1 month dating - where do I stand?

[Rko28]

I have been dating a girl for one month now and have been on 8 dates.

It all started at Christmas, I started a new job and made friends with a lad there, he was showing me pictures of his travels and I saw a picture of a girl and said "wow she's beautiful who is she" turned out it was his sister, he showed her my picture of Christmas and then told me to add her on FB as she was interested, did that and it's been amazing since.

 

She's such a nice girl, good morals, doesn't sleep around, no game playing, she feels like someone I've never dated before, if I'm being bit picky it's that she doesn't initiate texting but when I message her she usually replies within seconds.

 

We kissed at the end of our 3rd date and the past couple we've started holding hands and the kisses have become longer and better.

 

We have been planning things for the future, like dates in the summer when it's warmer and she even asked if I'd be interested in going down to a town to meet her old uni friends in May.

 

So what's the issue? I guess it's my old anxiety issues from past relationships/dating. We haven't had the "where is this going" chat yet and I think that's why, according to her brother she doesn't mess people about and she's told her parents about me which he says is a massive deal to her and she wouldn't if she didn't see anything worthwhile happening.

 

I've been in similar positions before and it's all come tumbling down but this feels different, it's rare for me to find a girl I want to be with like this, I literally can't stop thinking of her and even though I wouldn't, I want to be with her every single day, I'm seeing her tomorrow and today feels like Christmas Eve I'm that excited to see her.

 

There is 1 potential hiccup on the horizon and that is that she would like to travel again someday or buy a house. I'd prefer her to get a house but if she went travelling and she would be ok with it I'd go with her.

 

1 other thing which I regret doing is posting a picture of our day out on Facebook and tagging her in it (was just a scene, we weren't in it) she hasn't accepted it on to her wall. I think she's private when it comes to things like this. I don't know what I was thinking.

 

I guess my question here is, after 8 dates am I ok to ask where it is going? I'm 100% sure she isn't seeing anyone or talking to anyone else and I'm certainly not.

 

I know a month and 8 dates isn't long but I think it's time to just know I'm not wasting time and feelings here?

[PegNosePete]

Well what are the possible outcomes of such a conversation?

 

a) She says she doesn't see a future. If that's the case then isn't it better to find out now so you don't waste any more time?

 

b) She says she does see a future. All good.

 

It's really a no brainer...

[coolheadal]

It's too soon you just started to date. I say wait and see how it goes. So many are in a rush for answers. How do you know it's not going to work out yet. Relationships takes time not quick answers to how it will turn out good or bad. If your intent is to be with her because you love or like her so much it will be so. She on the other hand is the cat in this relationship. You have to prove your loyalty with her. Don't let the brother influence you in anyway. Your not with him and his views could be not on your side. Let this ride out into sunlight. Do not ask her how the relationship is going that not a move do make.

[barcode88]

8 Dates is a lot, I think most people want to at least talk about if they're seeing other people at the moment.

 

Personally I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone after 5-8 dates if they didn't feel strongly about me.

[Rko28]

Her brother is a friend and I know he wouldn't do or say anyhting out of place here.

 

I agree 8 is a lot, I'm not asking to be official but I just would like to know that for her it isn't just something like meeting up and going on dates and there is something fulfilling potentially could happen.

 

From what I know of her I don't think she's the type to string someone along but I've been in similar positions before and have been strung along, which is why I want to ask to avoid that feeling again.

 

Just need a way to word it ...

[xUnknown]

I would just keep it going man.

 

I wouldn't try to plan dates for the summer time, that's still 4 months away and you just started seeing her.

 

Maybe bring up dating "exclusively" with her, meaning you two aren't talking/texting/dating anyone else, but that's about it. Too soon for girlfriend in my mind, but then again, to me a girlfriend means I can see it going long term.

[smackie9]

Say all those nice things to her, and just ask her to be your GF....how hard is that?

[coolheadal]

Her brother is a friend and I know he wouldn't do or say anyhting out of place here.

 

I agree 8 is a lot, I'm not asking to be official but I just would like to know that for her it isn't just something like meeting up and going on dates and there is something fulfilling potentially could happen.

 

From what I know of her I don't think she's the type to string someone along but I've been in similar positions before and have been strung along, which is why I want to ask to avoid that feeling again.

 

Just need a way to word it ...

 

Pull yourself together ask her out and see if she said yes or no. If you want to be direct say it like this" There is a cool musical concert this weekend what you think (girlfriend name goes here) about that would you like to go to that with me then afterwards dinner?

[Miss Peach]

IME many of the men who I've strung along just never actually stated their intentions so I kept dating until I knew for sure as I've seen so many people just disappear or change their mind around then. 8 dates is enough to know you want to get to know someone better.

 

FWIW, I find directness and confidence to be sexy.

[barcode88]

I would just keep it going man.

 

I wouldn't try to plan dates for the summer time, that's still 4 months away and you just started seeing her.

 

Maybe bring up dating "exclusively" with her, meaning you two aren't talking/texting/dating anyone else, but that's about it. Too soon for girlfriend in my mind, but then again, to me a girlfriend means I can see it going long term.

 

General rule to follow, don't make plans for the future more than twice as long as you've been together -- and that's being generous.

[TheTraveler]

Have you had sex yet?

[Rko28]

No, no sex yet, what I know is that she doesn't sleep with someone until commited, but that's not why I want commitment.

 

I think 8 dates is probably too soon to become official boyfriend girlfriend but here's a few things she's said/done

 

Always messages after our dates to thank for yet another amamzing time/ as always so much fun

 

Messages me to say she's excited to see me

 

Told me that she feels we have known each other for a long time

 

Talks about future plans

 

Holds my hand constantly when in public

 

All her friends know about me, her parents know about means so does her family, uncles etc

 

Told me she hasn't felt like this when dating someone for a long time

 

Kisses me like she means it

 

Never leaves me hanging when I've text her, prompt replies.

 

Along with me suggests days to meet and things to do.

 

 

Reading all that back I'm not sure what I'm worried about!

[smackie9]

There are no rules about how much time must pass to be asked. If things are going great then just do it.

[Rko28]

There are no rules about how much time must pass to be asked. If things are going great then just do it.

 

I know, I know. I'm just worried it might scare her off.

 

If the shoe was on the other foot and she asked me I would be cool with it

[coolheadal]

Sounds like she wants to be with you a very long time? Are you getting cold feet as they say.

[Rko28]

Sounds like she wants to be with you a very long time? Are you getting cold feet as they say.

 

Absolutely not, I've waited what seems like a lifetime to meet someone like her.

 

I've been let down several times in the past and it's them anxieties coming through.

 

With her though it feels all different, a feeling I've not felt before. It's very strange and soppy

[Jj66]

No, no sex yet, what I know is that she doesn't sleep with someone until commited, but that's not why I want commitment.

 

I think 8 dates is probably too soon to become official boyfriend girlfriend but here's a few things she's said/done

 

Always messages after our dates to thank for yet another amamzing time/ as always so much fun

 

Messages me to say she's excited to see me

 

Told me that she feels we have known each other for a long time

 

Talks about future plans

 

Holds my hand constantly when in public

 

All her friends know about me, her parents know about means so does her family, uncles etc

 

Told me she hasn't felt like this when dating someone for a long time

 

Kisses me like she means it

 

Never leaves me hanging when I've text her, prompt replies.

 

Along with me suggests days to meet and things to do.

 

 

Reading all that back I'm not sure what I'm worried about!

 

Given all this, ask her to be your girlfriend. She is already acting like she is.

[coolheadal]

Absolutely not, I've waited what seems like a lifetime to meet someone like her.

 

I've been let down several times in the past and it's them anxieties coming through.

 

With her though it feels all different, a feeling I've not felt before. It's very strange and soppy

 

Forget the past relationships here not important in this situation. Everyone has anxieties you just need to know who how to deal with them. Very easy to control without meds. Like mediation and brainwave entrainments beats/tones can relax you. Still go with your gut feeling with her.

[Rko28]

Ok so I brought it up tonight on the way back from our date.

 

We were talking about last Christmas and said how strange it was that we didn't know each other back then and I said do you think we would still be in touch this Christmas coming which she said "I bloody hope so"

 

This was when I asked, I said what are you looking for and her reply was... "I don't know" blushed went really giggly and said "what about you"

I said I'm being honest, I really like you, love seeing you and I hope something comes of it...

 

Her reply... "I'm glad you said thaT because that's what I think and want too, I was just worried you didn't want that and wouldn't like it if I said that"

 

We laughed about it after but said we are both glad we are on the same page even though we acted all geekily and shy about it.

 

I can now relax and start feeling good about it again

 

Thanks to all of you that have inputted and given advice past few days

[dumbass2]

Good for you! You handled that well. Communication is key and one of the biggest reasons why relationships don't get off the ground. I've learned that you should "check in" with your partner once in a while, even when you think things are going well.

[Rko28]

Haha thanks, don't feel like I handled it well being a bit of a stumbling mess but really glad I did it and got what I think of her out.

[Jj66]

Good for you! You handled that well. Communication is key and one of the biggest reasons why relationships don't get off the ground. I've learned that you should "check in" with your partner once in a while, even when you think things are going well.

 

I'm starting to agree. Neither of us had done this before but my gf and I "check in" every month whether we need it or not. We can't have been drinking and it can't be right after sex and needs to happen at least once a month. We've been doing this since the end of month 3. We are at 11 now. I think it has been a terrific aid in helping us know where we stand with each other and in making minor course corrections.

[barcode88]

OP she likes you -- I think you fumbled a bit asking her "what she wants", but after you told her that you liked her she opened up right away.

 

Good luck!

[Rko28]

OP she likes you -- I think you fumbled a bit asking her "what she wants", but after you told her that you liked her she opened up right away.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you.

 

Completely agree about the fumbling but I rescued it.

 

It's like a huge weight is off

My shoulders

[Rko28]

Hi guys.

 

Things still going well, since I last posted I've been out for a meal with her and her sister and also been around to her house to meet her family, well father as her mum was out.

We've seen each other about 4 times this week, and when I'm with her I feel so good, when I'm apart I do miss her a lot, even when keeping busy with family and friends, not sure if this is a good/bad thing.

 

So checking my calendar out 1st date was 5.5 weeks ago, we are at the seeing each other often stage, PDA when out, holding hands etc and this week enjoyed our first chilling out and cuddling session at her house.

 

Now I have no issue with waiting for sex at all but I am a bit worried she doesn't want to, I mean I know she's a girl with morals and if she wants to wait that's absolutely fine with me, I don't mind, but I'm worried the longer it goes without it is there a risk I might fall in to a friend zone?

 

Example, last night she stayed in her brothers as he was away for the night, I went in for a drink there after we went for a meal and watched a film, it was the 1st time we had a house to ourselves, I thought this might be an opportunity to you know... or at least get a bit heavy but nothing. I thought possibly she would ask me to stay the night, I mean cuddling all evening and waking up would've been just as good.

 

I'm sure I'm being stupidly silly but is it possible to date someone like we are and not actually fancy them? Or I'm hoping she's genuinely just waiting for our 1st time to be when it feels right for her.