collegian Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Hello, I am 30 and she is 27. This is kind of a stupid question but I do have feelings for her. The said coworker rejected me twice a couple of years ago, first time because she doesn't date coworkers, second because she was seeing someone. Recently I decided to move to a different team (in part due to my inability to move past her) lo and behold she becomes single. Now as I am moving out is there any point in asking her out one last time or I am just asking for a case of sexual harassment filed against me? On the other hand it will be now or never since I most likely will not see her again. If not should I add her on Facebook to communicate interest or should I just let her go? I just don't want to have any regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I wouldn't. And yes, be extra wary because this is a work situation. Three times of pursuit when she has already said no twice could definitely be construed as harassment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 Hello, I am 30 and she is 27. This is kind of a stupid question but I do have feelings for her. The said coworker rejected me twice a couple of years ago, first time because she doesn't date coworkers, second because she was seeing someone. Recently I decided to move to a different team (in part due to my inability to move past her) lo and behold she becomes single. Now as I am moving out is there any point in asking her out one last time or I am just asking for a case of sexual harassment filed against me? On the other hand it will be now or never since I most likely will not see her again. If not should I add her on Facebook to communicate interest or should I just let her go? I just don't want to have any regrets. Only if she has shown heavy interest in you 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 In the workplace it's OK to ask someone out ONCE. Beyond that you are heading down a slippery slope toward claims of sexual harassment. Even if you are now on a different team, she said she doesn't date co-workers. As long as you draw a paycheck from the same employer you are still co-workers. Even if you asked again, the answer is likely to be no for the same reason. Moreover, saying she doesn't date co-workers could also have been a polite way to express her complete lack of interest without hurting your feelings. There is no upside to risking certain rejection again. Don't do it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author collegian Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Only if she has shown heavy interest in you How do you define heavy interest? Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 I wouldn't ask her out again as you're looking at problems if you do. To be honest, she's stated that she doesn't date co-workers and you need to take that as her final answer. You could end up in HR trying to defend yourself in a hurry if you're not careful. I think this is why work place romances need to approached in a very careful manner. I am dealing with a strange situation with a co-worker right now. I have posted about it several times but I'll lay it out again. -She popped into my room at the beginning of the school year and was talking about hanging out. So, I approached her one day and asked her out. She said she would text but she didn't. I didn't take it personally but things at work were weird until I broke the ice. -We had gotten back to just being colleagues and were chatting off on and on. She had mentioned that she was just getting out of a relationship and didn't want to date anyone from work. This was understandable so I didn't pursue anything further. -A few weeks later, she made a comment about us hanging out again. I just told her to let me know and left it at that. I figured she meant hanging out as friends which is fine by me as I am dating someone. And, I honestly don't have any interest in this co-worker, romantically, anymore. Even if I were single, there's just too much flakiness going on. -The staff Christmas party rolled around and her and I sung a karaoke song together. Just harmless fun, no flirting. She asked to sing another song but tried to hold me hand while we were doing so. That made me uncomfortable so I stayed away from her the rest of the night. She approached me at the end of the evening and had picked out a very romantic tune to sing together. I declined and excused myself from the party. - Again, things got strange but it's a small school and I don't need people talking about it. So, I broke the ice again and we went back to being work place friends. She came into my room one afternoon and we started talking and I asked her if she had any big plans for the weekend. It was a simple question that was a follow up to us discussing how we'd been spending our time over the last few weeks. She said she was cleaning her house and her car, got noticeably uncomfortable and then beat feet out the door in a hurry. -Last weekend, I was grocery shopping and saw her in an aisle with another guy about my age. I waved, her face got bright red and she turned tail without waving back. Exceptionally odd behavior from someone that I've asked out once and just chat with at work here and there. Now, I have obviously posted a novel here but you can see how strange things can get without even going on a damn date! I won't be asking her out a second time and I won't be hanging out with her if she asks. I can only imagine the sh-t storm that could ensue if it looks like I am aggressively pursuing her. It's unfortunate because we do have nice conversations but that's where how it needs to stay: chats at work and that is it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 ^ Yes, it can get to be a real mess. Collegian, my reason why you should not follow her on social media or ask her out or show any more interest is this: She knows exactly where to find you and when she was single again, she did not reach out. She is not interested. If she had been interested, even though working together, she would have said something like "If one of us ever quits the company, then I'll be happy to go out with you." She didn't say that. She just covered all her bases "I have a boyfriend and don't date coworkers" to be sure there were no loopholes left to give you hope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author collegian Posted February 25, 2017 Author Share Posted February 25, 2017 Now, I have obviously posted a novel here but you can see how strange things can get without even going on a damn date! I won't be asking her out a second time and I won't be hanging out with her if she asks. I can only imagine the sh-t storm that could ensue if it looks like I am aggressively pursuing her. It's unfortunate because we do have nice conversations but that's where how it needs to stay: chats at work and that is it. LOL our coworkers seem very similar. Lots of mixed signals, little to no direct honest communication as if something is holding them back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 LOL our coworkers seem very similar. Lots of mixed signals, little to no direct honest communication as if something is holding them back. Yes they are similar. To be honest, this last weird encounter at the grocery store is enough for me to avoid her at work. Her behavior is pretty immature and strange and I really don't want any issues at work. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldSparkz Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Hello, I am 30 and she is 27. This is kind of a stupid question but I do have feelings for her. The said coworker rejected me twice a couple of years ago, first time because she doesn't date coworkers, second because she was seeing someone. Recently I decided to move to a different team (in part due to my inability to move past her) lo and behold she becomes single. Now as I am moving out is there any point in asking her out one last time or I am just asking for a case of sexual harassment filed against me? On the other hand it will be now or never since I most likely will not see her again. If not should I add her on Facebook to communicate interest or should I just let her go? I just don't want to have any regrets. I would have taken her initial rejection as final, because if she really liked you then she would have thrown out the rules and dated you. Like everyone else has said, you're playing with fire and it sounds like you already know that. You're better off focussing your attentions on someone who can reciprocate them. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 Her first answer was al that you should have needed. Don't ask her out again. Link to post Share on other sites
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