SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I'm fairly new to dating after being married and then in a LTR for the past ~17 years. I've looked to several sources to help my "game" and seem to have gotten pretty good. My favorite source is Corey Wayne. One of the things he teaches is not to confirm dates. Make definite plans, at a specific place, at a specific time, on a specific day. State "I'll see you at X place, at X time on X day. Sound good? I'll call you if something comes up, otherwise I will see you there." Even if it is a week out. The thought is your time is valuable - you don't expect a doctor to call you to make sure you are keeping your appointment right? Also, you come across like you get cancelled on frequently if you have the need to confirm. So I haven't confirmed any dates with the exception of two that involved traveling and I had a gut feeling they would flake - they did. Meanwhile, EVERY other girl confirmed with me. To which I responded "of course we are on. I made definite plans with you and I'm a man of my word" I read a post here today from a woman who says she won't go out with a guy who doesn't confirm a day or two before. It got me thinking about how other women are. So if you are a man do you confirm your dates? If you are a woman do you expect a guy to confirm his date with you? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Actually, doctors DO call and confirm the day before your appointment usually. So yes, check in the day before the set time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I confirm all meetings -- professional & social. I confirm dates with my own husband because life happens. Stop listening to these PUA idiots. Do what is polite. That doesn't take the mystery out of anything or make you weak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 My son's specialists and our hairdressers all call to confirm. And I confirm social dates and they confirm with me too. I find it extremely courteous and helpful. Your response when they confirm sounds arrogant and I'd find it off putting. I'd feel like "I've just given you the courtesy of confirming and you treat me like my courtesy is foolish". I sometimes wonder how guys who follow advice given by PUAs ever find a girl. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 If a guy planned a date a week in advance and didn't text or call throughout that week, I would lose all interest and probably want to back out of the date. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Actually, doctors DO call and confirm the day before your appointment usually. So yes, check in the day before the set time. Absolutely. Doctors, dentists, etc. I ALWAYS confirm and the timing is dependent upon how much communication has occurred leading up to the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 I confirm all meetings -- professional & social. I confirm dates with my own husband because life happens. Stop listening to these PUA idiots. Do what is polite. That doesn't take the mystery out of anything or make you weak. Firstly, Corey is not a PUA. Second, it's rather ignorant of you to call them all "idiots" as you likely have never read his or any or their stuff. Polite is keeping a date you planned, no? I see no need to call unless something has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 If a guy planned a date a week in advance and didn't text or call throughout that week, I would lose all interest and probably want to back out of the date. That's another side benefit. I only want to go out with girls who have a high interest in me. If you back out, you obviously weren't that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 My son's specialists and our hairdressers all call to confirm. And I confirm social dates and they confirm with me too. I find it extremely courteous and helpful. Your response when they confirm sounds arrogant and I'd find it off putting. I'd feel like "I've just given you the courtesy of confirming and you treat me like my courtesy is foolish". I sometimes wonder how guys who follow advice given by PUAs ever find a girl. Interesting. This has not been the effect on women Ive dated. I'm not sure how stating I'm a guy who keeps my word is off putting but to each their own. I'm curious what guys have to say - I seem to have upset the women in this thread. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Firstly, Corey is not a PUA. Second, it's rather ignorant of you to call them all "idiots" as you likely have never read his or any or their stuff. Polite is keeping a date you planned, no? I see no need to call unless something has changed. I googled him. He's a PUA with a better marketing strategy. If it works for you, fine. I can usually find a kernel of wisdom in the most inane pop psychology books for women, including The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, and The Care and Feeding of a Husband. The trouble starts when you take any of that drivel as gospel including your precious Corey Wayne. It is polite to keep a date you planned but it's equally polite to confirm. I'm serious about confirming with my own husband. We have tickets to see some comedian he loves on Thursday night. Sometime during the day I will reach out to confirm that neither of us is facing a work emergency & we're still on. With a new person in my life there is no way I'm going anywhere without confirmation that we're still good to go. You came here & asked women what we want. I told you I expect confirmation. Everyone else also thinks confirmation is a good idea. Stick with Corey's advice at your own peril. It's your dating life. You have to do what makes you happy. I'm not dating you so continue as you see fit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I expect dates to be confirmed because the guy is always the one to set up the date I think its horrible advice to not confirm a date. If a guy doesnt confirm the date in a timely manner...I'll assume its not happening...which is isnt too far off base considering how many flaky daters are out there Plus its just the considerate thing to do Another thing, if I havent talked to the guy in a week bcuz he's trying to play it cool like Corey Wayne....I would definitly lose interest and there would be no date Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 That's another side benefit. I only want to go out with girls who have a high interest in me. If you back out, you obviously weren't that interested. Lol. NO ONE is so amazing that I would still have interest in them after no contact for a week. If the guy is making minimal effort, any high interest would have waned. I'm sorry, but I guarantee you're not that awesome for anyone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystyry Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 That's another side benefit. I only want to go out with girls who have a high interest in me. If you back out, you obviously weren't that interested. Well, so I will take the side of the poster you were replying to here and actually you will find it not that uncommon, depending on how you met. For example - OLD: I am not a big fan of back-and-forth texting before you met, however sometimes schedules are such that you end up planning for a week or two out. Checking in once with a quick "hello, hope your week is going well" and then confirming the date immediately before and letting your date know you are looking forward to seeing her, sets a good initial tone. In lieu of that, the woman might assume that you are multi-dating, as many people on OLD do, and more interested in somebody else, hence the low contact and lack of confirmation. In your case it would be entirely the wrong assumption, but initially everything is about presentation, and wouldn't it be a pity that for something stubborn, like not wanting to confirm a date, you'd miss out on getting to know a great person? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 I googled him. He's a PUA with a better marketing strategy. If it works for you, fine. I can usually find a kernel of wisdom in the most inane pop psychology books for women, including The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, and The Care and Feeding of a Husband. The trouble starts when you take any of that drivel as gospel including your precious Corey Wayne. It is polite to keep a date you planned but it's equally polite to confirm. I'm serious about confirming with my own husband. We have tickets to see some comedian he loves on Thursday night. Sometime during the day I will reach out to confirm that neither of us is facing a work emergency & we're still on. With a new person in my life there is no way I'm going anywhere without confirmation that we're still good to go. You came here & asked women what we want. I told you I expect confirmation. Everyone else also thinks confirmation is a good idea. Stick with Corey's advice at your own peril. It's your dating life. You have to do what makes you happy. I'm not dating you so continue as you see fit. Oh you goggled him, ok I guess you know everything now. Apologies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Lol. NO ONE is so amazing that I would still have interest in them after no contact for a week. If the guy is making minimal effort, any high interest would have waned. I'm sorry, but I guarantee you're not that awesome for anyone. Minimal effort? I don't see not contacting someone to confirm plans you've already made is a sign of low interest at all. And like I said, the only dates I confirmed flaked on me. If a woman isn't able to maintain interest for a week I really would not have interest in her. And now you some how can guarantee that no woman will find me awesome? Ha - that has not been the case I assure you but go on and bash me as much as you would like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Well, so I will take the side of the poster you were replying to here and actually you will find it not that uncommon, depending on how you met. For example - OLD: I am not a big fan of back-and-forth texting before you met, however sometimes schedules are such that you end up planning for a week or two out. Checking in once with a quick "hello, hope your week is going well" and then confirming the date immediately before and letting your date know you are looking forward to seeing her, sets a good initial tone. In lieu of that, the woman might assume that you are multi-dating, as many people on OLD do, and more interested in somebody else, hence the low contact and lack of confirmation. In your case it would be entirely the wrong assumption, but initially everything is about presentation, and wouldn't it be a pity that for something stubborn, like not wanting to confirm a date, you'd miss out on getting to know a great person? Well thank you for the level headed response. It has not been the case where I have missed out on any of them but I see your point. Women seem to translate lack of communication into low interest. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Minimal effort? I don't see not contacting someone to confirm plans you've already made is a sign of low interest at all. And like I said, the only dates I confirmed flaked on me. If a woman isn't able to maintain interest for a week I really would not have interest in her. And now you some how can guarantee that no woman will find me awesome? Ha - that has not been the case I assure you but go on and bash me as much as you would like. No contact for an entire week before the date AND no confirmation of that date equals low interest according to most women. No bashing... just pointing out that NO man, including you, is so awesome that I'd still have interest given his seemingly low interest in me. You're quick to defend your stance on this subject....given the fact you're still dating around and on this board asking for validation, how's it workin for ya? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystyry Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 It has not been the case where I have missed out on any of them but I see your point. So by "missing out on getting to know" I also meant that in reaction to your perceived low interest, the woman might in turn become less interested/less engaged and more prone to focus on the negatives, if there will be any, on a date. Again, initial presentation - think about a business meeting: when you are pitching an idea, you want people in the room with an open mind, not a pre-conceived notion. Fortunately or not, a lot of initial meets off of OLD are like business meetings. But you are right in your conclusion that most women would prefer a confirmation. As a woman, I will also tell you that I never had a man not confirm, so men follow that as well. Unless you really feel that strongly about not confirming, I would personally suggest you consider letting this particular pet-peeve go if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 No contact for an entire week before the date AND no confirmation of that date equals low interest according to most women. No bashing... just pointing out that NO man, including you, is so awesome that I'd still have interest given his seemingly low interest in me. You're quick to defend your stance on this subject....given the fact you're still dating around and on this board asking for validation, how's it workin for ya? It's working fine. I'm not asking for validation - I was curious after reading a post from a woman who said she would not go out with a guy who didn't confirm. My issue isn't getting women out or sleeping with them, it's finding one I want to keep long term. It would seem from your nasty entitled attitude towards me that you are not representative of the type of woman I would be interested in dating. Therefore it's no surprise that our opinions differ. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 My issue isn't getting women out or sleeping with them, it's finding one I want to keep long term. Women that are long term material expect a confirmation/common courtsey 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 So by "missing out on getting to know" I also meant that in reaction to your perceived low interest, the woman might in turn become less interested/less engaged and more prone to focus on the negatives, if there will be any, on a date. Again, initial presentation - think about a business meeting: when you are pitching an idea, you want people in the room with an open mind, not a pre-conceived notion. Fortunately or not, a lot of initial meets off of OLD are like business meetings. But you are right in your conclusion that most women would prefer a confirmation. As a woman, I will also tell you that I never had a man not confirm, so men follow that as well. Unless you really feel that strongly about not confirming, I would personally suggest you consider letting this particular pet-peeve go if you can. Thank you again for the response. My biggest issue is I don't care to get into texting / calling back and forth before a date. Say I call to confirm and she doesn't get back to me. What then? Now I'm on the end of blowing off the plans or taking her at her word originally. I see no point in it. Also, I am a man of my word and if I say I'll do something I do it. Period. If the woman is not the same I would rather not date her anyway. If I made wishy washy open ended plans sure. But I make it a point to setup a definite date. But your point is well taken. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
ashy555 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 As a female.. I do like a confirmation message. Usually I wait for one but if I don't get one I will confirm the day before or morning of. Otherwise It feels like too much time has passed since we spoke. It is just for peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Women that are long term material expect a confirmation/common courtsey Please tell me how you got to this conclusion. And I'm sure all the women I have dated are long term material for someone - just not me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SevenCity Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 As a female.. I do like a confirmation message. Usually I wait for one but if I don't get one I will confirm the day before or morning of. Otherwise It feels like too much time has passed since we spoke. It is just for peace of mind. That has been my experience. Everyone of them confirmed. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Please tell me how you got to this conclusion. And I'm sure all the women I have dated are long term material for someone - just not me. Just so you know, I'm not judging you or your dating process...just trying to give you some insight I think women that are less mature or lack self respect wouldnt care too much if a guy didnt confirm. But as a 30 year old woman who's learned a lot about dating and what I deserve based on what I offer...I dont have time or head space for guys that dont do their part Women that are flaky themselves or not focused on long term relationships probably would settle for this type of thing. But me? I want long term and I have too much to offer to settle for a guy that doesnt 'show up' Hope this helps clarify things a little 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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