Best to remain distant in between dates?

[Cjaxrun85]

Ok so I've just started dating again after a long hiatus. I screwed up with the first person I met after dating for a month.

 

So I'm curious to know is it best just to be distant in between dates from the get go?

[smackie9]

Ok so I've just started dating again after a long hiatus. I screwed up with the first person I met after dating for a month.

 

So I'm curious to know is it best just to be distant in between dates from the get go?

Everyone is different.....some like good communication between dates. There are a lot of threads about this. There are huge complaints that there is very little to no texting/messaging between dates. So if it scares them off, then they are either too busy or not that into you, which would mean you are not on the same page.

[mischalove]

Strictly my opinion and the way I operate as a woman. There is a fine line, but I respond to distance and not feeling like the guy is too needy. I hate when guys rush into 'good mornings' and 'good nights', way too intimate from the getgo. I think if you have another date set up, at least text every other day until then to keep in touch. Like I have a second date scheduled with a guy and he has been loosely in touch and not pushing it and it keeps me on my toes and interested.

[todreaminblue]

i dont think its good to over connect or bomb between dates...depends on the time between dates if the dates are pretty regular....then contact can be confirmation of dates and setting up of dates.....if you are dating once a week to start then a middle of the week phone call setting up the next and a confirmation the night before.....but...i treally depends on the communication style of the people dating...some people like daily texts ...some people dont like texting or calling and doing the small talk thing...me i dont care either way bar bombing or being stuck on the phone fro two hours while trying to cook dinner eat dinner and then wash up with a phone stuck to my ear...but thats my fault..i talk too much....and then get anxious when i do and feel trapped.........i like a set routine...something i know will happen and i like to stick to it....if i call or text i dont like guys who dont answer.it confuses me makes me insecure.......even a smiley face will do me....or ill call you later busy at the moment ......takes fifteen seconds to send..and is thoughtful....

 

when you get to know someone while dating them, a little better over time, you figure out the communication that works best as a dynamic that is unique to the two of you......what you both like...and normally setting up dates confirming is best done turn about..mutual involvment communication wise........one date set by you then their turn or even half half confirmation done by her setting up done by you......you will work it out...dont get worried about it...if you are....ask her what she likes...most women appreciate the thought behind that question..shows that you care to find out what makes her happy.....good luck...deb.........

[normal person]

You have to view everything case by case. You don't want to be completely impersonal, but you don't want to be over the top either. Your best bet is to text efficiently -- when you do text, make it count. Convey as much as you can in as little text as possible. If she's texting you a lot, you can keep pace with her, but if she's not, I'd say stay cool and don't push it.

 

Two of the girls I'm talking to (neither of whom I've met yet) couldn't be more different: one is already onto the banal stuff like the weather, what she's eating for dinner, etc. The other one is all business; I suggest a day, time, place, and she agrees, and then only texts me back the day before to confirm, no BS in between.

 

You've just got to read each situation individually.

[Cjaxrun85]

I'm a Police Officer and I work swing shift Saturday through Tuesday so it makes dating tough to begin with given the schedule. I don't really have time to text while I'm at work. On my days off I like texting here and there but I prefer to save the conversations for dates.

 

I should probably make a new post, I don't know I don't really post on forums and it's kind of embarrassing to have to ask how to keep a woman's interest. What are your guys' thoughts on online dating? I keep meeting woman who have tons of issues, I just like things simple.

[Cjaxrun85]

You have to view everything case by case. You don't want to be completely impersonal, but you don't want to be over the top either. Your best bet is to text efficiently -- when you do text, make it count. Convey as much as you can in as little text as possible. If she's texting you a lot, you can keep pace with her, but if she's not, I'd say stay cool and don't push it.

 

Two of the girls I'm talking to (neither of whom I've met yet) couldn't be more different: one is already onto the banal stuff like the weather, what she's eating for dinner, etc. The other one is all business; I suggest a day, time, place, and she agrees, and then only texts me back the day before to confirm, no BS in between.

 

You've just got to read each situation individually.

 

 

So the month long dating relationship, if you want to call it that, was weird. First two weeks constant contact from the girl, second two weeks she was very distant. I have another thread about that situation. Dating isn't easy nowadays. I remember when I was 20 and dating was fun.

[d0nnivain]

No you shouldn't be distant but don't expect instant intimacy. Some contact is good; too much is bad. You have to find the balance. Don't disappear on somebody but don't call hourly or reveal every secret you ever had in the first few phone calls.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Ok so I've just started dating again after a long hiatus. I screwed up with the first person I met after dating for a month.

 

So I'm curious to know is it best just to be distant in between dates from the get go?

 

Only if you want to risk the other person feeling that you are disinterested, playing games or a jerk. Once I start dating, I keep the communication consistent unless otherwise agreed upon.

[Cjaxrun85]

What confuses me the most is when a woman communicates on a regular basis and then goes cold all of a sudden. It seems to happen a lot and it causes me to end things 9/10 times.

[TheTraveler]

So the month long dating relationship, if you want to call it that, was weird. First two weeks constant contact from the girl, second two weeks she was very distant. I have another thread about that situation. Dating isn't easy nowadays. I remember when I was 20 and dating was fun.

 

Dude, you friend zoned yourself in regards to that situation. I mean this nicely, but blame yourself. The Key? Learn and move on

[Cookiesandough]

Where did you hear this? When men were distant in communication between dates it always annoyed me and made me think they were treating me like an option or playing games so I lost interest. Is have to be pretty crazy about the guy to put up with that

Edited February 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[TheTraveler]

I'm a Police Officer and I work swing shift Saturday through Tuesday so it makes dating tough to begin with given the schedule. I don't really have time to text while I'm at work. On my days off I like texting here and there but I prefer to save the conversations for dates.

 

I should probably make a new post, I don't know I don't really post on forums and it's kind of embarrassing to have to ask how to keep a woman's interest. What are your guys' thoughts on online dating? I keep meeting woman who have tons of issues, I just like things simple.

 

Welcome to online dating...It's a rough world out there. Truthfully it's not if you're headstrong. Not everyone can do this and you will see redundant posts in the dating section forum.

 

Why are you embarrassed? Put your stupid ego aside and learn. What is wrong with getting advice on getting dates and a potential someone? Knowledge is key

[Cjaxrun85]

Dude, you friend zoned yourself in regards to that situation. I mean this nicely, but blame yourself. The Key? Learn and move on

 

How exactly did I friend zone myself?

[d0nnivain]

I'm a Police Officer and I work swing shift Saturday through Tuesday so it makes dating tough to begin with given the schedule. I don't really have time to text while I'm at work. On my days off I like texting here and there but I prefer to save the conversations for dates.

 

I should probably make a new post, I don't know I don't really post on forums and it's kind of embarrassing to have to ask how to keep a woman's interest. What are your guys' thoughts on online dating? I keep meeting woman who have tons of issues, I just like things simple.

 

 

 

 

One of the beauties of texting it that it can be done any time. Before you start your shift send a quick hello or something:

 

 

Hey I'

m

about to start my shift. Wanted to say hi. As you know I can't text back during work hours but I wanted you to know I'

m

looking forward to our date on __________ .

 

Low key. Quick. You set the expectation that there won't be back & forth. She still gets the comfort of knowing you are making an effort.

 

 

OLD is a tool, nothing more. It's one way to meet people but it should not be used as the only way. While I'm sure you can't date the criminals, suspects or witnesses, what about other support personnel -- EMTs, nurses, lawyers, court reporters, teachers & scout leaders if you can run the local D.A.R.E. program, members of the public who appear at local town council meetings (you volunteer to work security that night)?

 

 

What do you do on your days off? Do you have a hobby you can use to meet women? Even joining a running club or going to the shooting range. Try attending a police conference & meeting women cops from other departments.

 

 

Also consider checking out alumni groups. Ask married buddies on the force if their wives know anybody. They probably would enjoy playing matchmaker.

 

 

 

What confuses me the most is when a woman communicates on a regular basis and then goes cold all of a sudden. It seems to happen a lot and it causes me to end things 9/10 times.

 

 

What do you mean by this? What are you doing while she's regularly communicating? If she's sending you all sorts of messages but you aren't or can't reciprocate & then she goes cold, you caused this because you failed to manage expectations & she concluded you weren't interested.

 

 

Before you end things when you notice the change, do you ask the women what caused her to "go cold"? Perhaps if you can figure out why, you may have a solution other then ending the relationship.

[Cjaxrun85]

What do you mean by this? What are you doing while she's regularly communicating? If she's sending you all sorts of messages but you aren't or can't reciprocate & then she goes cold, you caused this because you failed to manage expectations & she concluded you weren't interested.

 

What I mean is yes in my experience woman for the most part tend to text or call on a regular basis. By going cold what I mean is there is a sudden change in the amount of communication on her part combined with a change in behavior. I've read about two schools of thought about how to approach this. One article talked about how if you address the sudden changes with the woman you will come across as needy and clingy thus pushing the woman away. The second article talked about bringing the issue up and finding out what has happened to cause the change in behavior to show you care and to actually figure out what the heck is going on.

 

Given what I do for a living, I notice sudden changes in behavior. Also when I'm dating someone and I like them, I pay attention to just about everything. I don't know if that's good or bad.

 

I don't know, dating is complicated, and seems to be filled with all sorts of rules nowadays.

[d0nnivain]

Dating is complicated. The only real rule is be true to yourself within the bounds of the law. Be yourself . . . your best, most polite self at the beginning but that's all you can do.

 

 

In your line of work, I suspect you prefer candor. So if you see a behavior change, ask. Use your real voice, not your authoritative cop voice but do inquire. I find it hard to believe that one Q will make you look weak or clingy.

[CloudyHead]

Try to relax about OLD. Acknowledge that when you date in your 40's and 50's, many people have walls and baggage. Initially, I was very discouraged with OLD as it seemed every man I met was really screwed up. I changed my attitude by deciding that OLD was an adventure. I had no expectations when I met someone. I'm a good conversationalist so I wasn't concerned about dead air. I can pay my own way and, sometimes, I even paid for his meal or drink. I'm not willing to take on someone else's problems or baggage. I've been stood up, had one date bring a wingman with him, etc. Really odd things. But, I've also made a couple of really good friends and finally met someone that I wanted to see more often.

 

Hang in there!!

[BaileyB]

Ok so I've just started dating again after a long hiatus. I screwed up with the first person I met after dating for a month.

 

So I'm curious to know is it best just to be distant in between dates from the get go?

 

Only if you don't want another date

[coolheadal]

Depends on your last one with that woman with kids. You can date anyone you deem too date. I don't wait I move on to the next one. But I try to see who's I can and want to be with. The question is this we can't think all women are going to accept us, and be attracted to us men. Look for the ones that like you by their gesture of love.. smiles, staring etc. How we are raised is how we were brought might come in the way between how we procure your next new friend, girlfriend. Your police officer you need to relax and try to understand what these women of today really looking for?

 

Dating online (easy) (but picky)

Dating off the street (hard) (more picky)

Dating from store (harder) (more picky)

Dating from bar (hardest) (more picky)

Dating from friends picks for us (drop in the bucket)

Edited February 27, 2017 by coolheadal

[Redhead14]

So the month long dating relationship, if you want to call it that, was weird. First two weeks constant contact from the girl, second two weeks she was very distant. I have another thread about that situation. Dating isn't easy nowadays. I remember when I was 20 and dating was fun.

 

Women/men who do a ton of intiating in terms of contact often find themselves wondering whether or not the person is really interested because they don't give the other person and opportunity to demonstrate their level of interest. They end up psyching themselves out. It should be balanced at least. Not only that if there is a ton of texted conversation going on in between, there isn't much to talk about when you see each other in person, so it gets a little stale.

 

And, I'd get out of the texting mode. A little texting and a phone call or two in between.

 

Most women need some contact from the guy in between dates otherwise she feels as though he's distant in between and perhaps not very serious about her. By the same token, if there's too much from him, she feels love bombed/smothered, etc. Most of the time, in the end, it's just about difference in communication style/needs.

[alphamale]

for the first few month just talk once per week and no texting whatsoever

[LookAtThisPOst]

Ok so I've just started dating again after a long hiatus. I screwed up with the first person I met after dating for a month.

 

So I'm curious to know is it best just to be distant in between dates from the get go?

 

I actually have a female friend, early 50s, single, never married, no kids...said she went out on a date with a man...more of a walk around the park date. It was on a Friday and at the end of that date, he asked her to Sunday brunch.

 

She told me she deliberately refused to do it, even though she had nothing else going on during the weekend because SHE thought that was "too soon between dates" and is more of a "once per week" kind of person.

 

I was like 'Um...why? Not sure I follow"

 

I mean, why deliberately go against the flow and not with it? I think these actions is what has been keeping her single for so long.

 

I had no expectations when I met someone.

 

THat's a good attitude, however, I think a lot of people (not gender bashing), mostly women...women tend to have this long laundry list in their dating profiles...thinking that he must be good husband material before even meeting them in person for coffee or a brief lunch. Why not just meet him or her and find out as you go along?

 

It's a process, not a bulleted list that you keep checking off.

Edited February 27, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[d0nnivain]

for the first few month just talk once per week and no texting whatsoever

 

 

 

I need a lot of space but that would not be enough contact for me. Date once per week. Talk at least twice & maybe have 1-2 other points of contact meaning 1 text message or email but certainly not daily.

[Lilyana76]

I'm more relaxed when it comes to conversation between dates. maybe once or twice during the week before the next date, but I prefer phone conversations over texts.

 

I'm a mom of 3, and work a lot, so I can't always respond back right away to texts. Some people get upset if I don't respond within five minutes. But often I can't.