Met someone via online dating. Have a very basic question about next step

[Teknoe]

So I messaged this girl earlier this week. She replied and we've been going back and forth ever since. She seems to like me, based on her responses and the fact that she's replying. I just asked her via text if she wants to get coffee sometime soon and to let me know when she's available. Note: we haven't met in person yet.

 

She replied: "OK! Sounds good to me. Coffee is my favorite!"

 

Is she waiting for me to follow up, as in "So would this weekend work?"

 

or should I wait for her to let me know when she's available, since that was my original request and she said "OK." As in "OK, I'll let you know."

 

I was hoping she would have said "Sure sound good. You free Saturday or Sunday?"

 

But she gave me an OK and didn't offer a date. Should I follow up or wait for her? I definitely don't want to come off as clingy but I'd hate if she was waiting for me to set something up and we both end up waiting on each other.

 

Looking for feedback! Thanks.

[grays]

Hmmm... I hate it when people do that. Important thing to remember is either way is fine, theres no right answer. If i was you, i might wait a day or so and then say "hey, would wednesday afternoon work for you?" Or whatever.

[MidwestUSA]

As soon as she said 'coffee is my favorite', you should have given her a specific date, place and time. You've already left things too vague by using words like 'sometime', and *hoping* that she'll come back with her availability, or outright do the 'asking'.

 

Take the lead, dude. ASK HER OUT!

 

If I had a dime for every guy that pussy footed around like this back in the day.

[Teknoe]

Good point! I'll give it a day and if she doesn't confirm I will offer a place and day.

[todreaminblue]

why wait she said ok...then ..you reply....

 

ok means yes in oz i would have added if it were me...ok ...when would you like....straight up no wait no confusion.....makes it simple....

 

so i would say text what day what time suits you..dont wait..be confident....then if it suits her or doesnt you can work out what does........ she should confirma time and date to meet...........if she gets all ummmm maybe or i dont know ...say when you have an idea let me know and tell her to take care..if you dont hear from her, then her loss......you have been a man....who did good.......deb

Edited April 6, 2017 by todreaminblue

[NuevoYorko]

Good point! I'll give it a day and if she doesn't confirm I will offer a place and day.

 

No. Please. No. Don't give it a day. Don't give it an hour. Call her and ask her out for a specific day and time. She will either accept, decline, or offer another time.

 

You are already losing ground through your choice not to be assertive. Women do not like that, especially when she expressed her interest in meeting you so clearly. From her perspective, a man who was keen on meeting her would have nailed that down on the spot.

[Simple Logic]

So I messaged this girl earlier this week. She replied and we've been going back and forth ever since. She seems to like me, based on her responses and the fact that she's replying. I just asked her via text if she wants to get coffee sometime soon and to let me know when she's available. Note: we haven't met in person yet.

 

She replied: "OK! Sounds good to me. Coffee is my favorite!"

 

Is she waiting for me to follow up, as in "So would this weekend work?"

 

or should I wait for her to let me know when she's available, since that was my original request and she said "OK." As in "OK, I'll let you know."

 

I was hoping she would have said "Sure sound good. You free Saturday or Sunday?"

 

But she gave me an OK and didn't offer a date. Should I follow up or wait for her? I definitely don't want to come off as clingy but I'd hate if she was waiting for me to set something up and we both end up waiting on each other.

 

Looking for feedback! Thanks.

 

I would forget it. She has probably been already contacted by a guy who ask for coffee and gave her a date and time.

[Redhead14]

So I messaged this girl earlier this week. She replied and we've been going back and forth ever since. She seems to like me, based on her responses and the fact that she's replying. I just asked her via text if she wants to get coffee sometime soon and to let me know when she's available. Note: we haven't met in person yet.

 

She replied: "OK! Sounds good to me. Coffee is my favorite!"

 

Is she waiting for me to follow up, as in "So would this weekend work?"

 

or should I wait for her to let me know when she's available, since that was my original request and she said "OK." As in "OK, I'll let you know."

 

I was hoping she would have said "Sure sound good. You free Saturday or Sunday?"

 

But she gave me an OK and didn't offer a date. Should I follow up or wait for her? I definitely don't want to come off as clingy but I'd hate if she was waiting for me to set something up and we both end up waiting on each other.

 

Looking for feedback! Thanks.

 

When you ask a woman for a date, you ask her with specifics "would you have coffee with me on Xday, at Xtime at Xplace". You asked her, I think you should get specific.

 

I definitely don't want to come off as clingy -- She might be there thinking the same thing -- "he said sometime. Does that mean I should wait for him to get specific or should I ask him or give him my availability? No, that might come off as clingy".

 

She responded positively at least. And, reaching out with specifics about something you introduced to start with would not be clingy. Clingy would be texting or calling her 5 times in a row if she was slow to respond or didn't respond at all.

[coolheadal]

So I messaged this girl earlier this week. She replied and we've been going back and forth ever since. She seems to like me, based on her responses and the fact that she's replying. I just asked her via text if she wants to get coffee sometime soon and to let me know when she's available. Note: we haven't met in person yet.

 

She replied: "OK! Sounds good to me. Coffee is my favorite!"

 

Is she waiting for me to follow up, as in "So would this weekend work?"

 

or should I wait for her to let me know when she's available, since that was my original request and she said "OK." As in "OK, I'll let you know."

 

I was hoping she would have said "Sure sound good. You free Saturday or Sunday?"

 

But she gave me an OK and didn't offer a date. Should I follow up or wait for her? I definitely don't want to come off as clingy but I'd hate if she was waiting for me to set something up and we both end up waiting on each other.

 

Looking for feedback! Thanks.

 

Not everyone gong to say Sure sound good or Great sound good. Don't worry about about that. Why did you not answer back and say lets go blank date and time I'll meet you at such and such place. Text her the details. You have to show her your in charge, don't show weakness here. Jump on it!

[SevenCity]

"Great, when are you free to get together?"

 

Don't lock her into a day, let her tell you when she's free.

 

Honestly though, if she was really interested she likely would have told you a date.

 

One girl I'm dating responds with "I haven't made any plans for next week so you pick a day". That's high interest.

 

Be direct, but flexible.

[alphamale]

she has accepted your offer of a date. now it's time for you to man-up and set the place and time. make sure you pay for her coffee and muffin

[Imajerk17]

Teknoe, we have been through situations like this in many of your other threads. Your lack of masculine leadership/assertiveness in dating situations such as these is why you keep losing the girl.

 

"What is your schedule like this week? I'm free x and y"

 

[Although, truth be told, I prefer to get her phone number, *call* her, and then over the phone, set up an evening or activity date instead, where there is more of a chance for chemistry to develop. It can start at a cafe though. Coffee as a date seems so...bland. It's where you'd go for interviews and networking. BUT, some do like it, different strokes for different folks.]

[JuneL]

Teknoe, we have been through situations like this in many of your other threads. Your lack of masculine leadership/assertiveness in dating situations such as these is why you keep losing the girl.

 

 

Yeah, I remember his other threads too. OP: Are you normally attracted to women who like to take the lead in their romantic relationships? Many women who are supervisors at the workplace or who like to have a lot of say in their romantic relationships still prefer the guy to take the lead during the early courting stage.

[Jj66]

Yes. Every woman that I have ever dated wanted the man to be a leader. Most of them wouldn't have wanted him to be controlling but they did want him to take charge, especially in the beginning.

 

Tell her where and when to meet you. For example: Great! Can you meet me at Jumping Java's at 7 on Wednesday? If she can't and she is interested she will propose something else.

[SwordofFlame]

You should propose a range of days and times and it is NOT clingy. I can't believe what I read on this board sometimes about what people think may be clingy.

[Jj66]

You should propose a range of days and times and it is NOT clingy. I can't believe what I read on this board sometimes about what people think may be clingy.

 

I don't know where it comes from but a lot of people apparently do think it's clingy to assertivley show interest in someone.

 

I don't like to give her a choice- certainly not a lot of choices. I am busy and my time is valuable. She needs to know that up front. I say do not give her more than two choices.

 

I'm free Tuesday and Thursday of next week. Which of those is best for you?

 

We did things like this in my fraternity to get the hot girls to come to our parties. I was taught to say something like "We are having a party on Saturday at 7 and I'm one of the designated drivers. I'd really like for you to come. What time should I pick you up?" Never ask her if she wants to come to the party. Just assume the answer is yes and ask her the best time. This tactic worked so much better than asking do you want to come to our party on Saturday because the assertiveness often turned the maybes into yeses.

 

The same thing works when asking for a date. Tell her when and where you can meet her. If she really likes you she will make it happen if possible. If it's not possible she will propose an alternative. If she doesn't really like you then you might be best served to find someone who does.

Edited April 6, 2017 by Jj66

[act00]

ASK! Take the lead! You can state, "How about tomorrow or Saturday?" What kind of time frame are you thinking of. Evening, afternoon, morning, after work? Give a couple of days that work for you and times, and she what she says. If they don't work, she can volley back better times for her.

[Teknoe]

I actually gave her a specific day (before reading the replies in this thread).

 

She accepted.

 

However, I know nothing's written in stone until it actually happens. Looking forward to it but also keeping my expectations in check. I hope we click but if not, no harm no foul.

[chphan]

I actually gave her a specific day (before reading the replies in this thread).

 

She accepted.

 

However, I know nothing's written in stone until it actually happens. Looking forward to it but also keeping my expectations in check. I hope we click but if not, no harm no foul.

 

When it comes to online nothing is written in stone until you actually meet. Just because you think you connect online doesn't mean it translate well into real life. So don't get your hopes up and be disappointed that the meeting didn't go as you had hope. It's actually normal to have these kind of first meet that don't go any where.

 

The good sign you can take so far is she seem to be interested due to the fact that she continues to reply back to you.

Lots of these online conversation tend to fade out.

[Teknoe]

When it comes to online nothing is written in stone until you actually meet. Just because you think you connect online doesn't mean it translate well into real life. So don't get your hopes up and be disappointed that the meeting didn't go as you had hope. It's actually normal to have these kind of first meet that don't go any where.

 

The good sign you can take so far is she seem to be interested due to the fact that she continues to reply back to you.

Lots of these online conversation tend to fade out.

 

Yeah my expectations are pretty low. Not sure if she's talking to other guys (likely) but the texting has been pretty minimal today. I guess I'm at the point where I hate to make assumptions until she flat out tells me that she likes me. Basically, when a girl likes you, you will know it. I tend to misinterpret or overinterpret (that's not even a word lol) the actions of girls. I'm adopting a more realistic "it ain't real til she proves it" kind of mentality... mostly to protect myself from getting my hopes up.

[Jammer25]

You should propose a range of days and times and it is NOT clingy. I can't believe what I read on this board sometimes about what people think may be clingy.

 

Even though I've only been in the OLD world for about a month, this is what I've usually done the few times I've asked someone to meet up. I give her a timeframe (both day and time-wise) and ask her if she's available within that. I always propose the place too, usually closer to the general area where she lives since I was the one who invited her out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

In general, I can't tell you how much of a turn off it is for a man not to be assertive. I don't want a range of dates. I want a day, time and place. If I can't make it, I will propose an alternative immediately.

 

I lose interest very quickly with vagueness. I read a lot of online advice for men how they shouldn't contact a woman for few days after a date to increase her interest and similar BS. The reality is, if I don't hear from you within 24 hours after a date, I have already lost interest. Bonus points if you suggest an interesting activity rather than a boring coffee/drinks date.

 

P.S. Going forward, if things go well, initiating daily contact is great. Sending multiple unanswered texts in the same day is clingy. Setting up the next date before the end of the current date or within 24 hours is also great. Chit-chat with no set time to see each other again is a turn off for me.

 

It's like a game of tennis, but in the early dating stages, I expect a man to serve.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine

[MoreThanThat]

I have never once suggested a date/time for a first date or even first several dates. It's always been the guy. This is normal.

[Teknoe]

she has accepted your offer of a date. now it's time for you to man-up and set the place and time. make sure you pay for her coffee and muffin

 

Oh for sure. That's the plan.

 

Well, she and I haven't texted since the date confirmation.

 

Not sure if she's super busy or got matched with a guy she's more into, but if I don't hear from her between now and the meet up, I'll text her the night before asking if we're still on. I don't want to assume so I will avoid texting her "See you tomorrow at noon."

 

Honestly guys, not having a good gut feeling about this (I feel like she's gonna end up cancelling) but luckily I'm not very invested so if it is called off or even if we meet up and there's no connection, no harm no foul. This is just part of online dating and first meetings. People pull out last second or there just isn't strong enough of a connection for it to get to date #2. It is what it is.

[joseb]

OP don't make this so hard. She accepted, you should have suggested a time straight after that. Now you are getting into negative vibe mode before you even meet her. Are you trying to shoot yourself in the foot?