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Bail or go through with Tinder date?


SevenCity

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So I matched with this girl on tinder from NYC (not for a hookup - few of those in my age range and not interested) - I'm in the surrounding suburbs. I'm willing to travel as it will open up the possibility of finding a gf.

 

So we message back and forth and I ask her out for a drink as I will be in the city thurs, she says she doesn't drink but can go for food. Ok, I don't drink either so no problem. Figure a quick bite.

 

I ask for her number to work out the details but she says she doesn't give it to people she hasn't met. Paranoid but ok I guess.

 

I suggest a place and she responds asking to meet in a different area of the city. Now, she lives there and I don't. At most it's a 10 min subway ride for her but could mean another hour for me if I miss the train home.

 

I'm 0-3 with my NYC dates (didn't look like their pics and / or no chemistry) and although I'm going to be there already I would rather be home. More importantly I want to be close to my train home as it will be late. I feel like since I'm going to be there and come to her the least she could do is take a 10 min ride. It makes me feel if we did hit it off she wouldn't be too willing to jump on a train to me.

 

Also, she doesn't seem terribly excited by the content of her messages (my gut is telling me) but could also be jaded from OLD failures as am I.

 

I think it's time I got more selective with dating and I think I should just bail.

 

Am I being unreasonable?

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The kicker for me was you said you are 0-3! I would bail on her and tell her why. 0-3 for as bad as it gets unless you went 0-4,met her and there wasn't anything there and you spent money and time. I say tell her you had a change of heart and will not be meeting her and keep searching. You can't go wrong by passing on her and continuing to search. Good luck.

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Try telling her that you would prefer to be closer to the train. Don't bail but do try to renegotiate the location.

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CaliforniaGirl

I don't know...it seems like she's throwing a bunch of hurdles out there. I don't think she's into it. I think she's hoping you'll just give up.

 

I would just let this one go.

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Try telling her that you would prefer to be closer to the train. Don't bail but do try to renegotiate the location.

 

As a woman who's interested would you act like her?

 

I always try to meet for drinks and I don't drink alcohol. They have other liquids.

 

:D

 

My spidy sense is tingling....

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CaliforniaGirl
As a woman who's interested would you act like her?

 

I always try to meet for drinks and I don't drink alcohol. They have other liquids.

 

:D

 

My spidy sense is tingling....

 

I'm not the person you asked, but I'm a woman...I generally would not throw so many issues in the way of us getting together, and if I were REALLY interested I would certainly try to meet you halfway...on the distance and on other things.

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As a woman who's interested would you act like her?

 

I always try to meet for drinks and I don't drink alcohol. They have other liquids.

 

:D

 

My spidy sense is tingling....

 

 

I wouldn't be on Tinder in the 1st place but . . . assuming I was . . .

 

 

Yes, I would be leery of giving my cell phone. I did e-harmony back in the day & there were lots of levels you had to jump through to even get to e-mail but I actually considered getting a prepaid cell just for the OLD dates.

 

 

I don't drink when I drive so when I guy suggested drinks I'd always say "sure as long as you don't mind if I have a coke not a real drink."

 

 

In NYC drinks can be expensive but food can be cheap. Depending on the time of day you could be getting off cheap with the food -- the costs of a slice or other "small plate" vs. $17 for a glass of wine.

 

 

If I was interested & the guy asked for a place closer to the train . . . as long as it wasn't a bar in Penn Station I'd probably be OK with it. If I really thought he was fantastic, I might even be OK with a bar in Penn Station, lol.

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I wouldn't be on Tinder in the 1st place but . . . assuming I was . . .

 

 

Yes, I would be leery of giving my cell phone. I did e-harmony back in the day & there were lots of levels you had to jump through to even get to e-mail but I actually considered getting a prepaid cell just for the OLD dates.

 

 

I don't drink when I drive so when I guy suggested drinks I'd always say "sure as long as you don't mind if I have a coke not a real drink."

 

 

In NYC drinks can be expensive but food can be cheap. Depending on the time of day you could be getting off cheap with the food -- the costs of a slice or other "small plate" vs. $17 for a glass of wine.

 

 

If I was interested & the guy asked for a place closer to the train . . . as long as it wasn't a bar in Penn Station I'd probably be OK with it. If I really thought he was fantastic, I might even be OK with a bar in Penn Station, lol.

 

Tinder isn't the best site but it's another option. It's not the hookup site it wince was.

 

If a girl ordered a $17 glass of wine that would be our first and last date!

 

But you make my point - if you're interested you aren't going to throw up challenges and roadblocks. That said, the last girl who tried to change up timing ended up being very interested in me - but she did travel further than I did.

 

It's a crap shoot. I get if she has had bad experiences but I'm thinking her laziness is lack of interest. I don't want to shoot myself in the foot though as on paper she seems like a good match. Though another red flag is she's only got one pic.

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I'm not the person you asked, but I'm a woman...I generally would not throw so many issues in the way of us getting together, and if I were REALLY interested I would certainly try to meet you halfway...on the distance and on other things.

 

Thanks for the input. My feelings exactly.

 

Though I must admit OLD has killed any interest in me until I meet in person.

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MajesticUnicorn

Just to play devil's advocate a bit....

 

I don't necessarily think she is uninterested in you. I definitely understand not giving out phone numbers. Yes, it makes communication a lot more difficult, but she could be wanting to make sure you are who you say you are, and not some creep or wacko.

 

Which also could explain why she wants to go somewhere near her home. While the considerate thing to do would be to meet up somewhere close to your train as YOU are the one traveling to see her... she could be unfamiliar with that area and wanting to stay close to her homebase in case she needs to make a quick get away in the event that you were a creep/unsafe/whatever.

 

The fact that she is willing to meetup and suggested a place tells me that she is interested, but maybe just hesitant about meeting people from online. Which I understand. While online dating has gained in popularity and it's pretty normal to meet up with Tinder people, keep in mind you are a stranger and she may just be trying to take precautionary measures.

 

That being said, if you do go through with it and it doesn't work out, I take no credit!!

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Yeah, if she's throwing challenges at you and not pulling her weight in, it may be best to just cancel on her for now. Otherwise, it could get pretty ugly in regards to you going all the way over there only for it not to work out.

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If a girl ordered a $17 glass of wine that would be our first and last date!

 

 

Some places that is simply how much it costs.

 

 

That said, if I were spending that much & I wanted it, my order would come with me forking my credit card over to the bartender. I know I have expensive taste in wine. lol Just curious though because I don't know. If a woman did what I said, paid for her own expensive glass of wine would that be equally off-putting?

 

 

Confirm with her but don't get your hopes up. Who knows? If she flakes maybe you will meet the woman of your dreams waiting on that later train. {yes, I know I'm an optimist}

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Some places that is simply how much it costs.

 

 

That said, if I were spending that much & I wanted it, my order would come with me forking my credit card over to the bartender. I know I have expensive taste in wine. lol Just curious though because I don't know. If a woman did what I said, paid for her own expensive glass of wine would that be equally off-putting?

 

 

Confirm with her but don't get your hopes up. Who knows? If she flakes maybe you will meet the woman of your dreams waiting on that later train. {yes, I know I'm an optimist}

 

I have no issues with women who have expensive tastes - assuming they are willing to pay for it and not expect a man to do it.

 

I'm tempted to respond saying that I have to be close to the train and if that doesn't work for her no problem and take care.

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Just to play devil's advocate a bit....

 

I don't necessarily think she is uninterested in you. I definitely understand not giving out phone numbers. Yes, it makes communication a lot more difficult, but she could be wanting to make sure you are who you say you are, and not some creep or wacko.

 

Which also could explain why she wants to go somewhere near her home. While the considerate thing to do would be to meet up somewhere close to your train as YOU are the one traveling to see her... she could be unfamiliar with that area and wanting to stay close to her homebase in case she needs to make a quick get away in the event that you were a creep/unsafe/whatever.

 

The fact that she is willing to meetup and suggested a place tells me that she is interested, but maybe just hesitant about meeting people from online. Which I understand. While online dating has gained in popularity and it's pretty normal to meet up with Tinder people, keep in mind you are a stranger and she may just be trying to take precautionary measures.

 

That being said, if you do go through with it and it doesn't work out, I take no credit!!

 

If I was meetin her in a dark alley I would agree. But this is NYC - you can't not be around other people even if you try. If safety is a concern I'm sure she could yell for help in the place and get someone's attention.

 

Also, she didn't offer an alternative place - just an area.

 

And wouldn't you want to be further from your home if you are worried about the guy being a psycho? So he couldn't follow you??

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I'm tempted to respond saying that I have to be close to the train and if that doesn't work for her no problem and take care.

 

 

If you can do that a tad more graciously, fine. Just sand off the blunt edge. I'd go with something like:

 

 

Hey, looking forward to seeing you later. I know you are from the City & suggested we meet in ____ but as the one travelling with a train to catch, would it be OK if we met at ______ ? I'd really like to be closer to the station in an area I'
m
more familiar with. If this works, you can show me your New York on a future date.

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MajesticUnicorn
If I was meetin her in a dark alley I would agree. But this is NYC - you can't not be around other people even if you try. If safety is a concern I'm sure she could yell for help in the place and get someone's attention.

 

Also, she didn't offer an alternative place - just an area.

 

And wouldn't you want to be further from your home if you are worried about the guy being a psycho? So he couldn't follow you??

 

Oh okay, I misread thinking she had suggested a specific place instead.

 

I think donnivan offers a good suggestion. Tell her you would like to be near your train and see if you can meet in the middle. If she offers a further explanation why she can't meet you there, it may be something to take into consideration. If she just refuses, I wouldn't waste your time unless you are really interested in her.

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Tinder is easy to get to more I see a lot use it but I won't use it. Just be careful who you take out and don't go over board in your expense.

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Oh okay, I misread thinking she had suggested a specific place instead.

 

I think donnivan offers a good suggestion. Tell her you would like to be near your train and see if you can meet in the middle. If she offers a further explanation why she can't meet you there, it may be something to take into consideration. If she just refuses, I wouldn't waste your time unless you are really interested in her.

 

I explained the train situation and told her it's cool if it won't work and good luck. She said she didn't realize and will meet me where I originally suggested. She still can flake but I feel a bit less miffed at this point.

 

If this becomes 0-4 I will have to rethink NYC.

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Eh, for some reason she is striking me as a little high maintenance already. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't make too much effort on this one.

 

I definitely don't hand out my number to every man I speak with, but I will do so if I agreed to a date and am interested in him. Just comes down to meeting ease and convenience. Just recently I had the wrong coffee shop location and called him to confirm. It has never burned me and if a man goes over the line I just block him. If you all are meeting in a public place, there is no need to be so paranoid about it.

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Eh, for some reason she is striking me as a little high maintenance already. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't make too much effort on this one.

 

I definitely don't hand out my number to every man I speak with, but I will do so if I agreed to a date and am interested in him. Just comes down to meeting ease and convenience. Just recently I had the wrong coffee shop location and called him to confirm. It has never burned me and if a man goes over the line I just block him. If you all are meeting in a public place, there is no need to be so paranoid about it.

 

Totally agree. I understand that people can get more info on you via your phone number but come on.

 

Since I'll be there anyway I figured I would give it a shot. I'm not expecting much but you never know.

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome
So I matched with this girl on tinder from NYC (not for a hookup - few of those in my age range and not interested) - I'm in the surrounding suburbs. I'm willing to travel as it will open up the possibility of finding a gf.

 

So we message back and forth and I ask her out for a drink as I will be in the city thurs, she says she doesn't drink but can go for food. Ok, I don't drink either so no problem. Figure a quick bite.

 

I ask for her number to work out the details but she says she doesn't give it to people she hasn't met. Paranoid but ok I guess.

 

I suggest a place and she responds asking to meet in a different area of the city. Now, she lives there and I don't. At most it's a 10 min subway ride for her but could mean another hour for me if I miss the train home.

 

I'm 0-3 with my NYC dates (didn't look like their pics and / or no chemistry) and although I'm going to be there already I would rather be home. More importantly I want to be close to my train home as it will be late. I feel like since I'm going to be there and come to her the least she could do is take a 10 min ride. It makes me feel if we did hit it off she wouldn't be too willing to jump on a train to me.

 

Also, she doesn't seem terribly excited by the content of her messages (my gut is telling me) but could also be jaded from OLD failures as am I.

 

I think it's time I got more selective with dating and I think I should just bail.

 

Am I being unreasonable?

 

If you feel any doubts, don't go, real life experiences.

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Eh, for some reason she is striking me as a little high maintenance already. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't make too much effort on this one.

 

I definitely don't hand out my number to every man I speak with, but I will do so if I agreed to a date and am interested in him. Just comes down to meeting ease and convenience. Just recently I had the wrong coffee shop location and called him to confirm. It has never burned me and if a man goes over the line I just block him. If you all are meeting in a public place, there is no need to be so paranoid about it.

 

 

 

I am the opposite. I do not fault her for not giving her number out to a total stranger. I would not either. It's not paranoid. It's just sensible. If I try online dating I will probably do like someone said and get one of those cheap phones and just put some minutes on it and call it a day. That will be my dating phone until I know more about the person lol. Hey..if you are just meeting someone/getting to know them, you don't owe them anything. They will get more info about me as I get more comfy with them. And they should feel free to treat me the same.

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If you feel any doubts, don't go, real life experiences.

 

Well I went on a tinder date the other day and wasn't sure if I was going to get my kidneys stolen.

 

I didn't like the girl but my kidneys remain inside me :)

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So what happened when you went on the date?

 

She showed up looking 10 years older than her picture.

 

Although she appeared to be interested in me, I had zero interest in her.

 

She also had some pretty annoying habits during eating.

 

So yea, 0-4 with NYC. :lmao:

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