fred123 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 What are the rules? How is one a stalker or not? I turned up to drop a present ( perfume) to my ex gfs office because we had an argument as i said some nastyy things earlier. I felt bad. Is that a bad tbing or stalkerish? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueRidgeMT Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 What are the rules? How is one a stalker or not? I turned up to drop a present ( perfume) to my ex gfs office because we had an argument as i said some nastyy things earlier. I felt bad. Is that a bad tbing or stalkerish? It depends. Does she have a restraining order against you? Does her job have a no trespass order on you? Has she called the cops on you? Has she told you a million times to stay away from her and leave her alone? If so..yeah then going to her job was not good. But if none of that exists, and you two are cordial to each other even after the breakup, and you merely feel bad about an argument, then no I wouldn't call it stalkerish. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Hmm, going to someone's workplace on a personal matter isn't really appropriate unless you've been invited there. Sending flowers might have been a better approach, perfume is a little too intimate if she's your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 What are the rules? How is one a stalker or not? I turned up to drop a present ( perfume) to my ex gfs office because we had an argument as i said some nastyy things earlier. I felt bad. Is that a bad tbing or stalkerish? To me it's stalkerish. You are an ex therefore it's out of place for you to show up at her work. Buying her a present was also out of place. If you were rude to her you only needed to apologize. If this woman is currently in a relationship you are completely out of place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Just knowing she is an ex, you shouldn't have taken her anything to her work. And as mentioned, perfume is more of an intimate gift so not the right thing in this case. Yeah, kinda stalkerish. You're broke up, so you're still talking and got in an argument. YOU ARE BROKE UP. Get in all the arguments you want. You don't need forgiveness. Why? because you are BROKE UP. there's nothing to save. You do the flowers and perfume stuff when you get into an argument while you ARE IN a relationship. That's when you need forgiveness if it was your fault (which if you are the guy, it is 99.9% of the time). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) I come from the mountain of wisdom with knowledge and humor! Watch and heed this wisdom poster.... If thine ex would react like this with avoided glances and you approach at odd times then thou hast gone too far.... Edited January 24, 2017 by fireflywy Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 So does that mean its ok to do these things when you are in a relationship? What if you send flowers and perfume to your gf and her work colleagues dont know about you and she gets mad at you for doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So does that mean its ok to do these things when you are in a relationship? What if you send flowers and perfume to your gf and her work colleagues dont know about you and she gets mad at you for doing this? If her co workers don't know about you then it's not ok. There's a reason they don't know about you. I would laugh when I would see guys send gifts / flowers outside of Valentine's Day because it's akin to a dog urinating to mark his territory. Like "Hands off! She's taken!" Gifts should be given out of love not as a bribe for sex or forgiveness. And they shouldn't be given if they are not wanted at her office. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 If her co workers don't know about you then it's not ok. There's a reason they don't know about you. I would laugh when I would see guys send gifts / flowers outside of Valentine's Day because it's akin to a dog urinating to mark his territory. Like "Hands off! She's taken!" Gifts should be given out of love not as a bribe for sex or forgiveness. And they shouldn't be given if they are not wanted at her office. What if it was a gift on valentines day? Sorry im new to all this and trying to work out what the rules are. How do you know if they are wanted or not at th3 office and how do you know if your gf has told her work mates about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I would find it intrusive and stalkerish. My now ex used to send me flowers at work every time we had an argument. I would get a million questions from everyone which is the last thing I need about a relationship that was failing and ending soon. I wasn't happy and I cringed every time I saw the flowers. I really do not want to mix work and dating. That's one place where I want to keep the relationshi[p drama out of. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 What if it was a gift on valentines day? Sorry im new to all this and trying to work out what the rules are. How do you know if they are wanted or not at th3 office and how do you know if your gf has told her work mates about you? If you've been with her less than a year I wouldn't send anything to her job. At that point you could ask her the question how she feels about it. Same holds true on how you will know if she discussed you with her coworkers - she will tell you. Don't get women any gifts unless she is your girlfriend and is in love with you. And don't over do it either. There is no need to send her anything at work unless she specifically says she likes that (and again, only once in a while like maybe flowers on valentines day). The rules are this - you just chill and have a good time with her and don't get gifts to bribe her into liking you more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Yes you are right about marking territory etc. I thought sending gifts was a sweet thing a boyfriend can do ti someone they are in love with Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 I would find it intrusive and stalkerish. My now ex used to send me flowers at work every time we had an argument. I would get a million questions from everyone which is the last thing I need about a relationship that was failing and ending soon. I wasn't happy and I cringed every time I saw the flowers. I really do not want to mix work and dating. That's one place where I want to keep the relationshi[p drama out of. Does that mean no one at your work knew about ur ex? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Yes you are right about marking territory etc. I thought sending gifts was a sweet thing a boyfriend can do ti someone they are in love with You're wrong. But don't feel bad - media / movies has brainwashed a lot of guys into thinking this. It works great in the movies but not so much in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Why would a girl not feel happy if a boyfri3nd sends them a thoughtful gift? Why would she get mad instead? Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 You should be at the stage of the relationship where you can ask her outright how she feels about getting occasional gifts at work. Then you won't have to worry about it. If you find yourself hesitating out of uncertainty at her reaction, it's a sign that maybe you shouldn't do it. When it's an ex, of course, the game changes entirely. I would stay as far away from her work as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So does that mean its ok to do these things when you are in a relationship? What if you send flowers and perfume to your gf and her work colleagues dont know about you and she gets mad at you for doing this? Yes it's ok to do these things when you are in a relationship. I don't know any woman that wouldn't love getting flowers delivered to her lets say on Valentine's day. I had flowers delivered to me at the office and it was fun and all the girls went OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH you are so lucky!! BUT I am talking when you are in a real relationship here, not when you are just dating and you don't send flowers EVER if it's to win her. It will have the opposite effect. If the woman does not share your feelings than sending her flowers will turn her off. Now, if you send flowers to your GF at work and she gets mad at you because her work colleagues don't know about you???? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. If she is mad for that reason it's because she wanted to appear SINGLE at work and you blew her cover. She is NOT your GF contrary as what you're thinking. And lastly why flowers AND perfume?? Why this huge combo? Must you go overboard? It's flowers, period. BTW you don't give perfume to an ex. It's too personal. That's GF-BF gifts, not gifts for exs. If you want to surprise an Ex for forgiveness than bring a coffee & donuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 What are the rules? How is one a stalker or not? I turned up to drop a present ( perfume) to my ex gfs office because we had an argument as i said some nastyy things earlier. I felt bad. Is that a bad tbing or stalkerish? ex gfs -- She is your EX. You should never show up at an EX's place of work or home unannounced -- that could get you an RO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Why would a girl not feel happy if a boyfri3nd sends them a thoughtful gift? Why would she get mad instead? Why would a girl not feel happy if a boyfri3nd sends them a thoughtful gift? - A girl would be thrilled if her BOYFRIEND sent her something thoughtful -- BUT SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 If her co workers don't know about you then it's not ok. There's a reason they don't know about you. I would laugh when I would see guys send gifts / flowers outside of Valentine's Day because it's akin to a dog urinating to mark his territory. Like "Hands off! She's taken!" So true. I dated *that* guy - his big gestures of sending flowers and candy were all about him. Didn't seem to matter that I didn't enjoy that stuff. Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I would laugh when I would see guys send gifts / flowers outside of Valentine's Day because it's akin to a dog urinating to mark his territory. Like "Hands off! She's taken!" You are pushing it a little here. Flowers can be send for many reasons other than Valentine's Day and it's not about marking your territory example: for her birthday, her promotion, mother's day, anniversary. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 So true. I dated *that* guy - his big gestures of sending flowers and candy were all about him. Didn't seem to matter that I didn't enjoy that stuff. Ugh! His mistake was to do it while you were dating and not while in an established relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 His mistake was to do it while you were dating and not while in an established relationship. I said "dating" to clarify from "living together" or "married." We were in an exclusive relationship, albeit a fairly short one (~4 months). The flowers-at-the-office thing was just one of many instances where our personalities did not mesh. OP, you shouldn't be doing any of this stuff with an ex and even with a current gf, it's important to learn what she likes. Some women enjoy receiving gifts at work; others don't. Learning the nuances of your partner is important across the board. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 I don't mind a guy doing "his own" gestures even if they're not totally my thing, if those gestures mean a lot to him; if they're his way of expressing that he loves me. In that case (assuming it's reciprocal), I find it really sweet and lovely. BUT she's an ex, you say? I'd find that really inappropriate. I wouldn't be very happy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
chix Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 It depends. Does she have a restraining order against you? Does her job have a no trespass order on you? Has she called the cops on you? Has she told you a million times to stay away from her and leave her alone? If so..yeah then going to her job was not good. But if none of that exists, and you two are cordial to each other even after the breakup, and you merely feel bad about an argument, then no I wouldn't call it stalkerish. I agree with this. I love getting gifts and surprises, so long as there is no bad blood. Link to post Share on other sites
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