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Afraid to go on dates


Glam

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Hi everyone,

 

I'm new here this is my first time posting so I've no idea if this is the right section. I'm 21 and I've been on online dating sites for a few weeks. I get a lot of attention and a lot of guys want to meet up. The thing is I'm really scared to meet them because of how I look. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed.I only have front facing pictures on these dating sites so guys are always like you're so gorgeous but I'm really not. I look ugly from the side, I don't have the best teeth and my nose is really big. A guy actually told me in person before that I'm beautiful but have a big nose.

 

I've only ever been on 2 dates in my whole life. One was from a dating site, that lasted about 2 months. The other was a guy who fancied me and that only lasted 2 months as well. I've never had a proper relationship. This only adds to my worries. Apart from those 2 guys I've never been approached on a night out, never been asked for my number. I think I might be ugly. Guys stare at me a lot but that's it. I'm pretty much ignored by guys apart from on dating sites.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I have a date coming up but I'm so worried I might just cancel it and avoid guys for the rest of my life. That feels much easier. I would upload a picture but I don't know how and I don't think that would help because I look better in pictures than in real life anyway. I appreciate any advice:)

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Hi PegNosePete,

 

No I'm not I just think most guys will judge solely on looks. If they're not attracted to me they won't want to get to know me.

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Well you'll never know unless you meet them...

 

You have some serious self esteem issues there.

 

Anyone tells you you're not attractive, you tell them right where to stick it and walk out while they're drying the beer out of their shirt.

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Here's what you have to do so you don't get put in this position. Post a photo of you from the side and just be open and honest. And then only guys who don't find that bothersome will contact you. My other suggestion is not to dress too sexy in your profile photos to avoid guys that that's all they want. Your avatar on this site looks like you are in underwear and just looking for sex. Pretty, but just looking for sex.

 

So be honest with yourself and them about what you really want by representing that, and not just what you think they want to see. Good luck.

 

P.S. I have a big nose and it never stopped me.

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If guys are staring at you in person I doubt you aren't attractive. Look, nobody is perfect. We all have things about ourselves that we'd like to change or wish were better. Even the most beautiful looking people in Hollywood have had work done and they all started out pretty awesome compared to us ordinary people.

 

The trick is finding more things about yourself that you like compared to what you consider imperfect. Are your eyes pretty? How is your hair? Do you have nice legs?

 

Focus on those things when you look in the mirror rather than just concentrating on what you think is wrong. And that guy who told you that your nose is big is a jerk. Forget what he said because anybody who would deliberately be mean has troubles of their own.

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To preraph,

 

In my little avatar it's not underwear it's a top but I can see why you would think that, I never thought of it. Thanks for the suggestion. I could put up a pic of the side of my face but just the thought of it makes me anxious :sick:

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To amaysngrace,

 

I always just thought they're staring because I look ugly, I dunno because they never smile at me it's just a blank stare. I like my body, my eyes it's just my face that I think is unattractive there isn't much I can do to change it unless I got plastic surgery and I can't afford that.

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I get a lot of attention and a lot of guys want to meet up. The thing is I'm really scared to meet them because of how I look. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed.

 

Ok so when you ladies are browsing thru profiles (I have always wondered how many ladies “browse” vs spending your OLD time answering and replying to men who catch your eye) do you click on guys who look equal to you, less than you are better than you?

 

Ladies do the choosing, so if you pick a guy “assuming” they won’t be attracted to you, where does that come from?

 

Is that assumption based on HIS overall looks, his age, career, income…

It’s kinda like when guys get on here and say they send out “hundreds” of messages and get NO replies.

 

Do people on OLD on BOTH sides overreach in their selection process?

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MajesticUnicorn

I understand getting nervous before dates. I'm the same way. I'll enjoy texting and getting to know a person but when the time comes to meet up, I get really nervous. A lot of this does stem from insecurities which it sounds like you suffer from as well.

 

But remember, EVERYONE has insecurities. Yours may be your nose or your teeth. For others it's their weight, or their acne, their hair, their eyes, whatever it may be...everyone has their flaws and no one is perfect. I know you know this and probably hear it a lot, but it's true! The guys on the dating sites aren't perfect and they shouldn't expect you to be that way either.

 

I would post a picture from the side, so they can know before hand what you look like. If they don't match with you, then screw them. But at least then you can weed them out a bit. I know at your age it can be hard to find guys online that are genuinely interested in anything other than sex - but it IS possible.

 

Don't let one thing you don't love about yourself hold you back in life. Dating should be fun, you should enjoy yourself! My trick is to think of some go-to topics of conversation in case things get awkward, have a small glass of wine while you get ready, highlight your best features, and remember you are an amazing and beautiful young woman worthy of finding love!

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To be honest it wouldn't matter what the guy looked like I would still be scared he wouldn't find me attractive in person regardless if I find him attractive or not. I assume most guys wouldn't be attracted to me.

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MajesticUnicorn

Well it sounds to me like you need to practice some self-love and becoming confident in yourself before you start pursuing a partner. I know that's easier said than done. But cliche as it is, "you can't love someone else until you love yourself," does hold some truth to it.

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To amaysngrace,

 

I always just thought they're staring because I look ugly, I dunno because they never smile at me it's just a blank stare. I like my body, my eyes it's just my face that I think is unattractive there isn't much I can do to change it unless I got plastic surgery and I can't afford that.

 

Maybe you have a warped perception of yourself because you look nice to me, although I admit I'm on my phone and your pic is rather small.

 

But I think you may have a low self-esteem. That is not an attractive quality and some men who find that attractive are jerks and will treat you like crap by saying mean things (like the one who made fun of your nose) which only makes the bad things you feel about yourself seem true even if they aren't.

 

Go see a cosmetic surgeon to get a quote if it bothers you that much. Some will allow you to finance the procedures they offer.

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You should never put yourself down you should always think your the best looking girl in the whole wide world. Everyone make judges but the true love of your life wouldn't pre-judge you he would love you for who you are inside then outside. You worry what they would say I know who I am and I happy with the way I look! We are all the same deep down sure we all look different outside and that's because of our family structure. Stand in front of your mirror and say"

 

I am the best looking woman around

I see myself as pretty as any girl around.

I feel beautiful inside and out.

I am me and I am happy about how I look and feel.

 

Repeat these to your mind

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I am the best looking woman around

I see myself as pretty as any girl around.

I feel beautiful inside and out.

I am me and I am happy about how I look and feel.

 

While this is nice and all the thing is what makes someone “unattractive” is not all about looks.

 

Everything from someone’s voice, eyes (eye contact), style, intellect, if you have tattoos (the person does not like them or placement)

 

Body language

 

Body odor

 

Teeth

 

Conversational skills

 

Manners

 

I have met women and decided to not pursue them for many other reasons than just plain looks, that is why focusing on “just looks” is simply not logical.

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Maybe you have a warped perception of yourself because you look nice to me, although I admit I'm on my phone and your pic is rather small.

 

But I think you may have a low self-esteem. That is not an attractive quality and some men who find that attractive are jerks and will treat you like crap by saying mean things (like the one who made fun of your nose) which only makes the bad things you feel about yourself seem true even if they aren't.

 

Go see a cosmetic surgeon to get a quote if it bothers you that much. Some will allow you to finance the procedures they offer.

 

 

Maybe I do have a warped perception, I don't know. I just know that I'm not very confident in how I look and I've always been this way so I don't know how to change it.

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Maybe I do have a warped perception, I don't know. I just know that I'm not very confident in how I look and I've always been this way so I don't know how to change it.

 

I told you...focus on what parts of you are awesome when you start your negative self talk. And keep telling yourself nobody is perfect. Then focus on those awesome parts again.

 

You'll get there.

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While this is nice and all the thing is what makes someone “unattractive” is not all about looks.

 

Everything from someone’s voice, eyes (eye contact), style, intellect, if you have tattoos (the person does not like them or placement)

 

Body language

 

Body odor

 

Teeth

 

Conversational skills

 

Manners

 

I have met women and decided to not pursue them for many other reasons than just plain looks, that is why focusing on “just looks” is simply not logical.

 

She worried about herself confidence. That needs to be worked on. What's wrong saying this to your face in the mirror. Everyone should be confident to go out and be who they are. I do not care for what others say I live for me in the NOW! Yes I know there are not a lot of people that can be alpha instead they're beta.

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She worried about herself confidence. That needs to be worked on. What's wrong saying this to your face in the mirror. Everyone should be confident to go out and be who they are. I do not care for what others say I live for me in the NOW! Yes I know there are not a lot of people that can be alpha instead they're beta.

 

Cool I don’t disagree with you, but lack of self-confidence come from way back in our childhood development. I have seen countless times beautiful young ladies focus on the tiniest pimple, to whether or not their breasts are “big enough.” We don’t specifically know what OP objects to in her appearance.

 

However to say that “men” I guess meaning all men… would not accept her looks according to who?

 

I heard and argument on the radio the other day, two guys arguing over whether or not Angelina Jolie was attractive or not. One guys thought she was a 10, the other guys HATED how she looks and does not think she is attractive at all. As in all arguments on looks eye of beholder.

 

Any woman is going to be attractive to SOME GUY, for a woman to say she would be universally disliked by ALL men who date her there is something deeper going on.

 

Also let’s be honest here. If a woman who is let’s say a (6) in looks ONLY goes for guys who would be universally rated at a 9 or 10 and you get shot down you are overreaching and that has nothing to do with simply looks.

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To preraph,

 

In my little avatar it's not underwear it's a top but I can see why you would think that, I never thought of it. Thanks for the suggestion. I could put up a pic of the side of my face but just the thought of it makes me anxious :sick:

 

I understand, but since you haven't met them yet, it should make you more anxious to meet them knowing you're hiding your nose, and this is going to drain you of walking in with any confidence.

 

Use OLD as a filter. No point just getting guys liking you on there who won't like you in person. No point in dressing overly sexy if you aren't just in it to hookup. Yes, you will have fewer respond if you change those two things, but you will also have a better chance with the ones who do, plus not dressing overly sexy will attract a different type of guy, so you may trade the ones just wanting hookups for ones looking for a nice relationship.

 

To me, your top looks like a slip top, and I know because I used to wear them myself, but just peeking out from under a little jacket or blouse. They're cute but yes, that one looks too "I just want to have sex" in that photo, regardless how it was meant.

 

So don't take a real closeup of your nose. Have someone take a photo of you in partial profile, a "candid shot" from a few feet away that doesn't just show your face but maybe your upper body as well doing something like petting the dog or cooking, something that shows one of your interests.

 

I think you'll do just fine just being who you are and showing that. If you don't, dealing with the rejections in person is going to wear on you. It's bad enough on OLD under normal circumstances, so don't do it to yourself.

 

I knew a woman who looked a little like you, very thin, dark hair, and she had a real thin kind of beaky nose, but she actually did very well with guys because of her personality. You have enough assets that you don't have to have a perfect nose, too, but you can save yourself a lot of grief by just going ahead and showing it to them from a few feet away. Good luck!

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Hi everyone,

 

I'm new here this is my first time posting so I've no idea if this is the right section. I'm 21 and I've been on online dating sites for a few weeks. I get a lot of attention and a lot of guys want to meet up. The thing is I'm really scared to meet them because of how I look. I'm afraid they'll be disappointed.I only have front facing pictures on these dating sites so guys are always like you're so gorgeous but I'm really not. I look ugly from the side, I don't have the best teeth and my nose is really big. A guy actually told me in person before that I'm beautiful but have a big nose.

 

The bottom line is that you have to post pictures that accurately reflect what you look like. I mean, you seem to be admitting here that your photos are misleading. Don't put yourself through that angst. Post pictures of yourself from all angles so the guys can see what you look like. That way, when a guy contacts you, you know he is fine with your looks.

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The bottom line is that you have to post pictures that accurately reflect what you look like. I mean, you seem to be admitting here that your photos are misleading.

 

This is what I don’t get that women refuse to understand. Why women post a bunch of silly pics wearing a hat, adding graphics to their pics, the over the head shots, kissing their dog, dark sunglasses, hiding their body (then on the profile saying ACCEPT ME AS I AM) just want to see what you look like NOW!

 

If you hide or distort pics, post grainy pics (I don’t get how you can do this in a digital 16MP camera phone age) you do everything to draw attention AWAY from who and what you truly are just about all dudes will freak and react negatively.

 

If you got online to buy a used car and it looked all clean and pretty and you go to see it and it looks like crap would you buy it?

 

Be honest about who you are and what you look like and again being honest with yourself and pursue people in your lane.

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The bottom line is that you have to post pictures that accurately reflect what you look like. I mean, you seem to be admitting here that your photos are misleading. Don't put yourself through that angst. Post pictures of yourself from all angles so the guys can see what you look like. That way, when a guy contacts you, you know he is fine with your looks.

 

The pictures are me, I don't edit them I just don't have any pictures from the side. My nose and face looks fine from the front but looks ugly from the side so I never even thought of putting a side pic up because I noticed no one on these dating sites have any side pics up. But yeah I suppose it is misleading.

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This is what I don’t get that women refuse to understand. Why women post a bunch of silly pics wearing a hat, adding graphics to their pics, the over the head shots, kissing their dog, dark sunglasses, hiding their body (then on the profile saying ACCEPT ME AS I AM) just want to see what you look like NOW!

 

If you hide or distort pics, post grainy pics (I don’t get how you can do this in a digital 16MP camera phone age) you do everything to draw attention AWAY from who and what you truly are just about all dudes will freak and react negatively.

 

If you got online to buy a used car and it looked all clean and pretty and you go to see it and it looks like crap would you buy it?

 

Be honest about who you are and what you look like and again being honest with yourself and pursue people in your lane.

 

 

I don't do any of that and I definitely don't hide my body I just don't have any pics of my face from the side.

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I get a lot of attention and a lot of guys want to meet up.

 

Op not trying to be mean or rude but you are exactly why guys generally get so frustrated with online dating.

 

A friend I know got in a 3 days period almost 100 emails.

 

Did not go on a single date.

 

Guys are only interested in sex, lie about height, weight, and income, married a whole laundry list of reasons. You have a small pic but enough to see you don’t look like a troll yet you come here and “worry” that guys will reject you, seriously!?

 

Sure if you got hundreds of emails some may dig you others may pass but that is the game but you choose to occupy digital space worried about how some dude will process your profile.

 

There is something else going on here.

 

This is exactly why I say that a significant number of women who participate in OLD are just there to draw attention.

 

If you see nice looking women on these sites for an extended period of time do they all have some beauty tick that prevents them from finding ONE dude who would be into them for more than just looks?

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