kitten", i may be slapped or deemed even more of an online ho simply because of my name.

 

but i've always been unique.

[tokyo]

sex kitten, my comment was not for you, it was just a general remark, a contribution to your discussion with Kissmytiara on the meaning behind names on a message board. I believe that most people on the internet do choose names that express themselves. Some are just lazy and my choose the initials of their names plus their birth year or anything else by chance, but many others will choose something that they think represents their personality best or what they like especially, etc. Of course you could be right about the reason why the initial poster chose his name, but more likely is that he has a bad attitude towards women and I also find his first post neither very considerate nor very caring.

 

I saw you posting somewhere else that it was from a cartoon. You may think that it doesn't mean anything, but I don't think that this is the name that a prudish old maiden had chosen for herself, so your name does say something about you. It doesn't have to be something bad, but if you claim that it doesn't mean anything or that you can't derive anything from it you're pretty wrong.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by SexKitten

and i tell my people to kiss my a$$ too, because if i said "kiss my kitten", i may be slapped or deemed even more of an online ho simply because of my name.

 

 

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by KissMyTiara

As Kooky (what I shall call "obscure yet insightful") says,

 

 

Originally posted by kooky

Of course you could be right about the reason why the initial poster chose his name, but more likely is that he has a bad attitude towards women and I also find his first post neither very considerate nor very caring.

 

THAT is what I was trying to say!! Argh!

[simplyconfused]

Well i was dating a guy when i was a virgin and 18 and he never pressurised me into anything and waited almost a year for me. I don't think you care about the girl that much..just more about sex.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by kooky

sex kitten, my comment was not for you, it was just a general remark, a contribution to your discussion with Kissmytiara on the meaning behind names on a message board. I believe that most people on the internet do choose names that express themselves. Some are just lazy and my choose the initials of their names plus their birth year or anything else by chance, but many others will choose something that they think represents their personality best or what they like especially, etc. Of course you could be right about the reason why the initial poster chose his name, but more likely is that he has a bad attitude towards women and I also find his first post neither very considerate nor very caring.

 

I saw you posting somewhere else that it was from a cartoon. You may think that it doesn't mean anything, but I don't think that this is the name that a prudish old maiden had chosen for herself, so your name does say something about you. It doesn't have to be something bad, but if you claim that it doesn't mean anything or that you can't derive anything from it you're pretty wrong.

 

i hear you, kooky. i didn't assume it was to me. my point is just that i don't think you can take anything from someone's name seriously, especially in a place like this. i won't claim that it doesn't mean anything, and im not wrong in thinking that, but i can safely guess it doesn't mean what anyone would automatically assume.

 

if i had chosen "prudish old maiden" (which i think sounds pretty funny, actually! ) and i had posts about how i love sex and do anyone who comes my way, that would not really go together, and so the point of that kinda name would be more of a joke than anything. or just something i picked for the heck of it. i have had screenames that i chose just from the last thing i heard someone say. i was a hullabloo2137 at some point on something, and the only thing that meant anything was the number after it. i just liked the way the word sounded. for all anyone knows here, i might be a prudish old maiden, and if asked, i would gladly tell the truth. maybe i enjoy irony.

 

it doesn't really matter, i'm just not the kind of person that assumes anything from a screenname on a forum, or anywhere else one is required. anyone can assume anything they want, but it doesn't mean it's true, and basing someone's entire personality on a goofy little name is a little...i don't know, it's just the way i do things, i guess. i don't put a whole lot of stock into that i don't think truly mean anything about a person.

 

but yes, i do think the "forget about her" guy is kind of a hypocrit and is not being very accepting of a situation that he knew he was getting himself into. i might even look and see if his very first post was to someone that he was saying "forget about her" to, but i don't know if it would search for a guest...