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How to approach a loyalty lapse


Steelepc

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Long story short i have been seeing this woman seriously for about 6 months.

 

We're together all the time, I am the E contact for her kids etc. We've been clicking along very well.

 

Other than a few (and less than 5) text miscommunication arguments all minor, and just nonsense.

 

The one point of contention we did have was, a former lover was hitting her up on FB straight up wanting to FK. and this person hadnt been involved with her in quite some time, but was trying. She told me about it (any time someone has been inappropriate) and said she'd handle it. Then he kept doing it and I was angry about it until i realized this is her job to handle, not mine. Part of the issue was, she told him, that i knew he was doing this, which in a way it forces my hand to respond, which was upsetting...

 

 

This person many years ago, had saved her, literally from someone who was hurting her. So, felt a sense of loyalty

 

She and I discussed that he burned that by being a creep, and was putting me in a poor position and not protecting us. I followed up further in that talk to her thoughts on the roles being reversed and she said she would be PO'd.

 

She then deleted all forms of contact, never to be heard about again.

 

Then today I clicked on her messenger on FB and it shows new friends, and there his name is.

 

Obviously i felt like someone punched me in the gut and i felt furious.

 

I see he now has a GF which w/e

 

One of my friends that she knows had sent her a fb req, and asked if it was ok, and i had no problem with that.

 

she had mentioned that her phone (which is all kinds of busted up) has sent req's to people she doesnt even know when scrolling through, which could just be a foreshadow excuse.

 

 

This feels like a breach in loyalty to me? Im not an insecure guy, its not about the matter of this guy being a jerk, or me worried about him stealing her away, its more about this being a breach in trust of sorts.

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its more about this being a breach in trust of sorts.

 

This feels like a breach in loyalty to me

 

was hitting her up on FB straight up wanting to FK

 

i have been seeing this woman seriously for about 6 months.

 

today I clicked on her messenger on FB and it shows new friends, and there his name is.

 

Repeating...

 

was hitting her up on FB straight up wanting to FK

 

and there his name is.

 

Sometimes the answer to these threads just screams at you…

 

First frankly you are too emotionally invested too soon.

 

So what does your gut say? Now if you post something defending her we know what the deal is. The problem will be with YOU not her.

 

Someone made a great point on an earlier thread. Basically emotionally healthy people will seek to make your relationship safe and will give you no reason to doubt them.

 

Unless I'm missing something or more to the story easy to me...

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Repeating...

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes the answer to these threads just screams at you…

 

First frankly you are too emotionally invested too soon.

 

So what does your gut say? Now if you post something defending her we know what the deal is. The problem will be with YOU not her.

 

Someone made a great point on an earlier thread. Basically emotionally healthy people will seek to make your relationship safe and will give you no reason to doubt them.

 

Unless I'm missing something or more to the story easy to me...

 

I hear you, that all was via messenger not posted in open, she'd tell me about it etc, because she feels anything else is shady. The response in this case was to confront him p2p then, and then decided it wasnt on me to do so, unless it was in front of me

 

My gut is too pissed to respond correctly, thats why i decided to throw it up here.

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You need to once again tell her she needs to block him and end contact if she wants to be with you. She's not stupid. She knows he's on there and knows how to block him and didn't do it.

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