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Dating.. from casual to serious is it possible?


NCAC

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So heres my story!

 

I've been dating/seeing this guy since December, everything was going great we chatted all the time met once a week etc. seemed like it was going in the right direction.. He did just come out of a 3 year long distance relationship (she lived in a diff country) this didn't seem to be an issue.

 

So as we were seeing each other I decided to bring up the what are we/where are we going etc talk. To my surprise he said he didn't want to be exclusive or to be just seeing one girl as he was only just out of a relationship and wanted something more casual and that he did like me just didn't want to be tied down or to make a commitment and who knows where it might end up later on.

 

He did say he hasn't been out on any other dates or sleeping with anyone else since me, but he just couldn't tie himself to one person at the moment he was enjoying his freedom.

 

Since I had this chat with him, he's become distant and has stepped back quite a bit, our contact is very sparse now, he said he wanted to keep seeing me and to keep it casual. I'm not going to bother contacting him now cause I just feel like I'm smothering him is i contact him. We got tickets to a game this Saturday now I'm not sure what is happening. Bare in mind he is very stubborn

 

My question is, can something thats casual ever turn into something more serious in the long haul? I really do like this guy.

 

Another Q- Any advice on how to stop thinking about him and get him out of my brain!!!!! Thanks so much in advance x

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No, start seeing other people. When a man tells you what he doesn't want, believe him the first time, and don't sleep with him! He's not interested in a relationship and you're not gonna change his mind. The quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone new! Start dating other people! :)

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He's been clear. I don't know why you are doubting that he means what he says. If he was dating Gigi Hadid, you can be sure he wouldn't have given her the "I don't want to be exclusive, I just want to keep it casual" talk.

 

You must date other people. Don't even tell him. Just do it. You owe him no info at this point. He set you free and is going to bail if there's any more pressure.

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He realized you are catching feelings for him.....he's just gonna start doing the slow fade because he has no intention of being serious with you, not even in the future. Get him out of your brain? go NC.

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So there is no hope what so ever at all? I can't stop thinking about him I ahwcnt contacted him since yesterday morning. He's viewing my snap chat stories but he's not reached out since. Men ehhhh

 

Fair enough the no contact thing but I still can't get him off my mind. Relaistcily I know I am far better than him as in he's a bit immature and a bit too laid back and silly for me etc but it still doesn't stop you. It's the rejection thing I think that's the worst...

 

Any other ways of getting him out of your mind? I'm not being second best to someone no thank you!!!!!

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My question is, can something thats casual ever turn into something more serious in the long haul? I really do like this guy.

It's possible, but highly unlikely, especially given what you've described of the situation.

 

Another Q- Any advice on how to stop thinking about him and get him out of my brain!!!!! Thanks so much in advance x

Date others. To engage fully with other dates though, you're going to have to stop dating this guy and stop all contact with him.

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You are on different pages. You were both clear about the different things you want.

 

 

With respect to the tickets . . . how much money is involved? Do you really want to see the game? I might go, enjoy the sport but then disappear on him. He's not in a place where he's willing to date you exclusively. Sticking around & hoping he'll eventually get serious simply makes you a doormat a second choice who will always be his fall back, not a good place for you at all.

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You should let him go because your feelings are clearly way ahead of his. He probably isn't over his ex yet and he knows it. It takes time. I doubt he will be serious about another relationship for quite some time. Most people who are fresh out of a break up rarely get serious about the first person they date after the break up unless they are an older couple.

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You asked for exclusivity he said no.

He knows you have "feelings" for him and he knows that is no good in a casual relationship.

He wants freedom, he doesn't want a "gf "asking him who he is talking to, where he is going, who he is sleeping with...

He wants to talk to and date and sleep with other women as the opportunities present.

 

Now he is shutting you down and that is actually for your own good.

 

He did just come out of a 3 year long distance relationship (she lived in a diff country) this didn't seem to be an issue.

That was your mistake, of course it is an issuer, it is always an issue.

If you are looking for something serious, never get involved with people who are just out of a long term relationship.

 

Fine for some fun and a fling, but for anything else - avoid.

You will be the one to get very hurt.

They

either want to sow wild oats (as in this case), so whilst you are getting all involved they have their eye out for all and sundry.

or they make you into a rebound/substitute partner and dump you eventually as you are not really what they want,

or they are still hurt and in pain and use you as a nurse/therapist to make themselves feel better and dump you as soon as they are healed.

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So there is no hope what so ever at all? I can't stop thinking about him I ahwcnt contacted him since yesterday morning. He's viewing my snap chat stories but he's not reached out since. Men ehhhh

 

Fair enough the no contact thing but I still can't get him off my mind. Relaistcily I know I am far better than him as in he's a bit immature and a bit too laid back and silly for me etc but it still doesn't stop you. It's the rejection thing I think that's the worst...

 

Any other ways of getting him out of your mind? I'm not being second best to someone no thank you!!!!!

 

Yes there is a way to forget this happen to also. Not much we can both do. Just have to hang out with friends and talk even put this on your mind. Try to let go and block the person all contact points block. Remove any photos you have of such a person.

 

The key you don't want them in your face otherwise the feeling can creep back into your mind. Start going out with other men start to laugh again and most of all have fun. That's best way to do this. Try not to be on your own. Go visit your family etc.

 

For me she not worth my time, just can't get so close to anyone acting like he did to you and mine did to me. It's there lost not yours. Once your out of the picture then they might crawl back but by that time it's took late for them because you have found someone else that really cares for you!

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It comes down to availability I've realised.

 

If you're available as and when in his mind, then he isnt pressed to take matters further.

 

If you vanish and go no contact then maybe. But if you keep seeing him knowing he offers nothing it just reaffirms his view that you are easy.

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You're all amazing- thank you so much for your imput and advice. Sometimes you just need to vent and get advice from people that care and arnt sick of you talking about it all the time!

 

Straight out asked him has he lost interest. He said since I asked him

About was he seeing other ppl he had been put off me and lost interest in me: isn't that just crazy? I literally only asked him out of respect for myself.

 

I've just deleted him number from my phone. He's not worth my

Valuable time and enegry really wish I knew this sooner. I don't understand why someone would be in touch 24/7 if they just wanted a casual thing makes no sense. Will guys ever stop playing these Mind F**k games they are playing?

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You're all amazing- thank you so much for your imput and advice. Sometimes you just need to vent and get advice from people that care and arnt sick of you talking about it all the time!

 

Straight out asked him has he lost interest. He said since I asked him

About was he seeing other ppl he had been put off me and lost interest in me: isn't that just crazy? I literally only asked him out of respect for myself.

 

I've just deleted him number from my phone. He's not worth my

Valuable time and enegry really wish I knew this sooner. I don't understand why someone would be in touch 24/7 if they just wanted a casual thing makes no sense. Will guys ever stop playing these Mind F**k games they are playing?

 

don't understand why someone would be in touch 24/7 if they just wanted a casual thing -- This guy didn't do anything wrong. He told you he was only interested in dating casually AND he wasn't seeing anyone else at the moment AND he really liked you at least.

 

He did just come out of a 3 year long distance relationship (she lived in a diff country) -- That doesn't mean he's over her and ready to get into another relationship or have a rebound relationship.

 

since I asked him

About was he seeing other ppl -- He backed off because he realized you were looking for more from your dating journey. He understood you two weren't on the same page in terms of dating goals.

 

really wish I knew this sooner -- Very early in the dating scenario, there should be a conversation about what each other's overall dating goals are to make sure you are on the same page to start with. It's not about whether you want a relationship with them at that point, just to get clarity about what they are looking for. Do that in the first few dates. If they don't bring it up, you should do it.

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Ilovelifeforwhatcome
So heres my story!

 

I've been dating/seeing this guy since December, everything was going great we chatted all the time met once a week etc. seemed like it was going in the right direction.. He did just come out of a 3 year long distance relationship (she lived in a diff country) this didn't seem to be an issue.

 

So as we were seeing each other I decided to bring up the what are we/where are we going etc talk. To my surprise he said he didn't want to be exclusive or to be just seeing one girl as he was only just out of a relationship and wanted something more casual and that he did like me just didn't want to be tied down or to make a commitment and who knows where it might end up later on.

 

He did say he hasn't been out on any other dates or sleeping with anyone else since me, but he just couldn't tie himself to one person at the moment he was enjoying his freedom.

 

Since I had this chat with him, he's become distant and has stepped back quite a bit, our contact is very sparse now, he said he wanted to keep seeing me and to keep it casual. I'm not going to bother contacting him now cause I just feel like I'm smothering him is i contact him. We got tickets to a game this Saturday now I'm not sure what is happening. Bare in mind he is very stubborn

 

My question is, can something thats casual ever turn into something more serious in the long haul? I really do like this guy.

 

Another Q- Any advice on how to stop thinking about him and get him out of my brain!!!!! Thanks so much in advance x

 

I have learned the hard way of not listening to a guy when he said he has doubts, isn't ready etc. Thing is its not wrong to talk about what you want, esp if you are looking for something more serious. Don't contact him and continue seeing other guys, its not worth waiting for someone like that.

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Cookiesandough

He liked you and enjoyed what you were doing but not enough to commit. He likes his freedom more. Next him.

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