LotusAvx Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I had 2 dates with this guy... which were just drinking (his idea) at a bar. Now he asked me to come over, to bus over to his house (I don't drive) and have a few drinks and the past 2 times he picked me up. Honestly, I feel like he just sees me as a cheap and easy date. Is it wrong for me for wanting to be picked up and actually taken out in these early stages? Or am I being snobby? I feel bad for cancelling, but last time we hung out at his place (had sex for 1st time) and he didn't even walk me out or offer to drive me, and I felt terrible and never want to do that again. I don't know why I still feel guilty for cancelling! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I think meeting up is generally the way things go, rather than one person picking another up, except in some circumstances. Why couldn't you guys have gone that route? Met somewhere for a drink, a bite, a walk, coffee or whatever? The "It's date #3, invite her over for Netflix and chill" thing is so commonplace, though, that it should be patented. That's not really such a surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 but last time we hung out at his place (had sex for 1st time) and he didn't even walk me out or offer to drive me, and I felt terrible and never want to do that again. I don't know why I still feel guilty for cancelling I don't know why you feel guilty either! This guy isn't a catch. You made the right decision. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I don't know why you feel guilty either! This guy isn't a catch. You made the right decision. Wow. Sorry, guys. This went right over my head. Yes, it was just sex for him and he went looking for more but this time, was too lazy even to drive to go get it. Flush. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 This guy is Big Lebowski lazy! And a total D-bag! You have sex with him and he doesn't even have the decency to drive you home!? I ALWAYS offer to pick up my dates, even if they have a car, even if they live right by where we're meeting! It's the thing gentlemen do, which this guy is nothing of. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 So how did you get home the night you 1st had sex? Did he make u take the bus then? Plz don't feel guilty for canceling. This man is not treating you as someone he cares for or respects. Good luck my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 You made it too easy for him. Unless that's what you wanted is a quick lay. Next time let the guy take you out to eat and then establish what's in the deal for you ie booty call, dating etc before ya drop 'em panties. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 What the...! No, don't feel the slightest guilty. He is a total weiner-schnitzel. Why, on this green earth, did you accept such cheap dates and a visit to his house?...ack. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I had 2 dates with this guy... which were just drinking (his idea) at a bar. Now he asked me to come over, to bus over to his house (I don't drive) and have a few drinks and the past 2 times he picked me up. Honestly, I feel like he just sees me as a cheap and easy date. Is it wrong for me for wanting to be picked up and actually taken out in these early stages? Or am I being snobby? I feel bad for cancelling, but last time we hung out at his place (had sex for 1st time) and he didn't even walk me out or offer to drive me, and I felt terrible and never want to do that again. I don't know why I still feel guilty for cancelling! Honestly, if he really cared, he would have driven you home! He could have, at the very least, walked you out and waited for the bus/train with you, but he knew what he was getting into when he knew you had no transportation, AND picked you up, and he should have driven you home. A gentleman, and someone who cares, makes sure his woman is cared for and safe. I'm totally okay with hanging out at home, but you are correct that there should be more, whether he cooks dinner for you or orders takeout, even plans a nice evening with snacks and a movie; NOT just "hanging out." I think a nice dinner out is a good litmus test, and he has, at this point, failed six ways to Tuesday. No more guilt! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldSparkz Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Guys like this want sex as long as it involves the least possible effort. Don't allow yourself to be used in this way. Use it as a life lesson and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I think the idea of being picked up and taken out on a date in the very early days is more appropriate if you (or your friends) already know the person you're dating and have no concerns about him. However, in these new days of meeting strangers on the internet, a lot of women prefer a guy to not know where she lives until she's feeling more confident about him. That said, if you left his house feeling awful about his lack thoughtful after the sex and don't like the dates (and Yes, I'd expect more of him too) there's nothing to feel guilty about if you choose not to see him again. The whole point of dating is to find out if someone clicks with us. This guy doesn't do it for you on a few levels. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I know I'm old fashioned (and old) but how can you possibly know if he is a gentleman or not when you sleep with him so soon? I believe a man should prove his intentions in the early stages like quality communication between dates, quality well thought out dates to impress you, flowers, spend time getting to really know about you, etc. Ladies expect some value out of yourselves! OK I'm done...*gets off soapbox...* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 /..snip../I feel bad for cancelling, but last time we hung out at his place (had sex for 1st time) and he didn't even walk me out or offer to drive me, and I felt terrible and never want to do that again. I don't know why I still feel guilty for cancelling! I don't know why either. Didn't even walk you out!? Yikes... Flush. Let me fix that for you... FLUSH!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 (edited) I had 2 dates with this guy... which were just drinking (his idea) at a bar. Now he asked me to come over, to bus over to his house (I don't drive) and have a few drinks and the past 2 times he picked me up. Honestly, I feel like he just sees me as a cheap and easy date. Is it wrong for me for wanting to be picked up and actually taken out in these early stages? Or am I being snobby? I feel bad for cancelling, but last time we hung out at his place (had sex for 1st time) and he didn't even walk me out or offer to drive me, and I felt terrible and never want to do that again. I don't know why I still feel guilty for cancelling! Don't feel guilty. You did yourself a huge favor. He's not invested beyond having sex delivered to his front door. In the future, don't be afraid of being alone if the choice is dealing with someone as base as this guy is. You should be able to figure it out the minute they ask you to come to their place to netflix and chill and you two haven't gone on a date out in public. That mess is fine 3 months in with weekly/bi-weekly going out (not on dates per se, but seeing each other out in public), not 3 dates in. Edited March 24, 2017 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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