Girlfriend of 2 months Pregnant

[McNabb]

Evening All

 

Have been dating my girlfriend for just over 2 months now, Things have been going amazing, i'm 33 & she is 27. Literally first time in my life i've been happy to point where i could see myself staying with her a long time.

 

Then today... i didn't hear from her & she always messages or calls me when i wake up. Today nothing, i messaged her a few times & left a few voice notes. It got to 6pm & nothing. I finished work at 7.30pm still nothing, so i called her she kept declining my calls. I became increasingly frustrated, on the 5th call she picked up crying her eyes out. She couldn't speak for crying & eventually when she did, she told me she is pregnant.

 

I tried to be supportive & told her i'm right with her. She went from upset to angry, she said "what do you want me to do?" i told her that is not my decision to make& that we a team & whatever decision i will support her & that i loved her. She snapped & said my love & support doesn't help her.

 

She asked me what i wanted, i said... "one day i could definitely imagine us having children together, i love you & think you are amazing, but right now we should be enjoying each other"

 

She got angry again, shouted & said she needed time & space.

 

i waited a couple hours & just sent her a message saying that i'm here if she wanted to talk. It's been a few more hours since then & still nothing, i feel like i should be in contact. As i don't want her feeling alone, but know she wanted space/time

 

I've never been in this position before, so am trying to do my best but am struggling

[kassy]

I don't know what your relationship is like at the 2 month mark, but a massive hug never goes astray. Maybe take her some chocolates and coffee and a hug (or whatever she might like)

 

Its going to be hard on a relationship however she decides. Best of luck!

[Dis]

Why some men and women dont use birth control is beyond me

 

You barely know this women and if she decides to carry the pregnancy to term the chances of you two working out long-term are slim considering your adding a child to the mix so early on

 

I know I'm going to sound blunt but you shouldve thought of this before you had unprotected sex. Kids shouldnt be brought into the world unless they have a healthy/stable environment to grow up in

 

As for trying to soothe her current mood...thats the least of your problems

 

Just...ugh

[basil67]

Is the baby yours?

[Gaeta]

Is the baby yours?

 

Exactly my thought.

[RecentChange]

Oh boy.

 

This reminds me of the time a well dressed, and she'll shocked young man struck up a conversation with me at a bar - you see he had a lot on his mind - like you, his GF was pregnant. And she was keeping it. The vision he had for his life was clearly passing right in front of his eyes.... But what is done is done.

 

I don't know what to tell you. If I was in her position I would want to be held tight - but I run to others in time of stress, I never "ask for space".

 

She is freaked out, and keep in mind early pregnancy hormones can make some women feel absolutely crazy and not themselves.

 

I guess just try to be supportive and keep stressing you will be there in any way you can.

 

And now for my soapbox - I don't understand why people aren't more careful when it comes to birth control, and discuss feelings about being pro-choice etc. As someone that has never wanted kids - I have always been insistent upon condoms, and I am staunchly pro choice. Seems like a lot of guys play Russian roulette with this.

[selinaluv]

And now for my soapbox - I don't understand why people aren't more careful when it comes to birth control, and discuss feelings about being pro-choice etc. As someone that has never wanted kids - I have always been insistent upon condoms, and I am staunchly pro choice. Seems like a lot of guys play Russian roulette with this.

 

I am always surprised at my age - 42, how many men (via personal stories and those of my friends) try to have sex without condoms. I am on birth control, but they don't even ask, let alone the disease factor.

[Redhead14]

You tell her that she can take some time to get her head around all this but you want a specific date/time when the two of you can sit down together and talk with clear, level heads and make a plan and not longer than 2 weeks, and that's being generous. You cannot allow her to cut you out of this situation. You seem to be a stand up guy and she needs to respect that . . .

 

I will not go down the road of lack of being responsible about intimacy, etc. . . . the consequences are enough.

[Gaeta]

You have been dating 8 weeks. Women have a limited window in which they can get pregnant something like 5-6 days during the month. If she had gotten pregnant during your first month dating she would have known a month ago, if she got pregnant this month she should not know yet about it.

 

Did she give you all of the details?

 

Something is weird to me in her behavior. She wants space? She is crying and wants space? c'mon. She is having unprotected sex what was she expecting.

[Cookiesandough]

I am always surprised at my age - 42, how many men (via personal stories and those of my friends) try to have sex without condoms. I am on birth control, but they don't even ask, let alone the disease factor.

 

Oh gosh. During my brief time on dating apps this was probably the most troubling thing that I learned. So many guys don't even ask. And imagine how many women they've gone through with no protection considering how common it is for men to sleep with women way below their standards and hookup culture within it. Not one of the three guys I dated last year from that asked me my status/if I'm on birth control or offered. Each one I declined sex with in part because of that. Gross.

 

Op, I think your priorities are a bit scewed right now, just judging by what you wrote. I've never been in that position, so it may just be how the shock is manifesting for you. It's not her feelings and if you care about her here, it's making a decision about the life of a human being. That is probably making her angry. You guys need to meet face to face to discuss this.

[strawberryshortstack]

You have been dating 8 weeks. Women have a limited window in which they can get pregnant something like 5-6 days during the month. If she had gotten pregnant during your first month dating she would have known a month ago, if she got pregnant this month she should not know yet about it.

 

Did she give you all of the details?

 

Something is weird to me in her behavior. She wants space? She is crying and wants space? c'mon. She is having unprotected sex what was she expecting.

 

Without knowing the regularity of her cycle, when she ovulated, and when they had sex, it is impossible to know when she'd have known (or not) that she was pregnant.

 

Sometimes, when I'm upset enough about something to be crying, I want space too. Everyone is different.

 

He should certainly talk to her and find out the details, especially if there is any question of whether or not he is the father.

[Satu]

At 27 years of age, she should be enough of an adult to be able to discuss this with you, without lashing out at you.

 

Tell her to knock it off.

 

Don't be her punchbag.

 

Tell her that you both need to discuss this situation in a rational and respectful manner.

 

 

Take care.

[Gaeta]

Without knowing the regularity of her cycle, when she ovulated, and when they had sex, it is impossible to know when she'd have known (or not) that she was pregnant.

 

Sometimes, when I'm upset enough about something to be crying, I want space too. Everyone is different.

 

He should certainly talk to her and find out the details, especially if there is any question of whether or not he is the father.

 

Sure me too I want time alone when I got bad news but not if I had the news I was pregnant. You bet I'd want a conversation right away and I'd want a plan. Each day wasted may be a too late for an interruption of pregnancy.

 

It also doesn't sound like she gave him ANY details. Did she take a home test? did she see her doctor? how many weeks along she is?

[Cookiesandough]

Without knowing the regularity of her cycle, when she ovulated, and when they had sex, it is impossible to know when she'd have known (or not) that she was pregnant.

 

Sometimes, when I'm upset enough about something to be crying, I want space too. Everyone is different.

 

He should certainly talk to her and find out the details, especially if there is any question of whether or not he is the father.

 

 

 

 

I can see myself maybe reacting this way too. Maybe she isn't mature and this how she copes with stress and regret. The guy can say he's with you all the way but ultimately it's her body and her decision. He really doesn't have any reprecussions if she terminates the pregnancy....which would be the predominant thing on my mind right now had I been dating a guy a couple months and became unexpectedly pregnant by him

[CaliforniaGirl]

OP, you said all the right things, IMO.

 

She is very, very, very, very, very freaked out right now. Nothing you could have said or done in this moment would have been "the right thing" because she is just as freaked out as you are.

 

Give it a few days but STAY IN CONTACT DURING those few days. Even a simple "How are you doing?" "Checking in to see how you are" and so on.

 

DON'T DON'T DON'T disappear right now, whatever you do.

 

But let the dust settle for a couple/few days here.

[phineas]

I am always surprised at my age - 42, how many men (via personal stories and those of my friends) try to have sex without condoms. I am on birth control, but they don't even ask, let alone the disease factor.

 

This.

Just turned 45.

Never got an STD and never accidentally got someone pregnant.

I have no idea how people end up in situations like this.

[strawberryshortstack]

Sure me too I want time alone when I got bad news but not if I had the news I was pregnant. You bet I'd want a conversation right away and I'd want a plan. Each day wasted may be a too late for an interruption of pregnancy.

 

It also doesn't sound like she gave him ANY details. Did she take a home test? did she see her doctor? how many weeks along she is?

 

Well, sure. Pregnancy is a big thing, and is deserving of a conversation. However, if there's any possibility the child isn't his, she might have needed the time alone to figure out the timing and decide how to approach it.

 

As for the details - you're right about that too. She doesn't seem to have given him any details. But it also sounds like he didn't ask for details. It takes two to tango (and to make a baby) - if he wants details, he's just as responsible for asking as she is for giving.

[Gaeta]

It takes two to tango (and to make a baby) - if he wants details, he's just as responsible for asking as she is for giving.

 

 

Men are pretty clueless about women's cycle, women's fertility, and under how many weeks is an abortion permitted, etc.

 

If my bf sees a box of tampons in the grocery shopping he'll automatically assume I have my period even if I had it the previous week. This is not something can analyze on his own.

[OnlyHonesty]

The first thing you should be concerned about is whether the child is yours. In this day and age of antibiotic resistant stds, paternity fraud, false allegations, sperm snatching and other crazy stuff, you got to be out of your mind not to use protection (unless you've both been tested, in a ltr etc).

[strawberryshortstack]

Maybe not someone else..but something else. I'd go to my friends, parents, yes, but a guy I've been dating for 2 months? You are just beginning to date at that point. Barely know each other. This is a grave decision to make, one that will probably walk with her the rest of her life. She's probably no more ready than he is. She may be coping with the fact she has to have an abortion, put her body and mind through trauma because of a poor decision she made. I think the conclusion people are jumpin to is possible, but not very fair.

 

Absolutely.

 

I'd agree with most of what was being said in this thread if the relationship were 6+ months along. But after TWO? They're just a step beyond strangers. Two months into my current relationship, my grandfather died. I didn't even feel comfortable asking for emotional support after his death - something that didn't affect him at all. I can't imagine having to tell him that he'd gotten me pregnant. Thankfully, this is not a concern for us, since he has had a vasectomy.

 

They are not ready to even be thinking about having a child together (if it's even his, and I'd say there's a good chance it's not), so it's understandable that she needs space to figure out what to do.

[OnlyHonesty]

This.

Just turned 45.

Never got an STD and never accidentally got someone pregnant.

I have no idea how people end up in situations like this.

 

 

I'm not that far from your age and I'm the same and plan to keep it that way.

 

Ive known quite a few guys that went around sleeping with women with zero protection. I will never forget what one said about it when I mentioned the risks ''don't worry, they have some creams for that''.

 

[winny]

You have said whatever you had to.

Now unless she comes back and gives more details there is nothing much for you to do.

[Tressugar]

Make sure the child is truly yours.

 

As much as my ex husband took me through the wringer, I still feel bad for him. He was in your shoes OP in 2015 when a woman he recently met (a little less than 2 months or at the two month mark) said she was pregnant with his child.

 

All the while I was still married to my husband. I've been pregnant plenty of times and tried to warn my husband that she's either lying about the paternity of the child or being pregnant.

 

It turned out she was pregnant. However, this woman was well into her morning sickness phase of the pregnancy... which doesn't occur until the 7th or 8th week of pregnancy.

 

I was suspicious as well as supportive to both of the parties (monetarily, emotionally, mentally and spiritually) as much as a wife could be in that situation. Yes I am loyal to a fault and human.

 

Long story short, we both found out that she was lying about the paternity of her child. She sought me and ex out as a potential source of income. I dodged paying child support! Thankfully her plan backfired.

 

I don't wish anybody to go through what me or my ex went through. Our marriage was tested and it didn't last. But I firmly believe I needed the life lessons that I've learned.

 

Everything truly does happen for a reason.

Just be thoroughly informed.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Tressugar

[Laidbackguy18]

Birth control and condoms. And if I got someone pregnant I'd tell them the decision was up to them end of story no way am I getting blamed for whatever choice they make that would be on them.

[winny]

Make sure the child is truly yours.

 

 

I don't think he has asked for help on this matter as to who the father is....

Even if the child isn't his, if he wants to be supportive to the GF... who are we to object... we dunno anything!!! For all we know someone might have sexually assaulted her and that resulted in this pregnancy...

 

Let the girl come back to him and actually ask him for something crazy and in case the baby isn't his, we may start accusing the girl of any wrong doing. I dunno why instantly everyone is trying to act as a savior to the OP and making stories about the girl being in the wrong.... when she isn't even asking him for any support yet.