He ghosted me. Mostly a rant.

[Fatty23]

So I've had this friend, or more like acquaintance, for about 6 or 7 years. He's so gorgeous and I've been obsessed with him on and off but never thought I had a chance. For one, he's so out of my league and two, he's very religious. He doesn't even date.

 

Well... A couple months ago my friend messaged him something dirty through my instagram account and after that we started sexting haha(that was easy!) Only problem is he was a couple hours away for school. So we couldn't hang out. I got over being "pen pals" and told him to forget it. well I guess he's back home now so this past weekend I was in his city and was extremely drunk. Told him to meet up with me at like 2 am. And we ended up having sex in his car. I've been waiting 6 years for this and I didn't want it to happen like THAT. Not drunk and in a car. Oh well.

 

Anyway, after it happened he told me how sexy I am and blah blah and he liked when I did this etc. And he told me not tell anyone because word travels fast (he'd be ostracized from his community). The whole secret thing makes me want it even more haha. And then he said text him when I get home so he knows I got home ok and he said it a bunch of times. So the next morning I did. Said I was embarrassed but had fun. He did not respond. Ok maybe he's just busy or doesn't know what to say. Maybe he's acting cool? Idk. So my friends kept telling me to text him again. I ended up sending a sexy pic but not a nude. It showed he opened it but ignored it. Wow. I felt stupid. Still do. Haven't heard from him since. It's been since technically Saturday morning. I feel so awkward. We have over 40 mutual friends on social media.

 

Why would he just ignore me like that?? I mean I get it he doesn't want anything more but was it the sex? Was it that bad?? My friends say they think he feels guilty because what he did was so "wrong" according to his religion. He also told me it had been so long. Right before it happened he told me he's in town for the next couple of months. Hinting that we can see each other more. I told him he should come over and he eagerly agreed.

 

I'm so bummed. Never felt so used. I usually at least get a text back. Is it too soon and I'm overreacting? Or is it safe to say he's just an a-hole? Should I ask him straight up why he's ignoring me?!

[VeveCakes]

Ok first of all..this isn't ghosting. Ghosting is when you have an established relationship and the person leaves without a word. This is a one night stand.

 

Not sure what else you expected. You sent him sexy texts, then booty call texted him at 2am. Your vibes all said "I WANT SEX". So he gave you sex.

 

Now you want texting and all that...well that wasn't part of the original deal in his mind.

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic commentary deleted ~T

[Redhead14]

So I've had this friend, or more like acquaintance, for about 6 or 7 years. He's so gorgeous and I've been obsessed with him on and off but never thought I had a chance. For one, he's so out of my league and two, he's very religious. He doesn't even date.

 

Well... A couple months ago my friend messaged him something dirty through my instagram account and after that we started sexting haha(that was easy!) Only problem is he was a couple hours away for school. So we couldn't hang out. I got over being "pen pals" and told him to forget it. well I guess he's back home now so this past weekend I was in his city and was extremely drunk. Told him to meet up with me at like 2 am. And we ended up having sex in his car. I've been waiting 6 years for this and I didn't want it to happen like THAT. Not drunk and in a car. Oh well.

 

Anyway, after it happened he told me how sexy I am and blah blah and he liked when I did this etc. And he told me not tell anyone because word travels fast (he'd be ostracized from his community). The whole secret thing makes me want it even more haha. And then he said text him when I get home so he knows I got home ok and he said it a bunch of times. So the next morning I did. Said I was embarrassed but had fun. He did not respond. Ok maybe he's just busy or doesn't know what to say. Maybe he's acting cool? Idk. So my friends kept telling me to text him again. I ended up sending a sexy pic but not a nude. It showed he opened it but ignored it. Wow. I felt stupid. Still do. Haven't heard from him since. It's been since technically Saturday morning. I feel so awkward. We have over 40 mutual friends on social media.

 

Why would he just ignore me like that?? I mean I get it he doesn't want anything more but was it the sex? Was it that bad?? My friends say they think he feels guilty because what he did was so "wrong" according to his religion. He also told me it had been so long. Right before it happened he told me he's in town for the next couple of months. Hinting that we can see each other more. I told him he should come over and he eagerly agreed.

 

I'm so bummed. Never felt so used. I usually at least get a text back. Is it too soon and I'm overreacting? Or is it safe to say he's just an a-hole? Should I ask him straight up why he's ignoring me?!

 

This is not ghosting -- you had a one-night stand. Leave him alone. He's not an *******, unless you are too. You both engaged in that activity. He didn't promise you the world in order to sleep with you . . . he just took what you were offering.

[Fatty23]

Ok first of all..this isn't ghosting. Ghosting is when you have an established relationship and the person leaves without a word. This is a one night stand.

 

Not sure what else you expected. You sent him sexy texts, then booty call texted him at 2am. Your vibes all said "I WANT SEX". So he gave you sex.

 

Now you want texting and all that...well that wasn't part of the original deal in his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it is ghosting when you've been talking to that person for months, even if on and off, but mostly days at a time. He always responds to my texts and pics.

 

We used to be part of the same group but I left so I could be myself. He can't. it's awkward because we could run into each other if either of us were hanging out with some of those friends. That's why it's weird I don't even get a text back.

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Redhead14]

Why do you have to be SO mean? Sheesh. And yes, it is ghosting when you've been talking to that person for months, even if on and off, but mostly days at a time. He always responds to my texts and pics.

 

And I was just pointing out that we have a lot of mutual friends. We used to be part of the same group but I left so I could be myself. He can't. it's awkward because we could run into each other if either of us were hanging out with some of those friends. That's why it's weird I don't even get a text back.

 

And yes, it is ghosting when you've been talking to that person for months, even if on and off -- So maybe this is an "off" that coincidentally occurred after you had sex with him.

[Larryville]

He's so gorgeous and I've been obsessed with him on and off but never thought I had a chance.

 

Chance at what?

 

he's so out of my league

 

I was in his city and was extremely drunk. Told him to meet up with me at like 2 am.

 

And we ended up having sex in his car.

 

Anyway, after it happened he told me how sexy I am

 

told me not tell anyone because word travels fast (he'd be ostracized from his community).

 

he's very religious.

 

he said text him, the next morning I did. Said I was embarrassed but had fun.

 

He did not respond.

 

I ended up sending a sexy pic

 

Why?

 

but not a nude. It showed he opened it but ignored it. Wow. I felt stupid.

 

Haven't heard from him since.

 

Why would he just ignore me like that??

 

Back to what you said:

 

I've been obsessed with him on and off but never thought I had a chance. For one, he's so out of my league

 

You don’t think he knew that? He use this 411 to get a quick “meaningless” hook-up, something so many guys try to engage with on a daily basis.

 

Yup VeVe and Red: This is not ghosting -- you had a one-night stand. Leave him alone.

 

I'm so bummed. Never felt so used.

 

When I see stuff like this I oft wonder did you feel you were “being used” when you got in the vehicle knowing what you were going to take part in?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Ouch. OP, I think you know you were a one-and-done. You literally took the scraps from his table. In a car. That was NEVER going to win his heart over to you.

 

So...just don't do that with the next guy. (IMO.)

[VeveCakes]

Why do you have to be SO mean? Sheesh. And yes, it is ghosting when you've been talking to that person for months, even if on and off, but mostly days at a time. He always responds to my texts and pics.

 

And I was just pointing out that we have a lot of mutual friends. We used to be part of the same group but I left so I could be myself. He can't. it's awkward because we could run into each other if either of us were hanging out with some of those friends. That's why it's weird I don't even get a text back.

 

SOrry if it hurts but you kind of need a reality check.

 

This is not ghosting. Messaging as FRIENDS and then booty calling him, and him not replying for three days is NOT GHOSTING! Maybe hes a dick....but that's all.

 

You were not in a relationship...therefore there is nothing to Ghost.

 

Who cares if you know the same people. This is life, lots of people in groups sleep with each other over time. I see people I slept with in highschool...its like look the other way and move on with your life.

 

It's not weird at all. He doesn't want you to think he is interested. It was sex, that was it. In the future, don't sleep with someone you want to date if you do not know what their intentions are.

[Fatty23]

He had no idea I liked him. He asked why I didn't tell him sooner. I don't mean I like him in a romantic way just a sexual way. I want to have more encounters with him just not drunk and not in a car. Not in love. Just feel super ****ty. I've never not gotten a text back after sex. I only don't get a text back if I don't put out.

[smackie9]

He had time to think about it......realized he can't keep this a secret if you two continue chatting/meeting up/have sex. Now he is worried you are going to expose him....he's S&*^*&^% himself as we speak. He has shut down, shut off the lights and hopes you go away.

Edited January 18, 2017 by smackie9

[Fatty23]

He had time to think about it......realized he can't keep this a secret if you two continue chatting/meeting up/have sex. Now he is worried you are going to expose him....he's S&*^*&^% himself as we speak. He has shut down, shut off the lights and hopes you go away.

 

Yeah, that's a strong possibility. I mean I hope it's that and not that I was terrible. Haha he made it seem like it wouldn't be a one night thing. But oh well.

[Redhead14]

Yeah, that's a strong possibility. I mean I hope it's that and not that I was terrible. Haha he made it seem like it wouldn't be a one night thing. But oh well.

 

Haha he made it seem like it wouldn't be a one night thing -- Ha ha? How does one make it "seem" like it wouldn't be a one-night thing when you're having drunk sex by the dashboard light . . . in the heat of the moment, a woman, strike that -- a girl, hears what she wants to hear.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Yeah, that's a strong possibility. I mean I hope it's that and not that I was terrible. Haha he made it seem like it wouldn't be a one night thing. But oh well.

 

No guy, unless he's literally purely evil, is going to want to hurt a girl's feelings and make her cry two seconds after schtupping her, while he's trapped with her in his car.

 

He'll let you cry later on your own.

 

Just DON'T do it this way next time.

 

Some of the things you say are so sad. You sound like you don't feel like you deserve anything at all and you sound so desperate. I think you should bolster yourself and expect more...and when you expect more you won't feel lowered to doing things like this just to get a guy's attention.

 

You'll have the "right" guy's attention just standing there being yourself, with your clothes on.

[Fatty23]

Haha he made it seem like it wouldn't be a one night thing -- Ha ha? How does one make it "seem" like it wouldn't be a one-night thing when you're having drunk sex by the dashboard light . . . in the heat of the moment, a woman, strike that -- a girl, hears what she wants to hear.

 

Because of how long we've been talking. The conversations etc. I'm not talking about just that night. I'm a woman. In my mid 20s. Completely independent.

[CaliforniaGirl]

So anyway...

 

He's so "religious" he doesn't "even date," but he does girls randomly in his car?

 

You say he has/had no idea you liked/like him, but I'm pretty sure he does. Little things tend to give us away when we're that crazy about someone (you say you were "obsessed"). He knew. And knows.

 

He thought you were easy and he did you and then gave you the brush-off yet you're defending that he's so religious and still putting him on a pedestal and being "obsessive" about him?

 

You may be inflating relationships that don't exist and because in YOUR mind, YOU'RE "farther along," so to speak, in the association, you are willing to engage in sex...but from HIS perspective, the very first time he put a hand to you you dropped your panties.

 

You need to do a lot of self-work and soul-searching, IMO. You really really need to work on you, and your self-confidence, and which guys you pick, and why.

[smackie9]

I don't think this was his first rodeo......

[Cookiesandough]

He's so pious, it's just the guilt of having sex in a car and saying shhh don't say anything that's doing him in ... that's why he hasn't responded /sarcasm He's a hypocritical dog. But you are just as responsible.

 

You said he was "out of your league" and drunk,, had a sex in his car, and you're surprised he doesn't want to talk to/see you anymore? He doesn't even want a second time?

 

This was a ONS, to put it nicely. If you don't want this to happen again you

1. Don't take "texting on and off" as an indicator of interest, sexual or otherwise

2. Don't sex in a car on the first date unless you're cool with never talking to this person again

3. Don't try to use sex to hook someone, even if it's worked on some people in the past

4. Don't 'punch above your weight' unless the person sufficiently proves to you they don't feel [they're] out of your league as much as you do.

 

Live and learn...

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edit typo

[Fatty23]

So anyway...

 

He's so "religious" he doesn't "even date," but he does girls randomly in his car?

 

You say he has/had no idea you liked/like him, but I'm pretty sure he does. Little things tend to give us away when we're that crazy about someone (you say you were "obsessed"). He knew. And knows.

 

He thought you were easy and he did you and then gave you the brush-off yet you're defending that he's so religious and still putting him on a pedestal and being "obsessive" about him?

 

You may be inflating relationships that don't exist and because in YOUR mind, YOU'RE "farther along," so to speak, in the association, you are willing to engage in sex...but from HIS perspective, the very first time he put a hand to you you dropped your panties.

 

You need to do a lot of self-work and soul-searching, IMO. You really really need to work on you, and your self-confidence, and which guys you pick, and why.

 

 

Lmao because god forbid a girl has sex just because she wants to. I think you're the one reading too into it. There really was no way he could have known. i only thought he was hot never liked him more than that. And I definitely know how not to be a pervert so there were no hints being dropped. You can't always know someone is attracted to you unless they say it. Which I did after all these years and that's how he knew. And he's attracted to me too. He doesn't date in the same sense that most people do. He kind of has to keep all of that private from his family and friends.

 

Unlike you, I don't have sex with people only when, or because I have feelings for them. I do if I feel like it. We both knew we wanted it but I would have preferred it to be at my place. I've had one night stands before and I didn't care because I didn't know the guy. It's different when you know the person and share mutual friends.

[basil67]

There's nothing wrong with a girl having sex when she wants to. But it's silly to say you feel "used" when you ask for a drunken booty call at 2am. You're not a victim - you are the instigator.

 

I think the most obvious reason for him not contacting you is because he's having a "what on earth was I thinking??!!" post coital regret.

 

If you want to avoid guys not calling you back after a drunken shag, then establish a relationship first.

[Cookiesandough]

Lmao because god forbid a girl has sex just because she wants to. I think you're the one reading too into it. There really was no way he could have known. i only thought he was hot never liked him more than that. And I definitely know how not to be a pervert so there were no hints being dropped. You can't always know someone is attracted to you unless they say it. Which I did after all these years and that's how he knew. And he's attracted to me too. He doesn't date in the same sense that most people do. He kind of has to keep all of that private from his family and friends.

 

Unlike you, I don't have sex with people only when, or because I have feelings for them. I do if I feel like it. We both knew we wanted it but I would have preferred it to be at my place. I've had one night stands before and I didn't care because I didn't know the guy. It's different when you know the person and share mutual friends.

 

 

If you had sex just because you enter to why do you say you felt "used"? That implies you this was not a fair exchange of sex/sex and he took advantage of you in some way. No offense, but you do not know if he was even attracted to you. He had sex with you once when he was drunk. And what fundamental religion is it that an adult man can't date at all? That's ridiculous. Maybe he has to hide casual sex, but that's not hard for a an adult to do. We're not dating this to be mean. I think people are just trying to get you to see this so it doesn't happen again:you don't feel bad again .

[Redhead14]

Lmao because god forbid a girl has sex just because she wants to. I think you're the one reading too into it. There really was no way he could have known. i only thought he was hot never liked him more than that. And I definitely know how not to be a pervert so there were no hints being dropped. You can't always know someone is attracted to you unless they say it. Which I did after all these years and that's how he knew. And he's attracted to me too. He doesn't date in the same sense that most people do. He kind of has to keep all of that private from his family and friends.

 

Unlike you, I don't have sex with people only when, or because I have feelings for them. I do if I feel like it. We both knew we wanted it but I would have preferred it to be at my place. I've had one night stands before and I didn't care because I didn't know the guy. It's different when you know the person and share mutual friends.

 

A woman can and should have sex with anyone she wants, anytime she wants, anywhere she wants. She should not, however, accuse partners of using her or using excuses, like drinking, for "lapses" in decorum.

 

It's different when you know the person and share mutual friends.

-- You didn't treat it that way . . . and neither is he.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Lmao because god forbid a girl has sex just because she wants to. I think you're the one reading too into it. There really was no way he could have known. i only thought he was hot never liked him more than that. And I definitely know how not to be a pervert so there were no hints being dropped. You can't always know someone is attracted to you unless they say it. Which I did after all these years and that's how he knew. And he's attracted to me too. He doesn't date in the same sense that most people do. He kind of has to keep all of that private from his family and friends.

 

Unlike you, I don't have sex with people only when, or because I have feelings for them. I do if I feel like it. We both knew we wanted it but I would have preferred it to be at my place. I've had one night stands before and I didn't care because I didn't know the guy. It's different when you know the person and share mutual friends.

 

Okay, great. Since you have no issues with this, I guess this is an end thread moment. Glad it has all worked out for you.

[Fatty23]

If you had sex just because you enter to why do you say you felt "used"? That implies you this was not a fair exchange of sex/sex and he took advantage of you in some way. No offense, but you do not know if he was even attracted to you. He had sex with you once when he was drunk. And what fundamental religion is it that an adult man can't date at all? That's ridiculous. Maybe he has to hide casual sex, but that's not hard for a an adult to do. We're not dating this to be mean. I think people are just trying to get you to see this so it doesn't happen again:you don't feel bad again .

 

OMG. Once again. He wasn't drunk - I was. I only remember bits and pieces of that night. I know he's attracted to me because he's said it multiple times. Idk why you guys have to fight me on everything. Like I don't know if he's attracted to me. Puhlease. He did not take advantage of me at all. I feel used only if a one night stand was all he wanted. When we would text he always wante to hang out even if sex wasn't involved.

[Cookiesandough]

OMG. Once again. He wasn't drunk - I was. I only remember bits and pieces of that night. I know he's attracted to me because he's said it multiple times. Idk why you guys have to fight me on everything. Like I don't know if he's attracted to me. Puhlease. He did not take advantage of me at all. I feel used only if a one night stand was all he wanted. When we would text he always wante to hang out even if sex wasn't involved.

 

 

Oh I'm sorry. He wasn't drunk,but you were, and you still feel you can adequately assess his interest level in you as being enough to see you again? Obviously that is not the case... because he is not taking the bait, even for sex. This was a ONS. He didn't owe you anything...

 

Save

Edited January 19, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ashy555]

How old are you fatty?

 

Some comments are a bit harsh and unnecessary. OP is feeling a little sh***y about her circumstances and came here for advice. She doesn't want any patronizing/aggressive comment. A little understanding goes a long way sometimes.

 

Fatty it seems that this is one of many learning curves for you. I have had my fair share. We all love sex. It can be really fun but you have to be careful. I have learnt not to do it willy nilly anymore as I cannot cope with the emotional consequences of it.

Messaging him at 2am and meeting up in a car park... You will learn very quickly that you most likely ARE being used.

You need to show people how YOU want to be treated and respected.

 

I had a guy who treated me like this for a long LONG time. I was like putty in his hand. He always buttered me up for about 2 weeks beforehand. As soon as he got sex, no reply. I'd text him to say he left his jacket once and made a little joke as you know... I thought we may be friends. Got nothing for weeks. He just assumed a text from me, meant I wanted more from him. I knew he was a dick but was addicted to the fun. I taught HIM how to treat me. I thankfully had enough and grew a backbone. Stopped responding to him completely as I only ever felt like sh** afterwards. I also learnt a good thing from that experience and will make sure that I never put myself in that position ever again.

 

Its a harsh world out there. You just need to figure out how to navigate your way around without hurting yourself too much in the process.