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This being a generational/age related issue I have changed my stance on texting.

 

If you are really into someone a good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say they had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face.

 

Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about a SO.

On the flip side the absence of a daily text or a change in routine for some can send many in new relationships into a seriously unnecessary panic attack.

 

Women (and seriously insecure dudes) often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men.

What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make some lose sleep at night.

 

My current lady friend I am dating currently is an example of a panic texter. In some ways I have to walk on eggshells somewhat. I hope this gets better.

 

Most of the issues with texting really depends on a person’s level of insecurity.

 

For example for many women, does “he” responds with one word. Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” That could be a bad sign that dude might be in a relationship or screwing around. Yes could be a red flag in some cases.

 

Good communication is a learned trait, but I do believe using texting as a primary form of communication is a recipe for disaster.

 

Just like any other aspect of relationship development there must be balance, and openness.

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It depends on how talkative the woman is and I'm in the texting generation. So I'll text more if she likes to text as well. With more reserved women, I'll text less in between dates.

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Good communication is a learned trait, but I do believe using texting as a primary form of communication is a recipe for disaster.

 

 

The most absolute truth ever uttered in love shack.

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We read too much into how often people text and how long it takes to respond.

 

I do not text much between dates. I'm a professional and usually quite busy. I turn my ringer off at work. I pulled the plug on someone after she apparently got upset that it took me a whole afternoon to get back to her. When I did not respond within a few hours she started blowing up my phone and when I still didn't respond she hurled an insult at me. When I checked my phone and saw all the messages I texted back "We are not a match. I don't tolerate insults from anyone." Then I blocked her.

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Texts are such a distraction to a productive day! Ideally, you want to train your partner to limit their texts to relationship business (e.g., on my way or did you get home?)and save the affection for when they see you.

 

I know that this is tough to imagine for needy people, they gotta have their smiley faces and their hearts and endless conversations about nothing and all that stuff, but boy, if it takes three hours to get a response to one of those, they climb the walls worrying about the delay. Not to mention, they're wasting colossal amounts of time that could otherwise be productive.

 

Far better to simply explain early on that while texting is convenient and useful for certain things, it's no way to conduct a relationship or move it forward. It's good to miss somebody. It feels really good to finally see someone when you haven't seen or heard from them all day, or even a few days. You have lots to talk about, a lot of pent up affection to deliver, and you're grateful to see them. I don't think texting contributes to that, and to me, it speaks to an insecurity in the relationship. If you're secure in a relationship, you don't need to touch base and take its temperature multiple times a day.

 

FULL DISCLOSURE: I'm a dinosaur.

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I do not live and die by texting when communicating. This perhaps may sound crazy if your under 30 yrs old but I actually know how to talk! I have a 3 text limit rule anymore than that call me.

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I read a book years ago, something like, "he's just not that into you". When men are in love or they want a relationship with you, they will keep in touch by whatever means possible. I keep that in mind almost like a mantra.

 

I'm also a dinosaur. I'm not a huge fan of texting....unless it's convenient for me. I hate spending 20 minutes on what would be a two minute conversation.

 

Example:

Are you free Friday night?

(Wait two minutes)

No

(Wait two minutes)

Are you free Saturday night?

(Wait two minutes)

Yes.

Do you want to go out?

(Wait one minute)

Yes

What sounds good?

(Wait two minutes)

Do you want to go out to eat?

 

So......you get the idea. Those kind of text conversations aren't convenient. They're a pain in the ass.

 

Texting should be an "answer when you can" type of communication, BUT most jobs in the US give a 15 minute break every four hours. Most people look at their phones often during the day. If you either care about someone or really want to get to know them better, keeping them waiting longer than six hours is pretty lousy.

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To the point of texting. I agree with the consensus, I hate it, but it's so accepted in society that it's almost unavoidable.

 

Now as far as overall contact goes? If I liked a girl, I'd contact her every chance I got so intentions weren't confused. Admittedly, I was probably near the line of "clingy". I've always had the mindset of, if you like a person, why wouldn't you want to talk to them?

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Back and forth texting is exhausting and always lead to mindless nonsense. I'd take even a quick phone call over that. I text to say hi, get a GPS adress and so on, texting for ''fun'' doesn't amuse me anymore. But I'm on the older crowd.

 

Anyone sending more than 10 texts a day would get ignored after a while. In my younger years I dealt with some who could send hundreds. Enough already.

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Early on in dating I've historically only contacted once or twice between dates and one of those is usually setting up a time and place for the date. However, the vast majority of my dates were with single mothers, or business women, so their schedule was pretty busy, including other men they were dating, as is normal in early dating experiences. I tended to keep it brief and focus quality time on in-person interaction and activity.

 

I'm not much of a texter. One or two here and there but not much else. I'd be a poor choice for a woman who expects a constant litany of texts. Different strokes.

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I've had guys go all sorts of things but I typically hear from them at least one per day by text. Some do a few phone calls here and there and others don't.

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I think if a guy is genuinely interested in a relationship he will keep in touch. He might not text too much so as not to seem too pushy, but he will be thinking of you and will want to interact.

 

The guys I have ended up meeting have kept in touch and we have got on well from the start. If a guy does not keep in touch and seems far too casual, then I just let it fizzle out. I'm a communicator and need someone similar.

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If you like a woman, how often do you text or call her when you are first starting out?

On a new day, with a new perspective, I'm going to offer this:

 

If I really like her, I'm going to try to see her. If I can't do that, at a minimum, I'll at least know when I'm going to see her next, and if I can't know that, I will have made a date, or an appointment, if you will, for when I'll talk to her next. Between now and then, unless something important comes up, she won't hear from me.

 

Why? Power of least interest. The more you text, call, whatever, the lower your value seems to go. It's the exact same thing as pestering somebody after a breakup. You lose value.

 

Just because I'm thinking about you every minute doesn't mean that you should know that when we're first starting out.

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