GF on tinder??

[Conviction]

Hey guys. Last night was a blow. We were laying in bed and she was on her phone, I happened to look over and saw the tinder app icon. I didn't jump to conclusions, but the conversation went like this:

 

Me:You still have that on your phone? (Kind of said it with a smile as to not come across accusing, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt)

Her: oh yeah I just never got around to deleting it. (Fair enough)

Me: oh ok, that makes sense, but do you think you can delete it, its not something I feel comfortable with being in your phone.

Her: yeah ill delete it tomorrow. *turns phone off. (This is where red flags start to rise)

Me: uh, why not do it now, is a simple request from your boyfriend really that low of a priority?

 

At this point I literally had to ask several times for her to delete it. She was reluctant, saying things like "I'll delete it tomorrow, I promise" "I already turned my phone off, and it takes a long time to delete it, I'll do it tomorrow" I eventually started to get annoyed and got stern with her.

 

So here's where another red flag gets raised. She finally grabs her phone to delete it, BUT she sits up and positions her beck to me so I can't see what she's doing. WHOA! I get pissed, but I don't say anything. She puts her phone down and I ask if she deleted it, and she says yes. I questioned her why as her boyfriend do I have to beg her to delete a hookup app off her phone. And explain how it makes me feel like a low priority that she kept saying "I'll just do it tomorrow". She gets upset starts crying and storms out of the room.

 

I let the situation cool down a bit and go to talk to her. I specifically asked her if anything is going on and she swears nothing is going on.

 

Am I right to be a little suspicious here, or am I overacting? We've been exclusive for a few months for reference.

[Conviction]

To clarify, she wasn't on the app when I looked over, I just saw the icon on her home screen.

[frigginlost]

Hey guys. Last night was a blow. We were laying in bed and she was on her phone, I happened to look over and saw the tinder app icon. I didn't jump to conclusions, but the conversation went like this:

 

Me:You still have that on your phone? (Kind of said it with a smile as to not come across accusing, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt)

Her: oh yeah I just never got around to deleting it. (Fair enough)

Me: oh ok, that makes sense, but do you think you can delete it, its not something I feel comfortable with being in your phone.

Her: yeah ill delete it tomorrow. *turns phone off. (This is where red flags start to rise)

Me: uh, why not do it now, is a simple request from your boyfriend really that low of a priority?

 

At this point I literally had to ask several times for her to delete it. She was reluctant, saying things like "I'll delete it tomorrow, I promise" "I already turned my phone off, and it takes a long time to delete it, I'll do it tomorrow" I eventually started to get annoyed and got stern with her.

 

So here's where another red flag gets raised. She finally grabs her phone to delete it, BUT she sits up and positions her beck to me so I can't see what she's doing. WHOA! I get pissed, but I don't say anything. She puts her phone down and I ask if she deleted it, and she says yes. I questioned her why as her boyfriend do I have to beg her to delete a hookup app off her phone. And explain how it makes me feel like a low priority that she kept saying "I'll just do it tomorrow". She gets upset starts crying and storms out of the room.

 

I let the situation cool down a bit and go to talk to her. I specifically asked her if anything is going on and she swears nothing is going on.

 

Am I right to be a little suspicious here, or am I overacting? We've been exclusive for a few months for reference.

 

Nope.

 

She should have deleted it the moment you brought it up if she in fact "never got around to it". She's deflecting.

 

Put your guard up. Somethings not right...

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm not sure what phone she has, but it takes .5 seconds to delete an app in an iPhone or android that I've seen... she is definitely up to something.

 

Is she pretty protective of her phone?

[VeveCakes]

Even if she deletes the app, she can just re download it and her account will still be active. She needs to deactivate.

 

My advice, go back on Tinder, and youll see pretty quick if she is still on there.

[Conviction]

I'm not sure what phone she has, but it takes .5 seconds to delete an app in an iPhone or android that I've seen... she is definitely up to something.

 

Is she pretty protective of her phone?

 

Iphone. I wasnt exactly sure because I have an android, but I deleted mine the moment we became exclusive (for this exact reason) and it took me 5 seconds.

 

She isn't too protective of her phone. She gave me her password because of the Netflix on there and she falls asleep before me so that way I can watch movies/shows until I fall asleep.

 

I feel so sick to my stomach right now. Where do I go from here?? I mean, I don't have any hard evidence that she's cheating, but I do have all these suspicious red flags. I dont know what to do.

[Lilyana76]

Nope, Nope, Nope.

 

If someone has a dating app on their phone, they are using it. And the fact that she threw a fit about deleting it.. HUGE RED FLAG.

 

Does she let you use her phone ever? if so, look for Tinder the next time and click on it, there your answers will be.

 

My guess is she never lets you touch her phone, which again would be a HUGE RED FLAG.

[Conviction]

Even if she deletes the app, she can just re download it and her account will still be active. She needs to deactivate.

 

My advice, go back on Tinder, and youll see pretty quick if she is still on there.

 

How do I do that though without it looking like I'm on there for the wrong reasons?

 

I did do some research and found a site called swipe buster. You pay a fee and it will apparantly tell you if a person is on there, let you look at the profile and tell you the last time it was active.

[frigginlost]

Iphone. I wasnt exactly sure because I have an android, but I deleted mine the moment we became exclusive (for this exact reason) and it took me 5 seconds.

 

She isn't too protective of her phone. She gave me her password because of the Netflix on there and she falls asleep before me so that way I can watch movies/shows until I fall asleep.

 

I feel so sick to my stomach right now. Where do I go from here?? I mean, I don't have any hard evidence that she's cheating, but I do have all these suspicious red flags. I dont know what to do.

 

First thing, relax. :-)

 

There is nothing indicating she is cheating. But there are red flags that she may not be as committed to you and her as you are.

 

Where you go is relatively simple. Vevecakes is spot on in what to do. If she shows up on Tinder, you have her dead to rights that she is lying to you.

 

Just sit back for the time being and watch...

[frigginlost]

How do I do that though without it looking like I'm on there for the wrong reasons?

 

I did do some research and found a site called swipe buster. You pay a fee and it will apparantly tell you if a person is on there, let you look at the profile and tell you the last time it was active.

 

You mean feeling uneasy because she didn't immediately get rid of it, and when pushed she did and then left the room crying? It's perfectly logical that you would base your actions on her actions. If she doesn't see that, it is another indicator of deflection and another huge red flag that she is lying to you...

[Conviction]

First thing, relax. :-)

 

There is nothing indicating she is cheating. But there are red flags that she may not be as committed to you and her as you are.

 

Where you go is relatively simple. Vevecakes is spot on in what to do. If she shows up on Tinder, you have her dead to rights that she is lying to you.

 

Just sit back for the time being and watch...

 

Thank you, I'm trying to stay calm, but it's hard.

 

How do I verify she's on tinder without it looking like I'm on there myself looking for a side piece?

[Gaeta]

Months after exclusively dating my BF I realized I still had a dating app on my phone. I uninstalled it and no, I had never set foot on a dating app since I started dating him.

 

I also tried Tinder once and it was a pain in the neck to delete. Uninstalling it does not erase your account, and deleting your account needs several steps that include emailing them and asking them to remove it.

 

If I were tired and told my BF I'd do it in the morning I expect him to trust me that's exactly what I'd be doing. I think she cried and stormed out because you were being accusatory.

[VeveCakes]

How do I do that though without it looking like I'm on there for the wrong reasons?

 

I did do some research and found a site called swipe buster. You pay a fee and it will apparantly tell you if a person is on there, let you look at the profile and tell you the last time it was active.

 

Who cares if she sees you on there, at that point - the relationship should be over regardless. I would just super like her if you see her then text her - busted!

 

Or, do you have friends that could go on for you?

 

I would wait a few weeks though. She may for now get off because she knows you are suspicious....but the urge to go back will return.

[Larryville]

If someone has a dating app on their phone, they are using it. And the fact that she threw a fit about deleting it.. HUGE RED FLAG.

 

She needs to deactivate.

 

So y’all help me understand because I don’t nor would I ever use Tinder.

 

It’s a hook-up app…

 

You meet someone, you get together, app still on phone and you are upset?

 

You weren’t looking for matrimony by using this particular app and the fact she still has it bothers you? I don’t get it.

 

If she refuses to get off the service she ain’t that into you!

 

You simply were just what Tinder promotes a hook up.

[Lilyana76]

if you have access to her phone, get on it and click her tinder app button

 

then you'll have your answers.....

[VeveCakes]

 

I also tried Tinder once and it was a pain in the neck to delete. Uninstalling it does not erase your account, and deleting your account needs several steps that include emailing them and asking them to remove it.

.

 

I deleted mine recently and it took less than a minute. No email required. It has probably been updated since you had it. Even still, she wouldn't even delete the APP off her phone - that is very telling.

[frigginlost]

Months after exclusively dating my BF I realized I still had a dating app on my phone. I uninstalled it and no, I had never set foot on a dating app since I started dating him.

 

I also tried Tinder once and it was a pain in the neck to delete. Uninstalling it does not erase your account, and deleting your account needs several steps that include emailing them and asking them to remove it.

 

If I were tired and told my BF I'd do it in the morning I expect him to trust me that's exactly what I'd be doing. I think she cried and stormed out because you were being accusatory.

 

 

Tinder has a one step "deactivate account" on their app now...

[VeveCakes]

Thank you, I'm trying to stay calm, but it's hard.

 

How do I verify she's on tinder without it looking like I'm on there myself looking for a side piece?

 

Just make your profile - and put your bio as - just seeing if my girl is cheating :lmao:

[Conviction]

Months after exclusively dating my BF I realized I still had a dating app on my phone. I uninstalled it and no, I had never set foot on a dating app since I started dating him.

 

I also tried Tinder once and it was a pain in the neck to delete. Uninstalling it does not erase your account, and deleting your account needs several steps that include emailing them and asking them to remove it.

 

If I were tired and told my BF I'd do it in the morning I expect him to trust me that's exactly what I'd be doing. I think she cried and stormed out because you were being accusatory.

 

I understand your point, but all I did before she started crying was ask her to delete it. I didn't ask her if anything was going on until after she was done crying.

 

I respectfully disagree though that "I'll do it in the morning" is a respectful response. I understand getting the account fully deleted is a pain, but at least delete the app off the phone. That's all I was asking. In fact that's all I did when I deleted it months ago. It takes 5 second.

 

With that said, I do agree there is a benefit of the doubt factor in my situation.

[Conviction]

Just make your profile - and put your bio as - just seeing if my girl is cheating :lmao:

 

Lol. That made me laugh, I needed that.

[mightycpa]

Do you have any friends? Get them to set up an account. Find out if she's on it, although I'm not sure that deleting the app would delete her account. Maybe you can find out if she's been active. I don't know.

 

I am a little mystified why you would make this demand of her. I understand the impulse, but you have to admit, it's pretty much a given that if you're in an exclusive relationship, you shouldn't be trolling for dates, right? It's not like she needed to be told this, is it?

 

So what I'm getting at is that she understands this and does it anyway. By you making demands, you're saying "oh, I forgive that transgression. just don't do it again!"

 

How about this instead? Wait a week. If you can gather some evidence without a lot of trouble, then do it. If not, just wait. Then ask her to show you the iPhone. Tell her you want to see if the app is still on there. If it is, ask her to log in for you.

 

If you get any resistance at all, don't fight it. Just tell her that it would be better if you guys see other people and go back to dating casually. She's way ahead of you in that department anyway, so you might as well level the playing field. You don't need to set rules in your relationships. You need to set standards, and if she doesn't meet them, then fine. Find someone who does. You'll never change her, and you don't want to change someone, because eventually, they'll change back. Find someone compatible from the git-go. You'll be a lot happier for it.

[Conviction]

So y’all help me understand because I don’t nor would I ever use Tinder.

 

It’s a hook-up app…

 

You meet someone, you get together, app still on phone and you are upset?

 

You weren’t looking for matrimony by using this particular app and the fact she still has it bothers you? I don’t get it.

 

If she refuses to get off the service she ain’t that into you!

 

You simply were just what Tinder promotes a hook up.

 

Where did I ever say we met on tinder? Hint: we did not.

[Gaeta]

I understand your point, but all I did before she started crying was ask her to delete it. I didn't ask her if anything was going on until after she was done crying.

 

I respectfully disagree though that "I'll do it in the morning" is a respectful response. I understand getting the account fully deleted is a pain, but at least delete the app off the phone. That's all I was asking. In fact that's all I did when I deleted it months ago. It takes 5 second.

 

With that said, I do agree there is a benefit of the doubt factor in my situation.

 

There is a difference between.

 

* Delete that honey and let her delete it on her own time.

 

and

 

* Delete that now !

 

She is not a child to be told delete that now in front of me.

[Gaeta]

So what I'm getting at is that she understands this and does it anyway. By you making demands, you're saying "oh, I forgive that transgression. just don't do it again!"

 

What transgression? She was not caught online or using the app. She just had an app on her phone. It's easy to forget those I know I have.

[Conviction]

What transgression? She was not caught online or using the app. She just had an app on her phone. It's easy to forget those I know I have.

 

Honestly this is where I'm struggling. Don't get me wrong, the fact that she was reluctant to delete it, and her hiding it when she went to delete it makes me highly suspicious and makes me angry. But, there is a shadow of doubt. She wasn't using the app, and at this time have no proof if she had been using it or not.

 

Signs are there, but I have no hard evidence. I just don't want to get fooled if I do give her the benefit of the doubt, when in reality she is giving me the runaround.