HUGE crush on older coworker, but has this devolved into mind games?

[devora]

There's this guy who I work with who i've had the biggest crush on for almost a year now. I am in my late 20's and he's about seven years older than me (he looks really young for his age and the age thing doesn't bother me at all.)

 

For the most part i've kept my longstanding crush quiet and just kinda observed from afar because 1) I work with him and i'm a little apprehensive to date a colleague and 2) I assumed that he had a significant other since he was so smart/funny, etc. However he has been working at our office for years and mutual colleagues said that he never mentioned anything about a significant other so, I decided to indulge in my crush until I heard otherwise.

 

Over the course of the months i've been in the office we chatted during work over our company's messaging platform. Just silly messages here and there, sometimes flirty, nothing too significant. I had given him my number months ago and mentioned that he should contact me sometime if he ever wanted to hangout outside of work- he never did and rarely texted me outside of office hours. Any communication that occurred outside of office hours, I had to initiate. I'm pretty aggressive and straightforward so I was okay with that - hey maybe he wasn't totally sure I liked him??

 

So, rewind to two weeks ago, it's the end of the week and a bunch of my coworkers and I go out for lunch/drinks. We are seated in the restaurant across from each other and as soon as he sits down he texts me something funny to get my attention. I smile and we exchange texts back and forth. Just silly conversation, mildly flirty.

 

By the time we get back to the office, we are still talking. There was a point where he made a silly comment about my conversation being 'boring' so I replied that it's diffuclt for me to censor my words with him sometimes. Eventually I gather the courage to come out and tell him that I've had the biggest crush on him throughout the whole time i've worked in the office. He basically said that he was impressed and that I had 'stones' to be so candid. He said that he had a hunch about my feelings and that he was 'wrapping up a relationship' so that's why he hasn't been as responsive to me in the past. He ended his response with saying 'I like you too.' I had a feeling he liked me and i've heard from other coworkers that it seemed like he liked me.

 

Fast foward two more weeks, not a whole lot has changed since I told him, he doesn't talk much to me outside of work, if we do it's always short and I have to initiate it. He never really elaborated further about the status of his relationship. I had asked him if it was okay that I talk to him after work, I expressed that I didn't want to make anything weird or cause any added stress if he's going through a difficult time, he only replied with 'doesn't matter.' I jokingly mentioned one Monday that it was 'so great talking to you this weekend' and he just kinda joked back about how much we talked (I wanted to make a sarcastic comment to reinforce how much I would like to actually talk to him outside of work.)

 

 

Anyway, he hasn't made much attempt to get to know me further or hangout/talk more during work hours. I think he had been in this relationship for a while so if they lived together, maybe there are assets that have to be divided and such.

 

 

I don't want to be pushy but I've felt this way for a while and it's hard to still feel somewhat kept at a distance and wait indefinitely for things to progress toward dating.

 

 

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to be more responsive with me after he asked me to be more candid and I came out about liking him so much? Should I just lay low and not engage with him too much? What should I do from here?

[Cookiesandough]

Im sorry...I know this isn't what you want to hear because you've crushed on him so long, but this guy doesn't sound interested at all. He was enjoying the flirting, but that seems to be it. Don't take it too personally. It may not be you...he may be dealing with relationship stuff or he doesn't want to date a coworker. The bottom line is he is sending a message loud and clear he is not interested. You told him you like him and he let you down easy and now he has backed off and you're chasing him still. Don't do that. It puts people off or puts you in a situation to be taken advantage of.

[OnlyHonesty]

His response about you having the stones to tell him how you feel, was a way of responding without committing to anything. It focused on your ego but he made sure to stay away from anything else.

 

He enjoys the banter, the flirting and the ego rubs, he does not want anything more.

[TheTraveler]

OP, you're either not hot or he's in a relationship or trying to repair his relationship. The end

[coolheadal]

Is this guy married? Did you ever ask him if he was seeking someone? All you have to do is say "I bet your girlfriend, or wife really looking forward for you this weekend"? But now you told him you had crush on him, ouch.. This guy might not be into you because he might have someone else or he might not be into women? Do you know anything else about this guy?

[basil67]

There are no mind games here. You divulged your crush and he bantered back with you. However, he is not interested in pursuing it further.

 

I sure hope this crush on him hasn't led to you putting him on a pedestal with no other men living up to him during the year.

[GoldSparkz]

I agree with everyone else. It is clear that he's not playing any mind games, in fact he's keeping you at arm's length because he doesn't want the work relationship to develop to anything romantic. He has been clear with you all along, for example, he told he that he is dealing with a break up, he has not made any effort to contact you unless in a work environment and the texts have been more office 'banter' than flirting. He has overall been quite professional.

 

I would just pull away and move on if I were you. Focus on your work and let him be.