How do you "escalate" a conversation?

[dragonwalker]

Long story short, I'm not the best at dates because I tend to turn the few dates I have into long, dull and boring conversations that friends might have together.

 

I am determined to change that around this time with a girl I chatted up and will be going on a first date with from OKC.

 

I have this fear from previous dates that the conversation will stay in the safe zone the entire time when we meet. I'm not looking for pick up lines but what are some ways to naturally escalate the conversation to the next level. I'm not looking for things to say to hook up with her but more on suggestions to light the fire so to speak.

 

I know a big challenge for me is I feel like I come off being everyone's best friend and I am a friendly guy but sometimes I think it comes at my detriment because I won't be able to shake the friend vibe. I swear it's like a missile that's homed onto me.

 

Also, this particular woman I'm planning to meet is more like me than any of the past. That is a bit on the geeky side so perhaps that will help.

[basil67]

This issue is bigger than you not knowing how to make a conversation interesting when dating.

 

I can't speak for other posters, but when I'm with friends the conversation is interesting and engaging. We easily end up overstaying because there's just so much of interest to talk about with each other. Dating someone you get on well with is much the same.

 

Perhaps go back and have a look at why you describe time spent with friends as being dull. If you can figure that one out, you'll be closer to having engaging discussions when on dates.

[Popsicle]

No fear.

 

Pops

[BaileyB]

I think humor helps to keep things light, interesting, and fun.

 

I would say, don't escalate things too fast. It is your first meeting, it's a time to get to know each other. If you take things too far, she may find that a little unnerving.

 

Developing intimacy and escalating things should happen naturally, over time.

[4kad]

Just focus on breaking the ice at the beginning which can be the place that you are having the date, food, the area you are in, and likes/dislikes

 

No conversation about employment or politics

[mikeylo]

First meetings should be as casual as possible. Being friendly but not getting friend zoned. No heavy or controversial topics.

[IfonlyIknew]

You can compliment something on her like a piece of jewelry, maybe she has a story behind it.

 

You can ask her questions about traveling where shes been, where she would like to one day go, kinda dream together but separately! "If you can go anywhere in the world, where would you pick?" "One day I would like to go.." I think that's a good way to get into common interests, culture, food, beaches, different activities like scuba diving, sight seeing.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I hear ya.

 

Before I weigh in, how old are you both?

 

And what do you consider long boring 'friend' conversation? I need more info

[Jj66]

Why escalate the conversation? Let it happen naturally. There is either chemistry or there isn't. If there is your bodies will escalate their conversation without you doing a thing if you are relaxed and being yourselves.

 

But there may be things you can do to communicate interest better and if there is mutual interest the conversation will be escalated no matter what you are talking about. I'm not saying sexy banter has no place but The conversation doesn't have to be sexy for the moment to be sizzling.

 

An example of what I'm talking about from my own experience.

 

For our first date my gf came to my city. I met her for sushi at a buy one get one place and we didn't drink (didn't want judgment clouded). We had a nice conversation. Talked about all sorts of what you call boring stuff but we were engaged so it wasn't boring.

 

One of the things she mentioned was her and her girlfriends were talking about visiting a couch bar that they saw in the city they were visiting on a recent vacation but one of the girls didn't want to go so they didn't go. She'd never been to one. Well, by coincidence there just happened to be a couch bar just around the block from the sushi place. I was attracted to her, so it was time to unequivocally communicate interest. I told her about the couch bar and suggested we go there afterwards. She liked the idea. I asked for the check. She offered to pay. I said no, it's on me. She said at least let me pay half. I said no way. You drove all the way to my city, at least let me buy your dinner. You can treat next time. (Indicating my interest). The check was only $15. (Wow, cheap date but she doesn't need to know that)

 

We go to the couch bar. It has lots of sexy semi nude art everywhere. The ambiance can escalate things for you without your having to say a word. I lucked out because it was half price wine night. I bought a bottle of wine and got two glasses for us. We went upstairs to what I later learned is called the orgy room. Lol. Had no idea. So we sit on the couch together and talk about more "boring stuff". The conversation is still engaging and the wine tastes good. We're leaning into each other talking and laughing, I loved her smile so I get bold, draw her toward me and I kiss her. Then I said cockily, "now you don't have to wonder if I'm going to kiss you or not". We kissed some more. She bit my lower lip gently (indicating animal interest!). At the appropriate time I pulled back and I put my arm around her. Whoooo. Now, what were we talking about? Conversation successfully escalated although we were still talking about "boring" stuff. At one point she takes a selfie of us to send to her friends bragging to them about going to a couch bar. The date is going exceedingly well. Time to end it and leave her wanting more. Always leave them wanting more. I mentioned it was a work night and she had a long drive back to her city then had the bottle re-corked. On the walk back to her car I mentioned how I had a really great time and I *definitely* wanted to see her again. Besides we have a bottle of wine we need to finish. It would be a crime to waste it. I am free this weekend if you are. It was more of the standard kiss her goodnight at her car door but with zero awkwardness since we had already kissed.

 

The second date (or is it the third since we kind of had two dates on day one) which she arranged with my input was a trip to a minor league opening weekend baseball game. My house was conveniently located between her place and ball park which she had never been to. Of course I suggested meet me at my place and I would drive us to the game. She agreed. I knew then that unless one of us totally messed it up we would at the very least be making out on my couch afterward. It would be highly unusual for a woman who bit your lip three days before to refuse an offer to come inside for a glass of wine. I made sure the house was clean and ready for company. It was cold. At the 7th inning stretch I suggested we leave and go to this Cuban restaurant nearby. We had some warm drinks and a light meal. She wouldn't let me pay, insisting that today was her treat like we agreed. Here, I could have joked and said "I hope that doesn't mean you expect me to put out" but I already knew she was coming back to my place. We got back to my place. I invited her in for a glass of wine. Of course she came in. We had marathon sex that evening that she later called the "sex olympics."

 

At no point in either of these dates did we ever talk about anything but "boring" stuff that I would not have talked about with any of my friends. We didn't text much beforehand but what there was was funny banter. The texts were never of a sexual nature. The conversation does not have to be escalated. Just communicate interest. If there is mutual interest, your bodies will do all the talking you need. At least that's my opinion.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Jj66

[smackie9]

Quick wit and charm....it's not a bunch of pickup lines.....it's a method of push and pull. Look up the push and pull method on youtube. Lots of how to videos.......