CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 I broke up with my girlfriend of 3+ years about 1 year ago, and then I dated for a few months, but it was nothing more than glorified hookups - no one I wanted to date long term. I got tired of it and just decided to stop going out completely. Other than sleeping with my ex a couple times, I’ve been celibate for the past 6 months. But now I’m done getting back together with her, but honestly am horny as hell as I’m not used to celibacy. I have no problem at all approaching women. My big issue with dating right now is that I have no avenues to meet quality women. My day job is in tech, so that’s hopeless. I’m a musician and tour and gig frequently, but I’m so over the groupie thing. That said, I think groupies spoiled me because I’m not the least bit attracted to the types of women that I’m able to connect with online. So I gave up OLD long ago. I tried following LS advice and joined a bunch of meetups, but I gig most weekends and could never attend with any consistently. When I did, I didn’t meet one woman I was attracted to. So back to where I started - weeknight bar hopping. But the types of women I meet on a Tuesday night in the LA bar scene leaves much to be desired… So to followup Sunday (another thread), I definitely had another very strange encounter last night. I met a guy and girl but could tell they were just friends. He even pulled me aside and told me if I wanted to hookup with her, he was green lighting it. Great. I hit it off instantly with her. We're both Red Sox fans, identical tastes in music, and she's a Star Wars fanatic (though I'm not but what guy wouldn't love that). She asked me if I was a dog person, which I am, and she invited me over to meet her dog - which every time I've heard that line, it's code for "let's hookup". All three of us end up going to her apartment. It turns out, she just broke up with her boyfriend because "he's a loser drug addict" and her guy friend was taking her out to cheer her up. Yet this dude also happens to be her coke dealer. After she does a few lines of coke, she asks me if I still want to sleep with her... I give her a back massage but dude never leaves and hangs out with us in her bedroom all night. At some point she starts frantically cleaning her room, then grooming her dog. She's obviously coked out. It’s now 6AM and I’m like WTF! I was too tired to drive and decided to just fall asleep in her bed. I feel her put blankets over me but she never came to bed. I wake up a couple hours later and now they’re sitting out in the living room, still talking. Apparently she’ll go 2 days without sleeping then sleep 2 days straight. She wants to hang out again so we exchanged numbers before I left. I’m really not sure what to do. These are exactly the types of women I hookup with every single time I go out on a weeknight. They appear normal on the surface, probably used to be at some point before they moved to LA to become an actress blah blah blah… I did this for a few months last year then went celibate. I’m 3 days into “dating” again and already sick of it. I’m going to end up sleeping with my ex again. I'm a homebody at heart. We just buy groceries, cook dinner, watch something on Netflix, then have sex. We just have to much emotional baggage to last more than a couple days together… Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 If it isn't fun . . . run! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Wow. This girl sounds like danger. But what I've been forced to realize is every girl I date won't be my next gf. But I do have needs as well. Perhaps you can parlay this into a FWB to curb your urges while you find a suitable LTR partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 . Apparently she’ll go 2 days without sleeping then sleep 2 days straight. She wants to hang out again so we exchanged numbers before I left. LMFAO...Yeah you are getting some quality there. You fell asleep while she went back out into the living room and blew her dealer at the very least So exactly what is your question again? LMFAO. I guess breaking up with her "loser drug addict" boyfriend is ok as long as she still hangs out with the dealer. Look, I am clean and sober for over 20 years. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I also used to deal cocaine. I'll tell you right now that you probably want to run from this one. She will be more than happy to keep dealer boy around. I assure you that they are more than just friends. I sure as hell didn't put blow up chicks noses for free because I wanted to play Trivial Pursuit all night and reminisce about the 80's. You are not dating...you are simply marking time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 You're fortunate that you didn't wake up naked with no clothes and your wallet, cell phone and keys gone. My alarms would have been going off the minute he pimped her to you at the bar... in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what their relationship is. What man, even if he is just a friend, pimps his friend who "just broke up with her boyfriend" to a stranger? If he's her coke dealer, then she's his strawberry (a person who locates and hangs around the source of coke). But yeah... she's probably in hock so deep to him that she'll never see daylight for the foreseeable future. It might be time for you to just leave dating and finding a sex partner alone for a while. You keep doing the same thing over and over and are getting the same results, so it's time to stop and figure out a different approach. As an old college friend of mine used to say "you only find snakes in bars..." Link to post Share on other sites
selinaluv Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 What about changing up the places you will meet women? Meet up groups, new hobbies, existing hobbies... Different spots in the area. Not everyone is going to be entrenched in the typical LA scene. I know you mention you tried it, but maybe not hard enough since you seem so down on other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 OP, I just wanted to point out to you something as well. Back in my druggin days I was not exactly the most responsible person when having sex with women in incidents like this. I sure hope that if you engage n any sexual activity with her at all it would behoove you to be as safe as possible. It goes without saying but I'll say it anyway. When you are dealing with coked out people and sex, they do have a habit of engaging in extremely high risk sexual behaviors. I certainly did. And literally every one of the girls I snowed did the same thing. So please be extremely careful. It is merely by plain luck after all the crap I did back in the day I am not a walking Petri Dish. Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Giving up after 3 days? This isn't a sprint, its an ultra marathon. Dating is hard. Men and women are weird. I'd start hanging out at the grocery store in an area where they types of women you are interested in frequent... wander around the store looking lost, ask for advice on how to cook things. You live in LA, there are a million places to meet women if you are genuine, not genuinely creepy. Bookstore readings/signings? Charity events? Museums? I think the key is to go out and do things you may enjoy and be open to the possibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 Didn't read the post. But from the title, I say move on. No one is worthy of your frustration after 3 days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 LMFAO...Yeah you are getting some quality there. You fell asleep while she went back out into the living room and blew her dealer at the very least So exactly what is your question again? LMFAO. I guess breaking up with her "loser drug addict" boyfriend is ok as long as she still hangs out with the dealer. Look, I am clean and sober for over 20 years. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I also used to deal cocaine. I'll tell you right now that you probably want to run from this one. She will be more than happy to keep dealer boy around. I assure you that they are more than just friends. I sure as hell didn't put blow up chicks noses for free because I wanted to play Trivial Pursuit all night and reminisce about the 80's. You are not dating...you are simply marking time. I don't think she's blowing him. I did find it kinda amusing she thinks ex-BF is a loser drug addict. I guess she draws the line at heroin. She proclaimed "Can you actually believe he tried to get me to smoke heroin? That's what kind of PoS he is..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 You're fortunate that you didn't wake up naked with no clothes and your wallet, cell phone and keys gone. That wasn't going to happen in this instance but I get your point. Turns out the dealer and I have several mutual friends. My alarms would have been going off the minute he pimped her to you at the bar... in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what their relationship is. What man, even if he is just a friend, pimps his friend who "just broke up with her boyfriend" to a stranger? I don't think you know what guys say when ladies aren't around because that isn't the slightest bit out of the norm. I've been told that by a platonic friend many many times. I've even said it. We're basically saying "Go for it, we're just friends". Not "pimping" her out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 OP, I just wanted to point out to you something as well. Back in my druggin days I was not exactly the most responsible person when having sex with women in incidents like this. I sure hope that if you engage n any sexual activity with her at all it would behoove you to be as safe as possible. It goes without saying but I'll say it anyway. When you are dealing with coked out people and sex, they do have a habit of engaging in extremely high risk sexual behaviors. I certainly did. And literally every one of the girls I snowed did the same thing. So please be extremely careful. It is merely by plain luck after all the crap I did back in the day I am not a walking Petri Dish. Thanks I appreciate it. It's funny - I don't mind hanging out with the "R" rated crowd but I'm strictly PG-13. Always have and always will be. I drink, smoke weed occasionally, have tried E and coke but would never try H, meth etc nor do I have absolutely any inclination to. I've been around the stuff many times. I also always use protection. But I agree cokeheads are nuts. Back in August I was dated a cokehead kindergarten teacher for a few weeks and on first date when I told her I needed to get protection, she said "you mean mace?" Even the kindergarten teachers are nuts in LA... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 29, 2017 Author Share Posted March 29, 2017 Giving up after 3 days? This isn't a sprint, its an ultra marathon. Dating is hard. Men and women are weird. I'd start hanging out at the grocery store in an area where they types of women you are interested in frequent... wander around the store looking lost, ask for advice on how to cook things. You live in LA, there are a million places to meet women if you are genuine, not genuinely creepy. Bookstore readings/signings? Charity events? Museums? I think the key is to go out and do things you may enjoy and be open to the possibilities. I'm kinda over pretending to be interested in things to meet women. I'll go to a museum with a date, but I'm not interested enough to go on my own. I mean I joined a snowboarding meetup basically to meet women. I've been snowboarding my whole life and got nothing out of those meetups. While actually snowboarding I met a really cute girl on the lift who gave me her number but once I looked her up on Instragram, I realized she was too young for me so I never called her. The singles meetups were the worst - all dudes and desperate cougars. I think my best bet is Trader Joes. That's the one public place I go where I consistently see attractive women. I've never tried picking up women in supermarkets though. It feels creepy to me but I'm sure I just need to get over that hangup. Bars are really easy for me because I know that's why they are there and I've been doing it for decades... Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 29, 2017 Share Posted March 29, 2017 IME Bars are easy Meetups are even easier Supermarket? I guess but definitely not my style. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 IME Bars are easy Meetups are even easier Supermarket? I guess but definitely not my style. What kinda meetups??? I went to about 10 and barely saw one woman I was attracted to. The singles meetups were the worst of all... Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 (edited) I've never been to a singles meetup. Had no problems in the activity and interest based meetups. Almost had to beat them off with a stick to be honest. But it may be an age thing. I'm 50 and 40-something women were abundant and very aggressive. Edited March 30, 2017 by Jj66 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 I've never been to a singles meetup. Had no problems in the activity and interest based meetups. Almost had to beat them off with a stick to be honest. But it may be an age thing. I'm 50 and 40-something women were abundant and very aggressive. Makes sense now. The singles meetups are saturated with aggressive cougars. The younger demographic is almost nonexistant... Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I broke up with my girlfriend of 3+ years about 1 year ago, and then I dated for a few months, but it was nothing more than glorified hookups - no one I wanted to date long term. I got tired of it and just decided to stop going out completely. Other than sleeping with my ex a couple times, I’ve been celibate for the past 6 months. But now I’m done getting back together with her, but honestly am horny as hell as I’m not used to celibacy. I have no problem at all approaching women. My big issue with dating right now is that I have no avenues to meet quality women. My day job is in tech, so that’s hopeless. I’m a musician and tour and gig frequently, but I’m so over the groupie thing. That said, I think groupies spoiled me because I’m not the least bit attracted to the types of women that I’m able to connect with online. So I gave up OLD long ago. I tried following LS advice and joined a bunch of meetups, but I gig most weekends and could never attend with any consistently. When I did, I didn’t meet one woman I was attracted to. So back to where I started - weeknight bar hopping. But the types of women I meet on a Tuesday night in the LA bar scene leaves much to be desired… So to followup Sunday (another thread), I definitely had another very strange encounter last night. I met a guy and girl but could tell they were just friends. He even pulled me aside and told me if I wanted to hookup with her, he was green lighting it. Great. I hit it off instantly with her. We're both Red Sox fans, identical tastes in music, and she's a Star Wars fanatic (though I'm not but what guy wouldn't love that). She asked me if I was a dog person, which I am, and she invited me over to meet her dog - which every time I've heard that line, it's code for "let's hookup". All three of us end up going to her apartment. It turns out, she just broke up with her boyfriend because "he's a loser drug addict" and her guy friend was taking her out to cheer her up. Yet this dude also happens to be her coke dealer. After she does a few lines of coke, she asks me if I still want to sleep with her... I give her a back massage but dude never leaves and hangs out with us in her bedroom all night. At some point she starts frantically cleaning her room, then grooming her dog. She's obviously coked out. It’s now 6AM and I’m like WTF! I was too tired to drive and decided to just fall asleep in her bed. I feel her put blankets over me but she never came to bed. I wake up a couple hours later and now they’re sitting out in the living room, still talking. Apparently she’ll go 2 days without sleeping then sleep 2 days straight. She wants to hang out again so we exchanged numbers before I left. I’m really not sure what to do. These are exactly the types of women I hookup with every single time I go out on a weeknight. They appear normal on the surface, probably used to be at some point before they moved to LA to become an actress blah blah blah… I did this for a few months last year then went celibate. I’m 3 days into “dating” again and already sick of it. I’m going to end up sleeping with my ex again. I'm a homebody at heart. We just buy groceries, cook dinner, watch something on Netflix, then have sex. We just have to much emotional baggage to last more than a couple days together… LA thing, you just not ready for that sort of action. You fall back to your comfort-zone because that's they safest beat to be in than the other nonsense you had dealt with. No wander your not getting what you want you end up with all sorts of women that tend to follow you. Have you ever thought a different approach to go about this. Otherwise safe comfort-zone works out for you I see. Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm kinda over pretending to be interested in things to meet women. I'll go to a museum with a date, but I'm not interested enough to go on my own. I mean I joined a snowboarding meetup basically to meet women. I've been snowboarding my whole life and got nothing out of those meetups. While actually snowboarding I met a really cute girl on the lift who gave me her number but once I looked her up on Instragram, I realized she was too young for me so I never called her. The singles meetups were the worst - all dudes and desperate cougars. I think my best bet is Trader Joes. That's the one public place I go where I consistently see attractive women. I've never tried picking up women in supermarkets though. It feels creepy to me but I'm sure I just need to get over that hangup. Bars are really easy for me because I know that's why they are there and I've been doing it for decades... The best things usually require the most effort. Time to get out of your comfort zone. I've never found striking up a conversation in Trader Joe's to be weird or creepy. I've had people ask my opinion on items or the best way to cook something. At the very least you have a pleasant exchange with someone. I like the snowboarding idea, but that season is pretty much over in So Cal. What about taking a class in something that interests you? I met so many great people taking art and digital media classes that were free through my local community college district. Perhaps LA has the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I’m a musician and tour and gig frequently… This might be a big issue here. If touring is your life-style, are there enough women out there who are a match for you, as well as ok with you being unavailable much of the time? Not to mention surrounded by groupies? The only other partner I can see for someone who lives that way, would be another person who also lives that way - like another musician, or maybe some kind of model or actress. And famous couple relationships are not known for their longevity. I think it's great if you are pursuing/achieving your dreams, but I also think that that kind of experience you describe comes with the territory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 This might be a big issue here. If touring is your life-style, are there enough women out there who are a match for you, as well as ok with you being unavailable much of the time? Not to mention surrounded by groupies? The only other partner I can see for someone who lives that way, would be another person who also lives that way - like another musician, or maybe some kind of model or actress. And famous couple relationships are not known for their longevity. I think it's great if you are pursuing/achieving your dreams, but I also think that that kind of experience you describe comes with the territory. You're absolutely correct. I'm the frontman of my band so I get alot of attention. Drunk women coming up on stage just to touch and stupid stuff like that. I've gotten spoiled by that. Some of those women are really attractive but it's all fleeting. They almost all end up like the episode I described in my original post. Whether I slept with her or not was irrelevant. They have zero long term potential. Maybe I just need to grow up. I'm a 45 year old bedding 25 year olds because I can but then I'm always disaapointed with the results... Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 After she does a few lines of coke, she asks me if I still want to sleep with her... I give her a back massage.. I was too tired to drive and decided to just fall asleep in her bed. She wants to hang out again so we exchanged numbers before I left. Ive highlighted the serious mistakes you made. You placed yourself in unnecessary danger and you fell asleep in a strangers bed that was addicted to Coke while her dealer was around. You could have ended up robbed, with some item pushed up your behind, falsely accused of a crime, set up, beaten up, or worse. Why would you exchange numbers with people like this? They will not enrich your life at all, they for what ever reasons, are living through their lower self, dealing with addiction and body destroying activities. You don't need people like this in your life. Everyone should be mindful of what and who they invite into their lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 We're basically saying "Go for it, we're just friends". Not "pimping" her out... We're talking about a coke dealer who, at the end of the day, wants recompense for the coke being snorted. How much is she in hock to him for blow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 30, 2017 Author Share Posted March 30, 2017 Ive highlighted the serious mistakes you made. You placed yourself in unnecessary danger and you fell asleep in a strangers bed that was addicted to Coke while her dealer was around. You could have ended up robbed, with some item pushed up your behind, falsely accused of a crime, set up, beaten up, or worse. The thought never entered my mind and it's not because I'm a rube. I said it turned out we have mutual friends. Cocaine has made a huge comeback as a party drug for the rich. We're not talking meth, H, or crack here... She lives in an apartment near the beach that's at least $4k per month. She is an actress and he is a comedy writer. The scene I described is very typical with that crowd. They all do coke - especially if they go out regularly on Tuesday nights... Why would you exchange numbers with people like this? Because she's very attractive and I dig she's a sci-fi fan. She wants me to come over and watch Passengers with her. I know going in that there is zero long term potential... Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 You're absolutely correct. I'm the frontman of my band so I get alot of attention. Drunk women coming up on stage just to touch and stupid stuff like that. I've gotten spoiled by that. Some of those women are really attractive but it's all fleeting. They almost all end up like the episode I described in my original post. Whether I slept with her or not was irrelevant. They have zero long term potential. Maybe I just need to grow up. I'm a 45 year old bedding 25 year olds because I can but then I'm always disaapointed with the results... Ok I've got 2 things for you. One is a tip you can try and the other is an observation. Take them as you want and with a grain of salt. 1. Have you taken some time to look deep inside yourself and discover, truly, the kind of woman you desire in your life? I suggest you try that. Once you can make a list of top 10 or so quirks or qualities, try making them your "standards." After that, you can better know who to look for, and if you must have sex, you will also be able to separate the hook-up women from potential long-term women - meaning less disappointing situations like, "Man, I just slept with this girl, but she is not the one." If you have your future lover in mind, you will know, before the fact. 2. My observation: I kind of get the feeling that you are lacking some serious emotional connection that goes beyond your sexual appetite. Maybe that is no the case, or maybe it is and is fairly obvious to you. Not sure where to go with that one, but was just an observation. Oh, if you'd like another thought, I might consider looking at women closer to your age range... and how do I put this... out of your league So you're spoiled? Yes, I can see that. Drunk girls fawning over the lead singer are easy pickings. Try wooing a sophisticated woman who doesn't even like the genre of music you play. It might be fun, and you might discover something worthwhile. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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