Glam Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I'm feeling very insecure after this latest dating flop. Some background information on me in case the problem is my looks. I'm 21, around 5'5, 5'6, size 8 (European size). I have a small avatar pic up if you can even see it. I seem to have no problem getting dates but somewhere along the line the guys lose interest. The latest guy I met on a dating website. We talked for maybe 2 weeks exchanged pictures so we both knew realistically what we looked like. Before we even met this guy kept saying I'm out of his league looks wise. First date went well. It lasted 2 hours, I think we had fun we seemed to get comfortable really fast and just kept laughing. We kissed he kept touching me lightly so I assume he was interested? He ended the date saying I better text him when I get home and he won't be free again until 2 weeks later but did want to see me again. We text straight away when we get home and everything seems great. He even said he was shocked how I'm single, "you're a winner", "very good looking", "stunning", "sexy", "serious body". All these compliments came over the next week we've been texting so I assumed all was good. He tried to arrange a second date twice but had to postpone because of various things that came up. The second time he had to reschedule( he did offer a different day) I kind of became annoyed and said you're obviously not that interested I don't see the point in us talking. He said that's mad of course I'm interested but if that's how you feel then so be it. A day or 2 after I thought about it I thought maybe he was genuinely busy so I text him again saying look I was annoyed but if you want to text again that would be cool. He text me back saying its okay don't worry about it. But since that incident his interest levels have dropped and now its like impossible getting him to even text back or meet up. He did send a snapchat saying I should come down to watch a movie (he lives an hour away) and "why do you have to live so far away". I gave him loads of chances to just tell me he isn't interested but he won't say it. His actions say it though. Sorry for the long story, tried to condense it as best I could. I've never been confident in my looks and this just confirms it for me. Was he just lying about being attracted to me or was it my fault? Link to post Share on other sites
DumpedGuy9617 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 First of all, I would say you are attractive from what I can see, so I don't think that's the problem. Everything he said would indicate he was attracted to you, which kind of seems bizarre he wouldn't see you again, because, and I'm being honest here, most men that are physically attracted to someone would at least try to get laid. My question would be this; you've said a lot of things he said to you, but how did you act toward him? Did you message him a lot or come off as super clingy right away? The last part where you said you told him it was a bit annoying would seem a bit pushy to me, especially if I was actually busy. Being clingy will scare both men and women away early in relationships. Could that be it? I'm not making that assumption about you, just a thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Your looks may get them in the door, but your personality is what keeps them there. I find it really sad that you described yourself only by the physical. It makes me wonder if you hold any value for your personality. Anyway, about this guy, the compliments he sent you would have left me cold. There was nothing in there about you being good company, funny, interesting, intelligent etc etc. Seems to me that his attraction was to your physical attributes. I think he sounded shallow (or was just after sex) and I wouldn't have given him a second date. I think you did the right thing in cancelling the date. Though I would have worded it differently. I'd have said something about "I need someone who has time to date me" rather than verbalising assumptions about him. Hold your self worth higher and wait for a guy who likes you as a person and not just for your looks. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 It doesn't have to do with your looks. You are very beautiful, as the other person said, but you are so much more than the outside. This guy just sounds like a player. Be wary of people who lay it on thick like that but their actions don't correlate with their words. I would not bother with this guy again. Consider yourself lucky he's started to play games before you got in deeper. Don't put up with this flakiness. Best wishes x 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jgraham11 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 From everything I can see in your avatar it's not an attraction problem on your part, trust me, you have some amazing blue eyes! Sounds like he may just have other things going on though. That was my gut reaction to it when reading it. Give him one more opportunity but if he's playing this game then just move on Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Before we even met this guy kept saying I'm out of his league looks wise. This line keeps popping up. I need to head back to the internets Link to post Share on other sites
GoldSparkz Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I agree with the other posters. But one point to add, just because you are attractive doesn't necessarily mean that you're immune to timewasters. In fact, as you're attracting more men, you'll most likely be dealing with a high ratio of flakers. The way you deal with them is to toughen up and understand that timewasters are part and parcel with OLD. If you don't attach yourself too much in the beginning, it won't bother you when they disappear. You will also be able to sense when they're about to flake i.e. cancelling and rescheduling dates. Don't take it personal...they're doing this to everyone. Plus don't let it affect your perceptions of men...there are good ones out there. Just keep looking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I'm feeling very insecure after this latest dating flop. Some background information on me in case the problem is my looks. I'm 21, around 5'5, 5'6, size 8 (European size). I have a small avatar pic up if you can even see it. I seem to have no problem getting dates but somewhere along the line the guys lose interest. The latest guy I met on a dating website. We talked for maybe 2 weeks exchanged pictures so we both knew realistically what we looked like. Before we even met this guy kept saying I'm out of his league looks wise. First date went well. It lasted 2 hours, I think we had fun we seemed to get comfortable really fast and just kept laughing. We kissed he kept touching me lightly so I assume he was interested? He ended the date saying I better text him when I get home and he won't be free again until 2 weeks later but did want to see me again. We text straight away when we get home and everything seems great. He even said he was shocked how I'm single, "you're a winner", "very good looking", "stunning", "sexy", "serious body". All these compliments came over the next week we've been texting so I assumed all was good. He tried to arrange a second date twice but had to postpone because of various things that came up. The second time he had to reschedule( he did offer a different day) I kind of became annoyed and said you're obviously not that interested I don't see the point in us talking. He said that's mad of course I'm interested but if that's how you feel then so be it. A day or 2 after I thought about it I thought maybe he was genuinely busy so I text him again saying look I was annoyed but if you want to text again that would be cool. He text me back saying its okay don't worry about it. But since that incident his interest levels have dropped and now its like impossible getting him to even text back or meet up. He did send a snapchat saying I should come down to watch a movie (he lives an hour away) and "why do you have to live so far away". I gave him loads of chances to just tell me he isn't interested but he won't say it. His actions say it though. Sorry for the long story, tried to condense it as best I could. I've never been confident in my looks and this just confirms it for me. Was he just lying about being attracted to me or was it my fault? Can I ask you a question.. Why are you not confident in your looks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Can I ask you a question.. Why are you not confident in your looks? I don't know, I just never thought of myself as good looking. I've never been called ugly in fact I'm mainly called pretty/beautiful. My friends even say they always see guys staring and I do notice that but I don't know why I don't have much self confidence. And then when situations like this happen with guys I just think well I can't be that great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Your looks may get them in the door, but your personality is what keeps them there. I find it really sad that you described yourself only by the physical. It makes me wonder if you hold any value for your personality. Anyway, about this guy, the compliments he sent you would have left me cold. There was nothing in there about you being good company, funny, interesting, intelligent etc etc. Seems to me that his attraction was to your physical attributes. I think he sounded shallow (or was just after sex) and I wouldn't have given him a second date. I think you did the right thing in cancelling the date. Though I would have worded it differently. I'd have said something about "I need someone who has time to date me" rather than verbalising assumptions about him. Hold your self worth higher and wait for a guy who likes you as a person and not just for your looks. The only thing he did say about my personality was I'm funny and I make him laugh. We both seemed to have a good time on the date so I don't think I'm boring but I guess that wasn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 First of all, I would say you are attractive from what I can see, so I don't think that's the problem. Everything he said would indicate he was attracted to you, which kind of seems bizarre he wouldn't see you again, because, and I'm being honest here, most men that are physically attracted to someone would at least try to get laid. My question would be this; you've said a lot of things he said to you, but how did you act toward him? Did you message him a lot or come off as super clingy right away? The last part where you said you told him it was a bit annoying would seem a bit pushy to me, especially if I was actually busy. Being clingy will scare both men and women away early in relationships. Could that be it? I'm not making that assumption about you, just a thought. That's why I'm confused everything he said, all the compliments he gave and the way he acted on the date would point to he was attracted to me. Unless he hid it really well. I forgot to mention that he did end up saying thats why his ex broke it off with him because he was never around to text or whatever. When I asked if he's interested he always says yeah. He even mentioned "our next date" but never any concrete plans. I don't know if I acted clingy but I was very annoyed that he postponed the date twice and only told me when I asked him about it. Since then he seems to have lost all interest. Another thing he mentioned was I don't seem that "crazy" about him and he wanted me to prove my interest by travelling the whole one hour to see him. He said if I was interested in him I would. It's all so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I do agree with above posters. A couple of things struck me. One is the distance. It's hard to meet and grow a relationship with that kind of distance, IMO. It doesn't bother some people, it seems, but I'm not one that wants to make a two-hour round trip for a date. It seems that a lot of men don't consider this, until they have to do it. It also creates timing issues with busy schedules. Second, he sounds a little insecure and intimidated by your looks. After you "scolded" him, it could have just compounded the issue, and now he's taken a step back. Overall, I think sometimes it's the chase, and while he liked you well enough, it's not enough. You probably did nothing wrong, but you two just didn't click, or he's unwilling to go for a 2nd or 3rd date to see where things go. It happens. I've had this happen dozens of times, and you're just scratching your head because there was no indication, at all, that something wasn't quite right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 I do agree with above posters. A couple of things struck me. One is the distance. It's hard to meet and grow a relationship with that kind of distance, IMO. It doesn't bother some people, it seems, but I'm not one that wants to make a two-hour round trip for a date. It seems that a lot of men don't consider this, until they have to do it. It also creates timing issues with busy schedules. Second, he sounds a little insecure and intimidated by your looks. After you "scolded" him, it could have just compounded the issue, and now he's taken a step back. Overall, I think sometimes it's the chase, and while he liked you well enough, it's not enough. You probably did nothing wrong, but you two just didn't click, or he's unwilling to go for a 2nd or 3rd date to see where things go. It happens. I've had this happen dozens of times, and you're just scratching your head because there was no indication, at all, that something wasn't quite right. I kinda guessed the distance was too much, I thought the same myself. Why do you think he was intimidated by my looks? I actually thought it was the opposite, that he didn't actually find me attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 (edited) I'm feeling very insecure after this latest dating flop. Some background information on me in case the problem is my looks. I'm 21, around 5'5, 5'6, size 8 (European size). I have a small avatar pic up if you can even see it. I seem to have no problem getting dates but somewhere along the line the guys lose interest. The latest guy I met on a dating website. We talked for maybe 2 weeks exchanged pictures so we both knew realistically what we looked like. Before we even met this guy kept saying I'm out of his league looks wise. First date went well. It lasted 2 hours, I think we had fun we seemed to get comfortable really fast and just kept laughing. We kissed he kept touching me lightly so I assume he was interested? He ended the date saying I better text him when I get home and he won't be free again until 2 weeks later but did want to see me again. We text straight away when we get home and everything seems great. He even said he was shocked how I'm single, "you're a winner", "very good looking", "stunning", "sexy", "serious body". All these compliments came over the next week we've been texting so I assumed all was good. He tried to arrange a second date twice but had to postpone because of various things that came up. The second time he had to reschedule( he did offer a different day) I kind of became annoyed and said you're obviously not that interested I don't see the point in us talking. He said that's mad of course I'm interested but if that's how you feel then so be it. A day or 2 after I thought about it I thought maybe he was genuinely busy so I text him again saying look I was annoyed but if you want to text again that would be cool. He text me back saying its okay don't worry about it. But since that incident his interest levels have dropped and now its like impossible getting him to even text back or meet up. He did send a snapchat saying I should come down to watch a movie (he lives an hour away) and "why do you have to live so far away". I gave him loads of chances to just tell me he isn't interested but he won't say it. His actions say it though. Sorry for the long story, tried to condense it as best I could. I've never been confident in my looks and this just confirms it for me. Was he just lying about being attracted to me or was it my fault? Nothing wrong with your looks. To me your very attractive and you hold your facial stare very well! Have some self-confidence my dear. You and only you can live for yourself inside and out. Can't please everyone you run into. Guys will come and go. You have to know that your are the best and what you do and say. If the guy isn't the type of guy you want then say sorry this is not going to work out with me with you. Your in charge not him. Do not waste time waiting over a man who is not head over heals into you or even love you to the point when you get there. Try not to go with a man who doesn't know what a relationship is all about. Those who don't have a mom or dad or parents who had a happy marriage will never give you the life you want. They're not good fit for you if you don't have that. Most of us never get what we really want, so your not alone in that department. Remember it's not about you it's about them and what they want. You don't have to settle anymore. Now go out and find that right guy for you.. Edited March 23, 2017 by coolheadal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I kinda guessed the distance was too much, I thought the same myself. Why do you think he was intimidated by my looks? I actually thought it was the opposite, that he didn't actually find me attractive. He did find you attractive. That was my point. Like why would someone so gorgeous be interested in little ol' me? He's attractive, but probably doesn't think as highly of himself - like you think of yourself. You're very insecure about how you look. Also, "she could have any guy, why me?" "What if she meets someone else better looking than me?" Add a personality that goes with the looks, it can be intimidating - why would someone like him go out with someone like me? Will he stay or find someone more attractive, funnier, more outgoing <name whatever else comes to mind>? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 He did find you attractive. That was my point. Like why would someone so gorgeous be interested in little ol' me? He's attractive, but probably doesn't think as highly of himself - like you think of yourself. You're very insecure about how you look. Also, "she could have any guy, why me?" "What if she meets someone else better looking than me?" Add a personality that goes with the looks, it can be intimidating - why would someone like him go out with someone like me? Will he stay or find someone more attractive, funnier, more outgoing <name whatever else comes to mind>? Maybe so, but I don't think he found me that attractive. If he was so attracted to me he'd want to go for a second date but he doesn't. And he hasn't text me since about making any plans this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I'm feeling very insecure after this latest dating flop. Some background information on me in case the problem is my looks. I'm 21, around 5'5, 5'6, size 8 (European size). I have a small avatar pic up if you can even see it. I seem to have no problem getting dates but somewhere along the line the guys lose interest. The latest guy I met on a dating website. We talked for maybe 2 weeks exchanged pictures so we both knew realistically what we looked like. Before we even met this guy kept saying I'm out of his league looks wise. First date went well. It lasted 2 hours, I think we had fun we seemed to get comfortable really fast and just kept laughing. We kissed he kept touching me lightly so I assume he was interested? He ended the date saying I better text him when I get home and he won't be free again until 2 weeks later but did want to see me again. We text straight away when we get home and everything seems great. He even said he was shocked how I'm single, "you're a winner", "very good looking", "stunning", "sexy", "serious body". All these compliments came over the next week we've been texting so I assumed all was good. He tried to arrange a second date twice but had to postpone because of various things that came up. The second time he had to reschedule( he did offer a different day) I kind of became annoyed and said you're obviously not that interested I don't see the point in us talking. He said that's mad of course I'm interested but if that's how you feel then so be it. A day or 2 after I thought about it I thought maybe he was genuinely busy so I text him again saying look I was annoyed but if you want to text again that would be cool. He text me back saying its okay don't worry about it. But since that incident his interest levels have dropped and now its like impossible getting him to even text back or meet up. He did send a snapchat saying I should come down to watch a movie (he lives an hour away) and "why do you have to live so far away". I gave him loads of chances to just tell me he isn't interested but he won't say it. His actions say it though. Sorry for the long story, tried to condense it as best I could. I've never been confident in my looks and this just confirms it for me. Was he just lying about being attracted to me or was it my fault? Hi, didn't get the opp to look at your avatar, but will believe that you are attractive. This is a single incident. How did others go? To be honest, his lack of interest has some to do with your personality, but the distance and convenience also plays a part. He may want to get laid, but isn't going to put in the effort with someone who lives so far away. It clearly is an issue for him. Your personality didn't help, but if you two were much closer, I'm willing to bet he'd be back with less hesitation. You make it sound like a chronic dating problem, but this is only a single encounter. Could you elaborate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 Hi, didn't get the opp to look at your avatar, but will believe that you are attractive. This is a single incident. How did others go? To be honest, his lack of interest has some to do with your personality, but the distance and convenience also plays a part. He may want to get laid, but isn't going to put in the effort with someone who lives so far away. It clearly is an issue for him. Your personality didn't help, but if you two were much closer, I'm willing to bet he'd be back with less hesitation. You make it sound like a chronic dating problem, but this is only a single encounter. Could you elaborate? What was wrong with my personality? This is the first time I haven't gotten a second date. Normally I do. But with other guys they lose interest after 2 months. Because of this I haven't really had a proper relationship ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 What was wrong with my personality? This is the first time I haven't gotten a second date. Normally I do. But with other guys they lose interest after 2 months. Because of this I haven't really had a proper relationship ever. Sorry, want to be clear that your response to him may have made him think that your attitude/personality may not be worth the hassle. Again, you don't provide ANY details. What happens during and at around 2-months? Did you have sex with these guys around that time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glam Posted March 26, 2017 Author Share Posted March 26, 2017 Sorry, want to be clear that your response to him may have made him think that your attitude/personality may not be worth the hassle. Again, you don't provide ANY details. What happens during and at around 2-months? Did you have sex with these guys around that time? Yeah maybe he thought that, I was annoyed. I'm not one for holding back when something annoys me I just say it. Maybe I should have just went along with it. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 In my experience, an absolutely stunning girl with a bad personality is unattractive. But an average looking girl with a nice personality can be stunning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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