Girl Who "Dumped" Me is Back....Kinda

[lakerman34]

So...a while ago (before Christmas) I posted about a girl that I was seeing, everything was going well, and then she just went ghost. After telling her I don't appreciate being ghosted, she told me that I did nothing wrong, she just needed to refocus (we have very high stress jobs).

 

Well, I saw her on the street during Mardi Gras, we smiled at each other, said a quick "hello." In my drunk "stupor" (or genius), I texted her saying we should hang out. She agreed!

 

The following Saturday, we went out for dinner/drinks. She started off pretty distant, but by the end of the night she was VERY, VERY clearly into me. I could just tell that things were going SUPER well. We even had a very deep conversation about our futures, importance of having a significant other, and importance of family. I could honestly say that I started to build feelings towards her. At the end of the night, she gave me a HUGE tight hug, said "I'll text you!" and went on her way.

 

Long story short, I texted her a few nights later asking her what she was doing Friday. She said she had plans, but asked "what does your weekend look like?" I told her I had a couple of things going on, but may be available Saturday night. No response.

 

Then, Saturday morning comes, I text her "hey! what you up to tonight?" No response (grant it -- there is a pretty big deal St. Patty's Day parade EVERYBODY goes to, and I assume her "plans" consisted of getting a bit hammered). Then, that night, I made a quick joke -- sent her an upset smiley with "this is my "grrrrr" face." Still no response. It is now Sunday evening, and I have yet to hear word from her.

 

Now, during our awesome night, she did tell me that she has a history of being terrible with communication, but I'm just terribly confused. I can tell when a date goes wrong, goes just OK, or goes extremely well. I know, for a fact, that we were REALLY feeling each other that night, and she would have come back to my place if it weren't for the fact that she had an 8AM meeting the next morning.

 

I could just be reading too much into this, and may receive a text some time in the next couple of days. I'm just very, very surprised that she hasn't even reached out yet.

 

Any explanations?

Edited March 12, 2017 by lakerman34

[Tressugar]

The only explanation I can lend is that she may be into you, but does not show long-term consistent staying power.

 

I would throw this one back into the pond.

 

My suggestion is to live in the moment because the person you're having fun with for the night, may be gone in the morning esp with this new dating realm.

[lakerman34]

The only explanation I can lend is that she may be into you, but does not show long-term consistent staying power.

 

I would throw this one back into the pond.

 

My suggestion is to live in the moment because the person you're having fun with for the night, may be gone in the morning esp with this new dating realm.

 

That makes a lot of sense, but it's hard. She definitely is into me, I just could feel it. I think part of it may be a fear of falling too deeply, or she recognizes that maybe I am only in it for the "fun" and not the long-term "potential family" aspect?

[lolablue17]

I'm like you, turn to "over analyze" people's intents. But the more i live i learn that sometimes it's a waste of time doing that. Instead of trying to find a reasonable explanation to a totally unreasonable behavior, be focused on your own standards, and cut everyone who isn't follow through these standards.

 

Set a rule - When someone acts like an a**hole, assume that she is an A**hole, unless she proves otherwise. Now it becomes easy. Why would you want to even talk with an a**hole?

[SevenCity]

First, hugs are for friends and your grand mother. Not for chicks who are really into you. If she was that into you she would have given you a kiss.

 

Second, her behavior is not that of a woman who is really into you. If so, she would have made an effort to make plans. You reaching out so much didn't help.

 

But even if everything seems to be going well you don't know what's going on in the background. Could be another guy, ex bf, whatever.

 

One girl I went out with (great time on the date) a few weeks ago kissed me and was all "text me when you get home!" And she texted me just as I got in late due to traffic. We went back and forth and she said she had a great time.

 

Texted her a couple days later and asked her out again. She responded a few days after that without answering my question. I reminded her that she never answered my question and she said "We definitely should get together again". I responded "Definitely" (to see if she would take the initiative and offer me some days she was free) and haven't heard from her since. Oh well.

 

Sometimes you don't do anything wrong and it falls apart anyway.

 

This is dating.

[Erik30]

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

 

You know what she's like. I think that last date you had wasn't that amazing for her, or else she wouldn't be ignoring your texts. Maybe she gave you a second chance, decided later on she wasn't really feeling it, so now she's ghosting you again.

[lakerman34]

Everything you are all saying is exactly what I'd say to someone in my shoes. However, it just doesn't fit in with the narrative.

 

Believe me, she was feeling it too. Anyone who has been on a date that they just KNEW it was going somewhere knows the feeling. I was feeling it VERY strong, and I could tell she was too.

 

The hug wasn't your typical friend "hug," for what it's worth.

 

EDIT: But, then again, there are a million one reasons why this might have happened. I'm really thinking it's because I gave the vibe of "we are never going to be anything serious, but I like you and wanna go on dates and have sex with you, but I'm out in a couple of months." (I'm moving away in July-Augustish).

 

No sense in over-analyzing.

Edited March 13, 2017 by lakerman34

[Tressugar]

OP, if you believe you had put out this vibe and she picked up on it then stress yourself out? Move on to someone who wants to hit it and quit it with you.

 

There's plenty of casual encounter websites that can offer you what you're looking for.

[lakerman34]

OP, if you believe you had put out this vibe and she picked up on it then stress yourself out? Move on to someone who wants to hit it and quit it with you.

 

There's plenty of casual encounter websites that can offer you what you're looking for.

 

I am not really looking for that. I'm not really looking for anything, honestly. I have no expectations. My thing is I know that I'm moving away for school in July or August. Maybe I was looking for something up until the move happens for me. Perhaps our priorities didn't align.

[act00]

You weren't exactly committed to getting together at any point on the weekend. She had plans on Friday, and you stated you "might" have something going on, on Saturday, and I'm guessing she went on with other plans since she wasn't going to wait around for a "maybe." If you had said, Saturday would be great!, you might have found yourself spending time with this woman. You were holding out for something else, and you got it.

 

Maybe this weekend was just a wash, but if she's into you and you're into her, then you can hopefully connect in the near future.

 

She already pulled a full ghost, so don't get your hopes up.

 

If you have an active plan of moving away four months from now, don't expect anyone seeking long-term to put a lot of effort into you.

[lakerman34]

You weren't exactly committed to getting together at any point on the weekend. She had plans on Friday, and you stated you "might" have something going on, on Saturday, and I'm guessing she went on with other plans since she wasn't going to wait around for a "maybe." If you had said, Saturday would be great!, you might have found yourself spending time with this woman. You were holding out for something else, and you got it.

 

Maybe this weekend was just a wash, but if she's into you and you're into her, then you can hopefully connect in the near future.

 

She already pulled a full ghost, so don't get your hopes up.

 

If you have an active plan of moving away four months from now, don't expect anyone seeking long-term to put a lot of effort into you.

 

Exactly. She may be into me, but the vibe I was getting from her is that she was looking for more long-term.

 

HOWEVER, she also mentioned that she wasn't looking for anything "too serious" because she, too, had plans of moving away in about a year or so.

[dumbass2]

Well, she ghosted you once and you allowed her back like it was nothing and now she's doing it again and you continue texting her. Someone that is really into you, as you say she is, does not keep ghosting. She is just not that into you.

[lakerman34]

Well, she ghosted you once and you allowed her back like it was nothing and now she's doing it again and you continue texting her. Someone that is really into you, as you say she is, does not keep ghosting. She is just not that into you.

 

Putting myself in her shoes, maybe not.

 

I'm really good at being an awesome date even when I'm not particularly interested. Maybe she's the same way.

[goldway90]

We even had a very deep conversation about our futures, importance of having a significant other

 

Mistake number one. Why are you talking about this kind stuff after she basically ghosted you!

 

I told her I had a couple of things going on, but may be available Saturday night. No response.

 

You started chasing right here.

 

Then, Saturday morning comes, I text her "hey! what you up to tonight?" No response (grant it -- there is a pretty big deal St. Patty's Day parade EVERYBODY goes to, and I assume her "plans" consisted of getting a bit hammered)

 

Again chasing and over pursuing, stop making excuses for her when she doesn't reply! you're being needy.

 

Then, that night, I made a quick joke -- sent her an upset smiley with "this is my "grrrrr" face." Still no response. It is now Sunday evening, and I have yet to hear word from her.

 

Stop doing this! you're so needy omg, let her come to you she's not even responding so why are you texting?

 

Now, during our awesome night, she did tell me that she has a history of being terrible with communication, but I'm just terribly confused. I can tell when a date goes wrong, goes just OK, or goes extremely well. I know, for a fact, that we were REALLY feeling each other that night, and she would have come back to my place if it weren't for the fact that she had an 8AM meeting the next morning

 

She was just making excuses and you fell for it. A woman who's into you would go to your place even if she had a meeting at 8 AM

 

I'm just very, very surprised that she hasn't even reached out yet.

 

She's not interested and you're heading to the friendzone at full speed.

[lakerman34]

Mistake number one. Why are you talking about this kind stuff after she basically ghosted you!

 

 

 

You started chasing right here.

 

 

 

Again chasing and over pursuing, stop making excuses for her when she doesn't reply! you're being needy.

 

 

 

Stop doing this! you're so needy omg, let her come to you she's not even responding so why are you texting?

 

 

 

She was just making excuses and you fell for it. A woman who's into you would go to your place even if she had a meeting at 8 AM

 

 

 

She's not interested and you're heading to the friendzone at full speed.

 

I have to STRONGLY disagree with a lot of this, but let me just start here: I have turned down dates/sex b/c of an important meeting that was early in the morning. I think a LOT of what you said in this post is VERY subjective.

 

Women, believe it or not, also care a LOT about their careers and will turn down one night so they are awake and ready to go for a business meeting.

Edited March 13, 2017 by lakerman34

[mightycpa]

You are way to available for her. The bottom line is she doesn't like you as much as you want her to like you, which puts you at a disadvantage.

 

Do you like it that way? If not, get rid of her or at least, act like you're the one with the upper hand. You'll see how she doesn't chase you.

[goldway90]

I have to STRONGLY disagree with a lot of this, but let me just start here: I have turned down dates/sex b/c of an important meeting that was early in the morning. I think a LOT of what you said in this post is VERY person-to-person.

 

Women, believe it or not, also care a LOT about their careers and will turn down one night so they are awake and ready to go for a business meeting.

 

You're chasing and over pursuing and she's not responding! Why? because it's needy behavior and women hate this. Ask any woman what's the most annoying thing that find in a man?

 

Here's the thing your interest level is higher than hers which why she's not responding, don't make excuses for this girl just to keep texting and chasing. To me she's clearly not interested.

Edited March 13, 2017 by goldway90
missing word

[1fish2fish]

It sounds like she got caught up in the moment.

 

You said she was a little distant at first, but then was more and more into you as the evening went on? Possibly a couple of drinks loosened her up.

 

Obviously, you're a fun friend to hang out with, and that's how she sees you...and wants to keep you.

[elaine567]

She ghosted you originally for a reason and whilst great to catch up and chew the fat over some drinks, she is not really interested in pursuing anything else with you.

 

With a few drinks she may have been "feeling" something but it didn't stop her from ending the date with a hug and a promise to text..

However in the cold light of day, she changed her mind and I guess she has remembered why she ghosted you before.

[TheTraveler]

What was your end goal Lakerman?

 

When you reached out after a couple months and secured a get together, what was your intention? I would assume sex instantly and a short-term fling because you're leaving in 3 months. If you were awesome at dating it wouldn't have ended with a thud i.e. a hug...

[clia]

She hasn't reached out because she's not interested enough to do so...same as the last time she ghosted. Move on.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I agree, lakerman...she didn't come "back" (not even sort of), you're the one pursuing her. And she's just as lukewarm as ever.

 

I disagree that your acting thirsty is keeping her from wanting the relationship, though. That can happen, absolutely but in this case she already didn't want a "thing" with you in that way. However you had acted after that - aloof, pursuing, whatever - she just already wasn't very into it. It wasn't a case of: you could have had something with her, but you messed it up somehow. She just isn't into it, no messing up on your part necessary.

 

She didn't reconnect with you, she just smiled. (Which is polite. If she had stood there and glared that would have been weird.) You took it as thirsty hope. Then you started pursuing. If you had not aggressively and constantly pursued with these texts and follow-up texts and so on, she would NEVER have approached you. That itself speaks volumes. Now you're dragging her by the arm through even answering your increasingly urgent texts (smileys notwithstanding...she sees right through that...she knows how desperate you're becoming) and she can't even be bothered to answer when you're frowney-facing your communication that you're upset. SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE. What more evidence do you need?

 

Why are you keeping after her?