blueberrymuffin Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I've been thinking about this recently. Why do some people who seem to be a good catch just can't get a relationship? Some of us think we are that person, or we have friends that we just can't understand why they haven't been snapped up over and over again. Example, I have a male friend (100% platonic I have known him since we were 5) who is super good-looking and I mean this objectively. He is tall, works out, gorgeous face the works. He went to a good college, earns good money, is sporty, confident, he can dominate conversations sometime but no biggie. He really does have a good heart. He is desperate to settle down. He has no issue getting girls on tinder but no girl seems to stick. He certainly likes certain girls ( I know of at least 4 he wanted to take things further with) but they always blow him off after a couple of weeks. I guess I'm asking, what is it that some people who seem to have it all are doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I've been thinking about this recently. Why do some people who seem to be a good catch just can't get a relationship? Some of us think we are that person, or we have friends that we just can't understand why they haven't been snapped up over and over again. Example, I have a male friend (100% platonic I have known him since we were 5) who is super good-looking and I mean this objectively. He is tall, works out, gorgeous face the works. He went to a good college, earns good money, is sporty, confident, he can dominate conversations sometime but no biggie. He really does have a good heart. He is desperate to settle down. He has no issue getting girls on tinder but no girl seems to stick. He certainly likes certain girls ( I know of at least 4 he wanted to take things further with) but they always blow him off after a couple of weeks. I guess I'm asking, what is it that some people who seem to have it all are doing wrong? No offense, but do you really know all that goes on with your friend? Are you sure he's not the one going from one girl to another? I mean, unless you've spoken to the girls he's dated, you don't know for certain what has been happening. Also, it is so easy to see the forest before the trees. We are often very 'subjective' about the people we know only to find that there are things that other's have experienced that we may not be wholly aware or admit exists. He sounds like the total package, but for some, he clearly is not. Why haven't you dated him? Why only platonic if he's all that? Just asking... AND yes, many of us feel we're the complete package, but not everyone is on the same page or point in our personal lives. Some are ready to date, some to have a long term relationship and some just to play around. Timiing is everything... Link to post Share on other sites
NoCompass Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I've been thinking about this recently. Why do some people who seem to be a good catch just can't get a relationship? Some of us think we are that person, or we have friends that we just can't understand why they haven't been snapped up over and over again. Example, I have a male friend (100% platonic I have known him since we were 5) who is super good-looking and I mean this objectively. He is tall, works out, gorgeous face the works. He went to a good college, earns good money, is sporty, confident, he can dominate conversations sometime but no biggie. He really does have a good heart. He is desperate to settle down. He has no issue getting girls on tinder but no girl seems to stick. He certainly likes certain girls ( I know of at least 4 he wanted to take things further with) but they always blow him off after a couple of weeks. I guess I'm asking, what is it that some people who seem to have it all are doing wrong? Speaking from experience, pretty people have terrible attitudes (unbearable in the long run) as people suck up to them even when they are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 You know him as a friend. It's a whole different ballgame when you are spending 24/7 with someone in a romantic relationship. He obviously has some compatibility issues. There really is no way for you to really know unless you dated him romantically for a while or know someone who did. Friends aren't always honest (with themselves) when it comes to talking about relationship failures. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 There's some reason. They may be very picky and not settling at all and just not found the right person. When a person isn't mainstream and have the mainstream interests and looks and a real easy going personality, I think it's a good thing, but it does limit your field. People who are real easy going and get along with a lot of friends and a wide range of acquaintances will usually find it pretty easy to find someone. He may have problems you don't know about, like excessive jealousy, penny pinching, doesn't like kids or doesn't like pets (or the opposite) selfish in bed or bad in bed, or he may just be boring. Maybe his tendency to dominate conversations turns dictatorial in a male/female relationship. Maybe he's never wrong. Maybe he never compromises. Maybe his mother is a buttinski or he's a mama's boy. There's some reason. It can either be because no one is good enough for him or because he has a fatal flaw or because he is specialized and it's hard to find someone with something in common. Or maybe he is disgusting in the way he comes on to these women he just met on Tinder. Maybe you don't really know all sides of him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Unless somebody invites you to analyze their love life, keep your opinions to yourself. If he's finding women on Tinder, that is probably all the commitment he wants. If he later wants more, he needs to understand that the woman in Q might not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Dominating conversations can be a real biggie. The people I know who dominate conversations often demonstrate little interest in the lives of others. On a date, it's likely the dinner partner will leave tired of hearing him talk. At any rate, if he's getting the women on dates but they lose interest quickly, it's his personality which is letting him down. And given how quickly they leave, it's letting him down big time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 Dominating conversations can be a real biggie. The people I know who dominate conversations often demonstrate little interest in the lives of others. On a date, it's likely the dinner partner will leave tired of hearing him talk. At any rate, if he's getting the women on dates but they lose interest quickly, it's his personality which is letting him down. And given how quickly they leave, it's letting him down big time. OR he's playing the field and has no interest right now in having a long term relationship.... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 OR he's playing the field and has no interest right now in having a long term relationship.... And lying to the OP about being keen to start a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberrymuffin Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 So I have not dated him because I've known him since we were 5. That would be so eeeewww. I know him very well and know he's a great guy, but I guess he must act differently with women he has just met on tinder. I know he is desperate for a relationship because he is always talking about how sad he is when he goes home to an empty condo. How much he would like a girlfriend to just chill with. But I guess I'm just using him as an example. I guess I don't know why I'm not in a relationship either. It's just a hypothetical conversation on what seemingly 'full package' people could be doing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 So I have not dated him because I've known him since we were 5. That would be so eeeewww. I know him very well and know he's a great guy, but I guess he must act differently with women he has just met on tinder. I know he is desperate for a relationship because he is always talking about how sad he is when he goes home to an empty condo. How much he would like a girlfriend to just chill with. But I guess I'm just using him as an example. I guess I don't know why I'm not in a relationship either. It's just a hypothetical conversation on what seemingly 'full package' people could be doing wrong. Again, I'm willing to bet you don't know the full story of his dating woes (if they are woes and not by design). How old are you? He? If he's all that, the odds are that one of those girls would have been around longer than 2-weeks. Don't worry so much about your platonic bf, but ask yourself what you need to do. BTW, you being a lady, the dating scene is very different than for your good looking BMF. Hint: Guys like your BMF aren't seriously looking for a LT relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 You have mentioned a few times that he was "desperate for a relationship" so I think that is the problem. Its a turn off when people exude desperation no matter how good of a catch you are. I have turned down a guy recently bc I could tell he was desperate to settle down also. He was moving way to fast and it came off as kind of creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 I guess I don't know why I'm not in a relationship either. It's just a hypothetical conversation on what seemingly 'full package' people could be doing wrong. This is a much more fruitful place to begin--a concrete situation rather than an ambiguous hypothetical. Let's start with why you think you might not be as successful in dating as you would like? Are you meeting guys but they aren't sticking? Are you not meeting guys? How do you (try to) meet guys? Where along the dating process are you running into setbacks? Any thoughts on why you're struggling at those particular points? What do your friends say when you discuss it with them? What are their suggestions and feedback? Give us a little more detail to work with and we can then make useful suggestions for your situation...or at least some food for thought specific to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 He is probably too "nice". Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Speaking from experience, pretty people have terrible attitudes (unbearable in the long run) as people suck up to them even when they are wrong. This could be a factor. The last girl I dated was a 9 in looks and her attitude matched. She told me she had been on OLD for 10 years. TEN YEARS!!! Durning that time she's had 1 or 2 1 year RLs. She is intelligent, beautiful, phenomenal body, healthy, educated, and the biggest pain in the butt. Her bad attitude was likely caused by people tripping over themselves to please her due to her looks. Think about it, if members of the opposite sex threw themselves at you everywhere you went it would go to your head after a while. Sometimes when a catch cannot be caught, there is a very good reason for it. Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 He is probably too "nice". yep us guys that are to nice dont seem to get anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Fruitee Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 So I have not dated him because I've known him since we were 5. That would be so eeeewww. I know him very well and know he's a great guy, but I guess he must act differently with women he has just met on tinder. I know he is desperate for a relationship because he is always talking about how sad he is when he goes home to an empty condo. How much he would like a girlfriend to just chill with. But I guess I'm just using him as an example. I guess I don't know why I'm not in a relationship either. It's just a hypothetical conversation on what seemingly 'full package' people could be doing wrong. Sounds like he is either big complainer or wants you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldSparkz Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 In my opinion, its because they ARE such a good catch and the people they are dating aren't ready or at the same stage of life. These dating partners may worry that they won't match up to the other person's expectations and the person (who's got everything together) will look elsewhere. So in the example of your male friend, he will find it harder to date and the dating pool will be much smaller for him. So to stand a better chance, who should only aim to date women who match up achievement-wise and don't have any emotional baggage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 It's actually harder for a good catch to find someone if their standards are to find an equally good catch (or close to). Majority of the leftover singles have their lives falling apart (at least on OLD). Men should have less of problem than women, since a definition of a good catch for woman is mostly "youth and good looks", a lot of it is outside of woman's control. For a man, it's career success and financial stability, which anyone can achieve if they tried hard enough. As men get older, "good catch" men have increasingly easier time finding someone. Single men 35-45 that have their lives together have the easiest time of all (by that I mean a good job, own a place, decently groomed etc). Finally, there is also some of us that have eccentric personalities. I find most of the mainstream people dull and boring so my "personality match" pool was always small. Given my current age, it's smaller than ever. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 ^^^^couldn't agree more with eternal sunshine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 If he is indeed a great "catch" and a great guy then he is maybe just picking the wrong girls to date. His "type" may not think he is their "type". Plenty guys it seems, pick basically on age and looks and think women do the same. "I am good/bad/average looking, you are good/bad/average looking, we are perfect together" They are thus disappointed when the woman is looking for a different type of guy all together. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Speaking from experience, pretty people have terrible attitudes (unbearable in the long run) as people suck up to them even when they are wrong. Sorry, but I really can't agree with that. I know plenty of attractive people who I absolutely cannot fault for their behavior. Having worked in marketing for a few years I spent time with some painfully good-looking people. But I cannot say they behaved any worse than the rest of us. I do however agree with those who suggested that very attractive people are looking for similar spouses, which is a smaller pool. Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I think a lot of time those who are a "good catch," often have high standards and expectations for potential partners, so it's hard for them at times. They don't want to settle, which is good, but can require more patience. Of course that may change as they age and the desperation for a relationship may kick in. But this has often been the case in my experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I guess if he is looking for something ling term and they bail at 2 weeks then then it is not down to him being too fussy, too picky or finding them unattractive. It is something about him that those women are not gelling with. Of course as some suspect he is stuck on the OP or someone else maybe, then he may not be putting his best foot forward, the women pick up on his lacklustre vibe and bail. Or is he one of those guys, so bitter about their lack of success it permeates their whole being - she picks up on the negative, bitter, even misogynistic vibe and she is gone. I also guess the tendency to monopolise conversations may be deal-breaker for some. Great to have a talkative guy at the first stages of dating and if you are somewhat shy, but after you relax and find your own voice and you find you have a guy who won't shut up and let you get a word in edgeways, then... He may be a great friend, but that doesn't necessarily make him a great bf. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Without knowing anything else other than you have offered, all I can say is that he just has the same luck as most everyone else does by fishing in the wrong pond or it's just not happening because it's just not happening. If there was an answer, like I have said in the past, I would tell you that answer, but ... I don't have it. Keep moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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