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Mixed vibes after great first date


NoWay55

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Hey,

 

I am a 16 years old guy with not so much experiences in dating. However, I met a girl on one dating site and we immediately started chatting. Then I added her on Facebook, we talked for a while and then I encouraged myself to ask her out. She lives in the next city, 40 kilometres/26 miles away from me. So I hopped on a train and went to see her. We enjoyed an awesome date! It was 2 hours longer than we expected, the vibe was great (long stares into each others eyes, holding hands for a while, sharing same interests, conversation flowing,...) and she even suggested to go home with her (it was already evening)!

 

Anyway, I felt great. However, after days of little chat, we suggested second date and talked about the previous one and how we enjoyed it. But three days before the second date, some problems occured. She told me she has some unexpected serious family problems (because of her parents) and she's not sure when she's available and ready. I replied that it's okay, I can wait and if anything, I am there for her. She thanked me and it's been two days and we haven't talked yet.

 

And back to my question - how should I react? I have a strong feelings for her already and I am not sure if to move on and let it be, to wait or ask her about further details. In real life, the vibes were clear, but now I am really confused. What should I do? Do you personally think she's interested? Isn't it only an excuse?

 

Thanks a lot! I am really new to all of this and I don't want to play any stupid games with her. My intentions were clear and her too. But now things are kinda complicated. Looking forward to all the answers, advices and suggestions!

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Good for you for having the courage to ask her out & then following through!

 

 

For now, take her at her word that family problems are affecting her availability. Keep talking with her & flirting. When things calm down for her reschedule the second date. If that doesn't happen in a timely manner sadly she may not be as into you as you are into her. That happens. Keep your dignity & move on. That's a worst case scenario. For now, keep talking.

 

 

On a side note, is it me? I think there is something kind of sad about the fact that 16 year olds had to resort to dating sites. What happened to meeting somebody in school?

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Well, thanks a lot! It helped me, altough I am still wondering if is it just a made up excuse or not. Anyway, I will keep in touch with her, talk with her and then I'll try to reschedule the second date. And the point is - how to know that she's losing any remaining interest in me? I mean... should I suggest second date and if she rejects, then move on?

 

Thanks a lot! :)

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I think at your age, keep the door open. You both have to deal with the parents. She could very well have gotten herself grounded for being out all hours and who knows what other situations may have caused this issue with her parents. Does she have a curfew? Did you make sure to get her home in time (I'm guessing not since the date ran 2 hours late)? Did you meet her parents? Parents protect their children, and certainly their daughters. Stay friendly, stay friends, and hopefully you'll have opportunity to go out again; also, be a responsible young man with the parents, and be respectful - they are the gatekeeper.

 

I wasn't allowed out the door if the guy didn't come to the door and meet them, and there was hell to pay missing curfew, and the guy certainly wouldn't be in their best graces if he proved to be disrespectful and irresponsible by being late. What exactly are teenagers doing at all hours?

 

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's a difficult distance, and you could meet someone closer to home who is easier to see.

 

ETA - I wouldn't take this as non-interest at this time. She has parents. They could have taken away her internet or phone. There could be other things going on.

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True, thanks. And I think you're right - she told me that her parents don't allow dating, so I think this has done the thing. But how to overcome this?

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True, thanks. And I think you're right - she told me that her parents don't allow dating, so I think this has done the thing. But how to overcome this?

 

If her parents don't allow dating, and you knew this, you both screwed up, and they found out about it, and they are pissed. You certainly didn't win any awards here, and this will be hard to recover from. You have proven to be irresponsible and a bad influence and fully supported her lie.

 

I don't know how easily this can be overcome if her parents do not allow dating. I would think, maybe, if your (potential) girlfriend gets permission to go out on a date, you will meet the parents when you pick her up from her home. You will be courteous and respectful. You will understand the curfew and make sure their daughter is deposited back home on time, if not early. If you're home super early, you can talk with her a little on the porch. Don't think for a second her dad isn't peering out the window, so don't even think about groping her or making out.

 

If the parents say no dating, don't invite drama into your life. This girl is not on the market. Sure, you can see her on the sly, but you're going to run into this situation repeatedly, and why not pursue someone who is allowed to go out?

 

Consider her parents an extension of her, because as I said, they are the gatekeepers, and if you don't put out a good impression on them and your character, you are stonewalled out the gate.

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Thanks, altough she told me actually AFTER the date. However, should I wait few days, give her space before things get back to normal? I am trying to not get too invested in this. I mean... I like her a lot and I feel like the waiting is killing me, but still I am able to give her time.

 

Thanks a lot! :))

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If her parents don't allow dating she is stuck. It doesn't really matter what she wants. It's their decision.

 

 

Ask if you can meet the parents in the hopes of changing their minds. Sneaking around with her will never endear you to them.

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Well, I didn't get the opportunity to meet them. However, after second date I am definitely willing to show myself. I mean, as somone wrote above - It's actually their decision. And I am kinda glad she's not one of the girls who have new boyfriend every single week. So do you think that I should talk about it with her after we reschedule the date?

 

Thanks! :))

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