surferchic Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 (edited) Hi all. I'm in search of feedback about what you think is going on right now with our newish dating relationship. 1) Met new guy (NG) about 2 months ago while waiting for my order at a restaurant. He was already sitting/eating alone when I got there. As I stood in line I noticed him glancing at me. As he left out, he complimented me on my eyes and hair. I say thanks. He smiles a bit and walks out. So I waited for my order for at least 45mins! Busy spot... Long story short as I finally get in my car and begin to drive off a car drives toward me and rolls it's window down. It's the guy from inside... 2) FFwd... He asked if I was single & if he could call me sometime. I gave him my#. He called and texted immediately so thay I could save his#. 3) Ffwd...we've gone out a few times. Nice places. Seen his place. He's never been to my place yet. But he asked about it last weekend. )))each time we've been together he had tools me that he really likes me, he recently told me he'd like us to be exclusive and asks about me telling any guys/dates I have, that I'm seeing him now exclusively. He said he wants to see me more often (several times a week) but he's only initiated dates like 3 times since he said that. He also asked me to go out of town with him next month. He showed me as he texted 2 females telling them he's seeing someone now and telling theme to no longer contact him. He's hinted at going to the gym with me I guess whenever I've told him I went.He emphasizes thay he is my "man". KICKER: he contacts me every morning to say hello have a good day. Recently I told him I was going to the gym. No i didnt invite him bcuz that "my" time for now. I don't want us to get tired of each other fast by moving too quickly. So he tells me to let him know when Im done at the gym. I do.... but guess what he didn't respond....until several hrs later. He still texts me each morning but heven let's longer gaps of time pass before responding. I hate games. I wanna put away from him when I feel like he's trying to play games to get my attn. In your opinion, is this grounds for dismissing him or pulling away from him? Do you think he's game playing ? Or.... maybe he's seeing someone else? I don't know... things just feel weird now and I don't know how to address this without appearing snoody. And I don't want to sound like I'm just waiting around for him because Imy going about my life working...working out, etc. But I do notice something shifting... Thanks Edited January 18, 2017 by surferchic Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 If something feels weird to you, I suggest you cut him. If you knew how many times something told me something was off with a guy and I wound up getting burned. If you think he's playing you, he most likely is. I just got out of a situation like that. Turns out, he had someone else and my gut told me to leave this guy, I wish I had sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Something is weird. Especially him showing you that he is not talking to other women anymore. I would get very cautious... Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 If he waited 45 minutes to ask a woman in a resturant line for her number, he is a player. Yes, he has others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Thanks for the responses guys. I agree with most of your feedback about listening to my instincts. However, him waiting for me to get out of line doesn't mean he's a player. I know a few couples who met like that and they're still together...married. There are no definite things to symbolize him being a player. I'm almost more concerned if whether or not he's the possible stalker type... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Also, my ex-fiance was the same as this guy...intense and trying to lay claim on me sooner than later. We ended up together. We only separated because he pushed too hard and his temper got out of hand dye to his insecurities. He had a violent background. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 He's probably pulling back because you didn't reciprocate or tell him what you wanted. Now the opportunity to tell him is missed unless you can manufacture it again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I have a hunch this is about control. Even the whole waiting so long to then come and find you (and know your car) is off to me. As I said though - just a hunch. See how he continues to behave but most importantly go with your gut feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
savvy2008 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 He sounds a bit controlling now. I wonder what he would be like later, if you continued dating him. Showing you proof that he told other women he's exclusive with you is weird. It was intended to make you trust him but for me it would have done the opposite. He probably has others. Insisting on going to the gym with you and wanting to claim you so quickly is a strange thing to insist, to me. Couples do that when they've been together a while and are at the stage where they do daily things like that with each other. But this sounds more like he wants to go with you so the guys you see regularly when you are working out, can see that you are with this guy and off limits. He ounds insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
vampirebrat Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Imo he sounds kinda creepy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 He's trying to use artificial means to gain your trust (the text messages) instead of letting trust develop naturally. My guess is previous partners have had good reason not to trust him. Should you? Your description also makes him seem almost obsessive and likely controlling. I'm not saying he's definitely a turd but I am saying tread very carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Plus I forgot to add that he persisted for a week that I let other men in my life know that I'm no longer available/single. I forgot about it a few times so he kept along me and reminding me. Then he asked when he was invited to my place. I said anytime this week. So he said,"ok well where's my key?". I of course laughed at that and told him he would not...not be getting that. Just yesterday someone rung my buzzer to my apt which had to be found by my name,not my apt #. I'm the only one in my building with my last name... but I suppose or could've been a mistake...? Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Sounds almost like my situation. You're guy does sound a bit creepy...controlling. Maybe he's just a bit insecure... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 If he waited 45 minutes to ask a woman in a restaurant line for her number, he is a player. Yes, he has others. How does this make him a player? If he was a player he would say screw it and find someone else. I don't believe any "player" is "desperate" enough to wait for a girl. Seemed to me she caught his eye and he regretted not asking or giving her his number inside the restaurant. I've waited maybe 10 minutes casually while I do something else, but not 45 mins, that does seem excessive. Let him know the gym is your time and you enjoy that for yourself and that you don't go there to socialize. I'd also tell him that seeing someone too fast too soon can be bad for the relationship, build dependency and that you don't want that to happen. --- I just scrolled down and had to delete a whole paragraph about him not being creepy. Yes, he's creepy. You should end it with him because him showing up to your apartment building is just weird af. Block him from all social media, block his number. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 How does this make him a player? If he was a player he would say screw it and find someone else. I don't believe any "player" is "desperate" enough to wait for a girl. Seemed to me she caught his eye and he regretted not asking or giving her his number inside the restaurant. I've waited maybe 10 minutes casually while I do something else, but not 45 mins, that does seem excessive. Let him know the gym is your time and you enjoy that for yourself and that you don't go there to socialize. I'd also tell him that seeing someone too fast too soon can be bad for the relationship, build dependency and that you don't want that to happen. --- I just scrolled down and had to delete a whole paragraph about him not being creepy. Yes, he's creepy. You should end it with him because him showing up to your apartment building is just weird af. Block him from all social media, block his number. Thanks. Yea, I agree with everything you mentioned. I've moved super fast before and it ended like a train wreck because that ex of mine never thought I'd every leave him. He thought he gave me everything I wanted,needed etc. One clarification though. I can't say for sure that this current guy in question is the person who rang my buzzer. I stay in a locked building where visitors must be buzzed in by sending a call from the building to the resident's phone but there's no camera or intercom for us residents to see who it is... Sucks. I just thought it was ironic that someone rang my buzzer when this stuff is going on with the guy im dating. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I have to agree that he sounds controlling and creepy. The showing of text messages etc is just that, a show. It's a farce. I had an ex do this to try to prove he was not being inappropriate with whoever, or telling them about me. He turned out to be the biggest liar I've ever met and also a serial cheater. Someone who does stuff like that is not trustworthy. He is doing it so that you will do it or say it to the men in your life, so he has you all to himself... but he most likely still has females around. He only said that to a couple of them, the ones he didn't really like. He might be trying the push pull tactic too. You aren't in the spot he wants you to be in so he's trying to pull away so you'll be worried and cling on. I would do the opposite and cut him off. He sounds really weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 New information... We must give this American a wide berth. He's an insecure controlling stalker type. Your gut is telling you that before your mind is ready to accept it. Do what it takes to ditch this guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 New information... We must give this American a wide berth. He's an insecure controlling stalker type. Your gut is telling you that before your mind is ready to accept it. Do what it takes to ditch this guy. I was also going to say he sounds like a stalker type. I would seriously get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Plus I forgot to add that he persisted for a week that I let other men in my life know that I'm no longer available/single. I forgot about it a few times so he kept along me and reminding me. Then he asked when he was invited to my place. I said anytime this week. So he said,"ok well where's my key?". I of course laughed at that and told him he would not...not be getting that. Just yesterday someone rung my buzzer to my apt which had to be found by my name,not my apt #. I'm the only one in my building with my last name... but I suppose or could've been a mistake...? The bolded = RUN for me. No way would I continue dating a guy like this. My lesson has been learned by thinking things a guy said were a joke - which I laughed off and never gave in to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 The bolded = RUN for me. No way would I continue dating a guy like this. My lesson has been learned by thinking things a guy said were a joke - which I laughed off and never gave in to. Perhaps you're right. Two other friends have said similar things. I agree. I'm tired of meeting men who get extra dumb when I don't given into their crazy requests or laugh at their "threats". Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 So as an update, I've started seeing other guys. However, in conversation with the guy in this thread recently , I asked him how he dealt with his anger...if I made him upset and what type of things would make him upset. He said: 1. Me being with another man would make him angry 2. He would slash my tires if he found out I was with another man. So over the past few weeks I've distanced myself fromore him(guy in this thread). Since then he sends messages asking me what I'm doing. Cool. Thing is, no matter what time of day its always during a time when I'm with a date. Different times of day this has occurred. First time it happened he asked me what I was doing. I didn't respond until hours later saying I was sleep. His response was... "with who?"... that was creepy because I was indeed with someone else... next few times he asked what I was doing , it's been while I was with on a date and out with someone else... Coincidence? Or reason to indeed slash my tires? or was he just saying that to try putting fear in my heart... to not date anyone else? He's been aggressive in his attempt to date me exclusively, find out my schedule, specifically where I work and what time i leave for work/get home....all within a short time frame of us knowing each other. Although I've put distance btwn us he still textes me asking what time doing and saying he misses me. Doesn't make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Clarification: i said he doesn't make sense because I told him that his strange behavior have pushed me away. Hence me not initiating any more contact. So he's been initiating contact asking me dumb stuff like wat im doing. Not how am I doing.... but always WHAT I'm doing. And then WITH WHO a few times... Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) He's just has severe mental issues. It's not gonna make sense. Glad to hear you are staying away and seeing others. Be safe. Edited January 29, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) Hi all. I'm in search of feedback about what you think is going on right now with our newish dating relationship. 1) Met new guy (NG) about 2 months ago while waiting for my order at a restaurant. He was already sitting/eating alone when I got there. As I stood in line I noticed him glancing at me. As he left out, he complimented me on my eyes and hair. I say thanks. He smiles a bit and walks out. So I waited for my order for at least 45mins! Busy spot... Long story short as I finally get in my car and begin to drive off a car drives toward me and rolls it's window down. It's the guy from inside... 2) FFwd... He asked if I was single & if he could call me sometime. I gave him my#. He called and texted immediately so thay I could save his#. 3) Ffwd...we've gone out a few times. Nice places. Seen his place. He's never been to my place yet. But he asked about it last weekend. )))each time we've been together he had tools me that he really likes me, he recently told me he'd like us to be exclusive and asks about me telling any guys/dates I have, that I'm seeing him now exclusively. He said he wants to see me more often (several times a week) but he's only initiated dates like 3 times since he said that. He also asked me to go out of town with him next month. He showed me as he texted 2 females telling them he's seeing someone now and telling theme to no longer contact him. He's hinted at going to the gym with me I guess whenever I've told him I went.He emphasizes thay he is my "man". KICKER: he contacts me every morning to say hello have a good day. Recently I told him I was going to the gym. No i didnt invite him bcuz that "my" time for now. I don't want us to get tired of each other fast by moving too quickly. So he tells me to let him know when Im done at the gym. I do.... but guess what he didn't respond....until several hrs later. He still texts me each morning but heven let's longer gaps of time pass before responding. I hate games. I wanna put away from him when I feel like he's trying to play games to get my attn. In your opinion, is this grounds for dismissing him or pulling away from him? Do you think he's game playing ? Or.... maybe he's seeing someone else? I don't know... things just feel weird now and I don't know how to address this without appearing snoody. And I don't want to sound like I'm just waiting around for him because Imy going about my life working...working out, etc. But I do notice something shifting... Thanks You have a conversation with him -- "You know, Xname, I enjoy being with you and we are exclusive now. I appreciate hearing from you when we aren't together, but it's making me uncomfortable when I don't get a response for many hours. I know sometimes we may be too busy to respond right away, but when it happens often, it concerns me. And, I like to see the person I am exclusive with more regularly than we have been". And, then let him talk. Do you think he's game playing ? -- We don't know what he's doing and that's the point for you. You are sleeping with him, exclusive with him now and exploring the possibility of a real relationship. You can and should open a conversation with him that is non-confrontational but direct and communicates your needs for moving forward and observe whether he at least makes the effort to accommodate you. If he doesn't, you move on because you now know that he isn't interested in your feelings/needs. He wouldn't make a good partner for you. Edited January 29, 2017 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 You have a conversation with him -- "You know, Xname, I enjoy being with you and we are exclusive now. I appreciate hearing from you when we aren't together, but it's making me uncomfortable when I don't get a response for many hours. I know sometimes we may be too busy to respond right away, but when it happens often, it concerns me. And, I like to see the person I am exclusive with more regularly than we have been". And, then let him talk. Do you think he's game playing ? -- We don't know what he's doing and that's the point for you. You are sleeping with him, exclusive with him now and exploring the possibility of a real relationship. You can and should open a conversation with him that is non-confrontational but direct and communicates your needs for moving forward and observe whether he at least makes the effort to accommodate you. If he doesn't, you move on because you now know that he isn't interested in your feelings/needs. He wouldn't make a good partner for you. Thanks. My most recent post/update "above" says that I am seeing other people. However, he is making weird comments and still contacting me as if we're still exclusive. Yes I've told him I can no longer accept the exclusive title....which he himself asked for....crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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