CherryBlossom200 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Hi everyone, I’m looking for a little bit of advice really. I’m 41 and have a little girl who is almost 2. I was with a partner (not married) for 15 years from the age of 18 and we broke up because we didn’t love each other any longer. I wasn’t very good on my own (because I was always in a relationship) and because I had no real experience of dating I went from my bad guy to another. I met the father of my daughter we dated for a few months and I fell pregnant, as I was in my late 30’s I decided to keep the child. However the father of my daughter didn’t want any involvement so I with the help of my family I decided to bring her up on my own. Having a child is the best decision I have ever made, I love being a mother. It’s changed me for the better most definitely. I work, send my daughter to nursery and in the process of buying us a house. So we are pretty much sorted life wise. But there is one thing missing - a partner for me and father for my daughter. I absolutely love our life together, in so many ways I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve had a lot of time to think/reflect about my mistakes and realise where I’ve gone wrong. But I still do worry about dating. My focus still is solely on my daughter. But sooner or later I would like to meet someone. I’ve had such bad luck in the past with boyfriends that I do worry about letting someone ‘in’ again. There is a part of me which even thinks it might be easier to just stay single forever! I know I need to take it slowly, get to know someone etc. But still the thought of meeting someone fill me with fear. I would like to say I’m a fairly attractive woman and look younger then my age, however I just don’t know if someone would want to be with me now I have a child. I would hate my daughter to grow attached to someone and then it go wrong. Any advice/stories of it working out? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Well, you'll be in good company. Plenty of negative/fearful people in the dating world. Maybe you all can get together? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I'm much the same as you. Letting someone in is a big deal. I already said to myself no one will meet my kids until I know they will stick around for awhile. I'm not so much scared of dating, getting to know someone. Hell, the worst that could happen is a I make a new friend or two. I'm scared of letting someone that close to me again with the possibility of being hurt. But you either take the chance, or you buy some cats. The biggest issue I'm having is time. I have 3 kids, 2 jobs, and I'm starting up my own business. To fit in time for a date, or being social at all, can be a task with me. So, someone has to be seriously interested to want to stick around for when I have time in my schedule. You live and learn. At this age, you know what you want, you know what you will and won't put up with. Take your time, enjoy getting to know new people. There is no rush Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I’ve had such bad luck in the past with boyfriends that I do worry about letting someone ‘in’ again. There is a part of me which even thinks it might be easier to just stay single forever! I know I need to take it slowly, get to know someone etc. But still the thought of meeting someone fill me with fear. I would like to say I’m a fairly attractive woman and look younger then my age, however I just don’t know if someone would want to be with me now I have a child. I would hate my daughter to grow attached to someone and then it go wrong. Any advice/stories of it working out? You need to be extremely cautious of who you date and you stop dating them as soon as you see some red flags waving like he's luckywarm, controlling, disrespectful, abusive, addicted to something, etc. You want to date a gentleman, nothing less. Someone that is serious about finding steady girlfriend and who loves children. Plenty of them out there. You just need to not spend your time on the wrong men. At the age of 2 I would wait a good 6 months + before introducing someone in her life and I would do it very slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryBlossom200 Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 I won't be introducing my daughter to anyone for a long time, probably only after a year or so of dating and when I feel as sure about them. I'm not negative. I'm happy, confident and love my life. It's not that, I'm just naturally cautious and worried about getting hurt again. I know exactly what I'm looking for, it's the opposite of the type I dated pre-child.I used to go for the men with 'issues' and were 'mysterious' basically treated me badly but I love the thrill of the chase. Now I just want a lovely, kind man who will treat my daughter as his own. I know when to spot the red flags and will run as soon as I see one. I only have one child and work part time, so I do have time to socialise and date a bit if I want. It's more that I worry that no one will want to date a single mother and that I will find it hard to let someone in again, so will just end up staying single! In a way it's so much easier Link to post Share on other sites
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