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would you date someone who told you that they had severe OCD, anxiety and depression?


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Old 11th January 2017, 2:05 PM   #1
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would you date someone who told you that they had severe OCD, anxiety and depression?

As some on here already know I do suffer from these conditions. Today I decided to be completely honest with someone I have been communicating with for a great deal of time and have not met about the fact that I suffer from this. I am not sure why i decided to be honest but I just did. I wanted him to understand why I have had such delays in meeting him and let him know it was never him but me. I explained that my conditions are under control for the most part but it takes alot more mental preparing for me to meet someone for the initial meeting but I would not have these delays in hanging out after that..just the initial meeting. I told him that I am attracted to him as a person on every level and hope he still at least wants to be my friend.

Please be honest...would this turn you off if someone you never met but knew quite well from online told you all this about themselves? do you think it was a mistake that i was honest like that? or was it good that I did that?

I am not sure what made me do that today. I guess I just could not stand to lie to him anymore and thought he deserved to know the truth.

I would love others thoughts on this. Thanks in advance.
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Old 11th January 2017, 2:58 PM   #2
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I only have experience with GFs who were diagnosed with depression. The relationships weren't always easy or perfect, and both ended. I'd date a girl with (mild/treated) depression again. Also, I assume both have recovered.

I appreciated very much when they told me early on about it. Not because I considered breaking up with them, but because it shows that they're working the problem and a willingness to be transparent.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:03 PM   #3
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No no no no no no never never, uh uh, nnnnnnooooooo! I grew up with a mother that was (and still is) a sufferer of bi-polar/manic depression/OCD. It was the worst time of my life. my childhood was f'd up. Over the years the relationship with her still has been trying to say the least. Like walk on eggshells.

I cannot imagine dealing with that in a romantic relationship.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:05 PM   #4
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I would never date someone with those issues. Relationships are already hard enough without them.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:06 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by umirano View Post
I only have experience with GFs who were diagnosed with depression. The relationships weren't always easy or perfect, and both ended. I'd date a girl with (mild/treated) depression again. Also, I assume both have recovered.

I appreciated very much when they told me early on about it. Not because I considered breaking up with them, but because it shows that they're working the problem and a willingness to be transparent.
Thanks for your thoughts on this. I am hoping he will see it that way too..that I was at least honest with him about things.

Thanks so much
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:09 PM   #6
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smackie9 and SwordofFlame...thanks for the thoughts on this. So do you think it was a mistake that I said this to him? would you at least be friends with a person like that?? just curious. Thanks

I wonder if I made a mistake. I just could not stand doing that to him anymore. I just felt he should know the truth.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:09 PM   #7
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I personally have depression. But I'm medicated and the depression doesn't affect my life. Now, if I was looking for a partner, this would be what I want to hear.

While it would be good that the person told me they had the problem, I don't think I'd be able to get past the fact the fact that it was impacting the relationship. In the situation you've described, I'd probably already have given up and moved on even before you mentioned your dx.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:11 PM   #8
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Once upon a time I would. Now, not so much.

My ex described herself as having OCD (she doesn't) and anxiety (she doesn't) and used them as a tool to manipulate and control me.

If someone told me they had any of these things, but they are actively getting help for them, then yes I would. If someone told me they have these things and are not actively getting help for them, no I wouldn't.

I have a long history with depression myself, and my most recent RL caused me intolerable levels of anxiety, but I sought help for them.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:12 PM   #9
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smackie9 and SwordofFlame...thanks for the thoughts on this. So do you think it was a mistake that I said this to him? would you at least be friends with a person like that?? just curious. Thanks

I wonder if I made a mistake. I just could not stand doing that to him anymore. I just felt he should know the truth.
I don't think it was a mistake because they'll eventually find out anyway. Depending on how much we have in common, sure we could be friends.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:14 PM   #10
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I personally have depression. But I'm medicated and the depression doesn't affect my life. Now, if I was looking for a partner, this would be what I want to hear.

While it would be good that the person told me they had the problem, I don't think I'd be able to get past the fact the fact that it was impacting the relationship. In the situation you've described, I'd probably already have given up and moved on even before you mentioned your dx.
ok thanks for the thoughts on this. Maybe it was a mistake but i just felt so bad to continue making up excuses as to why I could not meet him. Now at least he knows why and will understand that I need to be mentally in the right place. To be honest..I think he has depressions himself. That might be why I thought he would understand in a way but I am too afraid to open his reply to me right now. I will do so later.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:16 PM   #11
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thanks everyone for the interesting thoughts on this so far
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:17 PM   #12
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I have a long time friend (50 years!) and she is a sufferer. She has up set me many times, is neglectful (and admits it), and a bunch of other stuff I don't want to mention. If we met today for the first time, there is no way I would be friends......
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:31 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by chumly View Post
As some on here already know I do suffer from these conditions. Today I decided to be completely honest with someone I have been communicating with for a great deal of time and have not met about the fact that I suffer from this. I am not sure why i decided to be honest but I just did. I wanted him to understand why I have had such delays in meeting him and let him know it was never him but me. I explained that my conditions are under control for the most part but it takes alot more mental preparing for me to meet someone for the initial meeting but I would not have these delays in hanging out after that..just the initial meeting. I told him that I am attracted to him as a person on every level and hope he still at least wants to be my friend.

Please be honest...would this turn you off if someone you never met but knew quite well from online told you all this about themselves? do you think it was a mistake that i was honest like that? or was it good that I did that?

I am not sure what made me do that today. I guess I just could not stand to lie to him anymore and thought he deserved to know the truth.

I would love others thoughts on this. Thanks in advance.
There are plenty men who will be with someone with these problems. Question are you willing to STAY in a relationship knowing your condition?
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:38 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
No no no no no no never never, uh uh, nnnnnnooooooo! I grew up with a mother that was (and still is) a sufferer of bi-polar/manic depression/OCD. It was the worst time of my life. my childhood was f'd up. Over the years the relationship with her still has been trying to say the least. Like walk on eggshells.

I cannot imagine dealing with that in a romantic relationship.
Same here, my mother was diagnosed with manic depression in my early teens. It was rough on the whole family and as soon as I could I moved out. I was 17 at the time and could not take it anymore.

I wouldn't want to have to go home to that ever again. It's mentally and emotionally draining, and the walking on eggshells is something that could turn anyone into nervous, emotional wreck.

Good on you though OP for coming clean early on so he can make a clear decision on whether to proceed or not before getting too emotionally involved with you.
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:50 PM   #15
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I think it was very brave and very mature of you to be so honest about your issues early on. I think that speaks to your character overall. To answer your question about dating someone who has severe OCD/depression/anxiety? I would have to say that I'd be more inclined to decline unfortunately.

It doesn't help that I dated someone with severe anxiety. He never mentioned it and for the most part hid it well until it finally reared it's ugly head. It's like he was working so hard to hide it that once unleashed it was nearly impossible to bottle back up again. It was quite the nightmare. As much as I liked him and empathized with him and his struggles I just couldn't see a happy ending for us and parted ways.

Relationships can be challenging at the best of times never mind adding in addictions, anxieties, and other mental and emotional issues. I've battled my own depression over the years and have spent a lot of time, energy and money trying to 'fix' myself and now that I have, I'm VERY protective of my own mental health. Being with someone who suffers from such things would be very taxing on me personally and something I can't nor want to risk.
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