Tressugar Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I'm curious to know what's your take on your date/significant other/spouse checking attractive people out in front of you. Is it considered rude? Why do people do it? Is it to compare what they "have" to what's on the market? I understand we all look at beautiful ppl all the time, but to stare at attractive ppl in front of your date I feel it takes it to another level. Alas I am guilty of doing it once, but not in a disrespectful manner. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 yes it's rude to gawk at good looking ppl when your partner is around. but when the cats away the mice shall play. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 It's rude. People with any sense don't do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 If I was out on a date and my date started checking out other people, I'd assume she wasn't very into me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 Do not stay with someone who does that because it's a gross display of disrespect, no matter what their excuse for it is. Men are gonna look, but a man who respects you won't do it in front of you at least. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 I let my date know that I'm p*ssed that he did it and in a playful manner called him out on it in front of his friends. And again in private. He and his married friend both claimed he wasn't doing anything, but I wasn't born yesterday. The girl was young, very cute, but damn! Do ya have to watch her walk all the way to her car?! I'm beautiful too and have a lot to offer. I already checked him on this, but it continues then buh, bye. Link to post Share on other sites
LurkerXX Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 A brief catch of the eye is human. Dwelling on it, staring, repeated looks, commenting is disrespectful. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 If it's a serious checking-out, I feel that's unacceptable. If it's just a glance as the person passes, well, sometimes we really can't help that. I have done it, for sure. Actually, my husband is probably even more subtle about it than I am. Maybe this is why he wears sunglasess all the time! Also, if it's a very new relationship I would feel less comfortable with this in general. Do try to tone it WAY down. Way, way down. In the beginning, you're just getting to know one another...and you're making an impression. If you can't help but swing your head at every pair of betties that crosses your path, you will come off like an immature, unattractive teenager who has no self-control. That would earn a hard pass from me, and probably from most women who have any self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
LurkerXX Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 Yeah, actual rubbernecking on a date will earn you negative 500 points. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) as an artist ...i often look at people i see beauty in everything ill look at a homeless man on the street the same as i would look at a good looking guy..there is something that catches my eye about them...its normally not conventional beauty anyway.....it could even be a mannerism that i am looking at.....and sometimes not really wanting to ill look too long...and this i dotn want to do to make another uncomfortable if they look back at me and catch me looking ill smile.... i dont mind being with a guy who notices beauty.....what i do mind is when it becomes obvious and hurtful like saying you should wear that color ...or why cant you wear make up like hers or dress like her now she has style...she is hot ....... or when i am talking to them ...they dont even bother to turn their eyes back to me and talk to me while they continue looking at them.....and makes me feel like i am not even present...makes me really sad actually.....like i dont count.....and i feel that is really unjust.....because i would never do that to my guy...i cant be with a guy like that...i would never be who i am around him......or feel relaxed and open.........deb Edited March 12, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 He's always been very respectable to me. This one time does deserve a pass. He was extremely drunk...had too much to drink. (This is drunken escapade was a one-time fluke). I definitely don't want to come across as insecure. And joked that two can play that game. I think when I said that out aloud he knew I could walk away without ever looking back. Link to post Share on other sites
lakerman34 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) So, there is this girl that shows up as a top match for me on OKC and POF. We've messaged here and there, but she always killed the conversation as soon as I brought up the idea of going out together. Finally, after about a YEAR AND A HALF of this, she says "we should get drinks. We keep showing up for each other EVERYWHERE, I think it's time." So we did. We went to this outdoor wine place, and let me tell you, I STRUGGLED in keeping myself from staring at the two beautiful women that were sitting at the table next to us. In other words, after a year and a half's worth of work, I wasn't very into the girl that was in front of me. She asked me out on a second date, but I just couldn't. Hell, if I'm being completely honest, I was trying to figure out a way to, when my date went to the bathroom, slipping one of the girls my phone number. I figured "that only happens in the movies" though, and chickened out. EDIT: Worth noting that I was staring because I wasn't that into my date. If I was, she'd be the only person in the world that mattered to me during that time. Edited March 13, 2017 by lakerman34 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 It's poor form to stare, but it's okay to notice and look. My wife and I both look all of the time, yet we never stare or make each other feel uncomfortable about it. We think it's funny when we sometimes see someone and then ask each other what we think of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lakerman34 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 It's poor form to stare, but it's okay to notice and look. My wife and I both look all of the time, yet we never stare or make each other feel uncomfortable about it. We think it's funny when we sometimes see someone and then ask each other what we think of them. That's awesome. A teacher I used to work with who was very attractive (not in the "I'm attracted" to her sort of way, but she was very physically beautiful) told me that when she and her husband are out and one of them catches someone checking the other out, they plan out a way to use it to their advantage and get free drinks/food/discounts. Sounds like an awesome relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 (edited) ^^^ Thanks, that said we haven't gone as far your former work colleague and her husband. Edited March 13, 2017 by 5x5 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 It's rude. People with any sense don't do it. and the Ruby Slippers do give one remarkable power....well done 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I am so confident in what I have that I am not even sure I'd notice if my BF looked at other women. If he looked left I'd think he's looking at the street sign, it would not cross my mind he is looking at the bimbo getting into her car. I have never been the type of woman to watch her man just to catch him red-handed doing something wrong. I also don't date men that drinks to the point of being incoherent, that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I'm curious to know what's your take on your date/significant other/spouse checking attractive people out in front of you. Is it considered rude? Why do people do it? Is it to compare what they "have" to what's on the market? I understand we all look at beautiful ppl all the time, but to stare at attractive ppl in front of your date I feel it takes it to another level. Alas I am guilty of doing it once, but not in a disrespectful manner. You will probably get a lot of different opinions on this one. It's natural and healthy to find other people interesting and attractive. However, being able to subdue your impulses in the name of sacrifice for the greater good is definitional of a committed monogamous relationship. It's one thing when someone catches your eye, you become aware of it, and then turn your gaze back to your partner to reaffirm your commitment. It's something else when someone catches your eye, you become aware of it, and you stare and turn away from your partner who you are supposed to be committed to. I believe it's the turning away that makes people feel betrayed. If you feel disrespected by your partner, I would have an honest conversation and say how it makes you feel when you seem engaging in this behavior. If you bring it up in a non-defensive manner, and your partner is indeed committed and cares for you, they should be willing to recognize the impact of their behavior and be more mindful of the effect they have on you (and ultimately, the relationship) going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Thank you everyone for your responses. It helps solidify we naturally look at the beauty of ppl and our environment. I know what I'd experienced was normal and healthy and done without malice. I'm happy to hear no harm, no foul. Moving forward he knows my boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 In general, completely normal! Means nothing. BUT it can be disrespectful in some cases. I don't think some men even realize how disrespectful or conspicuous it is.. It doesn't bother me, personally, if the guy I'm with looks. I mean some women are so beautiful *I* gawk at them. I think I look at women more than men do haha and I'm a heterosexual woman. With that said I think when a guy is with his girl/wife and she's pushing a stroller and he's obviously checking out a woman waiting in the checkout lane, like breaking his neck and drooling, it's ridiculous lol. I always think 'dude....'Control your animal! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 My wife points out eye candy for me, and I do the same for her. It's normal to notice - but not to stare or gawk, as that would be rude. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 It's rude. People with any sense don't do it. again, if you are a man and you are on a date with a woman WHY in the world would you gawk at another woman??? it is very disrespectful to the woman you are with......MANNERS, being a gentleman, having at least a touch chivalry THESE are things to learn Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I'm curious to know what's your take on your date/significant other/spouse checking attractive people out in front of you. Is it considered rude? Why do people do it? Is it to compare what they "have" to what's on the market? I understand we all look at beautiful ppl all the time, but to stare at attractive ppl in front of your date I feel it takes it to another level. Alas I am guilty of doing it once, but not in a disrespectful manner. I'll be honest. I don't think I ever experienced that and I had some pretty effed up things that had happen to me in relationships lol. I know me. I would have taken offense and if it happens to many times I don't think I could deal with it. I can see one time but if you ogling women all the time that's disrespectful af Link to post Share on other sites
shizzle_84 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I'm curious to know what's your take on your date/significant other/spouse checking attractive people out in front of you. Is it considered rude? Why do people do it? Is it to compare what they "have" to what's on the market? I understand we all look at beautiful ppl all the time, but to stare at attractive ppl in front of your date I feel it takes it to another level. Alas I am guilty of doing it once, but not in a disrespectful manner. It's normal to look at attractive person... even if you're on a date with someone else. It might be okay to stare for a bit (if she's like Claudia Schiffer). It might even be okay to comment to your date how good looking that other person is, in passing - just to lighten the mood. But my 2 cents... when your date is staring at another person in front of you. Like staring... Seems kind of like crossing the line there to me. You let him/her do that - they'll eventually treat you like a door mat. That's my humble opinion... If it's worth anything to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 I'm curious to know what's your take on your date/significant other/spouse checking attractive people out in front of you. Is it considered rude? Why do people do it? Is it to compare what they "have" to what's on the market? I understand we all look at beautiful ppl all the time, but to stare at attractive ppl in front of your date I feel it takes it to another level. Alas I am guilty of doing it once, but not in a disrespectful manner. My opinion is if it's your SO looking at other people in front of you, yes it's rude but if it's quick, then I won't be that mad. I mean there are other attractive people in the world. But really, if they gonna take a peep, best to do it out your eyesight. Now, if it's a first date or someone who you are getting to know, then it's a wrap. To me, to look so early indicates to me that they are always on the prowl and I question their faithlessness. In the beginning, if someone really likes you, they don't have eyes for anyone else. I would probably stop dating the person after or not take them seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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