Girlfriend going travelling

[Rko28]

Brief background, have been dating since early January, exclusively, labelled us as official boyfriend girlfriend about 3 weeks ago. Haven't told each other we are in love but I'm pretty sure we are, so affectionate, so happy, basically already she's the best girl I've ever met.

 

She has travelled before for a whole year, I think it was our 2nd date she mentioned she wanted to travel again but not for as long. I put that to the back of my mind.

 

Tonight she asked what I thought about her going travelling possibly November time for 3 or 4 months, no longer, her job is offering her a career break to do this but she wanted to check what I thought 1st.

 

I immediately told her I would never stop her doing anything, obviously I'd miss her and be a bit gutted but wouldn't stand in the way of her because she had these plans before we met, she agreed and said she never thought she would meet someone like me that's made her unsure what to do about it.

 

I told her she should go, she said 4 months would fly by and by then she may have changed her mind anyway, in the whole con station I threw in "I'll come with you" which she said "aw yea come travelling with me" but that is something I prob shouldn't have said, she might want to go alone. My job also offers career breaks for travelling so it is something I could possibly do.

 

Understandably I am feeling a bit sad though, I appreciate a lot can change before she goes and that we haven't been together long at all but I love this girl to pieces, I can bear the thought of not seeing her for 4 days never mind 4 months.

 

I have no trust issues with her if she went, and I certainly wouldn't stray, it's just the missing someone and wondering whilst away if feelings would change.

 

It has crossed my mind this evening to end things with her because of this, I'm worried I'm going to,lose her when she goes so is ending it now better to avoid falling for her even more?

[KBob]

She's running the idea by you to see what you think because she cares about you. And she said yes to you joining her, so go! Don't overthink it, this looks like a positive thing to me. And even if you can't take time off work, take a couple weeks (or however long you can) and meet up with her somewhere.

[Ami1uwant]

She's running the idea by you to see what you think because she cares about you. And she said yes to you joining her, so go! Don't overthink it, this looks like a positive thing to me. And even if you can't take time off work, take a couple weeks (or however long you can) and meet up with her somewhere.

 

 

I agree.....

 

being gone for a few months really isnt that big of a deal. I dont know what sort of leave you could take but you could possibly join her for parts of this.

 

If you are doing well now, you should them be together then and even stronger so you will survive

[viatori patuit]

Sounds like you are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. That is a great time when the other person is priority one (or close to that). First, in 8months things will be different. The honeymoon phase will likely be over and you will have a much better relationship basis then initial infatuation.

 

With my current gf I left for two weeks right after we started dating (three weeks in). To be honest, it was a great experience. I counted the days to get back. We are at 18 months now and stronger then ever.

 

If your relationship dies because of a small abscenfe like that then it probably wasn't very stable to begin with. Especially if you can go see her a few times.

[Rko28]

It was a good feeling reading all your replies here this morning.

 

Things are going great with her at the minute, I feel so blessed to be with this girl, no drama, so loving, sticks by her words and promises, fun to be with etc.

 

Obviously a lot can change by when she goes but hopefully only for the better.

 

I landed this job last October, it was one I've been trying to get for years so I'm happy to be there, part of their work life balance and in my contract is unpaid leave for travelling, not sure how long for but I could always add holidays on to it, a month would be better than nothing.

[coolheadal]

If she hasn't left yet, do this with her:

 

Face to face

Stare into her eyes

Say this to her"when you leave for her trip, :I will hand you my heart for the love I have for you, I will hand you a rose you will smell and remember us together as you head off" Say it like that and see how her facial expression is? Does she tear from her eyes or does she say your so wonderful or something like that? If she does you know where her heart is for you.. I wish you the best!

[smackie9]

omg if you love this girl to bits.....how about telling her?

 

Just my opinion....since this has become a committed relationship, she needs to adjust to it accordingly and that means not traveling alone for an extended length of time. It's ridiculous to expect someone to accept that, unless it was a casual relationship. I don't think you should just roll over on this one and let her do whatever because you don't want to cause any waves. I think it's selfish on her part and should know better....and YOU should know better than to get involved in someone who still has a need to travel alone for months at a time. All I can say is....good luck with that.

[GemmaUK]

If she hasn't left yet, do this with her:

 

Face to face

Stare into her eyes

Say this to her"when you leave for her trip, :I will hand you my heart for the love I have for you, I will hand you a rose you will smell and remember us together as you head off" Say it like that and see how her facial expression is? Does she tear from her eyes or does she say your so wonderful or something like that? If she does you know where her heart is for you.. I wish you the best!

 

Eek! This really wouldn't work for me!

I'm not into slushy, never have been.

 

If her reaction to you joining her was pretty instant and if you can take a break for some of the time at least then just do it!

 

What are your company's stipulations of time off for travel? If you need to have worked there for a period of time then at the least you could take a holiday and do part of the trip with her.

[Rko28]

omg if you love this girl to bits.....how about telling her?

 

Just my opinion....since this has become a committed relationship, she needs to adjust to it accordingly and that means not traveling alone for an extended length of time. It's ridiculous to expect someone to accept that, unless it was a casual relationship. I don't think you should just roll over on this one and let her do whatever because you don't want to cause any waves. I think it's selfish on her part and should know better....and YOU should know better than to get involved in someone who still has a need to travel alone for months at a time. All I can say is....good luck with that.

 

Well she asked how I felt about it, nothing is set in stone and she's not 100% going, I get the impression if I said no then she wouldn't go but I'm not stopping someone follow their dreams, if it was for 6 or 12 months I'd feel a lot different I'm sure.

This would be her last bit of travelling, she's already done most this is just finishing off the places she hasn't been for 3 or 4 months and then she wants to get a house etc after that.

 

 

Eek! This really wouldn't work for me!

I'm not into slushy, never have been.

 

If her reaction to you joining her was pretty instant and if you can take a break for some of the time at least then just do it!

 

What are your company's stipulations of time off for travel? If you need to have worked there for a period of time then at the least you could take a holiday and do part of the trip with her.

I agree, I would feel a fool saying that and she would probably cry with laughter. Thanks though.

 

It's in my contract that we are allowed a career break for traveling, study or volunteer work, nothing there saying how long you have to work for.

 

I've had a good discussion with my mum today about it and she says if I can go then I should. As you say the worst scenario is maybe taking a few holidays here and there and joining for a week here and there.

 

I've always wanted to travel myself and this could be the chance to be honest, I have no ties such as a mortgage or children and 3/4 months wouldn't break the bank.

 

I guess time will tell, just need to make sure she would want with me her 100% that could be a different story.

[Els]

OP, kudos for you being so understanding and adventurous. I think you are building a good foundation for a potential relationship here.

 

Given that she has offered you to join her, if it won't harm your career then I think you should do it. Not just for her - traveling is genuinely amazing and broadens your horizons. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. If you really dive in to it - don't just snap pictures at typical touristy spots, but delve into the history, the culture, the food, the people, experiencing a new way of life.... you'll gain heaps from it. Even in the worst case scenario that the R doesn't work out, I really don't think that taking a travel break is something you'll regret (again, with the caveat that you aren't sacrificing your career).

 

 

omg if you love this girl to bits.....how about telling her?

 

Just my opinion....since this has become a committed relationship, she needs to adjust to it accordingly and that means not traveling alone for an extended length of time. It's ridiculous to expect someone to accept that, unless it was a casual relationship. I don't think you should just roll over on this one and let her do whatever because you don't want to cause any waves. I think it's selfish on her part and should know better....and YOU should know better than to get involved in someone who still has a need to travel alone for months at a time. All I can say is....good luck with that.

 

Huh? No. They have only been together for a few weeks. It makes zero sense for her to give up her plans for a relationship of a few weeks. If they'd been together for longer it would make sense for her to plan the trip together with him, but at this stage it would be a bit presumptuous to expect her to give up her plans if he can't go.

[lolablue17]

1. When you're in love, you change plans. (She had plans to travel before she met you, so what?!)

2. Walking on eggshells contributes nothing to anything. (Always tell her honestly how you feel)

 

How about a reply like this?: "Honey, I'm so in love with you, and I don't want you to travel even one day apart from me. So you're not going anywhere without me. If you travel, i'm coming with you, If you're not, I'm coming with you. What ever you do, i'm coming with you. Do you have any problem with that?"

 

Try that... :-)

[Els]

How about a reply like this?: "Honey, I'm so in love with you, and I don't want you to travel even one day apart from me. So you're not going anywhere without me. If you travel, i'm coming with you, If you're not, I'm coming with you. What ever you do, i'm coming with you. Do you have any problem with that?"

 

Do you guys really SAY these things to your partners in real life?

[GemmaUK]

Talk to her seriously - watch her facial expressions - this will tell you what she really feels about things (see the next para to find out how to recognise expressions) - and I could perfectly understand if she wants to do this trip alone - and so do you. That is SO refreshing!

 

But the two of you could have an amazing time and really build a foundation.

I think you should learn some about micro-expressions (it's online - go look it up - Paul Ekman), talk to her and then if all good talk to your employer.

 

You sound like you have a great basis for a trip to be an amazing time for you both!

Investigate this or you may regret it.

[Rko28]

OP, kudos for you being so understanding and adventurous. I think you are building a good foundation for a potential relationship here.

 

Given that she has offered you to join her, if it won't harm your career then I think you should do it. Not just for her - traveling is genuinely amazing and broadens your horizons. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. If you really dive in to it - don't just snap pictures at typical touristy spots, but delve into the history, the culture, the food, the people, experiencing a new way of life.... you'll gain heaps from it. Even in the worst case scenario that the R doesn't work out, I really don't think that taking a travel break is something you'll regret (again, with the caveat that you aren't sacrificing your career).

 

 

 

 

Huh? No. They have only been together for a few weeks. It makes zero sense for her to give up her plans for a relationship of a few weeks. If they'd been together for longer it would make sense for her to plan the trip together with him, but at this stage it would be a bit presumptuous to expect her to give up her plans if he can't go.

Thank you for your post

I agree about the travelling, such a great opportunity and if I could do it with her even better.

 

I'm not sure why a few posters are saying I'm walking on egg shells, I've told her how I felt the minute she told me, my only concern is if she wants to do it by herself or not.

 

I'm 100% not going to tell her she can't go or say any of these lines that make me sound like a stalker.

 

I'm going to see in work next week about the process of possibly having a career break, as we've said, November is a long time away and it's a new relationship, but I don't know, this one just feels different and right

[Raena]

I think she'd be crazy to pass up this opportunity because of a 3 week relationship. If anything, you going with her, if it's possible for you to do so, would only make your relationship stronger. I say keep the option to join her open and see where your relationship heads in the next several months. If you are still going strong at that time then going with her would be an excellent experience for both of you. It could be a bonding experience that you'll remember for the rest of your life.

 

Besides all that, you don't have children or a house or other responsibilities yet. Now is the perfect time to travel and see the world. Once you have those responsibilities it becomes much more difficult to just drop and go for several months at a time. Do it if you can, you don't want to wake up one day and think about all the things you wish you had done.

[Rko28]

I think she'd be crazy to pass up this opportunity because of a 3 week relationship. If anything, you going with her, if it's possible for you to do so, would only make your relationship stronger. I say keep the option to join her open and see where your relationship heads in the next several months. If you are still going strong at that time then going with her would be an excellent experience for both of you. It could be a bonding experience that you'll remember for the rest of your life.

 

Besides all that, you don't have children or a house or other responsibilities yet. Now is the perfect time to travel and see the world. Once you have those responsibilities it becomes much more difficult to just drop and go for several months at a time. Do it if you can, you don't want to wake up one day and think about all the things you wish you had done.

Possibly one of the most touching posts I've read on here, so true, thank you.

 

My gut is telling me to go with her (if she wants) life is for living. As much as I like my job and where I work I'd like to think I'm qualified and experienced enough to walk in to a similar role, if they say no to a career break I know what would be more important to me (if relationship is going strong still)

[lolablue17]

Do you guys really SAY these things to your partners in real life?

 

Yes!! And so much more...

[Rko28]

I certainly don't!

[Rko28]

Ok a few developments,

 

We were texting last night and she was applying for a new role that will allow her to have a "few" months off to travel (how much is a few?

 

I came out and said I really want to go with her, up until this point our texts back and forth had been quick, after I said this I waited for a good 10 mins for a reply whilst she read msg straight away and continued to stay online.

 

Her reply was "you'll have to come visit me when I go how's football?" So she answered and then changed subject.

 

I replied and said "visiting isn't the same tho!" Again read it right away but no reply, no reply came for rest of the night, I text saying sorry if I came across clingy about it.

 

She replied early hours apologising that she fell asleep really early, which she does and that she was off to bed. Nothing out of the norm as she gets up super early for work.

 

So I'm in a bit of flux, I presume if she goes she wants to by herself, it just makes me feel terribly sad not being with her for 3/4 months, yes I can visit but as I said that's not the same.

 

I spoke to my work and they have said I can apply for time off for travelling and they said because it's not for a good few months away then there's a good chance to get it.

 

I don't know what to do.

[Rko28]

Anyone? Sorry to ask but I'm needing some advice

[PogoStick]

If your relationship is only a few weeks old then you are way ahead of yourself. How can you plan a world trip with someone that will be 4 times longer than your relationship? You don't even know if the relationship will last until November. It's just asking for lots of trouble. What if you buy all the tickets and reservations and then you break up?

 

Bottom line: it's way too early to be making those kinds of plans, so far in advance. You should be focusing on the next week, maybe month of the relationship, nothing further. You also need to have a real talk with her whether you should continue the relationship.

 

I think best scenario for making it work is to build the relationship and plan to visit her 2 times during her trip (no more than a week each). Maybe wait until Aug/Sept and if things are going really well you could plan like a 1 month portion to join her on. She gets plenty of her solo adventuring and you both get some serious time together. Win/Win.

 

Hate to say it, but you also have to consider that a foreign/vacation/temporary romance might be part of the whole excitement for her.

Edited March 15, 2017 by PogoStick

[lolablue17]

I don't know what is your view about "what is a relationship?" or "what is love?", but for me love means like a huge thing.

 

If she has the chance to go with you, but prefers to go by herself, I don't know what are her feelings for you but it's definitely not love. I think you might want to ask her straight forward "Don't you really want me to go with you for the whole time?"

 

She has the right to go by herself, but it says a lot about her feelings for you.

[Rko28]

If your relationship is only a few weeks old then you are way ahead of yourself. How can you plan a world trip with someone that will be 4 times longer than your relationship? You don't even know if the relationship will last until November. It's just asking for lots of trouble. What if you buy all the tickets and reservations and then you break up?

 

Bottom line: it's way too early to be making those kinds of plans, so far in advance. You should be focusing on the next week, maybe month of the relationship, nothing further. You also need to have a real talk with her whether you should continue the relationship.

 

I think best scenario for making it work is to build the relationship and plan to visit her 2 times during her trip (no more than a week each). Maybe wait until Aug/Sept and if things are going really well you could plan like a 1 month portion to join her on. She gets plenty of her solo adventuring and you both get some serious time together. Win/Win.

 

Hate to say it, but you also have to consider that a foreign/vacation/temporary romance might be part of the whole excitement for her.

 

Ok thanks, so you suggest talking to her now about if we should continue the relationship or wait until the time comes a little bit closer?

[PogoStick]

I think you should talk about both of your expectations going forward. Does she view your relationship as temporary, ending if she goes on the trip? Try to get at least a general idea of how she wants things to turn out.

 

And what do you want? Do you want to continue pursuing it?

[joseb]

Ok a few developments,

 

We were texting last night and she was applying for a new role that will allow her to have a "few" months off to travel (how much is a few?

 

I came out and said I really want to go with her, up until this point our texts back and forth had been quick, after I said this I waited for a good 10 mins for a reply whilst she read msg straight away and continued to stay online.

 

Her reply was "you'll have to come visit me when I go how's football?" So she answered and then changed subject.

 

I replied and said "visiting isn't the same tho!" Again read it right away but no reply, no reply came for rest of the night, I text saying sorry if I came across clingy about it.

 

She replied early hours apologising that she fell asleep really early, which she does and that she was off to bed. Nothing out of the norm as she gets up super early for work.

 

So I'm in a bit of flux, I presume if she goes she wants to by herself, it just makes me feel terribly sad not being with her for 3/4 months, yes I can visit but as I said that's not the same.

 

I spoke to my work and they have said I can apply for time off for travelling and they said because it's not for a good few months away then there's a good chance to get it.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

You have basically just met her and you are planning on travelling for months already? She is right to be reluctant to jump into something like that.

 

If you want to continue seeing her in a casual manner, then keep doing so.

But to me she sounds like a free spirit and any attempts to stop her being that are probably going to result in her feeling trapped by you.