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No kiss on first date, should I bother with the second?


SevenCity

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I met a girl on OLD and had a date setup for Saturday. A few days before she tried to move it to lunch. I said no but ultimately agreed to meet later in the day before dark. She said she felt more comfortable during the day for our first meet.

 

Date went well but I didn't get a kiss at the end of it when I tried. She suggested we get together during the week after work and sent me a text afterwards on what a great time she had.

 

I typically won't invest in a second date if there was no kiss as it shows she's either not interested romantically or playing by a rule book and likely won't be a good match sexually. Last thing I want is to find out I'm in friend zone after wasting time and money.

 

So worth another shot or a waste of time?

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You shouldn't be so penny pinching that you can't go on a second date with a woman. Some women may have been taught by their mother or father their whole life that you don't kiss on a first date. Not everyone plays by YOUR rules.

 

What is missing from your post is that you found the woman interesting and fun and liked her. So I'm presuming all you care about is getting in her pants. In which case, someone else would probably give it up quicker. She's in no hurry.

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Well you are shooting yourself in the foot with this 'no kiss on 1st date = no second date'.

 

First a first meeting isn't a date, it's a first meeting to confirm you are who you are portraying to be online and if there is an interest for a second date. I have rarely kissed a man on our first meeting. It has nothing to do with being attracted or not, it's just not the time and place. AND when a man came on strongly about kissing me on a first date he was only interested in a physical relationship and didn't care about making a good impression on me. He was only interested in what he could get out of me in the parking lot.

 

This woman did not accept a kiss after that date to send you the message she is looking to know who you are before getting physical. If she was not interested in you she wouldn't have texted you after the date.

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I think it's worth another shot, since she suggested meeting up again. But I do get your doubts, she gave you the cheeck and initially wanted to downgrade you to lunch... I don't think you have to kiss on the first date, but it's often a bad sign if the girl rejects you. So try to go in with no expectations, but maybe it will work out. You have nothing to lose

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You shouldn't be so penny pinching that you can't go on a second date with a woman. Some women may have been taught by their mother or father their whole life that you don't kiss on a first date. Not everyone plays by YOUR rules.

 

What is missing from your post is that you found the woman interesting and fun and liked her. So I'm presuming all you care about is getting in her pants. In which case, someone else would probably give it up quicker. She's in no hurry.

 

It's not about penny pinching. Dates cost money - I'm not sure how many you've paid for but after a while they add up. A woman can go on 100 first dates and it's no big deal. If you're a guy those dates represent a cost. I don't like to waste my time and I like to invest wisely.

 

I found her interesting and we had fun. That said, I don't know if she would be a good LTR as I don't know her. Moreover, the lack of physical contact leaves me questioning if she is interested in me.

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I think it's worth another shot, since she suggested meeting up again. But I do get your doubts, she gave you the cheeck and initially wanted to downgrade you to lunch... I don't think you have to kiss on the first date, but it's often a bad sign if the girl rejects you. So try to go in with no expectations, but maybe it will work out. You have nothing to lose

 

Exactly my thoughts. I'll see about the second date and if nothing after that I'll cut my losses.

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I would give it one more date

 

I like to kiss on the first date if I'm feeling the guy and I dont like day time first dates so I get it....but give her one more chance

 

I know a lot of my gfs wont kiss on a first date...some women arent comfortable with it

 

How was she otherwise?

 

Did you like her personality, did you feel a connection with her or chemistry?

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Well you are shooting yourself in the foot with this 'no kiss on 1st date = no second date'.

 

First a first meeting isn't a date, it's a first meeting to confirm you are who you are portraying to be online and if there is an interest for a second date. I have rarely kissed a man on our first meeting. It has nothing to do with being attracted or not, it's just not the time and place. AND when a man came on strongly about kissing me on a first date he was only interested in a physical relationship and didn't care about making a good impression on me. He was only interested in what he could get out of me in the parking lot.

 

This woman did not accept a kiss after that date to send you the message she is looking to know who you are before getting physical. If she was not interested in you she wouldn't have texted you after the date.

 

That has not been my experience thus far. Either we hit it off or we didn't. And to reference your post you said rarely, not never. I get that she might not be the type to kiss on a first date but it's a good sign if she does as at least you know she has some interest.

 

But this was added to trying to move the date to lunch. Those to me are two signs she isn't interested. I could be wrong, but my history with women has shown those with interest will at least touch you, hold your hand, etc.

 

So what's the rule on a second date? I can tell you I won't be going on a third if I don't get a kiss on the second :laugh:

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I would give it one more date

 

I like to kiss on the first date if I'm feeling the guy and I dont like day time first dates so I get it....but give her one more chance

 

I know a lot of my gfs wont kiss on a first date...some women arent comfortable with it

 

How was she otherwise?

 

Did you like her personality, did you feel a connection with her or chemistry?

 

Thanks D. I did like her and was attracted to her and we had stuff in common. Is she my next gf? No idea. I didn't have that OMG feeling like I've had with past Gf's so not sure.

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Thanks D. I did like her and was attracted to her and we had stuff in common. Is she my next gf? No idea. I didn't have that OMG feeling like I've had with past Gf's so not sure.

 

I didnt have the OMG feeling with some of my ex's so dont pay too much mind to that

 

Sometimes chemistry and attraction develops over time. As long as theres a baseline attraction there...give it a chance...anything is possible!! :D

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I didnt have the OMG feeling with some of my ex's so dont pay too much mind to that

 

Sometimes chemistry and attraction develops over time. As long as theres a baseline attraction there...give it a chance...anything is possible!! :D

 

If that's the case I'm gonna get some lotto tickets today :lmao:

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One suggestion for someone who dates a lot is to once a year buy season membership to a museum or the zoo and that way you have a nice but cheap date you can take all your dates to. A friend of mine got season membership to a women's museum when it first opened and that made a good impression, as you can imagine. But an art museum, a natural history museum, any of that, plus the zoo. Then you won't spend as much.

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One suggestion for someone who dates a lot is to once a year buy season membership to a museum or the zoo and that way you have a nice but cheap date you can take all your dates to. A friend of mine got season membership to a women's museum when it first opened and that made a good impression, as you can imagine. But an art museum, a natural history museum, any of that, plus the zoo. Then you won't spend as much.

 

Fair point. But do you understsnd as gentlemanly as women expect a guy to be that it costs money? Women would be much more apprehensive to go on a date if they were the ones who paid.

 

I'm comfortable financially but I look at the expense of my dating thus far. Last girl I dated ended up being like $70 a date for simple stuff like bowling or movies and a bite to eat at a non fancy place. That's $280 per month going out once a week. The girl before that was a drinker and the cost was about $400 a month going out once a week.

 

Women seem to think that money has no value when it's not their money being spent. It's a comfortable position to be in.

 

So you can imagine while you may call me cheap, you might feel differntly if dating represented a car payment. You would likely want to cut off early for those who were not showing obvious signs of interest.

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purrrfectlyflawed

OLD is awkward as hell. I hate It and I hate first dates. This was a "get acquainted" so a kiss is actually not that common. I don't kiss on many first dates or meetings, I am usually too nervous. I do make it clear if I want to see them again.

 

 

If you like her ask her out again and make sure she feels the same.

 

 

Some people just take a little longer to kiss.

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OLD is awkward as hell. I hate It and I hate first dates. This was a "get acquainted" so a kiss is actually not that common. I don't kiss on many first dates or meetings, I am usually too nervous. I do make it clear if I want to see them again.

 

 

If you like her ask her out again and make sure she feels the same.

 

 

Some people just take a little longer to kiss.

 

 

Fair enough. She's the one who suggested the 2nd date.

 

However, other first dates / meets from old ended with a kiss with the exception of those where there was no interest. As a guy it's hard to understand the comfortableness factor of meeting during the day vs night. It's not like we met in a dark alley. But this was expressed after the initial plans were set which is a red flag for me. We had plans set and they were changed.

 

The last girl who changed up plans ended up being a waste of time. I did kiss her (and she kissed back a lot) but she felt compelled to send me a text noting that she usually doesn't do that and she was very uncomfortable about it (despite having her tongue in the back of my throat).

 

I'll give it a second and final chance - assuming she doesn't flake which has a high probability considering.

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Like you I prefer a kiss on the 1st date. My husband didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I was going to break up with him if that kiss hadn't happened. So based on my experience yes, you should go on the 2nd date because you made positive comments about enjoying her company However, because you also believe that a woman who won't kiss you early is not compatible with you, that means you don't need to press for a connection if you're not feeling it.

 

 

You are right dates cost money. Especially for a 1st meet off OLD, spending $70 is crazy. $20 max. You are being your own worst financial enemy. I like the museum membership idea. Low cost, creative, safe. Think about that route.

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When you first meet face to face, you shouldn't think of it as a date, and thus should not make dinner plans. You don't even know what these girls really look or act like and vice versa. I think this was your last dates concern and why she only wanted to date during the day. She is still unsure about you too (maybe she sensed your angst?) maybe give it another date and see if you both relax more.

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I don't consider the first meet a "date" and I definitely don't expect it to be high cost for either of us. I'm happy to pay my way.

 

Maybe if you were less financially invested you would be more willing to let the situation play out a bit.

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Fair point. But do you understsnd as gentlemanly as women expect a guy to be that it costs money? Women would be much more apprehensive to go on a date if they were the ones who paid.

 

I'm comfortable financially but I look at the expense of my dating thus far. Last girl I dated ended up being like $70 a date for simple stuff like bowling or movies and a bite to eat at a non fancy place. That's $280 per month going out once a week. The girl before that was a drinker and the cost was about $400 a month going out once a week.

 

Women seem to think that money has no value when it's not their money being spent. It's a comfortable position to be in.

 

So you can imagine while you may call me cheap, you might feel differntly if dating represented a car payment. You would likely want to cut off early for those who were not showing obvious signs of interest.

 

Well, I will say that online dating has got people doing so many first dates that that is why this is happening. I mean, before online dating, no one was going on four first dates a month. But dating even one woman is expensive.

 

The first date, as Popsicle says, shouldn't be too expensive, just a drink or a sandwich. But once someone passes muster and you have a second date, it should be a little fancier. Doesn't have to be super expensive. I mean, I eat at Mexican restaurants, some of which are very reasonable and very good. A movie date can be a matinee and just cost $7 each and if it were me and a guy paid my way in on a second date, I'd offer to buy the snacks.

 

But really, if you can't afford to date as much, just don't go out on first dates as often. As you said yourself, most are a waste of time!

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I might not waste more time on her, but not because you didn't get a kiss - because it seems like you are both kind of "meh" about each other.

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she's either not interested romantically or playing by a rule book

 

Sounds like you're playing by a rule book yourself! Just because she didn't kiss you after the first date doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you. She most likely wanted to play it cool and kiss you when she is ready.

 

You have a very self-entitled attitude assuming that all girls should kiss you on the first date, otherwise they're not interested. You need to relax and just enjoy being in the moment.

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Fair point. But do you understsnd as gentlemanly as women expect a guy to be that it costs money? Women would be much more apprehensive to go on a date if they were the ones who paid.

 

I'm comfortable financially but I look at the expense of my dating thus far. Last girl I dated ended up being like $70 a date for simple stuff like bowling or movies and a bite to eat at a non fancy place. That's $280 per month going out once a week. The girl before that was a drinker and the cost was about $400 a month going out once a week.

 

Women seem to think that money has no value when it's not their money being spent. It's a comfortable position to be in.

 

So you can imagine while you may call me cheap, you might feel differntly if dating represented a car payment. You would likely want to cut off early for those who were not showing obvious signs of interest.

 

Honestly i think your expecting all women to be the same.

 

If your not willing to put the small amount of money into a risk investment for a second date then there will always be another guy who will right behind you. So i highly advise you go for another date.

 

Women always will be more apprehensive if they had to be the ones paying. Its just the way the world works. If shes a attractive girl then there are PLENTY of men who will pay to take her out. And girls know this all to well.

 

My last girl i ended up living with for 2 years and we didn't kiss until the 4th date. But she was interested. Every womans personality will be different.

 

Dating is a expensive experience for us men and always will be. The last woman i dated i spent close to $2000 in 2 weeks! Not saying this is a wise move for most people :o But the investment was well chosen and thankfully not wasted on a gold digger.

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Well, I will say that online dating has got people doing so many first dates that that is why this is happening. I mean, before online dating, no one was going on four first dates a month. But dating even one woman is expensive.

 

The first date, as Popsicle says, shouldn't be too expensive, just a drink or a sandwich. But once someone passes muster and you have a second date, it should be a little fancier. Doesn't have to be super expensive. I mean, I eat at Mexican restaurants, some of which are very reasonable and very good. A movie date can be a matinee and just cost $7 each and if it were me and a guy paid my way in on a second date, I'd offer to buy the snacks.

 

But really, if you can't afford to date as much, just don't go out on first dates as often. As you said yourself, most are a waste of time!

 

I can afford it, I would just rather spend / save my money elsewhere rather than dates that end up in nothing or a girl who lets me know she's psycho a few weeks in. This date was cheap ($30) but add that to all the other dates and it represents a real cost.

 

Which brings up another point - not one of them has ever offered to chip in since I've been dating these past 4 months. The last two serious relationships both of them offered. I declined of course but it is such a meaningful gesture and makes me not look at it as a transaction for sex. Ah the good old days.

 

I might not waste more time on her, but not because you didn't get a kiss - because it seems like you are both kind of "meh" about each other.

 

She texted me again today to see how my day was going. She could be meh not sure yet. I'm meh until I see something coming out of it. And I admit I'm very jaded.

 

Sounds like you're playing by a rule book yourself! Just because she didn't kiss you after the first date doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you. She most likely wanted to play it cool and kiss you when she is ready.

 

You have a very self-entitled attitude assuming that all girls should kiss you on the first date, otherwise they're not interested. You need to relax and just enjoy being in the moment.

 

My rule book is all about not wasting time. Anyone of them who was interested kissed me so perhaps I do feel entitled. I enjoyed the date and was in the moment, this debate is whether or not to setup another date.

 

Honestly i think your expecting all women to be the same.

 

If your not willing to put the small amount of money into a risk investment for a second date then there will always be another guy who will right behind you. So i highly advise you go for another date.

 

Women always will be more apprehensive if they had to be the ones paying. Its just the way the world works. If shes a attractive girl then there are PLENTY of men who will pay to take her out. And girls know this all to well.

 

My last girl i ended up living with for 2 years and we didn't kiss until the 4th date. But she was interested. Every womans personality will be different.

 

Dating is a expensive experience for us men and always will be. The last woman i dated i spent close to $2000 in 2 weeks! Not saying this is a wise move for most people :o

 

I would be out if sex doesn't happen by the 4th date! And yes, I wish it was like the old days where I would see women I like in person but I don't so I'm forced to do the old thing. And there is no way I'm spending $2k on a girl who isn't my girlfriend!

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Of course, it's your choice. I don't kiss on the first date. Especially if its an OLD date. This is the first time I'm meeting you, no way am I comfortable enough to be getting physical with you! But I also wouldn't sleep with someone by the 4th date. I need to feel comfortable with someone and see if there's a possibility of a LTR relationship before that. If you don't think a girl is worth the investment (not talking money), move alone. I also don't really think this shows you'd be sexually incompatible either. I love sex. My ex's couldn't keep up with me. But they had to wait more than a couple of weeks for it.

 

I understand it can be expensive but it doesn't have to be. My last OLD date was coffee. Granted, he paid, but it was a 4 pound cup of coffee. He wanted to go for pizza. I preferred low cost, low pressure. After all, we'd never met before! Other dates I've been on, we took turns buying the drinks. I can pay my way, I will pay my way.

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